I never wanted kids am I going to be alone forever

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Happy1033

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So here’s the deal: I love kids and I even worked at some daycares for about 5 years. I’ve come to the realization that I never want children. My fear is that because I never want kids I may never find the man of my dreams. Almost every guy I talk to has tried convincing me to have children. Deep down I don’t want kids because they’re a lot of work, I like my freedom and I love my disposable income. What should I do? All I want is a good Catholic man to love and grow old with. I want a lifetime of memories what a loving man. Any advice?
 
Happy1033 said:
Deep down I don’t want kids because they’re a lot of work, I like my freedom and I love my disposable income. What should I do? All I want is a good Catholic man to love and grow old with. I want a lifetime of memories what a loving man. Any advice?
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A permanent intention against children is an impediment to valid marriage.

If you do not want children, then you do not marry.
 
What does your pastor say?
I counted 15 “I” statements. Even if you don’t have children, you will have to give of yourself to another to have a loving marriage. It’s 100-100. Not 50-50.
I would suggest some counseling to figure out why you have such an aversion to family.
I will pray for peace for you.
 
I’m going to approach this from a different perspective.

Why do you want marriage? I know one struggle I’ve had personally is that, if you don’t want to enter a community, the options can seem to be “marriage and children” or “not having any real relationships.” It’s hard to figure out how to chart a fulfilling life where you can serve God in a way that doesn’t involve marriage, but it can be done.
 
I want to get married because I want someone to share my life with and grow old with and have a lifetime of memories with. I want a man to wake up next to for the next 60 years. I just never want kids. If that means getting married in my 40s I’m fine with that. Think about it for a second. do you want to be alone for the rest of your life?
 
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Dunno what advice to give. For me, I would like both to have a husband and children. Life or happiness is best when it is shared.
 
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I grew up in a male-dominated household. Man’s word unfortunately is law. But after witnessing my uncle cancel my 10 year olds cousins birthday because he didn’t want to pay for it and the way my aunt just folded for him I don’t think I want to get married anymore. I don’t know it’s weird I don’t want to be submissive to a man the rest of my life. I want to live my life on my terms. And I don’t have to get married to make it to heaven.
 
If you say you do not want to be submissive and don’t need a man to get to heaven, you have the free will not to get married and stay single. Not everyone is called or want to be married, that is fine.
 
It might be worth talking to your priest or a Catholic counselor about that. A lot of people practice forms of marriage that are not healthy, and if the examples you see are not healthy that can influence you.
 
You say that you want a husband but no children, then you say you want to live life on your own terms. These intentions aren’t mutually compatible.

You need to figure out which of them is more important to you, then proceed from there.
 
I think you’re viewing your potential future as a rehash of your past, but this will only come true if you carry on doing so.

Not all men act as the ones in your family do. Not all upbringings will be the same as yours. If you’re struggling, I recommend talking to someone about it.
 
Happy1033 said:
I want to live my life on my terms.
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Even if you marry and never have children, you won’t be “living life on your own terms”. You will need to consider what your spouse thinks about a lot of things- how to divide holidays, how to manage money, where to live, what kind of home to buy, etc. It can be a big adjustment from doing whatever you want to having to consider how much money you can spend without discussing it or forgoing a holiday with your own family so that you can see the in-laws.

If you truly want freedom and disposable income more than anything else, I’d say marriage is not for you right now, regardless of your intention not to have children.
 
A ‘good Catholic man’ will, by definition, want a marriage that is open to children.

Are you willing to marry a ‘bad Catholic man’ or maybe a ‘good non-Catholic man’?

In any case, you have multiple desires, some of which are not compatible. Spend some time figuring out which are most important to you.
 
I would encourage some counseling. I agree with pianistclaire, lots and lost of “I” statements. Marriage isn’t about “I”, it’s about “we”. And, marriage is a vocation of sacrifice for the other.

Based on your other post, it sounds like some cultural issues more than religious ones. Get some counseling, you’ve had some poor examples of married love in your life and those are probably skewing your views.

The “I” statements are troubling, you sound quite selfish and materialistic. That could be your age. But it is probably a good thing to talk about with your pastor-- how to grow in virtue and not be about “disposable income” and all your “free time”. How are you using those for good, for charity, for bettering the world and living out Christ’s call to mission?
 
Are you ok? You sound very angry and very upset. especially with men. I agree with 1ke you might need someone to talk too, you don’t sound like you ‘like’ men very much or have any respect for them. If you are looking for a life partner as in marriage (which isn’t possible without at least being open to children) shouldn’t you at least like men and think they are worth spending your time with, let alone making sure you are worth their time.

I think you should spend some time making you happy with yourself first, once you are happy with yourself then you can be happy with someone else. The danger if you don’t learn to love yourself first is that you attract bad guys and that is not going to help you one way or another. You are called to love your neighbour as yourself
 
1ke said:
Based on your other post, it sounds like some cultural issues more than religious ones. Get some counseling, you’ve had some poor examples of married love in your life and those are probably skewing your views.
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This was my impression as well.

I also had a bit of overcorrection towards selfishness for a while, in part from being told for years that the sole purpose of my life was to take care of a man and raise children. A certain amount of “I want to live my life for me and not for a man” is normal as you rebalance things.

In addition to counseling, I would see if you can find a priest who can advise you on proper Catholic marriage doctrine.
 
Happy1033 said:
I want to get married because I want someone to share my life with and grow old with and have a lifetime of memories with. I want a man to wake up next to for the next 60 years. I just never want kids. If that means getting married in my 40s I’m fine with that. Think about it for a second. do you want to be alone for the rest of your life?
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So would your plan be “no sex till menopause”?
 
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When you wake up five or fifteen years down the road and realize that the guy you married is not perfect, he snores, he likes to spend his evenings with his friends instead of you, he spends money recklessly, or some such, it’s nice to have children to visit and spend time with. Kids are a lot of work: anything worth doing is a lot of work! Do you really expect to get through life without a lot of work? Freedom and disposable income: both are nice but the thing is, life can throw you curve balls at any time. If being happy is your goal, you may get thrown more than one, because God wants to turn us into saints, and to do that he sometimes needs to rain on our parades.

I really never liked children until I had my own; now I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
 
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