I need to stop drinking so much, has anyone else here struggled.

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mkipp said:
I am very uncomfotable in social situations, and use booze to get by. This will be tough as I am usually drinking and have drank with at least my foresome. I am so scared of being judged and that usually causes me to drink more.
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I know this is not your first thread about this problem. I urge you to listen to what people are telling you. You know the drinking is a problem. You cannot go on like this. If your social anxiety is getting the better of you and you deal with it through drinking, one solution would be to not go to the golf event at all. Work on the anxiety without drinking. You are only layering one problem over the other if you drink.

And I believe that you need to tell your wife that you drink as much as you do and that you know it is a problem, that it is not normal and that you need help. Admit the problem or you won’t do anything. It is your MO. Perhaps she can help you become more accountable, but she can’t if she doesn’t know or acknowledge that there is a problem. She is your wife. She deserves to know.

May God bless you and guide you.
 
mkipp said:
I just don’t look forward to answering all the questions as to why I don’t have a beer in my hand. I guess it is my business and not theirs.
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Just telling them. “I’m just having tea today.” I have found that we think people think more about us than they actually do.
 
mkipp said:
I have to play in a golf tournament today with clients and free booze on every hole. This is going to be a tough one. Trying to think of what I am going to use for an excuse.
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Dude, you don’t NEED an excuse! Lots of people don’t drink, and more need to stop drinking. However, the world is also filled with people who can have 1 drink and stop. You are not that person.

Again, you don’t have any TOOLS to stop drinking. Go to a meeting! You’ll get tools. Would you try to start building a house with NOTHING, not even a hammer and some nails? Of course not! You’d not only get the tools for the job, you’d take classes and also hire experts to help you.

Get to a meeting.
 
I had to curb it in after discovering that deliberately getting drunk into a blackout could be a mortal sin and that deliberately putting oneself in the occasion was not much better. That meant toning down a lot and learning to respond to hints from my body. Also, I try to limit my interest in alcohol just in case, considering some factors like tiredness, sorrow, stress etc.

If you have some underlying problems, e.g. hard life, escapism etc., you may need to talk to a qualified counsellor to sort out whatever actually pushes you towards drinking as a means of drowning your sorrows.
 
chevalier said:
I had to curb it in after discovering that deliberately getting drunk into a blackout could be a mortal sin and that deliberately putting oneself in the occasion was not much better. That meant toning down a lot and learning to respond to hints from my body. Also, I try to limit my interest in alcohol just in case, considering some factors like tiredness, sorrow, stress etc.

If you have some underlying problems, e.g. hard life, escapism etc., you may need to talk to a qualified counsellor to sort out whatever actually pushes you towards drinking as a means of drowning your sorrows.
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Yes, and because alcohol is a DEPRESSANT, it will only make things like depression and anxiety WORSE not better. So we try to self-medicate and we defeat our own purposes, and get into a negative spiral of worsening misery. And then we are addicted to a substance that will destroy us. Not healthy. Self-destructive.
 
mkipp said:
I am very uncomfotable in social situations, and use booze to get by. This will be tough as I am usually drinking and have drank with at least my foresome. I am so scared of being judged and that usually causes me to drink more.
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Irishmom2 said:
…I know this is not your first thread about this problem…You cannot go on like this. If your social anxiety is getting the better of you and you deal with it through drinking, one solution would be to not go to the golf event at all. Work on the anxiety without drinking. You are only layering one problem over the other if you drink.

And I believe that you need to tell your wife that you drink as much as you do and that you know it is a problem, that it is not normal and that you need help…
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That’s a great idea from Irish Mom, don’t go to the golf game at all. You really do not need to go. I bet you think you will let down your friends, who knows. But how bad could it be? It can’t be any worse than driving into a building, blacked out, with the cruise control set on 70mph. I’d rather skip a golf tourny than regret something major for the rest of my life.

As far as telling your wife. She probably already knows that you drink too much if that’s all you think you are keeping from her. If you have bigger secrets, you may or may not want to tell her the extras. But telling her you drink too much and want support to get sober…I bet she would not be hearing anything she already did not know except the part about wanting her support to find recovery.
 
triumphguy said:
Mkipp - have you phoned AA yet?

Stop bargaining and kidding yourself.

aa.org/lang/en/central_offices.cfm?origpage=373
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You may not be an Alcoholic - but you may be.

And if you are AA is the best way to tackle the problem.

And if you are your family are already affected by your drinking even if they are not aware yet.

Out of love for your family phone AA.

Yes it’s a guilt trip - but you also know it could be true. And if true it’s horrible.

Or perhaps you have to lose your family, your job, your home (pick one or all 3) before you phone?:confused:

I’m being a hard***** because I’ve worked with alcoholics. I’ve done 3rd and 5th steps with dozens of inmates (I had to do my own fifth step!).

PM me and tell me to “naff off” or go phone AA.

But stop being a wimp.
 
triumphguy said:
You may not be an Alcoholic - but you may be.

And if you are AA is the best way to tackle the problem.

And if you are your family are already affected by your drinking even if they are not aware yet.

Out of love for your family phone AA.

Yes it’s a guilt trip - but you also know it could be true. And if true it’s horrible.

Or perhaps you have to lose your family, your job, your home (pick one or all 3) before you phone?:confused:

I’m being a hard***** because I’ve worked with alcoholics. I’ve done 3rd and 5th steps with dozens of inmates (I had to do my own fifth step!).

PM me and tell me to “naff off” or go phone AA.

But stop being a wimp.
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Sounds like an old timer. 🙂
 
Once you start working the steps in AA, your wife can go to Al-Anon. In fact, she qualifies right now, because it’s almost certain that your drinking bothers her. So whether or not you go to AA, she should go to Al-Anon. It will help her.
 
mkipp said:
My nightly 6-8 beers or so has taken its toll and I am scared. I have a few hours alone from 4:30-6:30 and I drink before my wife arrives home from work with our daughter. I then after she goes to bed have a few more, and hide that I drank the early ones. I am just so scared and confused how this has happened. I appreciate any advice or personal stories of what helped you. God Bless
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6-8 plus beers is excessive. And then there is the hiding.

It doesn’t matter how it happened. It only matters that you take steps–real steps, not just thinking about it, to stop and change your life.
 
mkipp said:
I am 34, a father and a husband. I have a loving wife and a 3 year old daughter, but I am suffering with drinking too much. My nightly 6-8 beers or so has taken its toll and I am scared. I have a few hours alone from 4:30-6:30 and I drink before my wife arrives home from work with our daughter. I then after she goes to bed have a few more, and hide that I drank the early ones. I am just so scared and confused how this has happened. I appreciate any advice or personal stories of what helped you. God Bless
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Be honest with your with your wife and tell her you have a problem with drinking and want to stop even if it means getting professional help, you might even ask your wife for her support in getting help to stop drinking.
 
mkipp, No posts by you since the dreaded golf tournament date. Call me impatient.
 
I woke up with my toddler sleeping next to my wife and I. I looked over and cried that I am killing myself, wasting money, and not being a good example. I just do not know what to do.
 
mkipp said:
I just do not know what to do.
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mkipp, what is it that you keep coming here for? Not meaning to be insensitive, but you come on here, ask for advice and then don’t take it. It gets a bit tiring, people tell you that you have a problem, you acknowledge that you have a problem, and then, you sit there and say you don’t know what to do.

I would suggest again, that you read all of these posts again, as well as your previous threads from 2 years ago, where you are saying pretty much the same thing. You didn’t do anything then, and you appear to be doing nothing now.

No one here can wave a magic wand over you and fix you. You have to want to change, but even that is not enough. You have to take the steps to change, and that is something you have not done. And it is something that ONLY YOU can do. Yes, it will be difficult to go to an AA meeting, but you need to do it. Numerous people here support you in doing that. Why do you resist so much?

People are trying to help you on this forum. Why aren’t you wiling to take steps toward a better life for yourself, your wife and you precious child? You have so much to lose if you continue to do nothing.
 
mkipp said:
I just do not know what to do.
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You know perfectly well what to do, you’re just not willing to do it. You need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Like Irishmom said, there are people here who will support you, but we can’t make the phone call for you. We can’t go to the meeting for you. YOU have to do it!

No one is pretending that it will be easy. But lots of people go to AA meetings and do you think it is easy for them?? They overcome their fear and anxiety because they want to do what is best for their spouses, children, whomever. Do you want what is best for your wife and your daughter?

We are all praying for you… please take the first step!!
 
mkipp said:
I woke up with my toddler sleeping next to my wife and I. I looked over and cried that I am killing myself, wasting money, and not being a good example. I just do not know what to do.
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You have not hit bottom yet. That is why you do not seek help. I hope that your bottom will not involve injury or death to you and/or other people. Yes, it’s that dire. I know you said you drink at home after you have come home from work, but what if you run out of alcohol before you are finished for the night? Would you get in the car and go get some?

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. That means, unless you stop drinking, it will continue to get worse and worse. I know of several people who have died from it. It’s not a pleasant ending.

I hope you hit your bottom soon.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
You have not hit bottom yet. That is why you do not seek help. I hope that your bottom will not involve injury or death to you and/or other people. Yes, it’s that dire. I know you said you drink at home after you have come home from work, but what if you run out of alcohol before you are finished for the night? Would you get in the car and go get some?

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. That means, unless you stop drinking, it will continue to get worse and worse. I know of several people who have died from it. It’s not a pleasant ending.

I hope you hit your bottom soon.
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This. I sincerely pray your bottom doesn’t involve killing someone while driving drunk or getting a diagnosis of cirrhosis. Perhaps it needs to come in the form of your wife and child packing up and leaving until you cut the nonsense. Sadly, that’s what was required of me and my addiction. It sucked. It was horrible. It drove me to the absolute edge. And it eventually drove me to an adoration chapel where I begged and pleaded with God to take away my addiction. Keep in mind this is after I already confessed and received absolution. That wasn’t enough. Two weeks of sobriety at that point was not enough. I needed to know I was fully reliant on God and had to change my life completely.

And it wasn’t too long ago either.

I’m at just over 100 days now. But I have absolutely no intention of going back to my former way of life. The mere thought of it scares me to death. The knowledge of the pain I caused my wife and children hurts me every day. Removing my addiction requires not merely abstaining from a substance but totally changing my perspective in regards to love, fear, shame and my self-worth. It’s hard. It’s a grind. It’s not fun to sit in a room filled with addicts who have done some really horrific things once a week. It’s not easy to pray unceasingly, to remember to read Scripture every day, to check my anger or shame constantly lest it spiral out of control and lead back to my addiction. It’s HARD.

And it’s infinitely better than living in addiction.
 
mkipp said:
I woke up with my toddler sleeping next to my wife and I. I looked over and cried that I am killing myself, wasting money, and not being a good example. I just do not know what to do.
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Have you spoken with your wife? You know, the woman you claim to love, have you spoken to her?
 
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