I really need some help

[iloveyou01]

My boyfriend really hurt me tonight. He is drinking and told me we are done, and that he will be dead soon. He said he cant love me anymore, and some other things.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him go. I keep messaging him and calling him and he isn’t picking up the phone, which is worrying me even more. He lives in the next city and I can’t go now to see him because there are no buses or anything available. I’m waiting for the soonest bus and then I’m leaving to his house. He lives with his parents, but they really don’t like me and told him not to talk to me anymore, which is another thing that really hurt me inside.

I feel really sad. I feel like I have failed him. I don’t understand why he needs to drink. Why he said we are done, why he keeps giving up. This isnt the first time he said these things to me. I love him so much. I don’t know how to live without him. I need him. He is everything to me. I’ve been with him for 6 years. Can somebody please provide me with some advice. This is really breaking my heart.

 

[KLJM12]

My boyfriend really hurt me tonight. He is drinking and told me we are done, and that he will be dead soon. He said he cant love me anymore, and some other things.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him go. I keep messaging him and calling him and he isn’t picking up the phone, which is worrying me even more. He lives in the next city and I can’t go now to see him because there are no buses or anything available. I’m waiting for the soonest bus and then I’m leaving to his house. He lives with his parents, but they really don’t like me and told him not to talk to me anymore, which is another thing that really hurt me inside.

I feel really sad. I feel like I have failed him. I don’t understand why he needs to drink. Why he said we are done, why he keeps giving up. This isnt the first time he said these things to me. I love him so much. I don’t know how to live without him. I need him. He is everything to me. I’ve been with him for 6 years. Can somebody please provide me with some advice. This is really breaking my heart.

The best advice would be to look into some counselors that he can contact about his drinking problem and suicidal ideation, break up with him, and never talk to him again.

Love is not an emotion. Just ask any couple that has been married for decades. It is an action. You actively love someone, like you actively practice tennis or volleyball. Sometimes you enjoy playing, other times you wish you were doing something else, but either way you continue to practice. So loving him is something you can choose to stop doing. That is not to say that you do not like/lust after him and have an emotional connection with him that will cause you to feel an emtional pain after you break-up though.

Your boyfriend sounds emotionally unstable and, from your post, it sounds as though he also has a drinking problem.

 

[admonsta]

Take three deep breaths.

Now stop trying to contact him tonight. Both of you need space to clear your heads, and any attempts to sort it now would be futile (mostly because he’s been drinking).

Now say a prayer to Our Lady for help and protection for both of you.

Alcohol is very addictive, and the nature of addiction is that it’s very hard to recognise that you have a problem. Your brain keeps telling you that you are under control when you really aren’t. It’s rife in my family, I’ve seen it destroy many lives and unless the alcoholic wants help, there’s very little you can do.

You say he is everything to you, that needs to change. It’s very unhealthy to be totally dependent on another person, no matter how wonderful they are. So, even if things were patched up, you need to look at your own attitude and try to find ways to become more independent. For example, I have a husband and we’ve been married for eleven years, were together for 7 years before that. He’s my best buddy, has given me six beautiful children. I’d be devastated if he were taken from me.

But I would go on. I wouldn’t want to but I would do it. I know that God wants me to live my life the best I can, even when horrible things happen and the things I cherish are taken away. It is always worth remembering the four last things. Remember them every day - Death, Judgement, Heaven and Hell. Keep these things in mind often and your attitude will adjust to what is truly important in life. Not a boy, but your (and his) eternal life.

So what to do about him now? Pray for comfort and for the right thing (whatever it is) to happen. Pray for his difficulty with alcohol. Pray for the strength to do what is right and for wisdom.

Let some time pass before you contact him again, do it when he’s sober and maybe write down all your thoughts beforehand. Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.

 

[kmuestwin]

Break up with him.

If he doesn’t feel like he can love you after six years then he doesn’t need to be a part of your life. You said it yourself: “This isn’t the first time he has said these things to me.” He’s been thinking about this for a while.

A continued relationship with this person is only going to cause you more anguish.

Look at this list from just what you mentioned:

1. He’s a heavy drinker.
2. He’s depressive
3. His parents aren’t supportive of your relationship and are actively working against it.
4. You feel like he’s everything to you
5. He has obviously given up on the relationship.

You need to spend some time apart. You both need to learn to be happy alone that way you can spend some time focusing on what you want for a future.

You are worth someone who loves you and who wants to be with you. Six years is a long time and a lot of effort to put into a relationship but if a ship is sinking there comes a time when you should stop bailing water and start trying to swim for shore.

Please break up with him. Neither of you are happy.

I’m not saying any of this to hurt your feelings. I just want you to have a great life with someone who loves and respects you. I don’t see it happening with this relationship.

 

[Jeffgo]

If you think he’s going to hurt himself (ie: saying that he’ll be dead soon), you may want to let the authorities know so that he won’t hurt himself.

 

[JRKH]

I note that you posted an almost identical thread to this one exactly one year ago.
(To any reading this thread it might be good to check out the other one.)

It seems little has changed in your relationship this year…

My advice is that you do NOT go and see him today…Instead, make an appointment with your pastor and speak to him about this matter. Priests have “heard it all” and can give you sound advice on how best to move forward.
We have too little information about you or this boy to give any useful advice.

Peace
James

 

[TheRealJuliane]

My boyfriend really hurt me tonight. He is drinking and told me we are done, and that he will be dead soon. He said he cant love me anymore, and some other things.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him go. I keep messaging him and calling him and he isn’t picking up the phone, which is worrying me even more. He lives in the next city and I can’t go now to see him because there are no buses or anything available. I’m waiting for the soonest bus and then I’m leaving to his house. He lives with his parents, but they really don’t like me and told him not to talk to me anymore, which is another thing that really hurt me inside.

I feel really sad. I feel like I have failed him. I don’t understand why he needs to drink. Why he said we are done, why he keeps giving up. This isnt the first time he said these things to me. I love him so much. I don’t know how to live without him. I need him. He is everything to me. I’ve been with him for 6 years. Can somebody please provide me with some advice. This is really breaking my heart.

Get some therapy. To spend 6 years of your life this way points to your own issues. Why would you accept this sort of relationship and want more of it? Your boyfriend needs help and so do you. Let him go and get help for yourself.