I need your help...

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stmary99

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I am trying to figure out if I should continue a relationship with a Catholic man – we are both divorced and in our late forties.

He has a lot of trust issues and I have perpetuated them by being a bit evasive about my relationships with male friends. They truly are friends - but he’s insanely jealous. He started going through my emails, and text messages and even checking to see if I am where I say I am –

The problem is – I have lied to him. I haven’t been truthful about all my locations because I didn’t want him in my business. He also found flirty text messages with another guy - and that drove him to mistrust -

He has forgiven me for my mistakes, but he still holds stuff over my head… and I am at the point where I know he wants to get engaged this weekend.

I’m trying to figure out - if I should do it. I love him ENORMOUSLY. I feel like I can’t live without him. But, I want to know what to do…

He still monitors my phone and wants to know my location at all times. He also doesn’t like me going out with some girlfriends etc.

What do you think?
 
if you are divorced, you are not free to be engaged to anyone and neither is he. talk to your pastor about your prior marital situation.

if you were free to marry would you really want it to be to someone who stalks you and acts the way he is acting?

why have you come to CAF to ask total strangers what you should do? seems like an odd first post.
 
This sounds suspiciously like another thread that was started here recently that was deleted and the user banned.

In general, I would say that a significant other who feels the need to monitor the other’s communications is a really, really bad sign. Definitely not the time for a relationship to get more serious, and probably a good sign that it should end, too.
 
Another thread? Can you tell me the title - maybe it would be worthwhile for me to read a similar experience.

I am a new member - although I have read about annulments here for quite some time.

Gracias for the advice. I am just feeling very uneasy - because there are so many pros and cons to my relationship with this man. And I don’t really know how to live without him in my life…he is a very good person - in so many ways.

But, I must admit that I have had family say that level of control is not “love”…

I think I just feel as if I’m to blame, because I have not been the most honest with him - he’s the type that says “I’m in going to the store - I’m really going to the store”…and my problem is that there have been times where I’d say I’m going somewhere – and then on the way – a friend will call and I’ll stop by wherever she’s at – and go MIA for an hour or so – and he will think that I’m not only dishonest, but that I’m cheating on him.
 
You are not obligated to report to him. Period. (Apart from the other posters’ legitimate comments regarding your status r/t marriage.) You also are not obligated, for example, to drive three hours each way to work, nor to leave your child behind, nor to give up your job because that’s what he (says he) wants (today).

I would get to a counselor NOW to find out why you even entertain the thought that he might be a reasonable relationship prospect. “Love” does not solve all. And low self esteem which is soothed by even abusive attention is a biiiig problem, and a reason so many women are injured (or GET DEAD) by these men.

Run. Run now. Protect yourself. (Protect your child, as applicable.)
 
You had a response from many members in your last thread.
Nothing will be different here.
You are in a bad place, and are in no position to involve yourself with this person.
Get your life straight, and move on without him.
You can start 100 threads, but the answers remain the same.
You are at a dead end.
 
KnitNut said:
You are not obligated to report to him. Period. (Apart from the otxher posters’ legitimate comments regarding your status r/t marriage.) You also are not obligated, for example, to drive three hours each way to work, nor to leave your child behind, nor to give up your job because that’s what he (says he) wants (today).

I would get to a counselor NOW to find out why you even entertain the thought that he might be a reasonable relationship prospect. “Love” does not solve all. And low self esteem which is soothed by even abusive attention is a biiiig problem, and a reason so many women are injured (or GET DEAD) by these men.

Run. Run now. Protect yourself. (Protect your child, as applicable.)
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Well stated.
 
stmary99 said:
… And I don’t really know how to live without him in my life…he is a very good person - in so many ways.

But, I must admit that I have had family say that level of control is not “love”…

…
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You sound like you can use some counseling yourself. This attitude that “I don’t really know how to live without him” is immature for a mid-forties lady. I went through it with several girlfriends when I was much younger, and believe me, when God closes one door on you, He opens another.

The divorce issue aside, if you wish to further this relationship, you should be aware that this problem won’t end after your wedding. Listen to your relatives; they have the advantage of observing from a more objective point of view. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You might want to check out some of the Catholic singles clubs.
 
stmary99 said:
but he’s insanely jealous. He started going through my emails, and text messages and even checking to see if I am where I say I am –

He has forgiven me for my mistakes, but he still holds stuff over my head… and I am at the point where I know he wants to get engaged this weekend.

He still monitors my phone and wants to know my location at all times. He also doesn’t like me going out with some girlfriends etc.

What do you think?
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Good grief. Your own words show he’s no good for anyone. Run!
 
pensmama87 said:
This sounds suspiciously like another thread that was started here recently that was deleted and the user banned.

In general, I would say that a significant other who feels the need to monitor the other’s communications is a really, really bad sign. Definitely not the time for a relationship to get more serious, and probably a good sign that it should end, too.
Click to expand...
It not only sounds like it It is the same person who was banned maybe a couple of weeks ago. Many of us gave her advice Two of us gave advice from our own personal experiences, however we were smart enough to get out of those relationships and if you read her later posts on this thread you will see that she has been banned this time around also Thank you pensmama87 for pointing this out.
 
Pianistclare is right This is your third thread and we will continue to give you the same advice ,
 
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