I Stopped Going to Confession -- Right Thing to Do?

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rl62

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I’m in a vicious cycle and have stopped going to confession, but there is a part of me that wants to know if that’s right.

I am a new Catholic (less than 1 year); been to confession twice.
Studying a lot – RCIA, reading the Bible, etc. and now I have an issue with one of the teachings of the Catholic Church that I can’t find any support for in the Bible. Yep – I’ve been handed almost 20 references, but when I read them they’re not on point at all. So, intellectually, I am certain the Church is wrong on the issue.

But (the specific is not important, it’s a question that could fit anyone who’s in this quandry) as I understand it, for my confession to be valid, I have to have at least imperfect contrition. I’ve got that – I am very concerned about Hell and very concerned about offending God. So, I’m okay so far, right? I realize perfect contrition is ideal, but I’m not there yet (just being honest).

But … here’s the rub. Because I sincerely feel the Church is wrong on this ONE issue (a mortal sin), I sincerely don’t believe that I’m offending God.

If I thought I was offending God, my problem would be solved! Perfect contrition would result – instantly. But because I don’t believe we’ve (the Church) has this right, I have to be honest and admit that I’m NOT firmly resolved to never do it again.

So, I’ve got imperfect contrition but not the firm intention not to repeat it again.

That means, there is no point in me going to confession, right? Cuz I’m sure NOT going to lie to God, via my priest.

That makes me wonder (but this isn’t my question) – how many people really firmly intend to never do X, Y or Z again? Choose any sin (gluttony is simple) – it’s hard to believe that people really say they intend to never be a glutton again (with God’s help)?

If I make that promise, I mean it and I’ll do it – confessing gluttony a year ago, resulted in losing 50 pounds. At least re this specific sin (gluttony – I found that in the Bible and believe it’s a sin), if I do mess up, I can sincerely say that I mean to remedy that by working harder with God’s help. I can’t do the same regarding the one mortal sin I can’t convince myself of (just being honest).

Am I all messed up? I really want to go to confession, but as I understand the rules, that would be inappropriate and blasphemous.

I COULD honestly go in and say that i’m really sorry IF it offended God, and that IF it offended God, I’d firmly resolve not to do it again. But since I’m not 100% convinced in the infallibility of the Church, I can’t honesty do confession the way I"m supposed to.

I guess that leaves me on the bench (yes, I understand all of the ramifications of this!!) until I can make myself believe what I don’t currently believe. If I could MAKE myself believe honestly, this wouldnt’ be an issue, but I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.

Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this – I’m not clearly not Holy enough to be Catholic. And I can’t honestly say that I believe completely in the Church’s infalibility. I’m just being honest – that’s a whole other conversation.

But if I understand correctly, unless I sign onto everything 100% so that I CAN be contrite and can honesty say I will try to never do it again, then I can’t imagine ever being honestly able to go to confession ever again.

Help!!
 
You’re in the wrong.

Pray for the grace to feel true contrition for this sin, which the Church has legitimately defined as such. Humbly submit your intellect and will to the teaching of the Church, no matter how much your own reason protests. Then, go to confession and confess this sin, not on a conditional basis, but as an evil act which you genuinely regret.

This is the only solution.
 
Dauphin said:
You’re in the wrong.

Pray for the grace to feel true contrition for this sin, which the Church has legitimately defined as such. Humbly submit your intellect and will to the teaching of the Church, no matter how much your own reason protests. Then, go to confession and confess this sin, not on a conditional basis, but as an evil act which you genuinely regret.

This is the only solution.
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Thanks for the answer. That’s what I thought … so that’s why I have been praying for true contrition for this sin, and praying to believe as I should … but I’m not yet there. If I was to say I was, I’d be dishonest. So I’ll keep praying and stay away from confession (and obviously communion) … but will keep going to Mass and will continue praying!!!

Thanks.
 
Another thing to pray for is enlightenment regarding your continuing adherence to *sola scriptura *(if it’s not in the Bible, it can’t be true). The Catholic Church does not operate solely on the Bible, but you seem to be holding to that Protestant standard. Perhaps if you were able to move from that type of thinking to a more Catholic view, you would accept the decision of the Church regarding your sin and would be able to confess sincerely.

I would also advise you to take your concerns to the priest in the confessional, where you can be more specific and receive some good advice regarding your next move.

God bless you.

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
Another thing to pray for is enlightenment regarding your continuing adherence to *sola scriptura *(if it’s not in the Bible, it can’t be true). The Catholic Church does not operate solely on the Bible, but you seem to be holding to that Protestant standard. Perhaps if you were able to move from that type of thinking to a more Catholic view, you would accept the decision of the Church regarding your sin and would be able to confess sincerely.

I would also advise you to take your concerns to the priest in the confessional, where you can be more specific and receive some good advice regarding your next move.

God bless you.

Betsy
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Thanks. That’s a really good observation. While I wasn’t looking for scripture (it was given to me, which is why I started doubting because the citations didn’t actually support it), you’re right – I feel better if I can find the teachings in the Bible. That’s how I got to believing confession, the Eucharist, etc. I’ll think about that more – maybe that’ll help me get to the place where I can honestly accept it. 🙂

Thanks for picking up on that. When I have asked for guidance, I usualy get an answer along the lines of “just do it” but that’s not working for me – I can’t FORCE myself to sincerely believe, even if I try repeatedly to submit my intellect to the Church’s guidance.

I think folks underestimate this obstacle – everyone seems to tell me to just go to confession anyway … but I take all of this very seriously. I WANT TO BELIEVE that the Church is right, otherwise, I’d just join a different Church.

Thanks for the observation and tip. 🙂 I sincerely appreciate it!!!
 
Pray that you can hold to that profession you took when you came into the Church, remember, the one that said you believe all the Church teaches?

Pray for your Faith to be increased, keep going to Confession and let Father give you some advice.
 
rl62 said:
I WANT TO BELIEVE that the Church is right, otherwise, I’d just join a different Church.
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I think many times we, human, are quite impatient with ourselves. We don’t want to wait to have the answer. We want to know now so that our mind can rest peacefully. We want to skip many steps between now and then.

Those steps that one might want to skip could be the most crucial ones that he can grow spiritually.

Be patient, friend.
 
rl62, I encourage you to talk with your RCIA leader and/or your pastor about the issue. Ask your sponsor to pray fervently with and for you.
In the meantime, continue attending Mass, without receiving the Blessed Sacrament. Follow the other posters’ advice about prayer. You’re a new Catholic – “Initiation” means you’ve only just begun your journey as a Catholic – and you’ll find many challenges to the faith along the way. We all face them – sometimes we ignore them, sad to say. Thank God for this testing of your faith – when you jump this hurdle, you’ll have grown, and you’ll undoubtedly experience much peace from your growth.
 
“Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this – I’m not clearly not Holy enough to be Catholic”

heck, WHO IS??? 😃 it is a life long journey. i’ve also had issues with certain sins, cause i could not find them in the bible. i’d go to confession anyway, tell the priest i’m not really sorry for this sin, BUT i WANT to be sorry for it. He gave me absolution, and when i left confessional to do my penance, HOLY COW THE EMOTIONS OF SORROW THAT OVERWHELMED ME! go to confession and be honest, and receive GRACES to help you overcome this sin. also, some sins take longer than others to overcome, so don’t expect it to go away overnight… it just might creep back up when you least expect it… usually cause of pride thinking you beet it… this is just a proof that you ONLY beet it cause you ALLOWED God to beet it out of you!
I’ve got a book that lists sins and which commandment it would fall under. actually i think you can even get it online. here is one, there are more if you look for them.
www.scborromeo.org/confess.htm
 
I felt the same way. I’ll bet that the ONE thing you dissagree with is something that you DO in your daily life. If you agree with the church, you’ll have to change your life, correct? It’s not something intellectual, but something you do. I did the same. I committed a sin in my life and because it was part of my lifestyle, I convinced myself that the Church was wrong in the issue. Only after I opened up to the Holy Spirit did I realize that the Church was right and I only convinced myself it was wrong because it would upset my lifestyle.

There were several issues that I did not agree with but after studying what the Church really taught and WHY did I understand and agree. I also ALWAYS found the teaching to be consistant throughout 2,000 years, unlike many other churches who change with the wind.

For confession to be valid, you must be sorry for what you confess and have the desire to never do it again. Pray on the subject and read church teachings on it. Read scripture, church fathers, and church documents. See a good spiritual director (one that is faithful to church teachings), and pray before the blessed sacrament. You will be open to understanding.

We’ll pray for you.

God Bless,
David
 
ChooseLove said:
“Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this – I’m not clearly not Holy enough to be Catholic”

heck, WHO IS??? 😃 it is a life long journey. i’ve also had issues with certain sins, cause i could not find them in the bible. i’d go to confession anyway, tell the priest i’m not really sorry for this sin, BUT i WANT to be sorry for it. He gave me absolution, and when i left confessional to do my penance, HOLY COW THE EMOTIONS OF SORROW THAT OVERWHELMED ME! go to confession and be honest, and receive GRACES to help you overcome this sin. also, some sins take longer than others to overcome, so don’t expect it to go away overnight… it just might creep back up when you least expect it… usually cause of pride thinking you beet it… this is just a proof that you ONLY beet it cause you ALLOWED God to beet it out of you!
I’ve got a book that lists sins and which commandment it would fall under. actually i think you can even get it online. here is one, there are more if you look for them.
www.scborromeo.org/confess.htm
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Yes, beautiful. I was going to say the same thing, only not as well. Maybe the priest will have some enlightening words to make you see it differently.

You are fine to ask questions and search for more enlightenment. But be sure to actaully search for the answers. I think you’ll feel better.
 
a follow up on Baltobetsy talk to a priest but not during a regular confession as this may be a question that takes more than three minutes. Questions of church teaching should be discussed outside confession unless you set up a time to meet the priest for confession. One time a gentleman went into the confessional beofre me and came out 40 minutes latter. Almost causing four people to miss confession.
 
Why do you trust the Scriptures but not Holy Mother Church? It was the Church who gave us the Scriptures…not the other way around. The early Church had no universal agreement on the canon of Scripture; it was the magisterium (the pope and bishops), guided by the Holy Spirit, who around the year 300 finally worked out which books are to be definitively considered inspired. Scripture itself no where claims to be our sole authority nor does Scripture tell us which books should be considered Scripture! Take a look at 2 Thess 2:15. The Apostle commands us to hold on to the teachings passed down by WORD OF MOUTH and by letter…you seem to be obeying only half of this command! The Apostle also tells us, in 1 Tim 3:15, that the CHURCH is the pillar and foundation of Truth. Scripture understood in a vacuum leads to the thousands of denominations found in Protestantism. Scripture was produced by the Church, for the Church, and must be understood within the Church.

Our Blessed Lord entrusted the deposit of Faith to the Apostles. Divine Revelation has three components to it: Sacred Scriptures (the written record of Apostolic teaching), Sacred Tradition (the oral record of Apostolic teaching…testified to by the early Fathers), and the Magisterium (the successors of Peter and the Apostles, guided by the Holy Spirit, correctly interpreting the first two). Do you really trust your intellect over that of the Holy Magisterium, the saints, and the Fathers? If so, perhaps the real sin at play here is pride.

Take a look at scripturecatholic.com/scripture_alone.html.
 
I haven’t been to confession in a while either…May I ask what particular thing you disagree with the church on? You can PM me if you want if you don’t want to open that can of worms here on the thread. I might be able to help b/c i’m having issues myself.
 
Just a way of thinking of this a little differently:

You know how sometimes in relationships whether it’s with a friend, family member or your spouse, we become aware of doing something that really bugs someone else? Then we sometimes decide to stop that behavior or change so as not to offend them?

Do you love the Lord enough to stop whatever it is you are doing and offer that up as a sacrifice for Him?

Ask Jesus to help you through this difficulty; spend time with Him in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and pour your heart out to Him with this frustration! He knows your heart anyway; you’re not hiding anything from Him – but Jesus wants to help you, to heal you, to bring you “pardon and peace” through the sacrament of reconciliation, so you can receive further graces by receiving Him in Holy Communion!
 
When you made your Profession of Faith, you said to the whole congregation and to the priest, “I believe and profess all that the holy Catholic Church believes, teaches, and proclaims to be revealed by God.”

If you were not ready to keep that promise, then you should not have been received into the Church; however, the deed is done, and you now have to live with your promise, together with its difficulties.

Your choice at this present moment is not whether to be a Catholic or not - that choice has already been made. Your choice now is whether to be a good Catholic, or a bad Catholic.

Go to Confession and tell the priest that you sincerely want to be sorry for your sins.
 
Since you seem to cling to scripture, I am going to bow to your weakness:p Jesus told the apostles that “Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them and whose sins you retain are retained.” and again “What you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven and what you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” Well, if you believe in the bible, and you believe that Christ spoke those words, and you believe that the Church as the power to enforce those words, and the Church says what you do is a sin, well…
I know that I have a problem with my temper, I lose it 50 times a day and I hate that I lose it. I confess it every time I go to confession. And while I don’t want to lose my temper ever again, and I feel sorry for losing my temper, I know that I will probably lose my temper within minutes of leaving the confessional.
Now, losing my temper is not a mortal sin, so it is not so bad for me. Maybe try scaring yourself into stopping.
If you continue with this sin, and you suddenly die (car accident, sickness, etc…) (And I pray this doesn’t happen) you will go to hell. Is this sin worth spending an eternity in hell?
If you look at a sin in that way, it makes you realize what is at stake and how important confession is.
I hoped I helped, pray to St John Marie Vianney (the Cure of Ars), he was one of the greatest confessors of all times, and he could read the souls of the people who were confessing. Pray to him to help you face the Truth, and to help you follow God’s plan.
Have a wonderful day, and go see a good priest who will help you through this dilemma. Ask a good priest for a private confession and ask for about an hour, or more, he may ask you to come again so that you may continue your conversation, but unless you are sorry for this sin, he should not absolve you, if he does, go find another priest who is more conservative and more in line with Church teachings. If you tell us in what city you live, maybe we can help by finding you a good priest. I already helped a person in DC to find two good confessors, so maybe someone could help you. Just an idea.🤷
 
I think that something else here is the concept of what constitutes salvation. St. Paul in his epistle exhorts us to “test all things” and to “retain that which is good.” So, while you professed to believe and uphold all that Holy Mother Church believes, that does not mean that you have to believe it blindly. Probably the best thing to do is not to stick with strictly Biblical sources for an answer to your question about this sin, but to look at why the Church has the teaching it has; where it came from, why it is considered sinful, and where it has been mentioned in Councils, Church Fathers, Popes, and Saints. This is an aspect of Catholicism that is uncomfortable to many people, because it challenges us to study and learn about our faith. In terms of the studying that you say you’ve done thus far, I think that in itself shows you have a desire to learn about the faith.

Now, I think that the other point of interest is how can a Catholic go to confession, vow to change his/her life, and later fail again on the same sin? Logic might say that the Catholic wasn’t sincere at confession. However, one result of original sin is that we are attracted to that which causes us to fail. I think that for us Catholics, much of the path to salvation is not necessarily that we are pure, but that we never stop aspiring to pick ourselves up again and start over. That is what Confession does for us. The Devil tries to convince us that there’s no way we can start over again, which is a trap. Confession allows us to receive Jesus in the Most Holy Eucharist, which unless we eat, we “shall not have life within” us.
 
Jump in! You have over 2000 years of history, literature, debate and great writers to discover! Don’t be timid; God’s church can definitely stand up to your questions and digging. Some of the smartest, most intellectual, brightest and most skeptical people became saints in our holy Faith.

Yes, for the sake of obeying our Lord, accept in your life the teachings on your subject and follow them as an act of love for Him. But that doesn’t mean it has to remain mysterious intellectually. It can take a long time, sometimes years until you feel that “aha!” but it’s well worth finding. Keep reading and keep asking those questions!

You know, Christopher West had a very similar experience regarding birth control and premarital sex. It took him years of learning, digging and researching. That can only be good for you!

Think about it. If you decide to stop here and believe that God’s Church is wrong on this one issue, only two things can be:

either God is wrong and His church is wrong and you are in the wrong place

or

you are wrong but you stopped at this point and will never find out the truth

Let doubt be a stepping stone and not a resting place.
 
rl62 said:
I’m in a vicious cycle and have stopped going to confession, but there is a part of me that wants to know if that’s right.

I am a new Catholic (less than 1 year); been to confession twice.
Studying a lot – RCIA, reading the Bible, etc. and now I have an issue with one of the teachings of the Catholic Church that I can’t find any support for in the Bible. Yep – I’ve been handed almost 20 references, but when I read them they’re not on point at all. So, intellectually, I am certain the Church is wrong on the issue.

But (the specific is not important, it’s a question that could fit anyone who’s in this quandry) as I understand it, for my confession to be valid, I have to have at least imperfect contrition. I’ve got that – I am very concerned about Hell and very concerned about offending God. So, I’m okay so far, right? I realize perfect contrition is ideal, but I’m not there yet (just being honest).

But … here’s the rub. Because I sincerely feel the Church is wrong on this ONE issue (a mortal sin), I sincerely don’t believe that I’m offending God.

If I thought I was offending God, my problem would be solved! Perfect contrition would result – instantly. But because I don’t believe we’ve (the Church) has this right, I have to be honest and admit that I’m NOT firmly resolved to never do it again.

So, I’ve got imperfect contrition but not the firm intention not to repeat it again.

That means, there is no point in me going to confession, right? Cuz I’m sure NOT going to lie to God, via my priest.

That makes me wonder (but this isn’t my question) – how many people really firmly intend to never do X, Y or Z again? Choose any sin (gluttony is simple) – it’s hard to believe that people really say they intend to never be a glutton again (with God’s help)?

If I make that promise, I mean it and I’ll do it – confessing gluttony a year ago, resulted in losing 50 pounds. At least re this specific sin (gluttony – I found that in the Bible and believe it’s a sin), if I do mess up, I can sincerely say that I mean to remedy that by working harder with God’s help. I can’t do the same regarding the one mortal sin I can’t convince myself of (just being honest).

Am I all messed up? I really want to go to confession, but as I understand the rules, that would be inappropriate and blasphemous.

I COULD honestly go in and say that i’m really sorry IF it offended God, and that IF it offended God, I’d firmly resolve not to do it again. But since I’m not 100% convinced in the infallibility of the Church, I can’t honesty do confession the way I"m supposed to.

I guess that leaves me on the bench (yes, I understand all of the ramifications of this!!) until I can make myself believe what I don’t currently believe. If I could MAKE myself believe honestly, this wouldnt’ be an issue, but I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.

Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this – I’m not clearly not Holy enough to be Catholic. And I can’t honestly say that I believe completely in the Church’s infalibility. I’m just being honest – that’s a whole other conversation.

But if I understand correctly, unless I sign onto everything 100% so that I CAN be contrite and can honesty say I will try to never do it again, then I can’t imagine ever being honestly able to go to confession ever again.

Help!!
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Have you tried confessing the sin of pride?

No disrespect intended, but your reasoning sounds like a lot of hullaballoo to keep you out of a possibly very humbling situation.

I know I once went through it.

When I started doubting Catholicism, confession was the first thing I ditched. Next was Sunday mass. Next was doubting the infallible teachings of the Church, next was. . . . .

Is there anything wrong with confessing to a priest?
 
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