I think everyone knows what this is about

[Anglewannabe]

Ok, it is another work thread and I think I have finally been hit with the bolt of lighting.

I went to adoration and prayed about why I have so many work issues. And this is the insight that has come to me.

I am so petrified of being fired, my fear sabotages me. I have a lot of trouble letting go of little things. For example, if I don’t understand a business procedure and at the end of the day, getting it wrong will only cost the company at most $10 (or any minimal amount) I can’t just do as most people and not worry about the $10. At some point, I am afraid I will look incompetent for not knowing everything

The biblical quote that comes to mind (which I don’t know word for word but the meaning) is the one about ‘don’t worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries’, or whatever it is.

And I think to myself, if someone is in a situation, for example, they never had the opportunity to get an education. Well, it isn’t their fault and God will provide in His abundance.

But then I think ‘well, it wasn’t their fault, but I make mistakes at work so it is my fault’ and they I wonder if that quote applies to me. (After writing it, I see the silliness in that statement but it is what is in my heart)

So, the question that plagues me is ‘How do I care enough so that I take responsibility for my work but yet not over worry’?

Not sure my question makes sense

Angie

 

[Viki63]

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. PS 55:22

This is the verse that I depend on, among others,.
Who doesn’t make mistakes? We all do.
I’ve had a dozen jobs, from social worker to salesclerk to charge nurse. I’ve been fired 3 times, twice not my fault (once for being injured on the job – and I sued and won.) Being fired is no fun, it’s very difficult, and looking for another job is hard.
But each time I found a better job afterwards. God does not ignore us, he knows what he is doing.
I would suggest that you just do the best you can each day, and turn the results over to God. You may need to repeat a prayer over and over: “Jesus, I trust in you,” or something similar, to keep your thoughts positive.
God bless.

.

 

[RPRPsych]

With that thread title, I thought this was going to be about Amoris Laetitia.

 

[chevalier]

Timor mortis morte peior (the fear of death is worse than death itself), they say.

It’s great that you are a constientious person, and I hope your employer appreciates your diligence and your dedication to duty. Every company needs such employees.

On the other hand it is presumed that employees will sometimes make mistakes in the service of their employers, and that’s not necessarily a reason to punish the employee. Everybody makes mistakes once in a while, there is no avoiding this as humans are not infallible, so why should we be held liable for not being infallible when we are on company time and not on our own time?

Employment is a contract under which the employee’s work typically brings in more value to the employing establishment (or basically the employer) than the value of the salary or wage the employee is paid. This is not good or bad, it’s simply a fact. Employing a worker is an investment, and there is hopefully a return on it. An employee is a whole person, not just the sum total of one’s strongest sides or best moments. Both talents and limitations compose a person.

What is more, if you wanted to totally avoid the possibility of making a mistake, you would have to work more slowly and more conservatively. You would become similar to the timid, passive servant who buried his master’s talent under a tree under the master’s return. The servants who brought more talents back than they had been given by their master necessarily must have taken some risks.

So suppose your work normally brings in two denars per day for your company. Suppose you could bring one denar more but at the expense of half a denar in greater expenses or even losses. The net outcome would still be half a denar more, and two and a half is more than two denars only, right?

So I wouldn’t beat yourself to death over it. But, considering the nature of your relationship with your employer and the employer’s rights, it would be wise to talk to your employer or your direct manager/supervisor about how much risk her or she is comfortable with you taking. Some companies prefer flawless operation more, others focus on net gain more; it would be reasonable to defer this choice to your manager, as this is what managers are for. However, a diligent, conscientious employee would have some (name removed by moderator)ut in the resulting discussion (some ideas and a good, useful analysis of the situation, in so far as the employee is qualified to make) as opposed to being totally passive and just doing one’s part and nothing more. The Bible rather clearly favours proactive employees but also makes it look like keeping in touch with your boss’s expectations is a good idea.

 

[PaulinVA]

You’re asking how to strike that balance at work between obsession and not caring.

Obsession causes worry and anxiety. You want to do a good job for the sake of doing a good job. You might fear job loss, too, but you just want to get things right.

That is admirable. We all want to do a job job (okay, most of us do). Do your best, let things go when directed to, make contributions to improve things.

My observation, from your threads over the past years, is that you are more at risk for always wanting things to be done your way, for interactions to be on your terms, than you are from not doing things correctly.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Ok, it is another work thread and I think I have finally been hit with the bolt of lighting.

I went to adoration and prayed about why I have so many work issues. And this is the insight that has come to me.

I am so petrified of being fired, my fear sabotages me. I have a lot of trouble letting go of little things. For example, if I don’t understand a business procedure and at the end of the day, getting it wrong will only cost the company at most $10 (or any minimal amount) I can’t just do as most people and not worry about the $10. At some point, I am afraid I will look incompetent for not knowing everything

The biblical quote that comes to mind (which I don’t know word for word but the meaning) is the one about ‘don’t worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries’, or whatever it is.

And I think to myself, if someone is in a situation, for example, they never had the opportunity to get an education. Well, it isn’t their fault and God will provide in His abundance.

But then I think ‘well, it wasn’t their fault, but I make mistakes at work so it is my fault’ and they I wonder if that quote applies to me. (After writing it, I see the silliness in that statement but it is what is in my heart)

So, the question that plagues me is ‘How do I care enough so that I take responsibility for my work but yet not over worry’?

Not sure my question makes sense

Angie

Only you know you well enough to have true insight. But I’ll be honest. Your assessment of your issues would never have occurred to me.

Angie, we have done this for years. I feel emotionally invested in your life! I must admit I love the drama your work threads provide. But, as an outsider who only knows what you post. Without having ever met you in person, having been an employee and also an employer, your assessment does not make sense. If I could be so bold as to say, if you were being honest in one of those interview questions that asks about your greatest weakness I would expect the honest answer would be more along the lines of you thinking you know better and your pride and perhaps boredom at work cause you to seek out alliances and drama where they need not exist.

I humbly offer that. Knowing you may be offended. I hope you are not. That is not my intention.

 

[pianistclare]

I agree with Paul and HD. You may want to see a therapist about OCD, or possible Aspie issues.
I don’t think you intentionally want to get everyone in trouble and polish your own apple…I just think you can’t help it.
I too hope that you don’t take offense. You tend to say I’m being mean when I speak bluntly. But that’s never my intent.
Misreading people. It’s a real thing.

God bless. I hope you figure it out.

 

[Samwise1]

I used to have the same worries, about both the complexity of my job and of my relationship. worries, and also the thought that I knew Jesus helped simple things like joblessness and actual relationship problems - my problems did not fit into that…
Then someday something helped me realize that Jesus’ father, God the Creator, is Creator of Heaven and earth, so also knows about all the rules and procedures I am confronted with…

Since then, really my worries have diminished so much…

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Ok, it is another work thread and I think I have finally been hit with the bolt of lighting.

I went to adoration and prayed about why I have so many work issues. And this is the insight that has come to me.

I am so petrified of being fired, my fear sabotages me. I have a lot of trouble letting go of little things. For example, if I don’t understand a business procedure and at the end of the day, getting it wrong will only cost the company at most $10 (or any minimal amount) I can’t just do as most people and not worry about the $10. At some point, I am afraid I will look incompetent for not knowing everything

The biblical quote that comes to mind (which I don’t know word for word but the meaning) is the one about ‘don’t worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries’, or whatever it is.

And I think to myself, if someone is in a situation, for example, they never had the opportunity to get an education. Well, it isn’t their fault and God will provide in His abundance.

But then I think ‘well, it wasn’t their fault, but I make mistakes at work so it is my fault’ and they I wonder if that quote applies to me. (After writing it, I see the silliness in that statement but it is what is in my heart)

So, the question that plagues me is ‘How do I care enough so that I take responsibility for my work but yet not over worry’?

Not sure my question makes sense

Angie

I am glad you figured out why you are always having problems at work.

I got into a construction union 3 years ago. I was now making $5 a hour more that I was making in my old field of work and I was petrified about getting fired and getting a bad reputation at my union hall. The first superintendent I worked with in a construction company was a real jerk. He was a good guy too sometimes but also a real jerk. He was always yelling. YELLING. Not passive aggressive talking behind peoples backs nonsense. Just picture a old school construction guy yelling at you that you cannot do anything right WHILE you are trying to work in close to 100 degree weather outside. And it happened almost on a daily basis. I also did not want to seem incompetent in any way. I could not blow this chance in my mind. Only I knew almost nothing about the job because I was inexperienced. Well, I never stood up for myself for the 2 months I worked with him. I was new, I did not know anything, a more experienced worker would have demanded respect and stood up for himself. Well, about 9 months later after I was a more experienced worker and foremen and superintendents were fighting over who got me on their job site, I was asked to temporarily help out on that “jerk” superintendents job again. Well, believe me, he did not get the same guy. I yelled right on back and defended myself against him the second time. If he needed to correct me about something, that was fine. When I was wrong about something, I would take being corrected by being yelled at. Whatever. But when I knew his aggression was uncalled for, I stood up for myself and he backed off. I no longer feared getting fired because I had already proved I was a great worker. Getting into it with one superintendent while every other foreman and super I worked with was praising me made less serious the threat of being fired in my mind.

You sound, much like me, like a worrier by nature. You just need to find a balance. I wish I could tell you how to do that. Yeah, the only thing I can recommend is being patient and giving it time. You are going to make mistakes. Unavoidable. You are not going to know everything unless you have years and years of experience at your job. People’s wills are going to clash with yours. Do not make everything a big deal. Choose a course of action for every problem and do it. Just use your best judgement. You do not sound too incompetent to deal with the people at your work to me. Just not confident.

And I never had a chance to get a education and it is true The Lord provides for me but do you think I do not break my back in the process too? Guess what… God may have gotten me the job, he may have had me be born with a extra strong and thick back and a strong will to do my job, but I still break my back everyday at work. God provides but nobody gets a completely free ride. You are not as different from others as you seem to think that you are. You think God holds you to a higher standard and will not provide for you just because you got a education? Really? Think about that. Do you have a PHD? If not, what if a PHD told you “Well, you only have a graduate degree so God will provide for you but I have a PHD so he wont for me. At least not as much as he will for you.” There is something very wrong with that reasoning.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Angie, we have done this for years. I feel emotionally invested in your life! I must admit I love the drama your work threads provide. .

I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or I should pray God find better entertainment for you

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t think you intentionally want to get everyone in trouble and polish your own apple…I just think you can’t help it.

Ok, let me try to explain why I believe it is a fear of being fired. If someone does something blantantely wrong such as saying 1+1 = 3 and in order to get along with the group I say nothing, I can’t help but think a manager would say ‘Angie was right in the room and she didn’t correct the error’

There is a lot more I could say but I am pressed for time

Angie

 

[pianistclare]

Ok, let me try to explain why I believe it is a fear of being fired. If someone does something blantantely wrong such as saying 1+1 = 3 and in order to get along with the group I say nothing, I can’t help but think a manager would say ‘Angie was right in the room and she didn’t correct the error’

There is a lot more I could say but I am pressed for time

Angie

As I have said before, these are management concerns.
If you want to climb to management level…keep out of other people’s business and work issues (if there even are any at the lower level.
They seldom promote people who seem to be nosing into everything.
Confidentiality is different than feeling culpable for others.
You’re not culpable for them. Think of it this way: If you were the main boss…would you want someone in another department telling you that you have no clue what’s going on? Nope. You wouldn’t like it at all, in fact, you might develop an antagonist attitude toward the person who is always “informing”. I recall one of your former supervisors pulled you aside before you left and tried to tell you something similar. Some CAF people and yourself jumped on the “she’s just jealous you’re moving on” bandwagon with you.
I don’t think she was. I believe she was genuinely trying to help you to start off to a good foot at your new position. But people are always out to get you. I think you should prayerfully re-think that. They’re not. Why? How would that benefit them on any level?
No.
As HD says, keep your head down.
If you get fired it’s not because of other people’s errors.
It’s only based on your actions or misunderstandings from your end.
Keep to your own tasks, at whatever involvement that requires, and you’ll survive.

 

[EasterJoy]

Ok, let me try to explain why I believe it is a fear of being fired. If someone does something blantantely wrong such as saying 1+1 = 3 and in order to get along with the group I say nothing, I can’t help but think a manager would say ‘Angie was right in the room and she didn’t correct the error’

There is a lot more I could say but I am pressed for time

Angie

That doesn’t sound like a fear of being fired. That sounds like fear of being blamed. Do you only act on that fear at work? Did you find that when you were growing up, the most important question was not “what is wrong and how are we going to fix it?” but rather “what is wrong and who are we going to blame?” Did you perhaps pick up your fear of blame at your first job?

When you go to work, the question is “how are things working and how can we make them work as well as possible?” The big caveat here is that workers who are being constantly observed will work at a higher stress level and a lower productivity level than workers who feel trusted and protected by protocols or just an atmosphere meant to compensate for inevitable error.

You don’t want to be the person increases the stress of others by observing them all of the time and making certain that you don’t take any of the blame for their mistakes. You don’t want to give people the feeling that they can’t trust you. When you know someone else is willing to help you without concern about getting blame or credit, you come to trust that person. *People will not trust someone who is afraid of taking blame or obviously afraid that someone, somewhere, is making a mistake that she failed to notice. *When you trust no one or when you don’t trust someone with ways to make your life worse, you are always under stress, feeling watched, afraid of being blamed.

Here is the news: there are worse things than getting blamed for something. There are worse things than doing a diligent job and making a mistake, anyway. There are worse things than deciding to take the hit for a co-worker. When someone is neither a doormat nor overly concerned about correctly assessing blame and credit, when someone simply wants to get the job done without the team sustaining any casualties, that person will be admired and trusted. People will be more at ease around that person. As you mature and gain confidence as an employee, you could be that person.

It is natural to feel ill at ease at a new job. You don’t know what the expectations are, you don’t know what you’re doing, you are afraid you won’t learn your job quickly enough, you don’t know who can be trusted in what ways and who deserves a certain amount of wariness in what ways. You are tempted to rush to put people into simple categories of “trust” or “don’t trust” based on your early interactions with them. You are tempted to rush to make yourself Simple Rules for Never Screwing Up.

Try to find yourself a mentor. It could be at work, it could be somewhere else, but the number of threads you start here say you could use someone to talk to in-person about how to interpret and navigate your work world. Advice from a single person might not be right or wrong any more often than we are, but at least one person is likely to be consistent and offers you the opportunity to get support from a less-anonymous source.

You need someone with skin on, someone with eyes that look back at you. Try to find that.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Did you find that when you were growing up, the most important question was not “what is wrong and how are we going to fix it?” but rather “what is wrong and who are we going to blame?” .

Well, yes there are childhood issues but won’t go into them here

Did you perhaps pick up your fear of blame at your first job?.

Definitely, it was a VERY stressful environment. I remember I use to have to put files back on the shelf. The procedure was to first put the files in numerical order, so you would only have to walk down the aisle once. I would put all the files from 0 to 999 in one pile, all the files from 1000 to 1999 in another and so on. After I would go through each individual piles and put them in numerical order. The girl beside me pointed out the piles weren’t in order and I said ‘I know I will do that after I have the first round of piles done’ She did NOT understand at all what I was doing. After I had the first big round of piles done, I went for lunch. When I came back to sort the individual piles, she told me that the big wig from head office (located in another town) came by and looked in the piles and asked why they weren’t in numerical order and this girl told me ‘I just had to tell him that I try to tell you so and you wouldn’t listen’. It went in my file that I did not know numerical order and no matter how much I tried to explain my side of the story, no one listened. That is the type of environment I have often worked in.
.

 

[pianistclare]

Well, yes there are childhood issues but won’t go into them here

Definitely, it was a VERY stressful environment. I remember I use to have to put files back on the shelf. The procedure was to first put the files in numerical order, so you would only have to walk down the aisle once. I would put all the files from 0 to 999 in one pile, all the files from 1000 to 1999 in another and so on. After I would go through each individual piles and put them in numerical order. The girl beside me pointed out the piles weren’t in order and I said ‘I know I will do that after I have the first round of piles done’ She did NOT understand at all what I was doing. After I had the first big round of piles done, I went for lunch. When I came back to sort the individual piles, she told me that the big wig from head office (located in another town) came by and looked in the piles and asked why they weren’t in numerical order and this girl told me ‘I just had to tell him that I try to tell you so and you wouldn’t listen’. It went in my file that I did not know numerical order and no matter how much I tried to explain my side of the story, no one listened. That is the type of environment I have often worked in.
.

oh. my. goodness.

 

[EasterJoy]

Well, yes there are childhood issues but won’t go into them here

I don’t blame you for going into them here, but you may find it is time to go into them with someone in some setting. I don’t mean you have to untangle your whole childhood. I mean seeing a connection that could lead to a reaction you don’t want, a tendency to react that you will need to learn to identify so you can choose a different response, instead.

Definitely, it was a VERY stressful environment. I remember I use to have to put files back on the shelf. The procedure was to first put the files in numerical order, so you would only have to walk down the aisle once. I would put all the files from 0 to 999 in one pile, all the files from 1000 to 1999 in another and so on. After I would go through each individual piles and put them in numerical order. The girl beside me pointed out the piles weren’t in order and I said ‘I know I will do that after I have the first round of piles done’ She did NOT understand at all what I was doing. After I had the first big round of piles done, I went for lunch. When I came back to sort the individual piles, she told me that the big wig from head office (located in another town) came by and looked in the piles and asked why they weren’t in numerical order and this girl told me ‘I just had to tell him that I try to tell you so and you wouldn’t listen’. It went in my file that I did not know numerical order and no matter how much I tried to explain my side of the story, no one listened. That is the type of environment I have often worked in.

Do you see how having a conversation with a co-worker and then sending an e-mail with a cc: to her boss and other persons could feel the same way to her as this felt to you? I don’t mean to put you down. I mean to imagine how your co-worker who thought you weren’t doing things the right way because you weren’t doing them her way could have handling things differently when a superior came by. Try not to let your fear make you into her. To the extent that it has, accept forgiveness for yourself and use it to forgive her, too.

I know there are people out there who lack aptitude in one aspect of their job and who compensate for that by defending “the way I was taught to do it” practically to the death. There are workplaces where thinking in a way that will advance you at a good job will only get you in trouble. This is where I think a mentor may help you a lot. It is hard when you are new to sort out how to navigate these things without second-guessing yourself or digging your heels in at an inappropriate time. That takes experience, and a mentor can help you get some in an easier way rather than the hard way.

As for childhood or other personality aspects that need work, you may find that a mentor can’t be a therapist. If you need one of those to learn to cope at work, get one. You’ll learn things you’ll use for your whole career. No reason to run on a flat tire or short of a headlight awhile longer until you’re in a “better spot” to get the work done.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Ok, let me try to explain why I believe it is a fear of being fired. If someone does something blantantely wrong such as saying 1+1 = 3 and in order to get along with the group I say nothing, I can’t help but think a manager would say ‘Angie was right in the room and she didn’t correct the error’

There is a lot more I could say but I am pressed for time

Angie

Why doesn’t your fear of being fired include
"Angie always seems to be up in everyone’s business and at the center of drama. "

The two biggest pet peeves I had as a manager that I would fire over is someone who caused disruption in the workplace. (Especially passive aggressively) and someone who never “messed up” At least in thier mind.

Two people come to me one says,".Yeah that project got messed up but I know what I did wrong and next time I’ll do it right"
They not only keep thier job but they move up in my mind
The other always says " Cindy didn’t do it right". And that’s the first person I fire. Even if Cindy was wrong.

Just be certain your self assessment is honest and logical.

 

[Vico]

Ok, it is another work thread and I think I have finally been hit with the bolt of lighting.

I went to adoration and prayed about why I have so many work issues. And this is the insight that has come to me.

I am so petrified of being fired, my fear sabotages me. I have a lot of trouble letting go of little things. For example, if I don’t understand a business procedure and at the end of the day, getting it wrong will only cost the company at most $10 (or any minimal amount) I can’t just do as most people and not worry about the $10. At some point, I am afraid I will look incompetent for not knowing everything

The biblical quote that comes to mind (which I don’t know word for word but the meaning) is the one about ‘don’t worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries’, or whatever it is.

And I think to myself, if someone is in a situation, for example, they never had the opportunity to get an education. Well, it isn’t their fault and God will provide in His abundance.

But then I think ‘well, it wasn’t their fault, but I make mistakes at work so it is my fault’ and they I wonder if that quote applies to me. (After writing it, I see the silliness in that statement but it is what is in my heart)

So, the question that plagues me is ‘How do I care enough so that I take responsibility for my work but yet not over worry’?

Not sure my question makes sense

Angie

The instruction is to “But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.”

Matthew 6

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? 27 Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?[q] 28 Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. 29 But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. 30 [r]If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ 32 All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. 34 Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

 

[underacloud]

I agree with Paul and HD. You may want to see a therapist about OCD, or possible Aspie issues.

Yes.

I have always thought Angie might be on the autism spectrum based in her posts, her frustrations with others and inability to see their viewpoints, and her love of order, logic, routine/process, etc. It’s hard to come out and say that to someone on an Internet forum, but I’ll jump in now that you’ve raised it.

And that’s not meant as any offense to you Angie. I have two ASD children and I couldn’t love them more if they were “normal”.

If it was merely about avoiding being fired you would never try to change processes for the better, you just make sure you’re not to blame when things go wrong. But any suboptimal process seems to drive you nuts and you can’t help but want to change it, even when that puts you at odds with others - again, not something that indicates a fear of being fired.