I need to go to confession, but the sin most need to confess could get the man I love in trouble, what should I do?

[Bribri]

Really simple breakdown of a very complicated problem. I am a young woman in her mid twenties who started a relationship with her priest in his early thirties. I slept with him a couple of times. It is up to him to report it as far as I am concerned, I don’t want to get him in trouble, but is it a special type of sin to sleep with a priest? And therefore would I have to clarify that I not only had sex outside of marriage but with a priest to receive full reconciliation? And can they report what I said in confessional to the bishop and investigate the priest if I do not wish to report him? He is a good man and he had a moment of weakness. We are not still together and he moved parishes. It was consenual. SO can I confess my sin without hurting him?

 

[RyanBlack]

You need not name him in your confession, and even if you did, the priest to whom you confess is bound by the seal of confession.

 

[Searching1]

It is not a special kind of sin for you. It isn’t even a “special sin” for him, but because he broke his vows there is canon law involved if it ever came to light.

Mention in confession that it was a priest for good measure, and include that it was outside the confines of marriage.

They cannot report anything you confess. The seal of confession has no exceptions. It is absolute.

Simply withhold his name, if you want, confess all other mortal sins you are conscious of, and firmly resolve not to sin again. You cannot receive absolution if you intend to commit this same sin, though.

Then be at peace. God’s mercy is boundless.

 

[1ke]

The seal is inviolate. The priest you confess to cannot reveal anything you confess. You certainly do not need to name the priest by name either.

And, lastly, just in case you didn’t know this, you cannot go to the priest with whom you committed a sin against the sixth commandment for absolution (I am not under the impression you will be seeking out this priest for confession, but just to put it out there). Such a confession is invalid:

Can. 977 The absolution of a partner in a sin against the sixth commandment of the Decalogue is invalid, except in danger of death.

 

[1ke]

I am concerned regarding your title. You titled this with the comment about getting “the man I love in trouble”.

I hope you will go to some counseling or seek help to overcome this affair. Although you may have developed feelings for him, you will need to move past those. He is not available. He has taken vows. He is ordained. He should certainly not have acted on any attraction he had to you or developed an affair with you.

I am sorry that you were pulled into a physical relationship with a priest and now have feelings of love for him.

I hope that he does not have a pattern of these relationships that are unknown to you. You say you don’t want to “get him in trouble” but you should consider that this may be a pattern with him. You may not be the only one he’s had or will have a sexual relationship with. You should consider telling someone at the diocese-- not so he “gets in trouble” but so he gets HELP. He needs counseling, he’s transgressed his vows and started an inappropriate relationship with a parishioner whom he should be shepherding. There is an uneven power dynamic in play.

If he was counseling you or helping you with personal issues when this affair began, that’s even worse as you were in a vulnerable state. (You don’t need to answer that, just think about it).

I do know that a former priest from my own parish- who was gone before I moved here- had several girlfriends in various places in our diocese and another nearby dioceses. And the one he’s now married to (he left the priesthood) was a teacher at the parish school where he was pastor, and it all came out when he got her pregnant. Frankly, I think he was a slime ball, running around with several women. He still lives in our diocese although now laicized. He should have been removed from his position and received counseling, but because no one at the diocese knew about it at the time (although plenty of people in the parish caught on) this went on for several years and created scandal among the faithful.

 

[PennyinCanada]

You made the decision to get intimately involved with a man who is not available for marriage and family. You could have gotten pregnant. That is taking on a huge risk and, for a man who is not available for marriage, he did not put YOU first. He did not put your health, your employment, your future, ahead of himself.

Please don’t ever think that Love looks like that. Love is selfless. Sacrificial. Love would not set you up for a train wreck, heart break, and grief. Love would not ask that of you. Counterfeit love looks like that.

God bless you as you go forward.

 

[twf]

To be clear, it is a “special” kind of sin in that sleeping with a priest or religious is sacrilegious (objectively, but I am certain that was not the OP’s intent). So yes, the OP does need to confess that she slept with a priest (as well as any other sins that led up to it…such as deliberately flirting with a priest, putting herself in a near occasion of sin with him, etc). That said, once those sins are confessed, it’s just an ordinary confession. The absolution will be given and the priest confessor will absolutely not reveal any details. He can’t. The seal always applies.