I Stand Alone

[Furius]

I don’t know if anyone else feels this sort of loneliness. Perhaps it is my own fault that I do not actively get involved in hopes of meeting people my age in the Church who truly accept every teaching as every Catholic should.

I have a best friend who I have known since I was nine. I am 30 now. I am probably closest to him more than anyone else except for my own parents. It is a real ‘David and Jonathan’ type relationship if I may. He is a Christian, who does support me in my faith, and does try to go to Mass and confession. He left the Church a while ago, and has only recently decided to give the Church another ‘look’ after he had many conversations with me discussing it. However, it seems his faith now is wavering, and is now again considering returning to Calvary Chapel while simultaneously attending Mass. This is a step back from a few months ago where he was declaring the Catholic Church to be the true Church seemingly without question. His old objections that I had long answered and he had accepted are now creeping back into his head. I am finding myself in ‘re evangelizing’ again.

This of course is devastating for me because I thought that I truly had my best friend on the same page as I when it came to the objective truth of the faith. It was my lone ‘Holy Spirit’ success story and now it appears that is faltering.

I just wanted one person, one friend, that was in the Faith. Even Catholics at my Church seem to be farther from the Church than even my friend is. Cafeteria Catholicism is rampant. I just want one person in my life that I don’t have to evangelize. I just want one person where when I say the words, “And as the Magisterium teaches…” that they just nod and go, 'Yep, I’m on board!" where I don’t have to qualify everything and spit out facts backing up a position that is objective magisterial teaching.
I am a debater by nature. I love a good discussion and back and forth dialogue. But I have to say, its taxing doing that all the time. Sometimes I just want to know I can call up my buddy and just relax in the knowledge that we are in it together. I just don’t seem to have that.

Not too long ago, I got the chance to sit down and have a conversation with our pro life group’s former president. Now I am a 30 year old white guy, she is a 65ish year old black woman. If there were two people that would appear not to see eye to eye on anything it would probably be us picked out of the line up. We have completely different life experiences, different generations, different racial cultures (African American vs Italian American). But…we shared the faith. Talking to her was one of the most refreshing conversations I ever had. This woman herself has had it rougher than me as pro life advocate. She has been spit on and yelled at, cursed and slandered.

I sat there for 2 hours talking to her. Everything I said, she just would nod and agree. Everything she said was spot on and amazing as well. It ended up being her who said what I had been feeling but it still hadn’t hit me yet. She said, "ya know, its just so refreshing to speak with someone who you see completely eye to eye with.’
I was ready to propose to her, lol, it was so wonderful.

And then, we parted. Maybe to meet again, maybe not. The loneliness creep in on me like a dark stormy overcast. I even thought to myself, ‘well there goes the first orthodox person I’ve probably ever met in person…hope to see you in heaven.’

Sometimes I think, ‘well, you could just stop caring and go along to get along.’ But this is simply not an option. Oh well, here I am feeling sad and lonely, while my brothers and sisters are being murdered in Iraq. This is definitely a Catholic ‘first world’ problem, but still, I am so desperate for a friend, preferably my age, that I can be totally unified in the Catholic Faith with.

I guess it wasn’t said “Athanasius contra mudun” for nothing huh?

 

[Holly3278]

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely Furius. Please know that I am extending my hand of friendship to you. Feel free to send me a PM if you’d like. And yes, I am 100% orthodox. I am definitely not a cafeteria Catholic. I converted to Catholicism in 2006 and I firmly believe with all of my heart that every single one of the Church’s teachings are true.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

Of the people I know, the person who I am closest to seeing eye to eye with is a protestant friend from back in high school. And by “close to seeing eye to eye with” what I actually mean is that we both recognize that faith is important, that doctrines can’t be discarded because they aren’t PC these days, and that logic can’t be ignored in issues of faith just to avoid making some people upset. We disagree about and debate pretty much every detail beyond the truth of Scripture and its more obvious contents.

So in a culture where it’s a breath of fresh air to find a person who is willing to profess that some things are true, that some things are false, and that we ought to live our lives according to the truth whether it’s pleasant or not, let alone finding someone who actually accepts what the truth actually is, I can definitely see where you’re coming from.

Of course, I am also pretty introverted, so it could be that serious Christians are all over the place and I just haven’t noticed. Lots of posters on these forums accept Catholicism fully, and presumably they actually exist out in the real world somewhere. Perhaps becoming active in a group such as the Knights of Columbus would help you find some of them near you. But yeah, sometimes it seems like even being a Christian who believes that Christianity is important, let alone being a Catholic who believes that Catholicism is true, is a rare trait.

 

[Cat]

Your standards are unrealistic, and your motives for seeking friends are self-centered.

You’re looking for friends because of what they can do for you, not for what you can give to them. You’re not looking for friends, you’re looking for copies of yourself. No wonder no one sticks around with you for long.

Look to Jesus as a Role Model. ALL of His friends had no CLUE! Even Peter, the man who would eventually lead Jesus’ Church, was a dullard with a big mouth!

But Jesus loved them all to the point where He said, “My heart is heavy” at the thought of parting from them. He enjoyed being with them, even though they were really dense about spiritual things. Heck, even up to the very end, they thought Jesus was talking about an earthly kingdom!

You don’t have to agree with people to enjoy a game of golf, a trip to a museum, a dinner out, a movie, a day building houses with Habitat for Humanity, an evening ladling soup at your local rescue mission, etc. You can have fun with people who are your polar opposites!

And you can learn a lot from them. Having a diverse group of acquaintances and friends will not dull your faith, but sharpen it! They will make YOU a better person.

Yes, if you’re looking for a marriage partner, I think it’s fair to say that your spouse should be in agreement with you on the majors of the faith, and many of the minors well.

But you’re NOT looking for a spouse (are you?). You’re looking for buds. People to pal around with. People to watch The Game with, or to take walks with, or do whatever it is that you like to do.

You DO like to do things other than go to Church and pray, right?

Relax your impossible standards. You are NOT betraying God and His Church by allowing other people to be who they are. You are NOT betraying God by doing “secular” activities like watching sports, going to the theater, having a picnic, ice skating (especially ice skating–the Bible says that “ice is the breath of God.”)

As you become friends with people and spend time with them, they will see in your life and actions that your faith is real and your Church is true, and hopefully they will be drawn to Jesus through you.

But if you can’t even bring yourself to associate with anyone who isn’t already just like you, then how will ever you be light in a dark world, and help bring others into the Kingdom of God?

How do missionaries do it?! They have to associate and be pals with pagans! Yes when you hear missionaries speak, their love for their pagan friends is deep.

You do likewise.

I’m going to suggest a Protestant book to you. Out of the Saltshaker and Into the World by Rebecca Pippert. It’s a classic book about “friendship evangelism.” You will probably have to search for it on Ebay or some other source of used books, although it may be still in print. It’s excellent, and will show you the way to “earn the privilege of being a Christian witness.”

I hope this post has given you and others “food for thought.”

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

It was the same for me for years: not a single practicing Catholic in my circle of friends. It was awful and I felt very lonely. I just couldn’t be truly myself with all those people whose beliefs and values were different, who liked to ridicule religion, or were indifferent to it.

I then started going around prayer groups in my town in order to meet practicing Catholics. I clicked with one woman, 30 years older than me whose sons were the same age as my husband. I never had a friend like that before (in terms of our differences), but as you say above - we shared the faith. We bonded over that so much more deeply that I ever did with my secular friends whom I knew for years.

That same year I found more practicing Catholics and that was absolutely amazing.

I suggest you start exploring different social groups, prayer groups, organisations and look for friends. It takes time to build a relationship but it is worth making that effort. We need this kind of support and understanding that only people who share our faith can give. At least that has been my experience.

And if you are not already doing it, pray that God sends the right people your way.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

Your standards are unrealistic, and your motives for seeking friends are self-centered.

You’re looking for friends because of what they can do for you, not for what you can give to them. You’re not looking for friends, you’re looking for copies of yourself. No wonder no one sticks around with you for long.

…

Whoa there cowboy. Where did you get this idea? On what planet is wishing to know a couple orthodox Catholics the same as a self centered attempt to avoid discomfort by refusing to associate with anyone who disagrees with Catholicism at all? Did you not read that the OP maintains a close friendship with someone who fell away from the Church, and who’s return is at the moment somewhat tenuous? Where exactly did anyone say that no one who is different in any respect is worth hanging out with, or that it is not possible to have fun with non-Catholics, or Catholics who deny some part of the faith? Did anyone say that they refuse to hang out with anyone who is not perfect in any particular way?

This is a rather scathing attack in reply to a post that, as best I can tell, you didn’t actually read, unless of course you really do think that it is a terrible thing to appreciate being in the company of orthodox Catholics occasionally.

 

[tawny]

You are not alone. Be not afraid, God is with you always.

 

[TheSurvivor]

Your standards are unrealistic, and your motives for seeking friends are self-centered.

You’re looking for friends because of what they can do for you, not for what you can give to them. You’re not looking for friends, you’re looking for copies of yourself. No wonder no one sticks around with you for long.

Yes, if you’re looking for a marriage partner, I think it’s fair to say that your spouse should be in agreement with you on the majors of the faith, and many of the minors well.

I was very surprised at reading your first five or six lines, these could have been more charitable. How does one and who decides which are major teachings and which are minor, and how many minors must be believed? Catholics should align their beliefs with what the Magisterium teaches not with the beliefs of ones spouse.

May God Bless you

 

[mike52ad]

A man was driving along a country road in a land filled with beauty. He was driving seventy-five miles an hour and the beauty along the side of the road to him was a blur. Suddenly he realized that there was a problem with the car, the temperature gauge was showing that his engine was overheating. He slowed to a stop and pulled the car over to the side of the road. He now had nothing but time on his hands while the car cooled down. He opened the door of his car and stepped out. Close at hand on the passenger side of the car was a beautiful meadow, flowers in all the colors of the rainbow bloomed in the afternoon sunshine and the air was filled with their fragrance. Butterflies of great beauty graced the air and landed on the flowers. He was amazed at the beauty that was all around, beauty that he could not see as he travelled to his destination so swiftly. He was grateful for the time he had to wait for his car to cool down. Eventually, the car did cool and after filling the radiator with fluid he went his way, still going fast but now remembering the beauty of the soft butterfly and flower filled meadow.

Your journey you say is one of loneliness. Is it possible that you have your eyes fixed upon your destination so tightly that you are missing what is happening right outside your window?

I married late in life and for sixteen years lived with another bachelor friend and he was truly my best friend, an older brother that I never had. I was Catholic, he said that he was a reformed druid I asked him what that meant and he said that meant he worshipped plywood. During those sixteen years I went to Mass every Sunday. I spent time in prayer every night praying for my friends conversion. At my Church we organized a Bible study and expecting to hear the word “no” I asked my roommate if he would like to attend. I was surprised when he said “yes.” A lot of things happened because of this. Both of us found our wives at Bible study and we were married several months apart. My buddy went through RCIA and became Catholic. A few years later he went through study and was ordained a Permanent Deacon in the Church, all this from a man who at first doubted the existence of God and called himself a reformed druid.

My counsel to you is to plant seeds by being faithful to your Catholic way of life. Your friend is obviously seeking and eventually he will find his way home. Be a good farmer, plant the seeds and let God be responsible for the crop. I would also suggest that you look to find companionship for yourself in your parish. Open your eyes to meadow that God has placed you in, it will make your journey much more enjoyable and fruitful.

 

[Reclaim]

I don’t know if anyone else feels this sort of loneliness. Perhaps it is my own fault that I do not actively get involved in hopes of meeting people my age in the Church who truly accept every teaching as every Catholic should.

I have a best friend who I have known since I was nine. I am 30 now. I am probably closest to him more than anyone else except for my own parents. It is a real ‘David and Jonathan’ type relationship if I may. He is a Christian, who does support me in my faith, and does try to go to Mass and confession. He left the Church a while ago, and has only recently decided to give the Church another ‘look’ after he had many conversations with me discussing it. However, it seems his faith now is wavering, and is now again considering returning to Calvary Chapel while simultaneously attending Mass. This is a step back from a few months ago where he was declaring the Catholic Church to be the true Church seemingly without question. His old objections that I had long answered and he had accepted are now creeping back into his head. I am finding myself in ‘re evangelizing’ again.

This of course is devastating for me because I thought that I truly had my best friend on the same page as I when it came to the objective truth of the faith. It was my lone ‘Holy Spirit’ success story and now it appears that is faltering.

I just wanted one person, one friend, that was in the Faith. Even Catholics at my Church seem to be farther from the Church than even my friend is. Cafeteria Catholicism is rampant. I just want one person in my life that I don’t have to evangelize. I just want one person where when I say the words, “And as the Magisterium teaches…” that they just nod and go, 'Yep, I’m on board!" where I don’t have to qualify everything and spit out facts backing up a position that is objective magisterial teaching.
I am a debater by nature. I love a good discussion and back and forth dialogue. But I have to say, its taxing doing that all the time. Sometimes I just want to know I can call up my buddy and just relax in the knowledge that we are in it together. I just don’t seem to have that.

Not too long ago, I got the chance to sit down and have a conversation with our pro life group’s former president. Now I am a 30 year old white guy, she is a 65ish year old black woman. If there were two people that would appear not to see eye to eye on anything it would probably be us picked out of the line up. We have completely different life experiences, different generations, different racial cultures (African American vs Italian American). But…we shared the faith. Talking to her was one of the most refreshing conversations I ever had. This woman herself has had it rougher than me as pro life advocate. She has been spit on and yelled at, cursed and slandered.

I sat there for 2 hours talking to her. Everything I said, she just would nod and agree. Everything she said was spot on and amazing as well. It ended up being her who said what I had been feeling but it still hadn’t hit me yet. She said, "ya know, its just so refreshing to speak with someone who you see completely eye to eye with.’
I was ready to propose to her, lol, it was so wonderful.

And then, we parted. Maybe to meet again, maybe not. The loneliness creep in on me like a dark stormy overcast. I even thought to myself, ‘well there goes the first orthodox person I’ve probably ever met in person…hope to see you in heaven.’

Sometimes I think, ‘well, you could just stop caring and go along to get along.’ But this is simply not an option. Oh well, here I am feeling sad and lonely, while my brothers and sisters are being murdered in Iraq. This is definitely a Catholic ‘first world’ problem, but still, I am so desperate for a friend, preferably my age, that I can be totally unified in the Catholic Faith with.

I guess it wasn’t said “Athanasius contra mudun” for nothing huh?

Have you tried attending a Traditional Latin Mass in your area? It will of course take a little becoming accustomed to – and there will probably be more young families than young singles – but you will certainly find orthodoxy.

 

[KindredSoul]

Furius, I just want you to know that what you’re longing for is perfectly reasonable. I find it alarming that you’ve been told, earlier in the thread, that your expectations are unreasonable and selfish, because it’s not as if you’ve said you refuse to be friends with people who are different from you. No, you’d just like to have friends–even one friend–who does share your faith, and shares it fully. That’s not too much to ask.

God didn’t make us to be “lone rangers” as Christians. Even missionaries who immerse themselves in pagan cultures do not usually do so alone. We are intended to have others, a community, who actually share our values. We need fellow practitioners of orthodox Catholicism to be our friends and support, not so that we may shun the friendship of those on the outside, but so that we can draw strength from our brethren as we go out into the world.

I can relate to what you say very much. I do have close friends who are very orthodox now, but at one time I was similarly alone. It was painful. I had close friends and loved ones, but none of them were Catholic. Just like you say, it’s nice to have someone that you can just know that, if the topic of faith comes up, you’re not going to have to argue fifty seven million points just to get them to admit that maybe your beliefs are reasonable. It’s nice to have a friend who just “gets it.”

I’ll be praying for you, Furius. We’re around the same age, but I doubt I live anywhere near you (for one thing, in my immediate area many Catholics I know are orthodox, so you’d have had better luck by now if you lived near here), but if you just need to talk or vent or whatever, feel free to PM me. I know what it’s like.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[marlap2]

There’s nothing selfish about wanting some fellowship and like-mindedness. I feel that way a lot, because in my family of 50, there’s only 2 others who are practicing Catholics. And my church is really really big, and I’ve found some fellowship there, but it’s not always easy. And yes, most of my friends are non-practicing Christians of one type or another.

But once in a while, you just crave some sharing about your love for the Eucharist, or the saints, or Mass. And instead of getting that dull stare back, to have some sharing.

I used to get a lot of joy from volunteering in things that involved some form of evangelization, because like-minded “on-fire” Catholics tend to get into these types of things. We would talk for hours! It was good.

Currently, I’m taking a year off from “works” and concentrating more on a stronger prayer life, and as much daily Mass as type permits. It is definitely lonelier in a outward way, but more amazing in an inward sense.

Praying for you that you find a fellow sojourner. Jesus DID ask us to walk two together. Nothing wrong in craving that.

 

[Xantippe]

I really have to back Cat up on this one–I think the OP does have a very undeveloped view of friendship. His friend needs to be his exact clone or they can’t be friends. It’s definitely a bad sign that his only friend was one he made at 9 years of age, and that friendship is suffering.

I would suggest reading the “Out of the Salt Shaker” book (I read it years ago as a Protestant), engaging both with church and non-church activities (particularly ones with a service component), and reading C.S. Lewis’s “The Four Loves.” It’s a short book about love, and there’s a long chapter on friendship that should be helpful.

This incessant debating is not working for you–how about giving it a rest? Other people–even very orthodox people–find it very tiresome and may give you a wide berth because of it. I know I would.

Also, consider some therapy and get some coaching on social skills. A good priest might be able to recommend a good Catholic or Christian therapist. Also, come to think of it, if there’s a priest that you are particularly impressed by, how about inviting him to lunch (if you have the means) or for a walk if you don’t? You will find that he’s a human being, too, with human flaws, but you may be able to make a friend.

 

[KindredSoul]

I really have to back Cat up on this one–I think the OP does have a very undeveloped view of friendship. His friend needs to be his exact clone or they can’t be friends. It’s definitely a bad sign that his only friend was one he made at 9 years of age, and that friendship is suffering.

Two things.

1. Where has he said that he’s looking for an “exact clone”? He said he wanted to find friends who were orthodox Catholics. I’m surrounded by orthodox Catholics in my city. Does that mean we are all “exact clones” of each other? No.
2. Where has he said that he is unwilling to even be friends if the person doesn’t share his faith? He hasn’t, as far as I can see, nor has he even said his “only friend” was the one he made at age 9. He said that’s his best friend, and the fact that this has been true even when this friend has left the church only proves that he’s willing to be friends with people who don’t share his faith. He’s just lonely for people who do.

I still don’t see anything unreasonable about what he’s seeking. If some people are perfectly content not even having one friend that truly shares in their Catholic faith (orthodoxy and all) then I applaud their resiliency, but I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with wanting friends who do share our faith; that’s different from saying we would not be friends with anyone who doesn’t. And the OP has not said the latter, unless I’m missing something.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[Cat]

Furius, I just want you to know that what you’re longing for is perfectly reasonable. I find it alarming that you’ve been told, earlier in the thread, that your expectations are unreasonable and selfish, because it’s not as if you’ve said you refuse to be friends with people who are different from you. No, you’d just like to have friends–even one friend–who does share your faith, and shares it fully. That’s not too much to ask.

God didn’t make us to be “lone rangers” as Christians. Even missionaries who immerse themselves in pagan cultures do not usually do so alone. We are intended to have others, a community, who actually share our values. We need fellow practitioners of orthodox Catholicism to be our friends and support, not so that we may shun the friendship of those on the outside, but so that we can draw strength from our brethren as we go out into the world.

I can relate to what you say very much. I do have close friends who are very orthodox now, but at one time I was similarly alone. It was painful. I had close friends and loved ones, but none of them were Catholic. Just like you say, it’s nice to have someone that you can just know that, if the topic of faith comes up, you’re not going to have to argue fifty seven million points just to get them to admit that maybe your beliefs are reasonable. It’s nice to have a friend who just “gets it.”

I’ll be praying for you, Furius. We’re around the same age, but I doubt I live anywhere near you (for one thing, in my immediate area many Catholics I know are orthodox, so you’d have had better luck by now if you lived near here), but if you just need to talk or vent or whatever, feel free to PM me. I know what it’s like.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

The OP said, “Perhaps it is my fault that I do not actively get involved…”

The OP said, “Even the Catholics my church seem further away than my friend.”

The OP said, “I want just one person in my life that I don’t have to evangelize.”

Are you getting the impression that the OP is a friendly, non-judgemental type who socializes often and is open to meeting new people and doing things with them? I’m not getting that impression at all.

I certainly agree that the ideal is to have at least one “soul-friend” who is not just a pal, but a sister or brother in Christ through and through.

But the OP has titled their thread, “I stand alone,” and seems to be unable to find any friends, other than that one childhood friend. The OP says, “The loneliness creeps in on me like a dark, stormy overcast.”

Now honestly. With so many people in the world, can the OP truly not find one friendly person to have coffee and chat with? The world is truly that awful? Everyone in his parish is a “Cafeteria Catholic” who isn’t worth associating with? The OP would rather bemoan his “dark stormy overcast” loneliness" rather than associate with a (shudder) “Cafeteria Catholic?”

Why doesn’t the OP find friends among the lowly, the meek, the poor, the elderly, the mentally-ill, the prisoners, the sick, the dying? There are plenty of people who are seeking friendship and companionship. There is no reason at all for the OP to sit in a “dark stormy overcast loneliness.”

In my city, we have a program for the mentally-ill that places the clients in group housing and small apartments. There is always a resident assistant on duty to help them with their meds, and with other tasks of everyday living. These people are adults who have suffered from various conditions like schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, bipolar syndrome, paranoia, addictive personality, etc. for years. They aren’t “cute,” and we’ll never see them on a telethon.

But they are human beings. And they need friends. For years, I have been friends with a woman in this program that I met back in college while she was still “in the community.” She is a delightful person who constantly helps me to see God.

There are plenty of other lonely people–truly lonely people–in that home who NEVER get a visit from family or anyone. They have been abandoned. My heart aches for them, and when I visit my friend, I try to chat with as many as I can. They are so happy to have someone to talk with.

Perhaps the OP could seek out such a place and make some friends. They may not carry on a great “debate” with him (they will possibly get upset if the conversation gets too controversial), but nevertheless, they will show the OP what God looks like.

I did not say “selfish.” I said “self-centered.” There is a difference.

So far I stand by what I posted.

 

[Furius]

Thank you all so much for your responses.

In some posts though, I see there is need for some clarification.

I have my best friend, whom I mentioned. I also have a circle of friends, which I did not mention. And then I have a wider segment of acquaintances. I don’t have any plans are throwing any of them out of my life, and sorry if anyone got that impression. I’m also sorry if anyone got the impression that when I said, ‘see eye to eye’ that I was referring to anything but ‘matters of objective truth handed down by the magisterium’. I was not referring to a need of a ‘clone’, or someone who loves everything I love from movies to music.

What I find to be ironic about this, is that my group of friends is widely diverse. Just the other day I was speaking with my agnostic friend’s sister who happens to be a new age spiritualist. She was relaying her belief system to me and I listened to her and chatted for about an hour. I shared some of my faith and we both enjoyed the chat very much. There was no arguing or overt attacking. When the night was wrapping up, we both agreed that we enjoyed the conversation and that next time we will talk further.

I have fallen away Catholic friends. They think I have lost my mind. I am aware of this. But we still take vacations together and I enjoy myself with them.

I have also in my past had strange acquaintances that many (some whom I’d imagine who took great exception with me) would themselves consider giving a wide berth to. I was friends with a convicted thief and was also a cocaine dealer, whom I had to bail out of jail one morning when I got a call at 7:30 in the morning from our local police department telling me that I had a belligerent friend that told them to call me and they wanted to release him into my custody. He apparently the night before got drunk and became quite disorderly. I got up and went to get him. He had them call me because he knew I was one of very few people who would come to help him.
For the record, all my supposed ‘non judgmental’ free thinking compatriots avoided this guy. I don’t fault them for this. I don’t think people should be expected to put themselves in those positions with people when they know they are unable to help and would only be pulled down by the toxicity of it.
The only reason I don’t see this friend anymore is that he moved away to Alaska and we lost touch.

And also it bears mentioning. I have friends who are rabidly liberal. And we are still friends.

I don’t really like talking about myself with stories such as this that wreak of ‘oh look how open and wonderful I am’, but I guess sometimes when I leave all that out, people get the idea about me that I am something that I am not.

And also there seemed to be another misunderstanding about when I said that I was a ‘debater’ by nature. This is only to say that I do defend the Faith when it comes under attack. If you have a different world view then someone, inevitably there will be a disagreement on an objective truth of the Faith. And yes, I do say, I do defend those truths in whatever capacity I feel the situation calls for. I usually let the person I am talking to dictate the tempo and tone.
However, whenever I experience a disagreement with someone on matters of taste and opinion, I am very easy going. I don’t have a meltdown when someone says they think my favorite band sucks. I don’t get in massive screaming matches over who the best player on the Flyers (my favorite hockey team) is. And yet again, ironically, I have been present for full on shouting matches between friends nearly escalating to violence over everything from playoff match ups to the Beatles vs Elvis.

All I was really saying, was that I long for just a person in my life who shares my Catholic Faith in its entirety. This was not to mean that I wanted ONLY 1 singular friend who shared my Catholic Faith so I could cut off everyone else in my life. I wanted not just to be able to say to someone that I prayed at an abortion clinic, but that I prayed a ROSARY at the abortion clinic and not have to hold that back because I knew they are squeamish about Rosaries. The truth is I have such a deeper joy in my heart, far beyond someone liking my favorite teams and movies, when someone shares my faith. Its because I know that no matter how far apart we are on matters of taste and opinion on everything else, I know that we share together the most important of all things, and in that we are united in a way that transcends all other relationships from friendships to blood kinship.

I don’t really think it is that wrong to desire that. Of course I think it would be wrong for me to ‘expect’ that, but I don’t expect it…I just long for it.

 

[KindredSoul]

The OP said, “Perhaps it is my fault that I do not actively get involved…”

The OP said, “Even the Catholics my church seem further away than my friend.”

The OP said, “I want just one person in my life that I don’t have to evangelize.”

Are you getting the impression that the OP is a friendly, non-judgemental type who socializes often and is open to meeting new people and doing things with them? I’m not getting that impression at all.

I don’t see how any of those quotes mean that the OP is unfriendly and judgmental. The first quote is lamentable, yes, but he may well be shy, introverted, busy, or whatever else.

The second quote sounded like a statement of fact: If the OP has noticed that the Catholics in his parish are not orthodox, then to notice that they are “farther” from orthodoxy than even his friend could well be an observation, NOT a judgment.

And the third quote doesn’t sound unreasonable; the OP may be a little scrupulous (or not) about whether it’s his job to debate with non-Catholics, but that’s hardly snobbery. Again, I certainly took that as a desire to have friends around whom he didn’t have to be “on.” Around whom he didn’t have to be on guard that something he says as a Catholic might just trigger a debate in which he has to “evangelize” by defending his faith.

But the OP has titled their thread, “I stand alone,” and seems to be unable to find any friends, other than that one childhood friend. The OP says, “The loneliness creeps in on me like a dark, stormy overcast.”

See my previous post. The OP has never said–and I even had others read over his post to confirm I wasn’t missing something–that the childhood friend was his only friend. He has never said he has NO friends. “I stand alone” and the quote about the loneliness creeping in seems, in context of his post, to be about feeling isolated from orthodox Catholic. NOT as a statement that he has no friends, or is unwilling to make any friends.

Now honestly. With so many people in the world, can the OP truly not find one friendly person to have coffee and chat with? The world is truly that awful? Everyone in his parish is a “Cafeteria Catholic” who isn’t worth associating with? The OP would rather bemoan his “dark stormy overcast” loneliness" rather than associate with a (shudder) “Cafeteria Catholic?”

He has said nothing of the sort. You’re reading into his post something that was not there.

There are plenty of other lonely people–truly lonely people–in that home who NEVER get a visit from family or anyone. They have been abandoned. My heart aches for them, and when I visit my friend, I try to chat with as many as I can. They are so happy to have someone to talk with.

Perhaps the OP could seek out such a place and make some friends. They may not carry on a great “debate” with him (they will possibly get upset if the conversation gets too controversial), but nevertheless, they will show the OP what God looks like.

The OP has said nothing about whether he does or doesn’t seek to befriend and help people in these situations. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. That’s sidestepping the whole issue though. The OP could be hanging out with non-Catholic orphans, lepers, impoverished, imprisoned, hospitalized people ALL DAY, but if he’s feeling lonely for orthodox Catholic companionship, that’s still going to remain unless he finds the kind of friends he’s looking for. That’s a legitimate need. You said so yourself. So let’s not go about assuming that just because he feels lonely due to lacking that, that it must mean he’s excluding all other types of people.

I did not say “selfish.” I said “self-centered.” There is a difference.

I stand corrected, the difference is noted. I disagree, at least if you think it’s any more self-centered than trying to get any other need or desire met (such as, for instance, wanting friends who treat one well at all), but I note the difference, although I think it’s very subtle and with lots of overlap.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[KindredSoul]

Thank you all so much for your responses.

In some posts though, I see there is need for some clarification.

I have my best friend, whom I mentioned. I also have a circle of friends, which I did not mention. And then I have a wider segment of acquaintances. I don’t have any plans are throwing any of them out of my life, and sorry if anyone got that impression. I’m also sorry if anyone got the impression that when I said, ‘see eye to eye’ that I was referring to anything but ‘matters of objective truth handed down by the magisterium’. I was not referring to a need of a ‘clone’, or someone who loves everything I love from movies to music.

What I find to be ironic about this, is that my group of friends is widely diverse. Just the other day I was speaking with my agnostic friend’s sister who happens to be a new age spiritualist. She was relaying her belief system to me and I listened to her and chatted for about an hour. I shared some of my faith and we both enjoyed the chat very much. There was no arguing or overt attacking. When the night was wrapping up, we both agreed that we enjoyed the conversation and that next time we will talk further.

I have fallen away Catholic friends. They think I have lost my mind. I am aware of this. But we still take vacations together and I enjoy myself with them.

I have also in my past had strange acquaintances that many (some whom I’d imagine who took great exception with me) would themselves consider giving a wide berth to. I was friends with a convicted thief and was also a cocaine dealer, whom I had to bail out of jail one morning when I got a call at 7:30 in the morning from our local police department telling me that I had a belligerent friend that told them to call me and they wanted to release him into my custody. He apparently the night before got drunk and became quite disorderly. I got up and went to get him. He had them call me because he knew I was one of very few people who would come to help him.
For the record, all my supposed ‘non judgmental’ free thinking compatriots avoided this guy. I don’t fault them for this. I don’t think people should be expected to put themselves in those positions with people when they know they are unable to help and would only be pulled down by the toxicity of it.
The only reason I don’t see this friend anymore is that he moved away to Alaska and we lost touch.

And also it bears mentioning. I have friends who are rabidly liberal. And we are still friends.

I don’t really like talking about myself with stories such as this that wreak of ‘oh look how open and wonderful I am’, but I guess sometimes when I leave all that out, people get the idea about me that I am something that I am not.

And also there seemed to be another misunderstanding about when I said that I was a ‘debater’ by nature. This is only to say that I do defend the Faith when it comes under attack. If you have a different world view then someone, inevitably there will be a disagreement on an objective truth of the Faith. And yes, I do say, I do defend those truths in whatever capacity I feel the situation calls for. I usually let the person I am talking to dictate the tempo and tone.
However, whenever I experience a disagreement with someone on matters of taste and opinion, I am very easy going. I don’t have a meltdown when someone says they think my favorite band sucks. I don’t get in massive screaming matches over who the best player on the Flyers (my favorite hockey team) is. And yet again, ironically, I have been present for full on shouting matches between friends nearly escalating to violence over everything from playoff match ups to the Beatles vs Elvis.

All I was really saying, was that I long for just a person in my life who shares my Catholic Faith in its entirety. This was not to mean that I wanted ONLY 1 singular friend who shared my Catholic Faith so I could cut off everyone else in my life. I wanted not just to be able to say to someone that I prayed at an abortion clinic, but that I prayed a ROSARY at the abortion clinic and not have to hold that back because I knew they are squeamish about Rosaries. The truth is I have such a deeper joy in my heart, far beyond someone liking my favorite teams and movies, when someone shares my faith. Its because I know that no matter how far apart we are on matters of taste and opinion on everything else, I know that we share together the most important of all things, and in that we are united in a way that transcends all other relationships from friendships to blood kinship.

I don’t really think it is that wrong to desire that. Of course I think it would be wrong for me to ‘expect’ that, but I don’t expect it…I just long for it.

I’m glad you posted this, Furius.

I think it confirms the way I–and to be sure, most of the others who have responded–read your post to begin with, not as an unfriendly, judgmental post, but just as a desire for someone you can really share your whole faith with. I stand by my assessment that what you want here is perfectly reasonable.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[Furius]

I think you understand well, KindredSoul.

You are so right when you said that I feel I must be ‘on’. That is the feeling that I just would like to be able to be at rest with, with someone…anyone…in my life. Just that one person to accompany that I can be at rest with knowing that they are in the trench with me. I have plenty of friends in other trenches at varying degrees of distance that I am sending over messages from time to time to ‘come join me! I am lonely and besides, its also good for your soul!’

I am also aware of shuts ins and the like who have deeper over loneliness then I. I was certain I had at least alluded to my shame in this when I mentioned at the end of my post about Iraqi Christians being killed while I feel lonely at cocktail parties. I think you understood that my intent was not to show the severe suffering of a son of the church in myself, but rather a sort of ‘hey, I feel this way, maybe you do too’ sort of thing.

Thanks again for your kind words.

 

[KindredSoul]

I think you understand well, KindredSoul.

You are so right when you said that I feel I must be ‘on’. That is the feeling that I just would like to be able to be at rest with, with someone…anyone…in my life. Just that one person to accompany that I can be at rest with knowing that they are in the trench with me. I have plenty of friends in other trenches at varying degrees of distance that I am sending over messages from time to time to ‘come join me! I am lonely and besides, its also good for your soul!’

I am also aware of shuts ins and the like who have deeper over loneliness then I. I was certain I had at least alluded to my shame in this when I mentioned at the end of my post about Iraqi Christians being killed while I feel lonely at cocktail parties. I think you understood that my intent was not to show the severe suffering of a son of the church in myself, but rather a sort of ‘hey, I feel this way, maybe you do too’ sort of thing.

Thanks again for your kind words.

You’re very welcome. As I say, I’ve known that kind of loneliness before, myself, so perhaps I saw a bit of, dare I say it, a “kindred soul” when I read your post.

Glad to know that I’ve understood everything you meant so well. Know that you have my prayers, brother!

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul