I need your help

[schnipdip]

Hello,
I am going to start off by introducing myself. My name is Chris H. and I am 18 years old and attending college (soon to drop out).

I have and am having some tough times and I don’t know where to turn. I have a hard time talking to my parents for I am to proud to express my feelings.

I have lived under the assumption that there is a plan for everyone and that God has a purpose for everyone. I believe there is a God, but I don’t believe that God is with us. I believe that God is an all knowing God and all powerful God and that we should fear him as the Bible says we should do.

Let me break this up by stating what has currently happened. I am a kid who has no friends, I have tried to make friends but am not able to make any. I know that my family loves me because they say they do. Yet, I can’t stop getting the feeling like they don’t.

For the past few weeks I have taken time to watch a few shows on tv, one especially called Naruto. I understand that this is a kids cartoon show, but I have become fond of it. I see what the meaning of a friendship is and what love is. My heart longs for something like that feeling, like someone that is not related to me will always be by my side no matter what and will be there for me. Everytime I watch this show my heart stops and beats at the same time from pain and a longing for happiness. I have been lonely my entire life, I am tired of it and am loosing Will to progress any further. I have become something that I wish I was not. I think you know what I am talking about by being angry, mad, depressed, lonely, and confused. Mostly confused.

The show, Naruto, is based around the premise of what purpose is. I have seen that a person needs a purpose to live and be happy.
That is my problem. I have no purpose. If I were to have a purpose it would be that I cause pain and suffering around me indirecly.
In the show I have related to a character named Gaara. Gaara has a demon inside of him and has been shuned by his community for what is inside of him that he did not place there. He experiences everything that I have felt, but the only thing that makes us different in that he kills people. I wish not to kill people, although sometimes I feel like I would like to. In the show, Gaara has found a purpose in his life and that made him change into a better person and he now leads his community as a “president” so to speak.

Everyday I wish my life was different, that there was meaning in my life. That I have a purpose to live and to better myself. I have fantasies that I could do things like they do in the shows like fly or be able to control energy or something. Something that would make me special, something that would give me meaning.

Of course I don’t have that and therefore I am in a predicament.
I don’t know what to do. I have no purpose, therefore I am not living and I am not dead.

I have found that nothing in this world makes me happy, other than the fact that maybe one day I will have someone that will be my true friend and maybe find love.

Until that time, my life serves no purose in this world and I don’t know what to do.

 

[Edward_H]

Nothing in this world will make you happy. You’re right.

But God placed each of us in this world to make Him happy. Our focus is other oriented. God will be most happy when we seek divine union with Him, not just in heaven but right now, in this minute, and the next hour, with Him. We share inHis happiness when we do His will, which is to love Him and His children.

That’s why we, as Catholics, pray, we fast, we adore Him in Holy Mass, we offer Him our work, homework, conversations with friends, parents, siblings. These things, done for God (not us) with God…are examples of living in His divine life.

Our “purpose” is to sanctify ourselves and the entire world.

I am 53 years old and I wake up every morning serene, happy to serve God in the 1001 things of the day, good things and hard things. It is His time.

 

[schnipdip]

Nothing in this world will make you happy. You’re right.

But God placed each of us in this world to make Him happy. Our focus is other oriented. God will be most happy when we seek divine union with Him, not just in heaven but right now, in this minute, and the next hour, with Him.

That’s why we, as Catholics, pray, we fast, we adore Him in Holy Mass, we offer Him our work, homework, conversations with friends, parents, siblings. These things, done for God (not us) with God…are examples of living in His divine life.

Our “purpose” is to sanctify ourselves and the entire world.

I am 53 years old and I wake up every morning serene, happy to serve God in the 1001 things of the day, good things and hard things. It is His time.

I agree with that. I need to explain to you what my beliefs are. My belief explains the religion and science parts of our world and explains everything with pure clarity.

This may be hard to understand, so I am going to do my best to make this understandable.

I believe that God does exist. I believe that he is almighty, all powerfull, all forgiving, and pure. I believe that we as humans need to fear Him. I believe that God infact did start the Big Bang. The theory that can’t be explained to its entirety. I believe that God did create everything. I also believe that God lets things take their course in existance. That things are able to evolve without any influence from God.
Now I didn’t fully explain it, sinse it is hard to explain in text. But my belief explains that creationism and evolutionism can both coexist together as one.

 

[schnipdip]

To better understand this I will be adding a video about the character Gaara and a few things that he says.

youtube.com/watch?v=Fylsk01i_Mc&list=LLN_Hr9jiPfZlz4r3A5eJjJA
youtube.com/watch?v=Fylsk01i_Mc&list=LLN_Hr9jiPfZlz4r3A5eJjJA

“There’s only one thing that can heal the heart… Only one… It’s love, Gaara.”

 

[Edward_H]

I agree with that. I need to explain to you what my beliefs are. My belief explains the religion and science parts of our world and explains everything with pure clarity.

This may be hard to understand, so I am going to do my best to make this understandable.

I believe that God does exist. I believe that he is almighty, all powerfull, all forgiving, and pure. I believe that we as humans need to fear Him. I believe that God infact did start the Big Bang. The theory that can’t be explained to its entirety. I believe that God did create everything. I also believe that God lets things take their course in existance. That things are able to evolve without any influence from God.
Now I didn’t fully explain it, sinse it is hard to explain in text. But my belief explains that creationism and evolutionism can both coexist together as one.

It’s a lot simpler and more beautiful than that. God is your Father. He loves you like a perfect Father. That is the source of our joy. Fathers don’t “create and leave alone”.

 

[schnipdip]

It’s a lot simpler and more beautiful than that. God is your Father. He loves you like a perfect Father. That is the source of our joy. Fathers don’t “create and leave alone”.

I understand that as well. But, my life does not allow me to think in that manor. If I were to think like that, I would HATE God.
If I were to believe that I would feel like God has deserted me.

I know there is symbolism that you can say. You can use the example of the single set of foot prints in the sand. That the man says “God why didn’t you help me? Where were you?” God says “I was the one carrying you”.

If God were carrying me, then why is my life filled with pain and misery? Why am I always lonely? Why do I cry myself to sleep at night? Why does my heart hurt? Why is my life one never ending story of dispare?

You see, I can’t afford to think like that. If I did, there would be nothing there for me. No love, no friends, nothing. I have nothing to fall back on.

I have always been treated like a monster. I thought that things would change, God would be there for me. I will be loved.

There are no words that can express the pain that I feel every day of my life. And to believe that God has the ability to change this would just hurt me even more.

 

[schnipdip]

I want my dreams to become reality. In my dreams I am happy. I can be who I want to be. Do what I want to do. Have friends, be loved, be respected. In my dreams I can be the person that I dream about.

 

[Edward_H]

I understand that as well. But, my life does not allow me to think in that manor. If I were to think like that, I would HATE God.
If I were to believe that I would feel like God has deserted me.

I know there is symbolism that you can say. You can use the example of the single set of foot prints in the sand. That the man says “God why didn’t you help me? Where were you?” God says “I was the one carrying you”.

If God were carrying me, then why is my life filled with pain and misery? Why am I always lonely? Why do I cry myself to sleep at night? Why does my heart hurt? Why is my life one never ending story of dispare?

You see, I can’t afford to think like that. If I did, there would be nothing there for me. No love, no friends, nothing. I have nothing to fall back on.

I have always been treated like a monster. I thought that things would change, God would be there for me. I will be loved.

There are no words that can express the pain that I feel every day of my life. And to believe that God has the ability to change this would just hurt me even more.

You’re too wrapped up in yourself…your views, your feelings, your pain, your ideas. You want to bend Truth into your little working hypothesis. It doesn’t fit like you think it should so you reject it…and so you’re off constructing a complexity. But that doesn’t seem to work either.

“I can’t afford to think that”. Give it a break.

 

[schnipdip]

You’re too wrapped up in yourself…your views, your feelings, your pain, your ideas. You want to bend Truth into your little working hypothesis. It doesn’t fit like you think it should so you reject it…and so you’re off constructing a complexity. But that doesn’t seem to work either.

“I can’t afford to think that”. Give it a break.

I am speaking from my experiences and what I have felt. Once you have felt my pain, then you can understand.
There are people in the world that have it worse then I do. But when I see them, I see light and not darkness. My life is darkness and I have come to terms with that. I am hoping there will be light one day, which is why I need a purpose.

Please don’t take pity on me. I just want you to understand. In my 18 years, I have experienced more things that have made me emotionless and heart broken then most people do. This is why I need a purpose. I need to know that I am needed.

 

[ChibiViolet]

I would suggest that you use the time you were spending on watching show like “Naruto” to pray. If you don’t know many prayers, you can look up a bunch of them to print or make up prayers as you go along–perhaps write to God in a journal. Also, if you can than go to daily Mass as often as you can as well as adortion before the Blessed Sacrament. The kind of love and freindship Jesus promises is far better than any fabricated for a kid’s animie show, or any at all (real or fake) for that matter.

 

[Edward_H]

I am speaking from my experiences and what I have felt. Once you have felt my pain, then you can understand.
There are people in the world that have it worse then I do. But when I see them, I see light and not darkness. My life is darkness and I have come to terms with that. I am hoping there will be light one day, which is why I need a purpose.

Please don’t take pity on me. I just want you to understand. In my 18 years, I have experienced more things that have made me emotionless and heart broken then most people do. This is why I need a purpose. I need to know that I am needed.

Your purpose is to love and serve God. PERIOD. No more talk…no more explaining yourself. No more play acting that you’re special. To do that well…to sanctify your life…you need to seek humility and self forgetfulness. This takes work. But it brings serenity and joy.

When in doubt “do more, quietly, for others, as an act of love for God”

 

[schnipdip]

I would suggest that you use the time you were spending on watching show like “Naruto” to pray. If you don’t know many prayers, you can look up a bunch of them to print or make up prayers as you go along–perhaps write to God in a journal. Also, if you can than go to daily Mass as often as you can as well as adortion before the Blessed Sacrament. The kind of love and freindship Jesus promises is far better than any fabricated for a kid’s animie show, or any at all (real or fake) for that matter.

That is a great idea. I do know some prayers from going to a Catholic school for 4 years. I was just using the show Naruto as an example to express what I was feeling in a manner that was more understandable.
Church is great and there is always a good feeling after attending mass, but that still isn’t enough to fill the gap of having a friendship with another human being. Someone who can talk to you, listen to your problems, help you out and give you advice. And someone that will be there for you.
Yes, God will be there for you. But there is nothing that can replace physical contact with someone. There is the Bible that you can resort to.

But, imagine not being able to talk to anyone for 18 years about anything. I know that I didn’t fully explain that statement right there, but it’s true. I have cried to God and I begged for Gods help, but nothing changes. I am still lonely, heartbroken, mad, frustrated, and confused.

I am just lost. I just need a reason to exist, a purpose.

 

[schnipdip]

Your purpose is to love and serve God. PERIOD. No more talk…no more explaining yourself. No more play acting that you’re special. To do that well…to sanctify your life…you need to seek humility and self forgetfulness. This takes work. But it brings serenity and joy.

When in doubt “do more, quietly, for others, as an act of love for God”

Right, you are correct. I need more of that in my life. I am trying.

I fully understand what you are saying.
But, from what I have thought of and read today here, I think there are two purposes. One purpose is spiritually and another physically. I am looking for the physically.
I do need more of the spiritually and I believe that will help me with the physically.

I just need a purpose to exist, that’s all.

 

[Edward_H]

I suspect you’re full of it.

Warning to other posters. OP is a Trial member…keeps saying the same things over and over.

 

[nurseryworker]

I would suggest you make an appointment with a counsellor at your college campus. Or a priest.

You’ve titled your post “I need your help” and you’ve gotten some good advice. The problem is you don’t want to listen to anything contrary to your own thoughts on the matter. FWIW, I think you need to disengage from this show and focus on living in real life, not fantasy. As a college student, your purpose is to go to class and study to do your best. Want to make connections? Join the debate team, try out for a sport, a book club, my alma mater had a Catholic students group. Volunteer in your community. These will get you out of your house/dorm room and you will be in an environment where you can connect with people out of which friendships are possible. To have a friend, you need to be a friend. Is there a reason, do you think, why you don’t have friends? If so, what are they?

 

[Peter_Plato]

I am speaking from my experiences and what I have felt. Once you have felt my pain, then you can understand.
There are people in the world that have it worse then I do. But when I see them, I see light and not darkness. My life is darkness and I have come to terms with that. I am hoping there will be light one day, which is why I need a purpose.

Please don’t take pity on me. I just want you to understand. In my 18 years, I have experienced more things that have made me emotionless and heart broken then most people do. This is why I need a purpose. I need to know that I am needed.

I have also been through a number of years of the same kind of darkness that you are experiencing.

When you describe God as creating the world and then backing away, that is not quite what he does. Think of the darkness that Jesus experienced on the cross. He was God. He did not back away from darkness, he went through it and came out on the other side to show that we will rise with him. We will all go through dark times and when we are in them they seem endless, but the resurrection is his promise that we will be made new. Don’t give up hope.

The other thing you need to remember is that when God became man in Jesus what he did was place himself in the very heart of your being. He is closer to you than you are to yourself. The world around you seems dark because it is. It is scarred by sin. But Jesus is in the heart of it to make all things new.

What you need to do is start small. Create a little spark. Volunteer to do some little, insignificant thing - at the food bank, visit an elderly person, talk with someone who seems left out and lonely, do a chore without being asked, give someone a compliment or do something nice for someone you don’t know. Before doing it, offer it to God in prayer but do not have any expectation for yourself. Whatever comes about, accept it, even if it seems to not turn out the way you expected or wanted. The point is you are rising above the darkness by doing something that is “supernatural” to it by being above it. It will have its own effect and not necessarily one you will experience, at first. You will be creating a light in the darkness that will, over time become very bright. Start small but be consistent. God will fuel your fire.

God be with you! :knight1:

 

[schnipdip]

I suspect you’re full of it.

Warning to other posters. OP is a Trial member…keeps saying the same things over and over.

You see, it is people like youself who critisize others for being different. You may act righteous, but deep down you don’t care about anyone but yourself. You may say that you do, but I know from experience that you don’t.

You don’t understand what I am saying. You are to arrogant to understand it. Only a person who has experienced what I have will truly understand. I explained my situation to you so you can understand and maybe help. That is all I was looking for. I am full of truth and pain. You tell people that they should entrust themselves fully with God, when God does nothing. I can entrust myself fully to God and still be in pain, and be lonely.

You act like a riteous person, but a riteous person is sympathetic and understanding to the situation.

Yes, I may not do what the Catholic church tells me to do or to believe in what they want me to believe in. But that is not bad. And no matter what you say about God is your purpose it won’t help.

You may be 53, but you are not any wiser then a 4 year old.

 

[schnipdip]

I have also been through a number of years of the same kind of darkness that you are experiencing.

When you describe God as creating the world and then backing away, that is not quite what he does. Think of the darkness that Jesus experienced on the cross. He was God. He did not back away from darkness, he went through it and came out on the other side to show that we will rise with him. We will all go through dark times and when we are in them they seem endless, but the resurrection is his promise that we will be made new. Don’t give up hope.

The other thing you need to remember is that when God became man in Jesus what he did was place himself in the very heart of your being. He is closer to you than you are to yourself. The world around you seems dark because it is. It is scarred by sin. But Jesus is in the heart of it to make all things new.

What you need to do is start small. Create a little spark. Volunteer to do some little, insignificant thing - at the food bank, visit an elderly person, talk with someone who seems left out and lonely, do a chore without being asked, give someone a compliment or do something nice for someone you don’t know. Before doing it, offer it to God in prayer but do not have any expectation for yourself. Whatever comes about, accept it, even if it seems to not turn out the way you expected or wanted. The point is you are rising above the darkness by doing something that is “supernatural” to it by being above it. It will have its own effect and not necessarily one you will experience, at first. You will be creating a light in the darkness that will, over time become very bright. Start small but be consistent. God will fuel your fire.

God be with you! :knight1:

Thank you for that advice. The only thing is how do I get to the light?

Also, I do volunteer at several places, probably should have mentioned that before.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but when I do help out and do community work and all that, I still feel the same way. Emotionless, lonely, frustrated and confused.
I know I helped out other people and I should feel good about that, but for some strange reason I don’t.

I hate doing this self pity kind of stuff, but it’s just expressing myself of how I feel and what is going on.

 

[Viki63]

Dear friend,
I can remember, at your age, having similar feelings. The only reason I could think of to get out of bed some days was that we might to go a movie once a week. (No movies on TV in those days). I was suffering from mild depression.
I went to a counselor, and his advice was to go away to school, get out on my own, and by implication, get with the business of growing up.
So I did go off to college, and grew up. It took years and was painful at times, but certainly worth it.
You may be depressed. I’d suggest you contact a counselor at school. A lot of people go through similar experiences at your age.
Are you Catholic? God is someone we should fear, I guess, but more important is that if we know him we will grow to love him, because he has done so much for us. Pray, read the New Testament, talk to Jesus. He has a plan for your life. You can’t expect to know what it is when you are so young. And if you show interest in other people, you will have friends. Other people are aching for someone to take an interest in them, believe it or not.
God bless.

 

[Peter_Plato]

Thank you for that advice. The only thing is how do I get to the light?

Also, I do volunteer at several places, probably should have mentioned that before.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but when I do help out and do community work and all that, I still feel the same way. Emotionless, lonely, frustrated and confused.
I know I helped out other people and I should feel good about that, but for some strange reason I don’t.

I hate doing this self pity kind of stuff, but it’s just expressing myself of how I feel and what is going on.

Those things need to be dealt with little by little. You don’t have all the answers, so you are confused. Join the club. You are lonely, seek patiently for a friend or two. You are frustrated because you feel all your troubles are beyond you. They are but God will lead you through them little by little. You are emotionless because your emotions are tired out from being on heightened alert all the time. Give them a break! Trust in God, not yourself. Everything won’t be solved all at once.

Find ways to leave your self behind by total focus on what you do. Only let a small portion of the darkness in when you feel up to it so that you can constructively, truthfully and trustfully deal with it. Otherwise, don’t dwell on any of it. God knows it all exists and he will help you deal with it in stages. He knows the order it will need to be resolved in, you do, too, deep down. But give yourself a break by letting go of it for now and staying actively engaged. Take prayer time to deal slowly with the darkness on your terms, not its terms. God will be there to guide you, just be at peace in interior silence by a saying a short repetitive prayer or the rosary at a regular time each day.