I really don't like my Dad

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I love my Dad, but I don’t like him. Does this make sense? I have a laundry lists of reasons why going all the way back to when I was a child. What makes it even harder is right now I have to live at my parents with my husband and children because of economical issues. I get so angry and frustrated, and I feel hatred in my soul…but I am trying to remember that God wants me to honor my mother and father…and Saint Paul says bear in one anothers sufferings and pray for one another… It’s just so hard to do. I’m always complaining, I am always stressed out, I am always angry…I just wish I had my own place, but I know, God knows, I don’t want to be here, but for some reason unknown to me, he wants me here. So I am trying to accept my situation as God calling me to become more holy…I know I need to learn to accept people for their imperfections, but its so hard!! Especially when you live with them!!
 
Stuff like this is hard when we have bad thoughts about other people, especially ones that we see on a day-to-day basis. Feelings are feelings. We cannot help them. Try to just let the feelings pass and observe them. It is easier said than done unfortunately. Try to “walk the talk” :). Withhold from showing these feelings. If you really need to say something, say it to yourself happily. I have a problem with anger and this actually relaxes me. I am NOT telling you to cope with these things. I am telling you to observe the feeling and let God let it float away. The rosary calms the mind if time is available. I hope this helps you. Take care!
 
Love is difficult but you have to keep trying. This is a cross for you and you have to try your best in accepting the difficulties. This is totally me with my parents but you have to just try your best everyday. Take it one day, maybe even one situation at a time. I’ve been learning more to ignore the things that bug me about them because now I expect them. And then knowing this I try to counteract with kindness. You have to remind yourself each day and really work on your relationship with each opportunity. Even if he never changes at least you will become kinder and more tolerant of these things. I know it may not seem that way but for some they don’t have it as lucky as moving back with parents. Some just end up homeless. So perhaps you need to see the situation in a different way. Always try to move forward everyday. Make sure you pray everyday about it and really pour out your heart. Jesus knows your pain and wants you to rely on him. Perhaps you can ask him to use your suffering as a way to purify your heart.

I pray that God helps you in your difficult times.:gopray:
 
Without hearing any specifics or any reaction from him, it’s hard to say if you’re being fair to him.

One thing that’s fairly likely is that he is struggling to get along with having two families live in the same house. And at the risk of sounding sexist, my wife has explained (and demonstrated - 😉 ) how difficult it is having two “women of the house” in the same place. It’s like having two cats with their tails tied together. Having an adult child living in the house is one thing; having their entire family there quite another in terms of stress and possible clashes.

In times like this it might be helpful to sit at least two or three times a day and imagine all the outcomes that you could have had, and how much better the one your currently in compares. Of course it’s still your parents’ house, and even though you have your own habits and parenting style, you should still subject yourself to their authority.

That is, unless he’s being totally unreasonable or abusive or has other serious problem.

Why you are so angry could be due to lots of things, with as many formulas for getting over it. Since you have issues with the way you are brought up, then I’m guessing the anger problem is within your own “outer self” as some people would call it, not the “inner self” that is made in the image of God.

Also ask your parents what can you do to help them around the house, especially things that may be hard for them to do themselves. The more you participate in helping to build up the household, perhaps the more you will find common ground with them and less room to disagree.

Alan
 
One other things you might do is figure out the root cause of the anger.

One family I know of, for example, tends to turn pain and fear into anger. That is, when something scares them, they seem to turn angrily on each other, and they will blame whoever isn’t in the room for whatever. Like if one is in the hospital, those in the waiting room will put down those who aren’t there for not being there – as if that would help anything. For some reason they have become conditioned to react to their problems with anger and blame. It doesn’t make much sense to me, but there it is. Just be sure that your anger isn’t a simple reaction to your stressful situation.

Alan
 
"Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." (MT 9:13)

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark
 
May The Lord keep you and Bless you and yor family in this stressful feeling. It is a shame you can’t let go of these very old feelings and start over.
 
Roxygirl1488 said:
I love my Dad, but I don’t like him. Does this make sense? I have a laundry lists of reasons why going all the way back to when I was a child. What makes it even harder is right now I have to live at my parents with my husband and children because of economical issues. I get so angry and frustrated, and I feel hatred in my soul…but I am trying to remember that God wants me to honor my mother and father…and Saint Paul says bear in one anothers sufferings and pray for one another… It’s just so hard to do. I’m always complaining, I am always stressed out, I am always angry…I just wish I had my own place, but I know, God knows, I don’t want to be here, but for some reason unknown to me, he wants me here. So I am trying to accept my situation as God calling me to become more holy…I know I need to learn to accept people for their imperfections, but its so hard!! Especially when you live with them!!
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honor does not mean “like” it means “love” and especially with our parents (and from the other end, our children) it is hard to reach the stage of the disinterested love that is wholly about desiring only good for that person without the conflicting emotions of a close relationship coloring that love.

my personal opinion is that you are reading the situation correctly, that God has given you and your parents, especially your father, this time together for a reason, and that healing whatever is hurtful in your relationship may be part of the reason.

Hopefully now as an adult with children of your own you can in this time see your father as a person, a man with his own qualities, gifts and failings in his own right, outside the lens of a daughter. It is St. Therese I think who is the saint of growing in holiness through daily living with difficult people, so prayers to her are indicated.

I only wanted to add, it is my own experience but borne out by testimony of many good people, Jeff CAvins comes to mind, that our own spiritual growth is limited, especially our relationship wtih God the Father, if we are unable to heal the relationship with our earthly father, including forgiveness.
 
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