I still have not found Him

[walkingslowly]

Will try to make this short.

My wife is Roman Catholic, I am now in RCIA because I feel like its home…but I am missing something. Let me back up a little.

I have always had a bond with the Sanctus Maria, always. The bond is somewhat strong. There is a statue/grotto of Sanctus Maria at our church where you can knee and pray, with candles in which to light. I can spend hours there, which feel like minutes. I feel so protected, safe, and loved when there. When I am not kneeling there, I can sometimes feel a little lost, like a child who misses their mother. Sanctus Maria is always with me, I hear her, feel her. I sometimes wish I could have met her…I sometimes wonder if she knows how much she means to me and how much I need her.

St Francis came into my life like a hurricane. I dreamed of this Saint without prior knowledge of him, I looked him up and he was whom I believe to me in my dream. the following weeks I found prayer cards of him in the most odd places; a bus stop, and a shopping mall. I then attended a mass with my wife, the homily, was about St Francis. So I brought him into my life, I pray to him to intercede many of prayers, and without boasting, he seems to answers (delivers) more of my prayers than I have ever known. As I have always been an environmentalist, and an animal rights activist, I very much enjoyed getting to know him.

So now I have Sanctus Maria and St Francis in my life. Now here is the problem. No Jesus, I go to Church, I don’t feel him, I pray to him and I don’t feel anything, not like when I pray to Sanctus Maria or St Francis. I even pray to them asking them to deliver me to Him, but nothing. Is this normal? what am I am doing wrong? I know some would love to have the relationship with Sanctus Maria and St Francis in which I have, but what use is it if I still lack God…

Although I should be happy…I feel like I am being pushed away, punished, I haven’t had any sort of divine intervention from Jesus welcoming me…I am actually very upset by this…and not sure what to do…

Can anyone give me advice?

 

[Rich_C]

I suggest reading the four Gospels again. Sometimes Our Lord seems inaccessible to me and it helps me to read them again a little bit here and there at bedtime.

I’ll say a prayer for you.

 

[SonCatcher]

Will try to make this short.

My wife is Roman Catholic, I am now in RCIA because I feel like its home…but I am missing something. Let me back up a little.

I have always had a bond with the Sanctus Maria, always. The bond is somewhat strong. There is a statue/grotto of Sanctus Maria at our church where you can knee and pray, with candles in which to light. I can spend hours there, which feel like minutes. I feel so protected, safe, and loved when there. When I am not kneeling there, I can sometimes feel a little lost, like a child who misses their mother. Sanctus Maria is always with me, I hear her, feel her. I sometimes wish I could have met her…I sometimes wonder if she knows how much she means to me and how much I need her.

St Francis came into my life like a hurricane. I dreamed of this Saint without prior knowledge of him, I looked him up and he was whom I believe to me in my dream. the following weeks I found prayer cards of him in the most odd places; a bus stop, and a shopping mall. I then attended a mass with my wife, the homily, was about St Francis. So I brought him into my life, I pray to him to intercede many of prayers, and without boasting, he seems to answers (delivers) more of my prayers than I have ever known. As I have always been an environmentalist, and an animal rights activist, I very much enjoyed getting to know him.

So now I have Sanctus Maria and St Francis in my life. Now here is the problem. No Jesus, I go to Church, I don’t feel him, I pray to him and I don’t feel anything, not like when I pray to Sanctus Maria or St Francis. I even pray to them asking them to deliver me to Him, but nothing. Is this normal? what am I am doing wrong? I know some would love to have the relationship with Sanctus Maria and St Francis in which I have, but what use is it if I still lack God…

Although I should be happy…I feel like I am being pushed away, punished, I haven’t had any sort of divine intervention from Jesus welcoming me…I am actually very upset by this…and not sure what to do…

Can anyone give me advice?

Each of us has a unique way. Jesus has veiled Himself from you for a time (it could be a few days or many years) but in His infinite mercy has sent His mother and one of His meekest servants to show you the way. They will not steer you wrong.

When it is time, He will reveal Himself to you, as well.

I will pray for your journey of faith.

 

[Nan_S]

The element I think you are missing is the Real Presence of Jesus and the reception of the Real Presence of our Lord through the Eucharist.

You know there’s something you’re missing, you want to connect with it, you’re having a little trouble defining it, and so far it feels like you’re knocking on a bunch of doors that won’t open. It’s kind of like Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem as Mary is preparing to give birth, and being turned away at inn after inn. But eventually they found a place, and it was exactly where they needed to be.

I will give you a scripture verse, a prayer, and a story of a man who thought he was seeking a Jesus who was far away, and then discovered the real Jesus had been right there beside him the whole time.

The scripture: Matthew 25:31-40

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’

Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’

And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

The story:

The Fourth Wise Man

The prayer:

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life

You are kneeling in solitary prayer to find Jesus. I challenge you to take your search for Jesus outside the doors of the church, to take your desire to feel His Real Presence and convert it to action, by giving His Real Presence to those who desperately need it. Feed the hungry. Give of your time to those who need a hand. Publicly stand up for what is Right, not because it is easy but because it is Right.

In doing all these things, in seeking Jesus through action, you will discover that He has been right there with you all along. You aren’t being punished. You haven’t been pushed away. The Divine Intervention you seek will come to you in the eyes of a hungry man receiving his first decent meal in a week. It will come to you in the silent thanks from a mother who is ashamed to ask for charity at Christmas, but graciously accepts a toy for her delighted son. It will come to you in the tears of a college student as you change the flat tire on her car.

As an RCIA candidate or catechumen, you are preparing for the reception of the Real Presence of our Lord through Holy Communion at the Easter mass. Our task is to help you understand not only what it is we celebrate, but to prepare to embrace His Real Presence yourself with anticipation, joy, and reverence, and to encourage you to carry forth His Real Presence to the world. May you find Christ and come to know Him as closely as you long for.

 

[lizaanne]

… but what use is it if I still lack God…

Don’t worry if you have not found Him yet ---- He has clearly found YOU.

Give it time – you have the rest of your entire life to grow in love with Him, and to grow closer once you are able to receive Holy Communion.

Welcome HOME!!!

~Liza

 

[Adonia]

Without Christ those other people were nothing! HE was their whole life! I can understand the Blessed Mother and the Saints and why they are important, but they all play second fiddle to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

This is the sadness that I a cradle Catholic see, people going to others before going to Christ. My own grandmother got so wrapped up in some saint I think she forgot all about Jesus himself.

My advice to you is stop going to the grotto to pray. Kneel before a crucifix, or better yet go to a Perpetual Adoration Chapel to pray. Our faith is all about Christ, not others.

 

[MarcoPolo]

Many saints for long periods did not “feel” Jesus, such as Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, St. Padre Pio, St. John of the Cross, etc… But feelings are not what counts. A person who can will to hold faith in Christ once he has seen the evidence is praiseworthy. For instance:

For directly you have a conviction that you ought to believe, reason has done its part, and what is wanted for faith is, not proof, but will. (Bl. John Henry Newman)

The good news is, in the final order, feelings don’t count.

 

[TimothyH]

So now I have Sanctus Maria and St Francis in my life. Now here is the problem. No Jesus, I go to Church, I don’t feel him, I pray to him and I don’t feel anything, not like when I pray to Sanctus Maria or St Francis. I even pray to them asking them to deliver me to Him, but nothing. Is this normal? what am I am doing wrong? I know some would love to have the relationship with Sanctus Maria and St Francis in which I have, but what use is it if I still lack God…

It is not a problem. It is a gift.

*…show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. *

Keep asking. Demand it. Don’t ever stop asking.

-Tim-

 

[Melchior_1]

It is not a problem. It is a gift.

*…show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. *

Keep asking. Demand it. Don’t ever stop asking.

-Tim-

Amen, brother. Amen.

If I could add to those wise words…no one burned with the love of Christ more than the Seraphic Father. Ask Francis for his prayers, ask him that you may mirror him as he mirrored Christ.

Out of all the people to have devotion to and to have on your side, there is none better than our Blessed Mother Mary and the Mirror of Perfection, Francis.

 

[Eufrosnia]

Will try to make this short.

My wife is Roman Catholic, I am now in RCIA because I feel like its home…but I am missing something. Let me back up a little.

I have always had a bond with the Sanctus Maria, always. The bond is somewhat strong. There is a statue/grotto of Sanctus Maria at our church where you can knee and pray, with candles in which to light. I can spend hours there, which feel like minutes. I feel so protected, safe, and loved when there. When I am not kneeling there, I can sometimes feel a little lost, like a child who misses their mother. Sanctus Maria is always with me, I hear her, feel her. I sometimes wish I could have met her…I sometimes wonder if she knows how much she means to me and how much I need her.

St Francis came into my life like a hurricane. I dreamed of this Saint without prior knowledge of him, I looked him up and he was whom I believe to me in my dream. the following weeks I found prayer cards of him in the most odd places; a bus stop, and a shopping mall. I then attended a mass with my wife, the homily, was about St Francis. So I brought him into my life, I pray to him to intercede many of prayers, and without boasting, he seems to answers (delivers) more of my prayers than I have ever known. As I have always been an environmentalist, and an animal rights activist, I very much enjoyed getting to know him.

So now I have Sanctus Maria and St Francis in my life. Now here is the problem. No Jesus, I go to Church, I don’t feel him, I pray to him and I don’t feel anything, not like when I pray to Sanctus Maria or St Francis. I even pray to them asking them to deliver me to Him, but nothing. Is this normal? what am I am doing wrong? I know some would love to have the relationship with Sanctus Maria and St Francis in which I have, but what use is it if I still lack God…

Although I should be happy…I feel like I am being pushed away, punished, I haven’t had any sort of divine intervention from Jesus welcoming me…I am actually very upset by this…and not sure what to do…

Can anyone give me advice?

Hi there,

So if I may give my 2 cents on this issue

The first thing to note is that Jesus is not a feeling. There are saints who went through periods of their lives where they felt completely devoid of the “feeling” that God was near. We refer to these periods as “dark nights of the soul”.

Therefore, it will be a mistake for you to seek to ground your faith in feelings. Feelings can also most certainly err. Your faith should always be grounded in reason. Perhaps the main reason for the faith/intellectual crisis that the West faces today might be due to the “feeling based” grounding that Western Christianity pursued with the advent and spread of Protestantism. So now we have many believers who do not have their faith grounded in reason. When confronted with at times honest questions (though probably not from honest seekers), their faith takes a beating which can at times lead to loss of faith.

It is time to correct that error.

You should first of all realize that all the saints and our Blessed Virgin Mother are important because of Christ. If Christ did not die and rise from the dead, our faith is in vain. Even the New Testament informs us of this.

So if you are considering Catholicism, the first thing you need to do is investigate the issue of the Resurrection. If you discover that the resurrection did happen, then you assent to what Christ taught. You learn what Christ taught from his Apostles (the students of Jesus the Rabbi). If you cannot get access to the Apostles (because they have obviously passed away now), you learn from their students (Apostolic Successors), the Bishops. So you give assent to the Catholic Church because it consists of the Apostolic Successors and the Successor of Peter.

IF and AFTER you have done this, your faith is now grounded in reason.

But there is still the issue of “not feeling Christ”. My best advise toward this is to PRAY to him and to the Blessed Virgin Mother. God chose to give Christ to the world through her and you too will be most successful if you try to find Christ through the Blessed Virgin Mother.

Also, when you PRAY, it is DIALOG. Take the example of meeting a new person over a phone. You start to be more connected to them and consider their existence more when you talk to them often, get to know more about them, seek help from them, when they help you out etc. This is how God intends for us to experience others closely in our lives. So same applies here. Learn about Christ from Scripture. Contemplate. Pray to him. Tell him of your needs, even the most basic ones. Realize your reliance on God/Christ/Holy Spirit. Sometimes our society today can make us forget that our entire existence is Thanks to God. Learn it, remember it, and give THANKS FOR IT every moment of your life.

Receive the Sacraments (IF your are baptized). KNOW what they are for and what they represent.

This should hopefully give you REASONABLE grounds and a way to NURTURE your faith.

 

[Nigel7]

He is obviously already directing you to Him. He is waiting for you in the Tabernacle. You will meet Jesus Christ (intimately) at the altar on Easter when you are confirmed and receive Him entirely (Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity) in the most blessed sacrament.

“Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them.”
John 6:56

biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%206:41-71&version=NRSVCE

And as others have already said, be led by the Holy Spirit, not your emotions or a fleeting feeling.

 

[walkingslowly]

Firstly, thank you for everyone who gave me words of wisdom, verses, support and their opinion. Please accepted my apologies for not responding to each comment, but be assured I read them all, and took each word openly as a gesture of help.

So, I went to church yesterday to sit and pray at the grotto with my rosary as I always do. One of the ladies who knows I am in RCIA told me it was currently adoration, just in case I wanted to go and sit.

I never do, this time I did, and for once decided to sit at the very front rather than at the back like i usually do. I sat for 20 minutes or so and spoke with Jesus and explained this whole thing to Him,I promised Him I would speak with Him directly more than I do now. I will not lie, there was no ball of light, no great revelation, but I did feel better, and today, i do feel better.

I have RCIA tomorrow night, and look forward to it. However, I still don’t want a big, congregation baptism, I would much rather just a quiet, personal one…is that normal?

I appreciate you all and your time for me.

although it may sound odd a catechumen praying for the already baptized, I will pray for you all <3

Edit - May I share my favourite St Francis story with you?

One of the earliest legends of St. Francis speaks of a fierce wolf near the town of Gubbio who was eating animals and humans because he was starving. The entire town was afraid to go outside the town walls until St. Francis–convincing the people the wolf’s hunger was what caused him to do wrong–met with the wolf, blessed it and is reported to have said, " Brother Wolf, you have done great harm to this region, not only destroying other creatures without mercy, but you even have the brazenness to kill and devour human beings made in the image of God. You deserve severe punishment; but I want to make peace between you and the town, so that they will not be harmed by you anymore and after they have forgiven you, neither men or dogs will pursue you any more." The wolf indicated it would accept these terms, and offered his paw as a sign. St. Francis of the animals said, “I promise that the town will feed you every day; I know that what you did, you did out of hunger.” The town promised to do what the saint had bargained, and having adopted the wolf, and fed him until the day he died.

 

[SonCatcher]

I still don’t want a big, congregation baptism, I would much rather just a quiet, personal one…is that normal?

I suppose it might be. In one sense, your walk with God is a very personal one, including the moment of baptism.

The reason baptisms are normally celebrated publicly (for adults at the most solemn - and one of the most packed - liturgy of the year) is because part of your walk is communal. The entire community welcomes you into the faith, not only the priest and sponsor. So, unless you end up in mortal danger, that is how it will be.

Your wedding, similarly, was a very personal affair that you chose to share with others, correct?

 

[Bonnie]

I am always leery of feelings, because of my pre-Catholic involvment in a Pentecostal church, as well as emotional problems.

After becoming Catholic it was quite a few years before I had any “feelings” (tho I prefer the word “consolations”) from God. And it took a major sorrowful event in my life to reach that point.

Rarely do I have feelings or consolations that God is near me. i talk to him a lot, try to listen, but not much comes through. Don’t know if it’s my fault or if He has reasons of his own for the distance.

I stay a Catholic, though, for rational reasons, not emotional ones.

But like you, I also have a strong connection to St. Francis. When I found out about the SFO (now the OFS) it was a happy day! I joined as soon as I could. Being in the Franciscan family is wonderful.

 

[Eufrosnia]

Firstly, thank you for everyone who gave me words of wisdom, verses, support and their opinion. Please accepted my apologies for not responding to each comment, but be assured I read them all, and took each word openly as a gesture of help.

So, I went to church yesterday to sit and pray at the grotto with my rosary as I always do. One of the ladies who knows I am in RCIA told me it was currently adoration, just in case I wanted to go and sit.

I never do, this time I did, and for once decided to sit at the very front rather than at the back like i usually do. I sat for 20 minutes or so and spoke with Jesus and explained this whole thing to Him,I promised Him I would speak with Him directly more than I do now. I will not lie, there was no ball of light, no great revelation, but I did feel better, and today, i do feel better.

I have RCIA tomorrow night, and look forward to it. However, I still don’t want a big, congregation baptism, I would much rather just a quiet, personal one…is that normal?

I appreciate you all and your time for me.

although it may sound odd a catechumen praying for the already baptized, I will pray for you all <3

Edit - May I share my favourite St Francis story with you?

One of the earliest legends of St. Francis speaks of a fierce wolf near the town of Gubbio who was eating animals and humans because he was starving. The entire town was afraid to go outside the town walls until St. Francis–convincing the people the wolf’s hunger was what caused him to do wrong–met with the wolf, blessed it and is reported to have said, " Brother Wolf, you have done great harm to this region, not only destroying other creatures without mercy, but you even have the brazenness to kill and devour human beings made in the image of God. You deserve severe punishment; but I want to make peace between you and the town, so that they will not be harmed by you anymore and after they have forgiven you, neither men or dogs will pursue you any more." The wolf indicated it would accept these terms, and offered his paw as a sign. St. Francis of the animals said, “I promise that the town will feed you every day; I know that what you did, you did out of hunger.” The town promised to do what the saint had bargained, and having adopted the wolf, and fed him until the day he died.

Interesting story. Also, good to hear that you were able to spend sometime in front of the tabernacle.

This is most certainly good. The thing to note is that for most of us, we won’t get a ball of light. We lay our problems, doubts, thoughts, aspirations and requests at the Lord’s feet in prayer. Rarely will one then hear a direct person speak back. But we will see the Lord act in our life as time goes on. Eventually, we will feel that we have nothing to fear for he is with us.

Also, its helpful to ask for the right things. Sometimes people tend to ask along the lines of “give me a sign”. Sad to say, some of the “spiritual discernment” at times tend to revolve around waiting for such “signs” these days. What you should ask for is wisdom, understanding, and counsel to find the truth and understand it. With respect to Christ, you know where and how to find him i.e. Eucharist, Scripture, Wholesome writing of Saints, Through the Blessed Mother. The problem is seeing him and feeling him. Pray to the Holy Spirit for wisdom and understanding to be aware to the workings of the Lord in your life. The more you recognize Jesus working through you and around you, the more you will be able to recognize his presence.

I was also wondering, when you say you don’t feel Jesus, do you also mean you don’t feel God? Or just Jesus? It’s also helpful to know if you make a distinction in experiencing Jesus and experiencing God.