I need to get it off my chest

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Ineedtogetitoffmyche

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I purposely made this account to get an opinion. Now that I’m catholic, the gravity of this sin has gotten out of hand, I’ve been lying to this person(my partner not married just girlfriend/boyfrien) for almost 2 years. I have been hiding stuff from him, and if he knows the truth he would be devastated… I went to confession about it, I told the priest"I have lied to multiple people" I’m not sure if this would be a good line to sum up this sin. Anyways, there are 2 things that concern me,
  • I don’t really want to be explicit about what I’ve been hiding from my partner to the priest, and when I go to confession would the line “I have lied to multiple people in my life” be a good line for confession//
  • After I have confessed, because I don’t plan to tell him the truth… does that mean I would be living in sin, and that I wouldn’t be able to receive the Eucharist?
I think of it this way… there are things we hide from our parents, and truths we don’t tell them. I know lying is a sin but when we confess to a priest, most people don’t go back to their parents to tell them truth about this certain moment they lied to them. After confessing do I have to tell my partner the truth or can I continue my relationship with him and never tell him this truth, until he asks me about it?

I’m so ashamed to tell him the truth, but I feel like it’s eating me up. I doubt we would still be together after I tell him the truth. I feel like the only option is to leave him and never talk to him… or tell him the truth and expect backlash from him and a breakup and then never hear from him. I feel like he would hate me if he knew… I need good advice on this what should I do?
 
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People commit all sorts of past sins like drugs or fornication or same sex relationships or abortions or cheating or stealing or such. I doubt your boyfriend would leave you unless maybe it is something that also affects the present (like an STD). We are usually our own harshest judge, which means his judgment will probably be much softer than your own.

Peace.
 
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If it is eatting you up even after confession, i would suggest that you talk to a priest you trust (maybe in confession) talk about the actual sin, or if you have a spirtual advisor or a close friend/family member to talk to. Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance. Sorry I can’t be of more help.
 
Ineedtogetitoffmyche said:
  • After I have confessed, because I don’t plan to tell him the truth… does that mean I would be living in sin, and that I wouldn’t be able to receive the Eucharist?
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If you confess lying with the intent to keep right on lying, ie without a firm purpose of amendment, that is a big big issue.

You need to tell the truth.
 
I suppose if I were in your shoes I’d stop whatever i was doing which required continual lying.

Also it depends what you’re doing. If you’re stealing from them or cheating on them… essentially disrespecting them, it’s better you tell them, apologize profusely, and then allow them to live their life without being disrespected.

If it’s a personal issue (physical sickness, psychological stuff, shady past, etc.) Keep it personal but give him the broad outline of it’s too much to keep secret from him moving forward
 
I really needed this. You are right, I am disrespecting him… I’m not allowing him to move forward. I need to be truthful to start a new life to commit to God fully, this lie might bring me to hell and there’s nothing worse than that.
 
Ineedtogetitoffmyche said:
I’m so ashamed to tell him the truth, but I feel like it’s eating me up. I doubt we would still be together after I tell him the truth. I feel like the only option is to leave him and never talk to him… or tell him the truth and expect backlash from him and a breakup and then never hear from him. I feel like he would hate me if he knew… I need good advice on this what should I do?
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I will note one thing here - notice how if you never tell him or leave him or presume to know how he will react…in none of those 3 scenarios are you letting him make the free decision on what he wants to do with the information, you’re making it for him. Just my 2 cents.
 
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Ineedtogetitoffmyche said:
I really needed this. You are right, I am disrespecting him… I’m not allowing him to move forward. I need to be truthful to start a new life to commit to God fully, this lie might bring me to hell and there’s nothing worse than that.
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That might be the best, it seems to be eating you up.

you can also do what @Lysander suggest, be specific with a priest or someone you trust… then they can advise you best.

Good Luck and God Bless.
 
I would feel like I wasted my time on him…
Thanks to all of you and the kind responses. I have realized I need to tell the priest the cold truth even if it’s embarrassing, but embarrassment it’s much better than being tortured in hell forever. I ask to whoever is reading this to play spare at least one hail Mary for me to be prepared on sunday for my confession.
 
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You may not be obliged to tell your partner, especially if it’s not an ongoing issue. You need to tell the priest specifically what the issue is, explain why you didn’t bring it up last time, and ask his advise as to whether you should bring it to your partner. Your post is very vague. Everyone is saying “just be honest”, but I’m not willing to give that advice without knowing what it is.
 
I have been cheating on and off . We’ve talked about marriage, future kids, etc.
This lie will ruin us and he will never forgive me, I’m sure of it. He’s said to me… he can never forgive lies that will hurt someone for another person’s advantage.
 
As general rule, when confessing cheating it’s best to just say you’ve cheated. Although they’ll want to know who, what, where it’s generally best not to give those details. Reason being that would cause further harm (cause more anger/jealousy at a specific person and possible retaliation). Although can be exceptions that’s general rule I’ve read but check w Priest

Will say decade rosary for you God Bless
 
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If you have been cheating on and off, that is not a one time thing that you did once as a mistake and stopped. It would not be fair to him to marry him and him not know this about you. You really need to have a conversation with him and let him decide from there what he wants to do about a future.
 
You need to explicitly confess the cheating and any details that change the circumstances (cheated with someone who was married, unnatural acts, birth control, etc)… in terms of your future, you need to resolve to stop. If you continue to cheat up until the time of the wedding, it may call into question the validity of the marriage.
 
If this person you are lying to could be a future spouse you need to tell him everything. Otherwise you can risk having an invalid marriage.
 
Many a person has mistakenly thought they could keep a cheating sin hidden from others indefinitely only to find it comes back to bite them on the bum. My mother tells the story of a man she knew back in the day who had an affair that produced a child. He didn’t tell his wife but continued to pay child support monthly to the woman who’d agreed not to reveal the secret. Unfortunately on the occasion of the childs 18th birthday the agency sent a letter to the guy saying he was no longer required to pay him but the wife found that letter.

She immediately left him and he was completely devastated by the whole thing. Carrying those sorts of secrets is a recipe for disaster.
 
Whatever it is, the truth will make you free. Honesty is the best policy.
 
Maybe @edward_george1 or @inthepew can help, since they’re priests.
 
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