I Stink at Relaxing; Is it Possible to Get Better?

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I mentioned in a recent thread that I was facing burnout from my job. While I do have a lot of extra stressors going on, I mentioned too that I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to perform.

I also am not very good at relaxing, taking breaks, etc. To my knowledge I have always been like this, constantly desiring to do and be busy, and being very uncomfortable with downtime. When I do have time to rest (yes, even with young kids, it happens occasionally!) I find it hard to take a break. If I try, I’ll feel guilty about all the things left undone, or I’ll get busy on time-wasters that aren’t really relaxing (the latest outrage du jour on CAF or other social media, bad TV).

I do a weekly hour of Adoration at our parish, but even that I often treat as a thing to check off my list. There I am, sitting with Jesus, our Lord and Savior, and I’m guiltily sneaking looks at the clock to see how much time is left before I can get back to the mundane things that occupy my mind. 😊 Prayer at other times is like that too.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this problem - it seems like a cultural problem that we want to be constantly stimulated and saturated with noise. I have done temporary breaks from technology and that has been helpful, but not practical long-term.

Can I learn to relax? We are going on vacation in May and I tend to get just as frazzled, if not more, by vacation than by ordinary living! Of course there’s the normal taking care of children stuff that will have to be done, but I would like to really take advantage of the opportunity to rest. But I’m not very good at that.

Ideas?
 
I always say “vacations are work.” It’s true, especially with kids to entertain, and a bad diet on the road makes things 10x worse. An apple or a plain salad never tastes better than after a week of eating out…

I have trouble with downtime, too. I think the best thing I’ve found is a nice hot bath with a glass of wine and some classical music playing. I also like to think that things that look like work, but are really enjoyable to me, are recreative and restful. Such as nature hikes or baking or making crafts.

Ditch the TV! Life is so much better without one. I only miss it during football season 🙂
 
For me, the key is to place myself somewhere far from what I normally do.
Like drive to the State Park and feed the ducks. You can people watch, take in the beautiful scenery and also you have something do…feeding the ducks. The thing is, that thing that you are doing occupies your need for busy hands, but it permits you to relax, and doesn’t tax your mind at all.
That’s just one example. But separate yourself far from anything that would put you back in the fray. Just get away alone. Sometimes I take a humorous book with me. There are many out there. I’m currently reading “The Murderous Urges of Ordinary Women”. It’s hilarious. The fact that it’s pretty mindless fiction helps me to not get worked up about it, I don’t need to form an opinion. It’s like watching a sit-com. Read a couple of chapters and it’s over, but you get a much needed chuckle out of it. 😛

I agree though; being at Adoration is good for me, very good, but not relaxing.
I feel like I must pray for countless people who have asked, countless problems, and give thanks countless times over. And when I say I’m just going to listen to God, I fall asleep. 😦

God bless you!
Peace,
Clare
 
Hey, your next post will be # 2000. 🙂

Honestly, it is probably more accurate to say I suffer from the opposite problem. I’m always ready to relax. 😛 :o 😊

That said, I think you are making some key observations, particularly about how not all forms of recreation are actually restful. I’ve been running up against this lately.

I think the Adoration is a good step. Change tends to happen slowly. But you are making that deliberate effort to stop and stay with the Lord. Even if it doesn’t go perfectly (most of the time I go, I end up dozing off :o), it is an opportunity that the Lord can work with. So I would encourage you to keep at it.

I think making these types of small, deliberate decisions on how to spend our time is probably going to yield the most fruit over time. But it may take some time (which is also one of those things our present culture isn’t so fond of – we want patience and we want it now! :p).

One thing I started up this Lent was to give the “first fruits” of my time each day to God. So I will turn my attention to Him in prayer through Scripture reading right at the start of the day. Now, with kids, “first fruits” generally winds up being after the kids are up and have gone to the restroom and sat down to eat breakfast, etc. Then I’ll sit down and read a chapter from the Bible. That has helped me to not get so wrapped up in the concerns of the daily grind.

Truly, there is no interior change without prayer. So anything you do has to come from a place of prayer. So keep at it. Try different approaches. And be patient. 🙂
 
pianistclare said:
For me, the key is to place myself somewhere far from what I normally do.
Like drive to the State Park and feed the ducks. You can people watch, take in the beautiful scenery and also you have something do…feeding the ducks. The thing is, that thing that you are doing occupies your need for busy hands, but it permits you to relax, and doesn’t tax your mind at all.
That’s just one example. But separate yourself far from anything that would put you back in the fray. Just get away alone. Sometimes I take a humorous book with me. There are many out there. I’m currently reading “The Murderous Urges of Ordinary Women”. It’s hilarious. The fact that it’s pretty mindless fiction helps me to not get worked up about it, I don’t need to form an opinion. It’s like watching a sit-com. Read a couple of chapters and it’s over, but you get a much needed chuckle out of it. 😛

I agree though; being at Adoration is good for me, very good, but not relaxing.
I feel like I must pray for countless people who have asked, countless problems, and give thanks countless times over. And when I say I’m just going to listen to God, I fall asleep. 😦

God bless you!
Peace,
Clare
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🙂 Think of it as a holy nap.
 
pensmama87 said:
I mentioned in a recent thread that I was facing burnout from my job. While I do have a lot of extra stressors going on, I mentioned too that I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to perform.

I also am not very good at relaxing, taking breaks, etc. To my knowledge I have always been like this, constantly desiring to do and be busy, and being very uncomfortable with downtime. When I do have time to rest (yes, even with young kids, it happens occasionally!) I find it hard to take a break. If I try, I’ll feel guilty about all the things left undone, or I’ll get busy on time-wasters that aren’t really relaxing (the latest outrage du jour on CAF or other social media, bad TV).

I do a weekly hour of Adoration at our parish, but even that I often treat as a thing to check off my list. There I am, sitting with Jesus, our Lord and Savior, and I’m guiltily sneaking looks at the clock to see how much time is left before I can get back to the mundane things that occupy my mind. 😊 Prayer at other times is like that too.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this problem - it seems like a cultural problem that we want to be constantly stimulated and saturated with noise. I have done temporary breaks from technology and that has been helpful, but not practical long-term.

Can I learn to relax? We are going on vacation in May and I tend to get just as frazzled, if not more, by vacation than by ordinary living! Of course there’s the normal taking care of children stuff that will have to be done, but I would like to really take advantage of the opportunity to rest. But I’m not very good at that.

Ideas?
Click to expand...
First off, putting pressure on yourself to perform is creating stress for you that you do not need. Try to do your best within reason and within your abilities not going past your reserves. You know what is too much so don’t go past it. (Even if DH does not understand.)

Try to remember God cares about our “being” and not our “doing”. Doing lots of things does not compare to being close to Jesus in our daily actions. Sounds to me like you are trying to “do” too much.

I have heard and/or read that time spent in Adoration is some of the most important effective time we will ever spend on this Earth seen in the light of Eternity.

Hope that help. God Bless.
 
I wish I had the answer, for all of us. I have no desire to clean, etc. but my mind is always going a mile a minute. Our kids are grown so I can do this (not sure how doable it is with little ones) - I find prayer is helpful. I find that saying St. Gertrude’s prayer (because I am dedicated to the poor souls in Purgatory) really helps (although it is easy to just “say it” vs. “praying it”). For whatever reason, it helps to relax my mind. Perhaps there is a prayer that you can repeat that might help you!

I do think this problem is inherent to one’s personality and, well, we could have worse problems! 🙂
 
You sound kind of like my husband, tho you’re aware of the problem long before he understood that being a workaholic was a problem. He didn’t realize until our children were grown how much he had missed. His dedication to his job, the Church, and volunteer work didn’t help our marriage, either.

I can’t offer any help, except to say to keep working at it. Hopefully, you won’t reach my husband’s age (80) and find out that you have very few people in your life because work came first. He has been saying for the last 10 years or so that he would change, but that hasn’t happened. 😦
 
JamalChristophr said:
First off, putting pressure on yourself to perform is creating stress for you that you do not need. Try to do your best within reason and within your abilities not going past your reserves. You know what is too much so don’t go past it. (Even if DH does not understand.)

Try to remember God cares about our “being” and not our “doing”. Doing lots of things does not compare to being close to Jesus in our daily actions. Sounds to me like you are trying to “do” too much.

I have heard and/or read that time spent in Adoration is some of the most important effective time we will ever spend on this Earth seen in the light of Eternity.

Hope that help. God Bless.
Click to expand...
I actually heard a quote recently that we are human “beings” and not human “doings,” and that really has been sticking with me the past few weeks.

I hear what you are saying and in my mind it makes sense. And yet, when it comes to practice…:o
Joe_5859 said:
Hey, your next post will be # 2000. 🙂
Click to expand...
:eek:
Joe_5859 said:
I think the Adoration is a good step. Change tends to happen slowly. But you are making that deliberate effort to stop and stay with the Lord. Even if it doesn’t go perfectly (most of the time I go, I end up dozing off :o), it is an opportunity that the Lord can work with. So I would encourage you to keep at it.

I think making these types of small, deliberate decisions on how to spend our time is probably going to yield the most fruit over time. But it may take some time (which is also one of those things our present culture isn’t so fond of – we want patience and we want it now! :p).
Click to expand...
:rotfl:You have just described my personality to a “T.” Sometimes I am aware of the irony, sometimes not.
Joe_5859 said:
One thing I started up this Lent was to give the “first fruits” of my time each day to God. So I will turn my attention to Him in prayer through Scripture reading right at the start of the day. Now, with kids, “first fruits” generally winds up being after the kids are up and have gone to the restroom and sat down to eat breakfast, etc. Then I’ll sit down and read a chapter from the Bible. That has helped me to not get so wrapped up in the concerns of the daily grind.

Truly, there is no interior change without prayer. So anything you do has to come from a place of prayer. So keep at it. Try different approaches. And be patient. 🙂
Click to expand...
Thanks for the suggestions! I do normally pray morning, evening, and night prayer (evening prayer is family prayer time) but that can often be a “going through the motions” thing, too, unfortunately.

I feel like on one hand I am stuck because I can just say the words in front of me and think about something else, but then if I try to pray something extemporaneously, I spend all my time worrying about if it sounds good enough for God. :rolleyes:
 
pianistclare said:
For me, the key is to place myself somewhere far from what I normally do.
Like drive to the State Park and feed the ducks. You can people watch, take in the beautiful scenery and also you have something do…feeding the ducks. The thing is, that thing that you are doing occupies your need for busy hands, but it permits you to relax, and doesn’t tax your mind at all.
That’s just one example. But separate yourself far from anything that would put you back in the fray. Just get away alone. Sometimes I take a humorous book with me. There are many out there. I’m currently reading “The Murderous Urges of Ordinary Women”. It’s hilarious. The fact that it’s pretty mindless fiction helps me to not get worked up about it, I don’t need to form an opinion. It’s like watching a sit-com. Read a couple of chapters and it’s over, but you get a much needed chuckle out of it. 😛

I agree though; being at Adoration is good for me, very good, but not relaxing.
I feel like I must pray for countless people who have asked, countless problems, and give thanks countless times over. And when I say I’m just going to listen to God, I fall asleep. 😦

God bless you!
Peace,
Clare
Click to expand...
Clare, thank you.

I just got home from some errands and then I read your reply, and I thought about how much I enjoy these days when I don’t have my babysitting kids, and even though the day is filled with all the stuff I don’t do the rest of the week, I really enjoy getting out of the house and driving from place to place (as long as I’m not late for something :p) I like looking at the different things outside (some are turning green now, yay!), and my hands and feet are busy. A month or so back I drove about 45 minutes each way to drop a dinner off for a new mom and she was so surprised and thankful, and I was thinking what a treat it was for me to get to spend part of my afternoon driving through some country I had never seen before!

I was also thinking as I drove home today that I have really missed running. Another thing I do that keeps my body busy, and mind focused on my surroundings instead of some checklist inside my head (though sometimes I am thinking, “I really hope that yard has an invisible fence and that dog doesn’t chase me.”) I should put that back in my routine. It always brightened the rest of my day, even if I was sore after.
 
Even God needed time to rest (says so right in the bible too 🙂 ). Don’t feel guilty for taking a little time for yourself and for God. We need to do that as He wants us happy, rested and ready to do His work in our lives. If we are always running from one task to the next, we will burn ourselves out and that is not what He wants.

I know I have a hard time too in the adoration chapel, or even when I do my Lauds or Vespers. I will rush through them sometimes just to get them done, but take your time, and enjoy the time with our Creator. The things you need to get done will still be there when you are done, but you can never reclaim that time with Him… enjoy it as that is what He wants you to do.

God bless and Happy Easter!!

John
 
I suggest getting into the habit of stopping whatever you are doing for about 20 seconds, take deep breaths and say “Jesus” and “Mary”. Do that many times during the day.

You can do this at work, while cooking or doing laundry, etc.

It will get to be a good habit if you persist!
 
Michael_Mayo said:
How about slow walks?
Click to expand...
👍

Television and CAF are a mistake for relaxing. They engage your attention, when the reverse is needed.

Rather, get back in touch with your body. Make it move. Wiggle your limbs; roll your shoulders; close your eyes and breathe deeply. When your mind becomes aware that your body is not in crisis, it too will slow down.

ICXC NIKA.
 
I stink at being productive … There are days that I do better than others … So if I am on the opposite spectrum and improving I have hope you can too. Now, my husband is similar to you and near a nervious breakdown. I’ve planted the seed that he go on a retreat with the Jesuits to find a way to release his current load he’s carrying and listen to God. I had a great feed back about this in another question. I’ll try to find it and post it so you can see if this may help you exercise relaxing.
 
JamalChristophr
Regular Member

Join Date: June 10, 2014
Location: Colorado…almost in the mountains.
Posts: 2,101
Religion: founded by a Jewish carpenter…
Re: Vacation at Catholic Spiritual Retreat House
This is the time of the reawakening of the Jesuits!! I hear some high ranking cleric may even be one.

An eight day Ignatian Retreat might be right up your alley, but there are many different kinds of retreats to make, I suppose.

Let me find the link for the Ignatian retreats:

Jesuits and other trained spiritual directors throughout the United States offer retreats based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola. These retreats are of varying lengths: a three- or four-day weekend retreat; a longer eight-day retreat; and a 30-day “long retreat.”

ignatianspirituality.com/…ayer/retreats/
“Divine Grace arranges that souls shall have different paths. Some are delightful, others painful…” J.P. de Caussade, S.J., Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence
 
Monk Vacation

Even religious have time for recreation in their Rule of Life. Abd here is a little story about that:

A monk was going from one place to another and he stopped for a break. A hunter returning home from the hunt saw him and teased him about relaxing under a tree instead of kneeling at prayer. The monk asked the hunter why his bow was unstrung, and the hunter said that if he kept it strung all the time, the bow would stop working well. It had to be unstrung to allow it to “rest” so it woul function well the next time he went hunting.

And the monk said, and so it is for us humans, even monks.

(or words to that effect )
 
🙂 @ Mrs. Camelopardilis…That information is copyrighted. :cool:

😉 @ PensMama…The important thing is not to get too stressed over your inability to relax. :yup:
 
JamalChristophr said:
🙂 @ Mrs. Camelopardilis…That information is copyrighted. :cool:

😉 @ PensMama…The important thing is not to get too stressed over your inability to relax. :yup:
Click to expand...
Lol … I did include it all, so hopefully I correctly did the citation. If not, clue me in because half the time my head is in the clouds.
 
Can I learn to relax? We are going on vacation in May and I tend to get just as frazzled, if not more, by vacation than by ordinary living! Of course there’s the normal taking care of children stuff that will have to be done, but I would like to really take advantage of the opportunity to rest. But I’m not very good at that.
Click to expand...
I don’t know. You have small children. Vacations with small children aren’t typically relaxing. Vacations with small children are stressful. The change from their usual routine brings about missed naps, disruption to regular bedtime and sleeping in strange beds, delayed snacks and meals, etc. all resulting in overly tired and hungry children (that are often all wound up from the day.) How could that possibly be relaxing???

I’ve learned a few tricks to make life easier on vacations. I bring along granola bars and various easy to carry snack foods so that my children eat at regular intervals. The younger ones bring a favorite pillow-pet and/or blankie to help them sleep. Swim-vests come on the trip too. I’ve become a master packer: instead of everyone having their things in individual cases, we have a case for swim and sleepwear, and half the clothes usually stay packed in a different suitcase until we’re half-way through the trip.

The key to happiness is often found in lowering our expectations. That way, you can be pleasantly surprised when a relaxing moment comes along instead of upset when they don’t. I go on vacations expecting that I will need to work something like a cruise director, cook, life-guard and bus driver combined with an emergency room triage nurse.
In case anyone is wondering, our last family vacation was great!
 
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