I now understand why people get a divorce

[dulcissima]

Wow.
Something that I can’t wrap my brain around is the seemingly opposite points of view w/in Catholicism. IE…the saints of old/writers/mystics who proclaim suffering, giving up our rights, yielding, turning the other cheek, etc, VS what this priest said?
Believe me, I’m in a situation with a husband who has “checked out” — not looking for work, spends hours and hours studying football plays for my 14 year old to try…It’s like I’m going insane trying to handle everything here AND stay charitable/Catholic/Christian…? BTW, my family is not Catholic. I go back and forth with this issue, yet knowing that God Himself is the dividing line in terms of what an individual should do w/ particular circumstances…when we seek Him earnestly.

DH is losing sleep, yet during the day is just as calm as a cucumber…no discussion, no plan, no nothing. Inside I am screaming out “Make a decision! You want me to respect and abide by your decisions, so make one!” AAHHH. Give me grace, oh God…

Is your husband suffering from some sort of mental illness?

 

[gretahope]

Is your husband suffering from some sort of mental illness?

He’s been depressed, for sure, since we met. He just doesn’t get it.

I believe very strongly that he is, however he is SO not aware of himself and this possibility that he has never gone to counseling. Only now (just yesterday) was his first counseling appt, b/c his doctor told him that his serious illness could be psychosomatic or from simply holding things in/denying reality, etc. He is an ACOA where his Mom did not deal or set boundaries with the alcholoism. So that’s how he deals with life. It’s to the point of insanity around here. Even with lo the many marriage counseling scenarious we’ve been through, the counselor was always stunned with the “everything’s fine” look about him, when I was begging for help and telling the true stories about our lives.

Yesterday at my doctor’s appt, the ARNP I see essentially told me to separate from him for my health (mental and physical) and my children’s mental health.

 

[katy]

Wow.
Something that I can’t wrap my brain around is the seemingly opposite points of view w/in Catholicism. IE…the saints of old/writers/mystics who proclaim suffering, giving up our rights, yielding, turning the other cheek, etc, VS what this priest said?
Believe me, I’m in a situation with a husband who has “checked out” — not looking for work, spends hours and hours studying football plays for my 14 year old to try…It’s like I’m going insane trying to handle everything here AND stay charitable/Catholic/Christian…? BTW, my family is not Catholic. I go back and forth with this issue, yet knowing that God Himself is the dividing line in terms of what an individual should do w/ particular circumstances…when we seek Him earnestly.

DH is losing sleep, yet during the day is just as calm as a cucumber…no discussion, no plan, no nothing. Inside I am screaming out “Make a decision! You want me to respect and abide by your decisions, so make one!” AAHHH. Give me grace, oh God…

There is a difference between what the priest was referring to and what the mystics were talking about. I’m not good enough at explaining it myself; maybe someone else can do it better. In part it involves whether the situation is something you can do anything about yourself, how this affects the children involved, if staying becomes enabling. The mystics, I think, were talking about not seeking revenge and using the suffering for good by giving it to God. My heart goes out to you because there is a similar situation in my family and it is causing so much pain. Al-anon has helped the wife involved. I would suggest you look into it if you have not already. God bless.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Wow.
Something that I can’t wrap my brain around is the seemingly opposite points of view w/in Catholicism. IE…the saints of old/writers/mystics who proclaim suffering, giving up our rights, yielding, turning the other cheek, etc, VS what this priest said? (

You put that very well. It’s something that I have always had trouble understanding also. Family issues are one case, and another is being ripped off by employers, employees, merchants, etc. When is it good to turn the other cheek, and when is it good to fight? My personal opinion is, when in doubt, turn the other cheek. Another reply here also mentioned that having children involved, or enabling the bad behaviour, are also issues to consider. And, yet somehow, it doesn’t seem that it should be a calculus of “this is why I should yield” vs. “this is why I shouldn’t yield”.

Sorry, no help, apart from encouraging the question!

 

[gretahope]

You put that very well. It’s something that I have always had trouble understanding also. Family issues are one case, and another is being ripped off by employers, employees, merchants, etc. When is it good to turn the other cheek, and when is it good to fight? My personal opinion is, when in doubt, turn the other cheek. Another reply here also mentioned that having children involved, or enabling the bad behaviour, are also issues to consider. And, yet somehow, it doesn’t seem that it should be a calculus of “this is why I should yield” vs. “this is why I shouldn’t yield”.

Sorry, no help, apart from encouraging the question!

Thanks, and yes…this makes for a quandry for us.
Know of Jeanne Guyon? She had a marriage that was horrible, wrote a book called “Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ.” Yet…I don’t mean to be disrespectful, being in prison literally she wasn’t in prison in her marriage.

I need to look her up again

 

[Irishmom2]

Your husband is sick. He needs help. Period. Personally, I favor a family intervention where you inform him of the new ‘rules’ of your relationship and finances. If he doesn’t comply, then you stick to your guns until he does.

I think this says it all. He needs to know that things have changed, that you have changed and your life and his are going to change. Then read him the new rules and stick to your guns. Enable him no longer.

Check out episodes of the show Intervention online. It will help you to see about the bottom line and putting things into words for best effect.

May God bless you and guide you to a new beginning that will hopefully, but maybe not include your husband getting the help he needs. Go for help for yourself even if he won’t go.