K
Katie1723
Guest
Something just isn’t ringing true here. Not sure what it is, so I best just be praying
~ Kathy ~
- Status
R
Rebecca_New
Guest
I am so glad you did not end your life. I agree with all the wonderful and compassionate posters that you need to seek professional help-please-for Anna’s sake. She needs you and will always need you. Your situation now is only temporary. You have made some really bad choices and now you have to live with the outcome, please do not compound your sorrow by not seeking help. God loves you, and that is the single most important fact that you ever need to know. Jesus can and will pull you out of this muck and mire that you are sinking in-I know because he has done this for me. These are not just words, but the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.
May our Loving God help you to see the light. I will pray that you reach out to His love, and let the many professionals and religious show you the way to
fill your emptiness with hope and joy.
May our Loving God help you to see the light. I will pray that you reach out to His love, and let the many professionals and religious show you the way to
fill your emptiness with hope and joy.
S
Siena
Guest
AM-
Sweetie, my mom suffered from severe sepression brought on by her dh leaving her. She tried to commit suicide, leaving 5 kids behind (ages 21-5).
There is nothing “wrong” with you!
After a time- depression can “rewire” your brain chemestry. The only way to reverse this is with medication.
(The meds need not be perminant- my mom was off them within a year.)
The meds are needed to correct the now faulty wireing.
Medication coupled with counciling is the best option for you and Anna. (Sometimes you need to go through several types of meds, and dosed to fing the one that works for you.)
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DAUGHTER!!! SHE NEEDS YOU!!! A MOMMY WHO IS POOR AND IN NEED OF HELP IS SO MUCH BETTER FOR HER THAN NO MOMMY AT ALL!!!
Sweetie, my mom suffered from severe sepression brought on by her dh leaving her. She tried to commit suicide, leaving 5 kids behind (ages 21-5).
There is nothing “wrong” with you!
After a time- depression can “rewire” your brain chemestry. The only way to reverse this is with medication.
(The meds need not be perminant- my mom was off them within a year.)
The meds are needed to correct the now faulty wireing.
Medication coupled with counciling is the best option for you and Anna. (Sometimes you need to go through several types of meds, and dosed to fing the one that works for you.)
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DAUGHTER!!! SHE NEEDS YOU!!! A MOMMY WHO IS POOR AND IN NEED OF HELP IS SO MUCH BETTER FOR HER THAN NO MOMMY AT ALL!!!
C
Coder
Guest
Jesus says: “Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest.”
I will pray right now that the Holy Spirit will comfort you and give you strength!
I will pray right now that the Holy Spirit will comfort you and give you strength!
L
LindaS
Guest
AM,
Speaking as a professional, it sound to me like you are suffering from clinical depression. Go to your local County Social Services and apply for General Assistance or whatever it’s called in your area. You will also get Medicaid which will cover all medical expenses for you and your baby. Do not allow false pride to stand in the way of you getting the help you and your baby need. You will be amazed what a great relief you can get from being on proper medication. Depression is a chemical disorder, a malfunction of the neurotransmitters in the brain. It is NOT a weakness or some kind of moral disorder. I will pray for you that God will give you the courage to face these difficulties. Pray to St. Dymphna.
Peace,
Linda
Speaking as a professional, it sound to me like you are suffering from clinical depression. Go to your local County Social Services and apply for General Assistance or whatever it’s called in your area. You will also get Medicaid which will cover all medical expenses for you and your baby. Do not allow false pride to stand in the way of you getting the help you and your baby need. You will be amazed what a great relief you can get from being on proper medication. Depression is a chemical disorder, a malfunction of the neurotransmitters in the brain. It is NOT a weakness or some kind of moral disorder. I will pray for you that God will give you the courage to face these difficulties. Pray to St. Dymphna.
Peace,
Linda
A
Anna_s_Mom
Guest
What???
A
Anna_s_Mom
Guest
just looking for help and support here. I don’t know what could not be “ringing true” for you. I wish that this all wasn’t true at all. I wish it were a big nightmare and I would wake up in the AM with dear hubby beside me and all would be jolly. Would you like to spend a day at my home? would you like to speak with the police about the night they came to help me? would you like to meet my estranged husband?? see my bank records? maybe that would make things “ring true”
just a little bitter here!!!
T
TheRam
Guest
Anna’s Mom…and good reason to be bitter!!!
To anyone posting such imposed negitivity in such a situation…shame on you!
If this is the case…do it constructively by not posting!
Ok, i can see your hurt here dear, but i also believe that there might have been some delivery problems here…bad bed side mannor…but intentions to pray should never be thrown to the curb side.
Breathe, know that you will not always get everything from people…but you will of God!
Start a prayer…ask for God the Father, God the Sun and the Holy Spirit to come into your open heart as you pray.
This part is important, as God will not go where he is not invited. Invite him in, and then pray…this helps. For me it is always teerful…like a breakdown of sorts. Call on him to take this pain in your heart away…tell him that you have not been able to do it alone without him, and you want him there now. Call out to him then, beg with certain conviction…
You will feel different…lighter…as you finnish up .
Now, he just might be clearing up the negitive thoughts so you can move forward with councel and other things…do not forget this part. If you doubt…it is Satan trying to worm his way in…Remember to forceable rebuke him. Tell him that God has your heart, he is not welcome there ever again, to pick up and leave in the name of Jesus Christ, your Saviour…begone!
Pray, pray, at every turn…not nescesarily for answers, but for him to hold you in his arms in this time of need.
Then also use your better moments with following up with Catholic Charities! Every bit of help from them comes from people like you and me…share in the feast of our lord!
Love to you, and kiss Anna for yourself and for me!
God bless you, i will pray often for you,
Lana
To anyone posting such imposed negitivity in such a situation…shame on you!
If this is the case…do it constructively by not posting!
Ok, i can see your hurt here dear, but i also believe that there might have been some delivery problems here…bad bed side mannor…but intentions to pray should never be thrown to the curb side.
Breathe, know that you will not always get everything from people…but you will of God!
Start a prayer…ask for God the Father, God the Sun and the Holy Spirit to come into your open heart as you pray.
This part is important, as God will not go where he is not invited. Invite him in, and then pray…this helps. For me it is always teerful…like a breakdown of sorts. Call on him to take this pain in your heart away…tell him that you have not been able to do it alone without him, and you want him there now. Call out to him then, beg with certain conviction…
You will feel different…lighter…as you finnish up .
Now, he just might be clearing up the negitive thoughts so you can move forward with councel and other things…do not forget this part. If you doubt…it is Satan trying to worm his way in…Remember to forceable rebuke him. Tell him that God has your heart, he is not welcome there ever again, to pick up and leave in the name of Jesus Christ, your Saviour…begone!
Pray, pray, at every turn…not nescesarily for answers, but for him to hold you in his arms in this time of need.
Then also use your better moments with following up with Catholic Charities! Every bit of help from them comes from people like you and me…share in the feast of our lord!
Love to you, and kiss Anna for yourself and for me!
God bless you, i will pray often for you,
Lana
C
Chovy
Guest
Everyone else posted great ideas and I hope you follow through with their suggestions.
I just wanted to chime in that our Catholic Charities up here in Omaha also has baby supplies available for women who need that sort of assistance. I’m sure they can help you out with some material things as well if you find yourself in need of those types of items while you take care of the more pressing issues.
Anna needs you to take care of yourself right now. As a mother, her care has to be forefront in your mind. So if it means swallowing your pride and asking for help, please, please do it.
I just wanted to chime in that our Catholic Charities up here in Omaha also has baby supplies available for women who need that sort of assistance. I’m sure they can help you out with some material things as well if you find yourself in need of those types of items while you take care of the more pressing issues.
Anna needs you to take care of yourself right now. As a mother, her care has to be forefront in your mind. So if it means swallowing your pride and asking for help, please, please do it.
D
DJMarshall85
Guest
My prayers are most definately with you!
Pax,
Dean
Pax,
Dean
K
Katie1723
Guest
Being a bit skeptical is not necessarily a negative thing. It just means I need to understand a bit more.
~ Kathy ~
C
Celeste88
Guest
Anna's Mom:
Yes, this happens to me frequently! My doctor told me this poor concentration stuff is one of the symptoms of major depression. Other problems such as poor sleep, thyroid disease, fibromyalgia, etc. can cause this kind of brain fog you mention. Please go see a doctor, you might have to be referred to a psychiatrist and try an antidepressent medication. There are so many AD’s out here something is bound to help you. Good luck.
P
Princess_Abby
Guest
Anna’s Mom…we can’t help you in the way you need help. We can certainly listen and try to offer support, but it will not be the extent of support that you need. Please use the information I gave you to explore finding someone to help you. Please also understand that MANY people use Catholic Charities as a Catholic option for mental health because there are not many advertised options for Catholic Therapists in the KS/MO area. It does not make you a charity case. It just means you are using a resource available to you in order to start feeling better.
S
Shiann
Guest
Anna’s Mom,
I just wanted to send you a little note to let you know that there are women out there who have been, or who are in your shoes- who have MADE IT!
Ten years ago, I was abandoned by a man who I was having a relationship with. We were not married. I was 20 and he was 28. I had my daughter 2 months later.
I know exactly what you are going through as I have been there myself.
You are a new mama with all the uncertainties and worries that holds, and you are a woman who has a broken heart.
I know you love Anna like I love my little Sheridan, and we would do anything for them. But that doesn’t make the dirty dishes, laundry, bills and job go away… And often it makes many of those things almost HARDER to accomplish- because you want to be with Anna.
Just take one task at a time. As your baby gets older and develops a routine, these tasks will get easier. I try to save my household chores for the weekend, so I can spend as much time with my daughter during the evenings (after work) that I can.
But right now you are also trying to work through the issues associated with your failing romantic/marital relationship. I was not married to the man who helped me make my daughter, but I would have done almost anything for him. I loved him very much, and I believed he loved me. But whatever the reason, these men have abandoned their responsibilities.
It made it easier for me to deal with if I just figured that I would be doing everything WITHOUT his help. This way, I wasn’t disappointed.
But I concurr with the rest of the folks on the board who ask that you get help working through this. I did, and it was the best thing I could have ever done for my little family. The old saying is so true! “When mama ain’t happy, there ain’t NOBODY happy.”
I saw a therapist to help deal with pain I was having with a physical problem (pain managment). I learned how to destress in healthy ways, and confronted issues that I didn’t even realize were problems! So I not only was able to learn my pain managment techniques for my physical issue, I got help for my ‘spiritual’ and psychological issues.
You have a lot of problems on your plate right now. When you face these problems with a broken heart, and complicated mental issues- it makes it hard to find reality and find a light at the end of the tunnel. After my therapy, I was able to see the plate full of problems, and prioritize them in such a way as to deal with each of them in a healthy way. I became a more confident person- one who was able to tackle ANY problem.
On one thread, you mentioned your frustration that your husband is able to live a ‘free-er’ life compared to yours. He doesn’t have to take care of a child, and a home. He is able to flit from one activity to the next without a care.
This is also the issue that I had problems dealing with. Not only could I not imagine doing it myself, but I didn’t believe him to be the sort of person that could leave their child! Then while I changed diapers, and cleaned up baby puke, and wiped snotty noses- he was glavanting around God’s creation doing whatever he pleased.
:banghead:
But then I realized, he also wasn’t experiencing the hugs, and smiles, and “I love you mama’s” that I was. And no amount of partying and freedom could compare to that.
The final thing that makes my life a happy and content one after 10 years of dealing with being a single parent, and a heartbroken woman, is my Faith.
Every time I attend a Mass, Jesus brings himself to the alter for ME, and He asks me to let him have those problems and painfull things that weigh on my heart. He wants to carry them for me, that I might have a more content and richer life FOR HIM.
I give him my frustrations, my heartbrokenness, my worries- though not easily! It is so very hard to let go of worry, and pain. We humans often swim in our pains and allow them to embrace us- because it is easier than really believing God can take it from us.
But from one who is in your shoes, and have been for 10 years, God CAN take it from you. Go spend some time with Him in Adoration. Go to Mass with your daughter tonite, and beseech the prayers of all those who have come before you- who are with God now as saints. Many of them have lived lives more complex and painfull than either of us.
Let go of your worries, and heartache. Let Him love you and take care of you as only He can.
I just wanted to send you a little note to let you know that there are women out there who have been, or who are in your shoes- who have MADE IT!
Ten years ago, I was abandoned by a man who I was having a relationship with. We were not married. I was 20 and he was 28. I had my daughter 2 months later.
I know exactly what you are going through as I have been there myself.
You are a new mama with all the uncertainties and worries that holds, and you are a woman who has a broken heart.
I know you love Anna like I love my little Sheridan, and we would do anything for them. But that doesn’t make the dirty dishes, laundry, bills and job go away… And often it makes many of those things almost HARDER to accomplish- because you want to be with Anna.
Just take one task at a time. As your baby gets older and develops a routine, these tasks will get easier. I try to save my household chores for the weekend, so I can spend as much time with my daughter during the evenings (after work) that I can.
But right now you are also trying to work through the issues associated with your failing romantic/marital relationship. I was not married to the man who helped me make my daughter, but I would have done almost anything for him. I loved him very much, and I believed he loved me. But whatever the reason, these men have abandoned their responsibilities.
It made it easier for me to deal with if I just figured that I would be doing everything WITHOUT his help. This way, I wasn’t disappointed.
But I concurr with the rest of the folks on the board who ask that you get help working through this. I did, and it was the best thing I could have ever done for my little family. The old saying is so true! “When mama ain’t happy, there ain’t NOBODY happy.”
I saw a therapist to help deal with pain I was having with a physical problem (pain managment). I learned how to destress in healthy ways, and confronted issues that I didn’t even realize were problems! So I not only was able to learn my pain managment techniques for my physical issue, I got help for my ‘spiritual’ and psychological issues.
You have a lot of problems on your plate right now. When you face these problems with a broken heart, and complicated mental issues- it makes it hard to find reality and find a light at the end of the tunnel. After my therapy, I was able to see the plate full of problems, and prioritize them in such a way as to deal with each of them in a healthy way. I became a more confident person- one who was able to tackle ANY problem.
On one thread, you mentioned your frustration that your husband is able to live a ‘free-er’ life compared to yours. He doesn’t have to take care of a child, and a home. He is able to flit from one activity to the next without a care.
This is also the issue that I had problems dealing with. Not only could I not imagine doing it myself, but I didn’t believe him to be the sort of person that could leave their child! Then while I changed diapers, and cleaned up baby puke, and wiped snotty noses- he was glavanting around God’s creation doing whatever he pleased.
:banghead:
But then I realized, he also wasn’t experiencing the hugs, and smiles, and “I love you mama’s” that I was. And no amount of partying and freedom could compare to that.
The final thing that makes my life a happy and content one after 10 years of dealing with being a single parent, and a heartbroken woman, is my Faith.
Every time I attend a Mass, Jesus brings himself to the alter for ME, and He asks me to let him have those problems and painfull things that weigh on my heart. He wants to carry them for me, that I might have a more content and richer life FOR HIM.
I give him my frustrations, my heartbrokenness, my worries- though not easily! It is so very hard to let go of worry, and pain. We humans often swim in our pains and allow them to embrace us- because it is easier than really believing God can take it from us.
But from one who is in your shoes, and have been for 10 years, God CAN take it from you. Go spend some time with Him in Adoration. Go to Mass with your daughter tonite, and beseech the prayers of all those who have come before you- who are with God now as saints. Many of them have lived lives more complex and painfull than either of us.
Let go of your worries, and heartache. Let Him love you and take care of you as only He can.
A
Anna_s_Mom
Guest
AHHHHH!!! I just spent $18 dollars on myself and feeling guilty. Got a haircut and left a tip. I needed the cut, but the money could have gone to so many other things. I just get so mad sometimes! I’m sure my husband is getting something if he wants it! I see him with new items every now and then.
I love him and miss him so much, but he doesn’t call or come by when he says he is going to. I wish I could depend on him. Last night he said he would come by at 5pm, since it was halloween to spend time with me and baby. He showed up at 7:45 ate dinner, spent an hour on the computer ( he wanted to be alone) took a shower and left before 10pm! What gives?? He recently said he wants to work things out, but I feel I’m being used!
I love him and miss him so much, but he doesn’t call or come by when he says he is going to. I wish I could depend on him. Last night he said he would come by at 5pm, since it was halloween to spend time with me and baby. He showed up at 7:45 ate dinner, spent an hour on the computer ( he wanted to be alone) took a shower and left before 10pm! What gives?? He recently said he wants to work things out, but I feel I’m being used!
K
kage_ar
Guest
Anna's Mom:
Let’s say he is coming over at 5 PM to see the baby. Say, fantastic, “she has bath at 6 and beditime at 7”. Then, you give her a bath at 6, spend time nursing or reading or cuddling with her, pray with her, and put her to bed at 7.
When he shows up at 7:45, smile and say “sorry, she is in bed. Remember, baby has bath at 6 and bed at 7.” Then you say good evening to him and shut the door. Then, pray the rosary, do some housework, read for awhile and turn in early yourself.
Then, stop being used.
Let’s say he is coming over at 5 PM to see the baby. Say, fantastic, “she has bath at 6 and beditime at 7”. Then, you give her a bath at 6, spend time nursing or reading or cuddling with her, pray with her, and put her to bed at 7.
When he shows up at 7:45, smile and say “sorry, she is in bed. Remember, baby has bath at 6 and bed at 7.” Then you say good evening to him and shut the door. Then, pray the rosary, do some housework, read for awhile and turn in early yourself.
C
Chovy
Guest
Anna’s Mom,
I’ve read alot of your posts and responded to a few and I find myself shaking my head. I sympathize with your plight, truly, I do. And this must be a terrible predicament to be in, especially given that you are a mother. However, there are quite a few threads now discussing your problems and though there has been a lot of suggestions that you should go talk to a priest, seek out a Catholic Counselor, or other ideas, it seems like you are still having the same problems time and time again.
What keeps popping into my head is that you need to love yourself before your husband is going to want to really love you. I really think that men are most attracted to women who can stand on their own two feet and frankly, don’t really “need” them.
I was in a situation similar to yours before, though not married nor parenting, and I kept doing the same things, letting my boyfriend “let me down,” blaming myself for his choices, wondering what was wrong with me that he didn’t want me, etc… What it finally took was me standing up, growing up, and realizing that with or without him, I was a quality person who didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I would have sworn that he was my soulmate, but I cannot tell you how happy I am that he isn’t in my life any more.
God made you. God made your daughter. And God does not want to see you pining away for a man who can’t find the time to talk to you or spend time with your child. That’s not to say that your marriage can’t work out, but I really think, after reading many many posts, that the gist of what everyone is recommending and I agree with is:
I wish you and your family the best and I will keep you all in my prayers.
I’ve read alot of your posts and responded to a few and I find myself shaking my head. I sympathize with your plight, truly, I do. And this must be a terrible predicament to be in, especially given that you are a mother. However, there are quite a few threads now discussing your problems and though there has been a lot of suggestions that you should go talk to a priest, seek out a Catholic Counselor, or other ideas, it seems like you are still having the same problems time and time again.
What keeps popping into my head is that you need to love yourself before your husband is going to want to really love you. I really think that men are most attracted to women who can stand on their own two feet and frankly, don’t really “need” them.
I was in a situation similar to yours before, though not married nor parenting, and I kept doing the same things, letting my boyfriend “let me down,” blaming myself for his choices, wondering what was wrong with me that he didn’t want me, etc… What it finally took was me standing up, growing up, and realizing that with or without him, I was a quality person who didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I would have sworn that he was my soulmate, but I cannot tell you how happy I am that he isn’t in my life any more.
God made you. God made your daughter. And God does not want to see you pining away for a man who can’t find the time to talk to you or spend time with your child. That’s not to say that your marriage can’t work out, but I really think, after reading many many posts, that the gist of what everyone is recommending and I agree with is:
- Get counseling (for your depression)
- Talk to a priest and see about getting more involved in the Faith
- Follow the previous poster’s suggestions and communicate clearly to your husband your child’s schedule and stick to it. He is a grown up and should realize that if he wants to spend time with her he needs to get to her home before she is asleep.
- Start taking care of yourself and your daughter before you worry about whether he is going to come back to you. Find a way to make some money, so your financial issues are alleviated. If you need to have your mom or another relative watch Anna at night so you can get a job, so be it.
- Consider visiting Al-Anon for assistance in being married to an addict.
I wish you and your family the best and I will keep you all in my prayers.
R
Ray_Scheel
Guest
Anna's Mom:
A women’s crisis center might also be able to offer soem assistance, as might a crisis pregnancy center (many have post-birth help available as well).
Right now you still have momentum of your own, let these groups help give you a push (or three) to get you up and runnning again before you get bogged down completely. It is still not going to be easy, but certaily a lot easier than trying to get moving again after falling completely apart.
I’m on the board of the homeless shelter / thrift store / food bank where I am. It is cases like yours where we really do want to help before folks do become fully dependent, to catch them while they are staggering but still on thier feet and tide them over until you are walking on your own again. From a purely practical standpoint, its a lot cheaper for the various aid organizations (government or non-profit) for people to start seekign help before they’ve lost everything.
A women’s crisis center might also be able to offer soem assistance, as might a crisis pregnancy center (many have post-birth help available as well).
Right now you still have momentum of your own, let these groups help give you a push (or three) to get you up and runnning again before you get bogged down completely. It is still not going to be easy, but certaily a lot easier than trying to get moving again after falling completely apart.
K
koda
Guest
Please listen to me; I’ve been there. You are suffering from clinical depression. You need to see a doctor who can prescribe an anti-depressant (in addition to therapy and prayer). My depression probems started before I was even a teenager (I’m 47 now). It culminated in my checking myself into a psychiatric hospital because I was suicidal. I was there two weeks. Without the medication I am a basket case. The depression stops you from acting BUT you have to make yourself do it (I went to a friend who drove me to the hospital and stayed with me through the interview and until they took me back). My friend asked how I could do such a thing to my loved ones, etc… and all I could say was that I was in such agony that I couldn’t help myself (depression so deep that it causes physical pain). This is actually the time of year it happenend - I make a point to never forget it (kind of like “remember Pearl Harbor”).
I can assure you that even though it doesn’t seem like it now, there is a tomorrow. My life has changed so much, more than I would have ever dreamed possible, and I am very happy. Please, get help so you can go on. Don’t shortchange yourself.
I can assure you that even though it doesn’t seem like it now, there is a tomorrow. My life has changed so much, more than I would have ever dreamed possible, and I am very happy. Please, get help so you can go on. Don’t shortchange yourself.
K
Katie1723
Guest
Anna's Mom:
You ARE being used because you ALLOW him to use you. No one can take advantage of us unless we give them permission.
~ Kathy ~- Status