I need to share this

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Anglewannabe

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Ok, brief history for context. I have often spent extended period of times unemployed and it is a soft spot for me. When people ask about my work, for the past few years I simply say ‘I prefer not to talk about it’. That has been my standard response whether I am currently working or not. Reason being, I have been so hurt by so many people’s comments, I just don’t want to risk being hurt. Also, I feel I have enough resources on how to find a job, I don’t need comments from people who have never walked in my shoes.

Well, today at the grocery store I bumped into a lady I have know for years. I even invited her to my birthday party 12 years ago. The main reason I did not keep touch with her is because honestly, apart from work, she never talks about anything. She has no outside interests and is not that interesting of a person. We use to attend the same church, I now attend a different one. She knows about my struggles with unemployment.

Well, I bumped into her today. The first thing she asked was where I was working, no surprise coming from her. I politely said ‘I do not want to talk about it, how are you anything new with you’. She informed me she was laid off last February but found another job. In the back of my mind I said to myself, there is no use being jealous, be charitable catholic and be happy for her. She then proceed to tell me about her struggles. My heart soften and I though maybe I can share mine with her. I ignored the little voice inside of me that said to keep my boundary and not talk about work. So I shared a few of my struggles and again, no surprise she was quick to point out everything I was doing wrong. I know in her mind she thinks she is helping, but the truth is, I have heard everything she said so often I am sick of hearing it.

But this is what really hurt/discouraged me. She attends church every week and when I started to say ‘I think the most important is to do God’s will, and seek His guidance first’, all she could say was ‘Well, if you want to work full time you need to do XYZ’:banghead:

I bit my tongue but all I could think is ‘Whether or not I want to work full time is irrelevant, I am suppose to be doing God’s will as a Catholic you should now that.’

Well, as she was saying goodbye I asked ‘Do you still go to the church we use to do XYZ’:eek:

Honestly, I am just in shock that a regular church going can’t even pray for me, That she does not understand the importance of prayer. I think it is sad how little the faith is being practiced.

By the way, I did NOT post this to vent about my employment situation. I posted it to vent about how few practicing Catholics there are in my day to day life

Angie
 
Maybe the practicing Catholics are less noticeable because they are keeping their mouths shut? After all, isn’t it the little toe that hurts every time you bump it that you notice, not the nine that are just doing their job and not annoying you.

I’m sorry, though, that you had that experience. I do think it comes out of a little fear, a fear that many people try to shout down with "what happened to her could never happen to me…because I do XYZ"
 
“So where are you working?”

“Why do you ask?”

"Because I care … "

“Thank you very much,” said with a polite smile.

“Well, where are you working?”

“I’'m sorry, but I have to go now. Have a nice day!”

~~ the end
 
Anglewannabe said:
By the way, I did NOT post this to vent about my employment situation. I posted it to vent about how few practicing Catholics there are in my day to day life

Angie
Click to expand...
Perhaps your annoyance at people showing interest and concern for you has gotten through and even the practicing Catholics have backed off, in deference to your wishes?

You’ve posted these frustrations before. But seriously, people being concerned for you is not something to be frustrated about. If it’s a real problem for you, then take the approach outlined by the phoenix above (ie walk away). This will of course lead back to the problem that you will drive everyone away, including those practicing Catholics you seem to want in your life. In short, you can’t want concerned friends in your life yet not allow people to show concern for you.
 
underacloud said:
You’ve posted these frustrations before. But seriously, people being concerned for you is not something to be frustrated about. If it’s a real problem for you, then take the approach outlined by the phoenix above (ie walk away). This will of course lead back to the problem that you will drive everyone away, including those practicing Catholics you seem to want in your life. In short, you can’t want concerned friends in your life yet not allow people to show concern for you.
Click to expand...
I should note that the approach I posted was based on getting away from an acquaintance who didn’t seem to offer much beyond prying curiosity and being quick to point out everything the OP was doing wrong, as the OP stated was the case.

Now if the person asking how the OP was doing was a friend who could be trusted to respect boundaries, offer a listening ear, and provide encouragement … well then likely my reaction would have been something like, wow, OP, you’re so blessed to have such a supportive person in your life.

Looking at this situation again, I’m wondering whether the OP asked the person for prayers, or whether the OP was expecting the person to say something like “I’ll pray for you.” If it were me, I might have directly asked the person to please pray for me … or then again, I might not have, … it would depend on the person and what sort of relationship we had.

I would suggest that the OP maybe try finding new people to hang out with, people that share the same interests and who are enthusiastic about the same things.

~~ the phoenix
 
When I have spent time as unemployed, and people ask me what line of work I’m in,
I found the best thing to say is… I’m Between Careers at the moment and say it with a smile.
You must Force yourself to put a positive spin on it, otherwise it gets very Frustrating for
yourself… it can become a difficult burden explaining you can’t find work,
when someone else has the responsibility to support you financially …
been there done that !
 
the_phoenix said:
I should note that the approach I posted was based on getting away from an acquaintance who didn’t seem to offer much beyond prying curiosity and being quick to point out everything the OP was doing wrong, as the OP stated was the case.

Now if the person asking how the OP was doing was a friend who could be trusted to respect boundaries, offer a listening ear, and provide encouragement … well then likely my reaction would have been something like, wow, OP, you’re so blessed to have such a supportive person in your life.
Click to expand...
Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you meant to be saying what I was. I worded that poorly.

But Angie has expressed this sentiment before in a general sense. I just don’t see why she finds people being concerned and supportive to be so frustrating.
the_phoenix said:
I would suggest that the OP maybe try finding new people to hang out with, people that share the same interests and who are enthusiastic about the same things.
Click to expand...
The same problem will inevitably arise. Any group of friends are likely to express concern; that’s what friends do. I think Angie needs to accept this, rather than look for friends who are likely to not be concerned or express concern - what kind of friends are those anyway? 🤷
 
underacloud said:
Any group of friends are likely to express concern; that’s what friends do. I think Angie needs to accept this, rather than look for friends who are likely to not be concerned or express concern - what kind of friends are those anyway?
Click to expand...
it sounds like the problem is not with friends but with acquaintances who say insensitive things.

Also, nowadays people use work to define others in a certain way, to put them in a box. The assumption is that if you do x then you must be a, b and c. It is also a conversation starter: “Hi, my name is so and so. What do you for living?” Many people think nothing of it, unless they have problems in that department. It gets tedious and frustrating for those who are struggling.

Perhaps the OP needs to find a better phrase in order to get out of the work conversation. “I don’t want to talk about it” suggests that there is a problem. I would go with something different and change the topic at first opportunity.
 
Hi! Of course people who have never been in your situation will not understand why it is not your fault in some way. They simply have no understanding regarding your situation. Some of them might be open to a new idea, some not. Don’t worry about it. God’s will is that you try your hardest to be an honest fulfilling/contributing member of society and that does include working when you can. Maybe you have to accept jobs you don’t want exactly? It’s bad for your emotional health to be unemployed. There can be many reasons why you are unemployed, but instead of taking the advice from ‘street experts’, maybe seeking the advice of a career’s counselor or a psychologist might be a better option. God’s will is that you are the best you can be and that includes work. Personally I don’t believe there is a person who is not capable of being employed for something.
 
Anglewannabe said:
Ok, brief history for context. I have often spent extended period of times unemployed and it is a soft spot for me. When people ask about my work, for the past few years I simply say ‘I prefer not to talk about it’. That has been my standard response whether I am currently working or not. Reason being, I have been so hurt by so many people’s comments, I just don’t want to risk being hurt. Also, I feel I have enough resources on how to find a job, I don’t need comments from people who have never walked in my shoes.

Well, today at the grocery store I bumped into a lady I have know for years. I even invited her to my birthday party 12 years ago. The main reason I did not keep touch with her is because honestly, apart from work, she never talks about anything. She has no outside interests and is not that interesting of a person. We use to attend the same church, I now attend a different one. She knows about my struggles with unemployment.

Well, I bumped into her today. The first thing she asked was where I was working, no surprise coming from her. I politely said ‘I do not want to talk about it, how are you anything new with you’. She informed me she was laid off last February but found another job. In the back of my mind I said to myself, there is no use being jealous, be charitable catholic and be happy for her. She then proceed to tell me about her struggles. My heart soften and I though maybe I can share mine with her. I ignored the little voice inside of me that said to keep my boundary and not talk about work. So I shared a few of my struggles and again, no surprise she was quick to point out everything I was doing wrong. I know in her mind she thinks she is helping, but the truth is, I have heard everything she said so often I am sick of hearing it.

But this is what really hurt/discouraged me. She attends church every week and when I started to say ‘I think the most important is to do God’s will, and seek His guidance first’, all she could say was ‘Well, if you want to work full time you need to do XYZ’:banghead:

I bit my tongue but all I could think is ‘Whether or not I want to work full time is irrelevant, I am suppose to be doing God’s will as a Catholic you should now that.’

Well, as she was saying goodbye I asked ‘Do you still go to the church we use to do XYZ’:eek:

Honestly, I am just in shock that a regular church going can’t even pray for me, That she does not understand the importance of prayer. I think it is sad how little the faith is being practiced.

By the way, I did NOT post this to vent about my employment situation. I posted it to vent about how few practicing Catholics there are in my day to day life

Angie
Click to expand...
How are they ever going to know to pray for you if they don’t know of your unemployment situation??? God Bless, Memaw
 
underacloud said:
Perhaps your annoyance at people showing interest and concern for you has gotten through and even the practicing Catholics have backed off, in deference to your wishes?

You’ve posted these frustrations before. But seriously, people being concerned for you is not something to be frustrated about. If it’s a real problem for you, then take the approach outlined by the phoenix above (ie walk away). This will of course lead back to the problem that you will drive everyone away, including those practicing Catholics you seem to want in your life. In short, you can’t want concerned friends in your life yet not allow people to show concern for you.
Click to expand...
I really think you misunderstood my whole post. The point was not that people don’t show concern for me, the point was I asked a Catholic who goes to church every week to pray for me and she acted like that would be a waste.
 
the_phoenix said:
I should note that the approach I posted was based on getting away from an acquaintance who didn’t seem to offer much beyond prying curiosity and being quick to point out everything the OP was doing wrong, as the OP stated was the case.
Click to expand...
yes, that was the intent of my post
the_phoenix said:
Looking at this situation again, I’m wondering whether the OP asked the person for prayers,
Click to expand...
I flat out said ‘Please pray for me’ and it just started a whole other monologue on her part as to what I was suppose to do. It baffles me she did not say ‘Yes, I will pray for you’
 
Anglewannabe said:
I flat out said ‘Please pray for me’ and it just started a whole other monologue on her part as to what I was suppose to do. It baffles me she did not say ‘Yes, I will pray for you’
Click to expand...
I guess she is one of those people who like to fix things since she knows best. :rolleyes:

It is sad that your request for prayers was dismissed like that. If it is of any help, I will pray for you instead.
 
underacloud said:
Any group of friends are likely to express concern
Click to expand...
Real friends lend an listening ear and listen to the real problem. Real friends are hard to come by. Trust me 99.9% of people say VERY insensitive things to the unemployed. For example, if I go out to the movies, I just want to forget about my problems for a while and do something different. If someone where a real friend, if I called them and said 'I just got bad news, the interview I went on last week, well, they gave the job to someone else. I need to get out of the house and forget about my problems for a while, want to go to a movie. ’ I expect a friend who is not busy with something else to say ‘sure’ and talk about something else and help me have fun for an evening.

Too many people do not hear ‘I want to do something else’. All they hear is ‘I didn’t get the job’ and then bombard me with questions ‘Why not’ and pour salt on my wounds. I am honestly fed up with hearing the same insensitive remarks all the time. Just because someone thinks they are showing concern in no way means they are doing it right and it definitely does not mean they are being kind

Angie
 
Joy2day said:
Maybe you have to accept jobs you don’t want exactly? .
Click to expand...
Please reread the part of my post where I said this was not about me needing work, it was about me being shocked even a Catholic would not pray for me
 
Memaw said:
How are they ever going to know to pray for you if they don’t know of your unemployment situation??? God Bless, Memaw
Click to expand...
This person knew to pray for me because I asked for prayers. All she needs to do is say ‘God please help Angie’. That would go a long way

Angie
 
Anglewannabe said:
Real friends lend an listening ear and listen to the real problem. Real friends are hard to come by. Trust me 99.9% of people say VERY insensitive things to the unemployed. For example, if I go out to the movies, I just want to forget about my problems for a while and do something different. If someone where a real friend, if I called them and said 'I just got bad news, the interview I went on last week, well, they gave the job to someone else. I need to get out of the house and forget about my problems for a while, want to go to a movie. ’ I expect a friend who is not busy with something else to say ‘sure’ and talk about something else and help me have fun for an evening.

Too many people do not hear ‘I want to do something else’. All they hear is ‘I didn’t get the job’ and then bombard me with questions ‘Why not’ and pour salt on my wounds. I am honestly fed up with hearing the same insensitive remarks all the time. Just because someone thinks they are showing concern in no way means they are doing it right and it definitely does not mean they are being kind

Angie
Click to expand...
“pour salt on your wounds”? I don’t think you really understand what this means, nor how people showing concern for you does not fit this discription.

When 99.9% of people act in a certain way, perhaps you who should adjust your expectations, and stop getting annoyed when people do exactly what you should expect them to do? You can’t cahnge other people, only yourself. If you don’t like this reality, then avoid conversations or be blunt up front about what you don’t want to discuss. This may drive people away, so you will have to choose whether you want friends in your life and accept certain innevitable annoyances, or whether you’d rather just be a loner.

Moreover, if you want people to pray for you, how do you achieve this without talking about the issue at hand? 🤷
 
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