I recieved a message from god!

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mattjtayl

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I am starting to believe I have been called by god. I have to tell you about a strange dream I had when I was an 11 year old child, it still haunts me this day.

The year is 1993. I am fast asleep in my dream:

*I hear a loud boom inside my garage. I go to see what has happened. When I open up the door I see a strange car with all kinds of grafiti on it.

The car lights are blinding my vision, but I think I see what looks like alien life form in the vehicle. An inisiduous vasuline smell fills my nostils.

Out of the vehicle step two identical twin aliens. They tell me they are my guardian angels and have been sent here by god to warn me if I don’t stop watching porn I was going to burn in hell.

They then kidnapped me and took me to their mothership where they abducted me while watching one of my father’s porn movies.

My guardian angels told me afterwords they had surgically inserted a tracking device in my privates to track how many times I yanked myself. A full report would be given to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named; aka GOD!

Then I met god. He was a short, dark-skinned man with a bald head, it was Ghandi! Only this time Ghandi had curly blond hair. I kissed his feet and begged his forgiveness. Then I woke up. I was all sweaty and scared, I didn’t play with myself for a whole week. Then I fiqured I was destined for hell.*

As unreal as this might sound this actually was a dream I had when I was 11, what should I do? Do you think a priest could help me or does this kind of help require the assitance of a cardinal?
 
What sounds unreal is not that you had the dream - 11 year old kids have all kinds of weird dreams that mean very little - but that you attach any significance at all to it.

How old are you? Why have you gone (one presumes) for years worrying about a dream you had at the age of 11?

If you’re seriously worried, talk to a counsellor. You won’t get any useful advice over the internet.
 
mattjtayl said:
As unreal as this might sound this actually was a dream I had when I was 11, what should I do? Do you think a priest could help me or does this kind of help require the assitance of a cardinal?
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Probably just continue taking the tablets.
 
mattjtayl said:
I am starting to believe I have been called by god. I have to tell you about a strange dream I had when I was an 11 year old child, it still haunts me this day.

The year is 1993. I am fast asleep in my dream:

*I hear a loud boom inside my garage. I go to see what has happened. When I open up the door I see a strange car with all kinds of grafiti on it. *

*The car lights are blinding my vision, but I think I see what looks like alien life form in the vehicle. An inisiduous vasuline smell fills my nostils. *

Out of the vehicle step two identical twin aliens. They tell me they are my guardian angels and have been sent here by god to warn me if I don’t stop watching porn I was going to burn in hell.

They then kidnapped me and took me to their mothership where they abducted me while watching one of my father’s porn movies.

My guardian angels told me afterwords they had surgically inserted a tracking device in my privates to track how many times I yanked myself. A full report would be given to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named; aka GOD!

Then I met god. He was a short, dark-skinned man with a bald head, it was Ghandi! Only this time Ghandi had curly blond hair. I kissed his feet and begged his forgiveness. Then I woke up. I was all sweaty and scared, I didn’t play with myself for a whole week. Then I fiqured I was destined for hell.

As unreal as this might sound this actually was a dream I had when I was 11, what should I do? Do you think a priest could help me or does this kind of help require the assitance of a cardinal?
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WOW…what kinda of help are you looking for? Removal of the tracking device…I think a doctor would be better to help you than a Priest.
 
Keep yanking until the tracking device falls out. You may have to invest a substantial portion of your savings on hand cream, but I don’t see any other solution.
 
Valke2 said:
Keep yanking until the tracking device falls out. You may have to invest a substantial portion of your savings on hand cream, but I don’t see any other solution.
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Would it be more cost effective to consult a surgeon, assuming medical insurance is in place? Good quality hand cream can run you a pretty penny.
 
Damascus said:
Would it be more cost effective to consult a surgeon, assuming medical insurance is in place? Good quality hand cream can run you a pretty penny.
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You have to balance cost against quality.
 
Check your nose. I think I saw an episode on X-files where the gray’s were big into nose implants.
 
Would it be more cost effective to consult a surgeon, assuming medical insurance is in place? Good quality hand cream can run you a pretty penny.
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Oh I know! So many to choose from. Vitamine E enriched, irish spring scented, coconut scented, rocky mountain scented. Some creams are too watery and dry out quick, others are thick and stay moist a long time.
 
mattjtayl said:
Oh I know! So many to choose from. Vitamine E enriched, irish spring scented, coconut scented, rocky mountain scented. Some creams are too watery and dry out quick, others are thick and stay moist a long time.
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Surely you’re better off using one of the products specially designed for … ahem … yanking purposes :ehh: … although being female I’m not necessarily a true expert in such matters :o
 
allischalmers said:
it must be play time for all the little posters
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Yes, we’re quite good at sorting the wheat from the chaff. There is quite a bit of difference between the OP dreams and Jeanne D’Arc’s dreams. Woulds’t care to comment on that, good sir?
 
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