I really don’t know which religion I believe to be the right one to follow…I don’t trust myself anymore to discern what God wants me to do. On certain topics I can see the catholic perspective, but I can also understand the Protestant etc perspective.
I once thought God had called me to the mormon church but that went wrong, I went to a hillsong conference and loved it…it rekindled my faith in Jesus (I’d been wavering). I don’t agree with everything Pentecostals do. I used to be certain on no women priests and now through reading I am not so sure.
In truth I feel like I can never know, I’m relying on passed down messages/translations by men being accurate. Every denomination appears to have their evidence of callings, miracles etc…why would God grant miracles to a church that was wrong? But they can’t all be right?
I know most of you are devout catholics now but have any of you felt like this, like there isn’t a church for you?
Well yeah…my whole life until I was in my late 40’s, I was a spiritual mess. I self-identified, (and took vows), as Buddhist (Jodo Shinshu). I was raised in a “culturally” Lutheran home, but no real church going after about 9 years old. As a Buddhist, (or at least the type of Buddhist, I was), I was open to all sorts of other ideas as well. I took a spell in Urantia, Castaneda (Hopi sorcery), read Jane Roberts, Edgar Cayce, etc., Experimented with Christianity some with the Foursquare’s and the Baptist’s (2 years?). Went to the Lutherans for about a year. During a very difficult period of my life in my forties, I decided it was time to find out about truth. Real truth. I figured, (and was correct), that it might lead me to Christ. I suppose I started falling in love with Jesus in about 2003, during this difficult time, and while discussing religion a great deal with a Methodist friend at work. I got into the bible a bit, and started looking at the gospels in ernest. We would discuss Buddhism vs. Methodist Christianity, and Christianity eventually won out for me. Now…there are bunches of Christian denominations, all with a different twist or take on this or that. This didn’t seem reasonable to me from the standpoint of universal truth. During a move across country around 2004, I had a kind of intercessory spiritual experience. While at a truck stop, I was literally drawn to buy an audio book which purported to be about Revelation, (the most mysterious book of the bible). I was reading some apocalyptic fiction at the that time, and I thought this might be God telling me in some way that He was going to open up Revelation for me. The audio book was called “The Lamb’s Supper”, and it was by, what turned out to be, a Catholic apologetics author by the name of Scott Hahn. I had never heard of the guy at the time. I was, I suppose, because of my friend at work a marginal Methodist by this time, but I remember self-identifying for a brief period as a Buddhist Christian, (I realize now that this is an impossible set of clashing principles at the core). Anyway…this book that I really was led to buy, turned out to be a book tying the Revelation of John into the Catholic Mass. There was a particular emphasis on the Eucharist. Something about this book, and the feelings that had made me buy it, etc. really hit home. I don’t think I’d ever really been to a Catholic mass, and I couldn’t wait to get to my destination in order to get to one.
Long story short, I got to a mass. I was moved to tears. I got my Atheist wife to go with me. She had an experience as well. We both looked into RCIA. We enrolled, and conversion of heart ensued. We were brought into the fullness of the Catholic Church, confirmed and had first Eucharist on Easter Vigil of 2006. There has been no looking back. Now a couple conversions, does not mean the Church is the universal truth. But I just wanted to say that the spiritual “tug” came first. I then began to read about truth with every spare second I could put together. The Bible, Aquinas, Augustine, Kreeft, Hahn, the Fathers, Sheen, and have found myself completely immersed in what I am sure is the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church founded by Jesus Christ himself, and which has been with us through the Apostolic age, the Patristic Age, survived the “reformation”, and which still exists today in stark defiance to the cultures which have risen and fallen by the score over the centuries. All other comers have shown themselves to have some of the universal truths in their doctrine and faith, but only the Catholic Church has seemed to be inexhaustable in it’s documentations, history and tradition. So…yes, I felt most of my life that it was a confusing jumble, and wondered if ANY of them could possess the truth. The Church made the most reasonable and traceable sense to me. I have come to believe it is in fact the visible Church of Jesus Christ, and His bride, which He will come for in the fullness of time. I believe that any Christian saved will be saved through Christ AND His Church (the Catholic Church), even if they don’t ever see the fullness of the Catholic faith, and never convert. It will be because of the truths that their faith DOES possess, and their of love of Jesus Christ.
Sorry for the long post. Just wanted you to know a.) you’re not alone and b.) there’s a singular, universal answer out there, and there is relief from your doubts and wonders. I’ll pray for you. Please pray for me as well.
The Lord’s Peace be with you
