I Think I Hate God.. Need Prayers!

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Kamonian_Wax

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Hello,

I’m 19. I’ve been struggling with masturbation and once in a blue moon, pornography for the last 6 years, and I think I figured out why I try to seek these evils. Basically, there really isn’t a reason necessary for me to be acting this way, so many things in my life are going smoothly, I’m safe, I’ve got food, I’m going to a good college, have strong Christian and Catholic friends, especially a closer one from back in my hometown. I’ve got beautiful, holy, wonderful friends and family that I’ve been blessed by God with… But I still let myself go with these evils.

Well, folks, I fell into watching pornography today. I’m going to confession tomorrow, but that’s not what I’m writing about. I’m writing about the need for prayers, to help me expose the root of my behavior and then systematically destroy it.

God, He’s done spectacular things in my life - last minute college application, and I got into a great school, I have so many supportive and caring friends, males and females, alike, and I have a close friend whom I admire very much. She’s holy, unselfish, and beautiful. I love her as a sister, and want the Lord to see her through.

But there’s something in me that isn’t right. It’s somewhere deep, and so not of God. So many times when I’m under trial and temptation to either masturbate, or to look at porn, something inside of my mind ‘switches the channel,’ and when I was a kid it was typically turning from thoughts that had to do with God and the 10 Commandments. Recollecting my current shortcomings, for some strange reason, it’s not just God I’m tuning out minutes before I complete the action, but it’s the people I love, too.

I prayed and thought hard after I fell this last time, and I think I’ve figured something very strange out. When I masturbate, I’ve typically come off of a situation that was either very stressful, bad, or very good, and holy. These are stark contrasts, but this is where it’s interesting, I think it may have something to do with my being impatient with myself. In the case of the bad, it may be because I’m feeling a carnal desire and I want to just go straight at it and satisfy my hunger. On the other spectrum, it’s because I’m being too impatient to invest and accept trials from God in order to closer to Him. I think it may be because I’m too much into not being patient with myself.

Impatience is obviously directly involved with Immaturity, which is in turn involved with Lack of Wisdom (Fear of the Lord). If I’m lacking in Wisdom, then I’m probably lacking in Faith. I’m not sure why, but I am, and since I grew up as a Catholic, the only reason why am lacking in Faith now, is not having made a definite decision to turn to God because I, for some strange reason, don’t want His plan. This can only be Selfishness.

Obviously, nothing works out for those who are selfish, and especially in relationships with others, they are bound to failure with selfishness. Relationships with one-another, and with God are supposed to be communal, not parasitic, or destructive. But my body wants destruction, and my spirit is in turmoil because of this. This is the reason, and it’s a bit confusing, but this is what I think may be going on: My soul turns away from God because I don’t want a double-standard, with my body going one way and my soul going another, so instead I destroy God’s image by partaking and entertaining myself in the systematic destruction of women in pornography, and by my body’s destroying of God’s image, my soul has decided as well to say, I hate you, God, I don’t want what you have for me.

I have an idea. It’s because I’m selfish. I want to destroy woman (Images of God). I don’t want to do what he wants for me.

Please pray for me to want what He wants, because this heart of mine has grown pretty stubborn. Help.

Thanks. 😦
 
Is any of us not selfish in some way?
The tendencies that trip us are are natural ones, and I pray you will overcome the tendencies, through grace and also through practical strategies to build up habits of avoiding these things.
Think of a practical solution to watching porn, for instance.
We need to look out for the traps we fall into and figure ways to avoid the particular occasion of sin where possible.
Little steps. And trying again if you fail. I don’t think you hate God, but in those words are expressing the frustration you feel at finding that though you have good intentions, it is not so easy to live by those intentions.

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Matthew 26:41 Mark and Luke said the same thing in their gospels, knowing that people do have a battle to act as they know they should.

God blesses you, that at age 19, you wish to do what is right and good.
May God help you on your journey towards purity and deeper faith and commitment, and wholehearted Catholic sacramental life
 
Kamonian_Wax said:
Hello,

I’m 19. I’ve been struggling with masturbation and once in a blue moon, pornography for the last 6 years, and I think I figured out why I try to seek these evils. Basically, there really isn’t a reason necessary for me to be acting this way, so many things in my life are going smoothly, I’m safe, I’ve got food, I’m going to a good college, have strong Christian and Catholic friends, especially a closer one from back in my hometown. I’ve got beautiful, holy, wonderful friends and family that I’ve been blessed by God with… But I still let myself go with these evils.

Well, folks, I fell into watching pornography today. I’m going to confession tomorrow, but that’s not what I’m writing about. I’m writing about the need for prayers, to help me expose the root of my behavior and then systematically destroy it.

God, He’s done spectacular things in my life - last minute college application, and I got into a great school, I have so many supportive and caring friends, males and females, alike, and I have a close friend whom I admire very much. She’s holy, unselfish, and beautiful. I love her as a sister, and want the Lord to see her through.

But there’s something in me that isn’t right. It’s somewhere deep, and so not of God. So many times when I’m under trial and temptation to either masturbate, or to look at porn, something inside of my mind ‘switches the channel,’ and when I was a kid it was typically turning from thoughts that had to do with God and the 10 Commandments. Recollecting my current shortcomings, for some strange reason, it’s not just God I’m tuning out minutes before I complete the action, but it’s the people I love, too.

I prayed and thought hard after I fell this last time, and I think I’ve figured something very strange out. When I masturbate, I’ve typically come off of a situation that was either very stressful, bad, or very good, and holy. These are stark contrasts, but this is where it’s interesting, I think it may have something to do with my being impatient with myself. In the case of the bad, it may be because I’m feeling a carnal desire and I want to just go straight at it and satisfy my hunger. On the other spectrum, it’s because I’m being too impatient to invest and accept trials from God in order to closer to Him. I think it may be because I’m too much into not being patient with myself.

Impatience is obviously directly involved with Immaturity, which is in turn involved with Lack of Wisdom (Fear of the Lord). If I’m lacking in Wisdom, then I’m probably lacking in Faith. I’m not sure why, but I am, and since I grew up as a Catholic, the only reason why am lacking in Faith now, is not having made a definite decision to turn to God because I, for some strange reason, don’t want His plan. This can only be Selfishness.

Obviously, nothing works out for those who are selfish, and especially in relationships with others, they are bound to failure with selfishness. Relationships with one-another, and with God are supposed to be communal, not parasitic, or destructive. But my body wants destruction, and my spirit is in turmoil because of this. This is the reason, and it’s a bit confusing, but this is what I think may be going on: My soul turns away from God because I don’t want a double-standard, with my body going one way and my soul going another, so instead I destroy God’s image by partaking and entertaining myself in the systematic destruction of women in pornography, and by my body’s destroying of God’s image, my soul has decided as well to say, I hate you, God, I don’t want what you have for me.

I have an idea. It’s because I’m selfish. I want to destroy woman (Images of God). I don’t want to do what he wants for me.

Please pray for me to want what He wants, because this heart of mine has grown pretty stubborn. Help.

Thanks. 😦
Click to expand...
You’ve hit the target: masturbation is an unbalance of emotions. Emotions are related to sexuality. So, your sexuality gets imbalanced.
It is your stress that causes masturbation. Well, ask for forgiveness to God, go to confession, but you must do something: treat your stress.
The best way I know is through meditation.
Do yoga. Do not worry if 1001 people will fall on me saying that yoga is the devil. It is the usual uproar. There is hindhu yoga with all those gods. Take the gods out, and reincarnation and put God and you have yoga with Christ. Do not give up any of the Catholic Teachings for the Hindhu ones and you are all right. The exercises (do you practice sports? as man, a stressed man, you need it), the excelent exercises that give you the 6 things you need: strength, flexibility, resistence, tortion, equilibrium and self-awareness are good.
The mental exercise (stop: you need here a good instructor, I may help if you want) put order into your thoughts and feelings.
Sexuality comes after that.
 
Young man, that took a lot of courage to spill your guts for us on the forum.

I suffer from almost exactly the same problem. I’ve been masturbating for 6 years or so. Looking at porn, naked girls, whatever turns me on. Even drawing stuff… O_o

But only recently did I decide to kick the habit. And I’m having a lot of trouble. It’s a rare, very rare, week when I don’t go to confession for just this sin. It’s a stubborn, persistent one.

Not only that, I have an addiction, on could say, to the computer. It’s a rare hour that I’m not on the computer - although I have been dedicating a bit more of my time to prayer of the Divine Office. I get what you mean about feeling selfish and turning away from God. I do want to be a part of God’s plan for me. But I think, maybe you will agree, that I’m just scared, afraid to give up this pet vice of mine, because it makes me feel so good. (Both the computer and the masturbation.)

I will keep you in my prayers, and our Lady will, too, I’m sure. This is real tough stuff.
Pfaffenhoffen said:
You’ve hit the target: masturbation is an unbalance of emotions. Emotions are related to sexuality. So, your sexuality gets imbalanced.
It is your stress that causes masturbation. Well, ask for forgiveness to God, go to confession, but you must do something: treat your stress.
The best way I know is through meditation.
Do yoga. Do not worry if 1001 people will fall on me saying that yoga is the devil. It is the usual uproar. There is hindhu yoga with all those gods. Take the gods out, and reincarnation and put God and you have yoga with Christ. Do not give up any of the Catholic Teachings for the Hindhu ones and you are all right. The exercises (do you practice sports? as man, a stressed man, you need it), the excelent exercises that give you the 6 things you need: strength, flexibility, resistence, tortion, equilibrium and self-awareness are good.
The mental exercise (stop: you need here a good instructor, I may help if you want) put order into your thoughts and feelings.
Sexuality comes after that.
Click to expand...
Sounds like good instructions. But are you sure it’s necessary to exercise? :ehh:

Is there any way I could make my exercise productive? By which I mean, I feel pretty useless and silly just running in place, or walking around a mile for no apparent reason.
 
Hi friend.
I admire your distaste for selfishness. I wish that I had learned that same distaste for it at a much earlier age. But you are (unfortunately) mistaken about one point.
Selfishness does not, always, in this life, lead to destruction. In way too many cases, selfish, uncaring, greedy people are doing JUST FINE, thank you, in fact better than most of us ever WILL do. Who do you think owns and runs most of the major, huge corporations and Wall Street billionaire and trillionaire financial firms? A bunch of godly altruists? No way. And they’re doing just fine.
But the Bible addresses the prosperity of the wicked and tells us NOT to be jealous of it.
Why? Because, SOMETIMES, when God knows that people’s hearts are IRRETRIEVABLY dead-set against Him, he lets them prosper like crazy, so that, being deliberately ungodly, they become more boldly set in their ways. Kinda like the way he allowed the horrible, evil Pharoah of Egypt to become the most powerful man on earth. This man was brutal, wicked, and no way was he EVER going to repent, even in the face of God’s miracles (which were extraordinary graces provided to Pharoah to lead him to repentance). So God provided him with dazzling and terrifying miracles, and Pharoah, did he repent? NOPE. He, the wealthy and cruel power-monger, further hardened his heart, leading to his, and his army’s, complete destruction.
Still, in THIS life, very often, selfishness DOES pay, but the benefits are EXCLUSIVELY temporal and will lead to ETERNAL loss.

As for the sexual lust, yes it is very, very wrong. But don’t accuse yourself of out-and-out “hating” God. That is a demonic sin. Even most people who are very angry at God for some reason (which is wrong, too) do not actually “hate” God. They are just frustrated and don’t know what to make of their situation and God’s role, if any, in it.
You are 19. At your age, your hormones are raging. That, not hating God, is a big part of your problem. But DO try to get hold of it while you’re young. I warn you from experience. I gave in to it, and became promiscuous. Don’t do that. Don’t.
Since you were raised Catholic, you have many, many blessings that I never, ever had.
Although my mom was and is practically a saint, I was raised in a very confused, broken, dysfunctional family, full of paranoia, full of belief that God hated everything that I found beautiful, filled from the tip of my toes to the top of my head with FALSE religious teachings, including the teaching that the world was going to end by the time I was 30 and that therefore any serious attempts at an education beyond high school would be a waste of time AND extremely sinful to boot. You cannot IMAGINE the mental, psychological, and moral harm that cult religions do to those exposed to their insane teachings. Add to that a dysfunctional family, and you have a recipe for disaster. I never learned patience (never had time, had to do everything quick, the world was coming to an end and God was gonna kill me because I defiantly enjoyed wicked songs like SILENT NIGHT and HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING).
Friend, you didn’t have these problems, according to your own statements above.
I am still, to this day, a mental wreck and have other problems too.
You can be healed rather quickly by comparison.
I’m not minimizing your pain and suffering, but I’m pointing out that you can do stuff, effectively for yourself, a lot more quickly than I can. So I STRONGLY recommend the following:
Pray THE DEVOTION OF THE THREE HAIL MARYS. Google it, it’s great.
Pray THE CHAPLET OF THE DIVINE MERCY everyday, that you may have Jesus’s grace to conquer the bad habits and the impatience. Jesus has attached very many promises of grace and other helps to those who pray this Chaplet, even if you were set in your ways in deliberate sin. So pray it daily without fail.
One person above recommended exercising. Absolutely do that. Every day. It will relieve some of the nervousness that definitely contributes to sexual appetite.
Enroll, immediately, in prayer and mass associations, so that you are being BATHED in prayer by holy people, even when you do not have time to be praying.
An especially good one is The Seraphic Mass Association seraphicmass.org
A perpetual enrollment is only $5, and you can enroll immediately online to begin enjoying the spiritual benefits.
Avoid vulgar worldly entertainment like the PLAGUE. Stay away from tv shows that glorify sin or even minimize it. They weaken your spirit.
Do not follow, admire, or emulate entertainers whose lives are characterized by the practice of, or the advocacy of, serious sin (this includes those who flaunt their “alternative sexual lifestyles” and those who flaunt the fact that they sleep around with anything in a skirt).
Read your bible daily, pray your rosary, frequent confession and the other sacraments.
God be with you, and may you prosper in your walk with God.
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+
PRAY THE ROSARY DAILY
 
Kamonian_Wax said:
Hello,

I’m 19. I’ve been struggling with masturbation and once in a blue moon, pornography for the last 6 years, and I think I figured out why I try to seek these evils. Basically, there really isn’t a reason necessary for me to be acting this way, so many things in my life are going smoothly, I’m safe, I’ve got food, I’m going to a good college, have strong Christian and Catholic friends, especially a closer one from back in my hometown. I’ve got beautiful, holy, wonderful friends and family that I’ve been blessed by God with… But I still let myself go with these evils.
Click to expand...
Sexual addiction can be as addictive as powerful narcotics. See the following article at salvomag.com/new/articles/salvo13/13hilton.php to see how sexual addiction affects your brain chemistry.

I was once a sex addict. I quit cold turkey when I realized that I was quickly approaching a spiritual and physical dead end. But recovery would have been impossible without the sacraments, especially the sacrament of reconciliation, and the Rosary and Perpetual Adoration. The road to recovery was very painful from a physical and mental standpoint (the withdrawal symptoms get worse the longer you persist in the addiction) but without the spiritual healing that comes thru the sacraments (forget yoga), it would have been impossible and would have probably ended in self-despair and suicide.

In my opinion, sex addiction is much more dangerous than an addiction to drugs or alchohol (as bad as they are). Sex addiction involves a spiritual component that is not present in the other addictions. It is a demonic obsession that can quickly lead to demonic possession if not stopped.

Your best bet is to go to confession and get a regular confessor who can serve as your spiritual advisor (since scrupulosity is also a danger when breaking an addiction), pray the Rosary daily, go to Perpetual Adoration if at all possible.

I would also suggest that you read Fulton Sheen’s book* Lift Up Your Heart: A Guide to Spiritual Peace*. One passage that I remember helping me “see the light” was:

“When the egotist is given over to a reprobate mind and left alone, the Lord allows him the desire of his heart. He gets exactly what he wants - and yet he hates himself for wanting it. The sense of despair which the egotist feels is the beginning of his hell. So long as the egotist felt the tension between what he was doing and the feeling that it was wrong, there was hope. But when the tension has ceased, God seems, at least for the moment, to have left him alone, as he wished. But in truth God never abandons him until his final rejection of grace at death. The egoist in his false peace may flatly boast he has quite “outgrown” the thoughts of God and judgment and religion and that he will now enjoy his freedom. With this decision, he enters into that stage of evil of which Nietzsche boasted: “Evil, be thou my good.” If he feels frustration, boredom, and despair, he refuses to see these things as the result of having already drunk too deeply from the cup of sin, but seeks to cure them by drinking its dregs. He may acknowledge his boredom - but he fancies that a greater boldness in evil will stimulate his interest in life. As time goes on, the heart of such an egotist becomes more callous, and the tender sensitiveness of his soul is dulled. Faults multiply to a point where, having ceased to fight against evil, he now begins to fight against God. Such is the psychological explanation of atheism in the modern world. For the new atheism is not like the old, theoretical atheism, which prided itself on being intellectually compounded of a little science, anthropology, and comparative religion. The new atheism is not of the intellect, but of the will; it is an act of free and eager rejection of morality and its demands. It starts with an affirmation of the self and the denial of the Moral Law. The new atheist does not “know there is no God,” as he tells us. There is no one in the whole world who knows there is no God; but the modern atheist wishes there were no God…The fires of hell will be enkindled from within the self. The unhappiness, the misery, the self-torture that the egotist feels is already a self-burning; hell may be described as a place where the ego eternally burns in its own solitude…There is only one thing that the egotists have in common with one another in hell, and that is the hatred that they bear for one another. This hatred will be intensified there, because each egotist will see in the other that which he hates within himself…Love either cherishes or consumes; it draws us to heaven, or (if we flee from it) it delivers us to hell. For hell is not an experience that begins in the next life; it continues there, but it begins on earth. The despairing and the bored have already had their first knowledge of hell in the final stage of egotism enthroned.”
 
We all struggle with what I call besetting sins, rejoice that you are battling this. God will help you. Praying the rosary daily helps me with my besetting sin, and also I think adoration is a real help.
Your age and the culture we live in doesn’t help. If there is something you can do like getting a filter on your computer do it. I still think the sacraments are the best. When at work and struggling with uncharitable thought I have just discovered and started reciting the Jesus Prayer,
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner.
It really seems to provide comfort and allow me to treat other with more charity. I work in a high stress often aggressive environment.
Hang in there you don’t hate God, if you are like me I hate my sin and get frustrated when I do the very thing I hate, especially the one sin i seem to stumble over repeatedly. Paul talks about this in the Bible.
Remember how much God loves you.
Peace,
Sarah
 
TarkanAttila said:
Young man, that took a lot of courage to spill your guts for us on the forum.

I suffer from almost exactly the same problem. I’ve been masturbating for 6 years or so. Looking at porn, naked girls, whatever turns me on. Even drawing stuff… O_o

But only recently did I decide to kick the habit. And I’m having a lot of trouble. It’s a rare, very rare, week when I don’t go to confession for just this sin. It’s a stubborn, persistent one.

Not only that, I have an addiction, on could say, to the computer. It’s a rare hour that I’m not on the computer - although I have been dedicating a bit more of my time to prayer of the Divine Office. I get what you mean about feeling selfish and turning away from God. I do want to be a part of God’s plan for me. But I think, maybe you will agree, that I’m just scared, afraid to give up this pet vice of mine, because it makes me feel so good. (Both the computer and the masturbation.)

I will keep you in my prayers, and our Lady will, too, I’m sure. This is real tough stuff.

Sounds like good instructions. But are you sure it’s necessary to exercise? :ehh:

Is there any way I could make my exercise productive? By which I mean, I feel pretty useless and silly just running in place, or walking around a mile for no apparent reason.
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You are a man, you should exercise A LOT.
No wonder you masturbate. We are cousins of the monkeys (please, gimme a break on the subject of evolution, that is not the point!). Did you ever see a monkey in an office 9 hours a day sitting at a desk and going home and sitting drinking a beer and watching othersmaking exercise in the NBA?
You have got testosterone, that is the accelerator running high, now you sit all day at the desk, that is the brakes on, so, think on how your car is tuned !!!
If you see monkeys in the Zoo, you see what you should be doing all day: exercise. We are not of the family of snails or lizards, which go slow and like to sleep. Our body needs movement and our society is completely out of balance.
Once i went to America. I saw the twin towers and New England and enjoyed a lot (Conn.). What surprised me most? The number of fat people. It is just out of the ordinary and a health problem.
In the old times, when you were working in the farm, you would not need to go jogging or to the gymnasium. Your body was dead at sunset. Now, you need to compensate with jogging, lifting weights, yoga, whatever, the damage the 9 hours at the office did to you.
If you do not like to make a fool’s image running, OK, you suffer the consequences. Your choice.
Your Body needs movement and it is Christian to appeal to that. God wants us to be healthy. Jesus, as described in the Shroud of Turin, was a powerful and athletic person.
Ladies are more aware of that and just exercise more. Men, they would rather exercise fork and knife and lifting a beer.
In New York, I saw ladies who were going to work in running shoes, all dressed as executives. When they arrived to the office they changed shoes… Good…
As a trainer said of men who go to the Stadiums: "There they are 60 thousand men lacking exercise watching 40 men needing rest.
Too much or too little, that is the imbalance of our Society.
I like yoga but for you I tell: dont choose, just do it. The harder the better. The body after exercise, throes into the blood pleasure hormones: serotonin and endorphins. You suffered doing exercise but you feel a pleasure afterwards.
Dont want suffer+pleasure in exercise?
You must get pleasure otherwise, and it seems you are not enjoying it…
Go for it…I am with you…!!!
 
TarkanAttila said:
Is there any way I could make my exercise productive? By which I mean, I feel pretty useless and silly just running in place, or walking around a mile for no apparent reason.
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Most YMCA’s around Omaha have cardio rooms with treadmills, bikes, and stairs. What I do when I’m back home, is I would go to like the YMCA on 72nd and Maple, I would go and sit on the bike and just petal-pump for like an hour while watching ESPN’s Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption. You have no idea how entertaining this is. Go do it, it’s a rather addicting daily activity, but you need an MP3 with a radio tuner, so you can tune into the channel’s set frequency to listen to the show.

Thanks for the suggestions, guys, I will definitely look into doing the Divine Chaplet!
 
Jaypeeto4 said:
As for the sexual lust, yes it is very, very wrong. But don’t accuse yourself of out-and-out “hating” God. That is a demonic sin. Even most people who are very angry at God for some reason (which is wrong, too) do not actually “hate” God. They are just frustrated and don’t know what to make of their situation and God’s role, if any, in it.
You are 19. At your age, your hormones are raging. That, not hating God, is a big part of your problem.
Click to expand...
I’ve heard so many times that a mortal sin = action that expresses hatred for God. I’m not consciously saying, “I hate you, God,” but my actions seem to be doing so. I’m rather sick of giving into this, and it’s reassuring that you are all trying to give suggestions, but it always seems like they won’t work out, and I’ll fall yet again.

I don’t want to set myself low like that, but it’s just infuriating to me that I can’t stand trials without quickly running towards abating the stress and completing the action, again and again.

My Saturdays for the past two and a half months have entailed running 30 minutes to a nearby church for confession. It’s rather frustrating of myself. I’m going to print out those prayers you all suggested, and I’ll try to keep you posted on how well I’m am progressing throughout this week with daily prayer.

Thanks, again!
 
Your post struck a nerve for me. Not necessarily because of the contents of it (which I think I suffer from some of that addiction as well, and I am trying and trying to move away from it to things that please God), but because of addiction and turning from God to outright hating or rejecting God.

I am of firm belief that addictions are works of evil spirits, hence the necessity of a true and completely honest spiritual connection with God in any recovery process (the 12 steps of AA being the most notable and outspoken about God in the vocabulary of the steps). The addictions are not pleasing to God, and the actions we take during our suffering from these addictions are especially not pleasing to God, whether its pornography, masturbation, infidelity, alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc. When we partake in any of these actions we feel ashamed and, at least for me, it becomes harder and harder to face God and accept the love of Christ back into our hearts because we know we have offended Him with our actions and thoughts.

The cross of the shame and guilt of our thoughts and actions becomes heavier and heavier over time, and eventually it feels just a little bit easier to run from God, even if it’s just for a little while. What we don’t realize is that yes, it’s painful to admit the shame and guilt of our sins, but the overwhelming love of Jesus forgiving us our sins and bearing our cross for us is totally worth the pain we’ll go through asking for forgiveness.

I, too, rejected God and even stated out loud that either God hated me or I hated God. I went so far as to state that there is no God. This was simply because I was too afraid to admit that I no longer had control over my rapidly deteriorating life. I was tricked by these demons into believing that I would rather hang on to my substance abuse and lack of morals than to give them up and receive God’s love. I look back on it now and can’t believe just how insane that sounds. But inside I knew I was wrong, but I was too scared to come to God.

My wife left with our kids and moved 450 miles away. She obtained a restraining order against me so I can’t even communicate with her unless it pertains to our children, and even then it is restricted to email - no verbal communication at all. I am forbidden by law to ask my wife for forgiveness or to tell her that I love her. All of this because I rejected God. All of this because I didn’t want to turn my life over to Him and follow His will to turn me back into the husband and father I once was or was even meant to be.

So please, I beg of you, continue praying. I will be praying for you. The pain of the cross we bear when we say we hate God is almost unbearable. It is the actual feeling of our souls dying. We need God’s love and mercy in order for our souls to flourish.

I will keep you in my prayers, friend. Nothing on this earth is ever worth hating God for. You are a good person, a child of God, and He loves you. He will never stop loving you. But you’ll need to come to Him first.

God bless you, my friend! Remember, God loves you and so do we!
 
daviddewar said:
I will keep you in my prayers, friend. Nothing on this earth is ever worth hating God for. You are a good person, a child of God, and He loves you. He will never stop loving you. But you’ll need to come to Him first.

God bless you, my friend! Remember, God loves you and so do we!
Click to expand...
Thank you so much! I’m going to try very hard to please God.

I’ll be praying for your very difficult situation, as well, sir. It’s amazing how God, our creator, can forgive us immediately, but people take a while.

Thanks! Hang in there!
 
Jaypeeto4 said:
Hi friend.
I admire your distaste for selfishness. I wish that I had learned that same distaste for it at a much earlier age. But you are (unfortunately) mistaken about one point.
Selfishness does not, always, in this life, lead to destruction. In way too many cases, selfish, uncaring, greedy people are doing JUST FINE, thank you, in fact better than most of us ever WILL do. Who do you think owns and runs most of the major, huge corporations and Wall Street billionaire and trillionaire financial firms? A bunch of godly altruists? No way. And they’re doing just fine.
But the Bible addresses the prosperity of the wicked and tells us NOT to be jealous of it.
Why? Because, SOMETIMES, when God knows that people’s hearts are IRRETRIEVABLY dead-set against Him, he lets them prosper like crazy, so that, being deliberately ungodly, they become more boldly set in their ways. Kinda like the way he allowed the horrible, evil Pharoah of Egypt to become the most powerful man on earth. This man was brutal, wicked, and no way was he EVER going to repent, even in the face of God’s miracles (which were extraordinary graces provided to Pharoah to lead him to repentance). So God provided him with dazzling and terrifying miracles, and Pharoah, did he repent? NOPE. He, the wealthy and cruel power-monger, further hardened his heart, leading to his, and his army’s, complete destruction.
Still, in THIS life, very often, selfishness DOES pay, but the benefits are EXCLUSIVELY temporal and will lead to ETERNAL loss.

As for the sexual lust, yes it is very, very wrong. But don’t accuse yourself of out-and-out “hating” God. That is a demonic sin. **Even most people who are very angry at God **for some reason (which is wrong, too) do not actually “hate” God. They **are just frustrated and don’t know what to make of their situation and God’s role, if any, in it.**You are 19. At your age, your hormones are raging. That, not hating God, is a big part of your problem. But DO try to get hold of it while you’re young. I warn you from experience. I gave in to it, and became promiscuous. Don’t do that. Don’t.
Since you were raised Catholic, you have many, many blessings that I never, ever had.
Although my mom was and is practically a saint, I was raised in a very confused, broken, dysfunctional family, full of paranoia, full of belief that God hated everything that I found beautiful, filled from the tip of my toes to the top of my head with FALSE religious teachings, including the teaching that the world was going to end by the time I was 30 and that therefore any serious attempts at an education beyond high school would be a waste of time AND extremely sinful to boot. You cannot IMAGINE the mental, psychological, and moral harm that cult religions do to those exposed to their insane teachings. Add to that a dysfunctional family, and you have a recipe for disaster. I never learned patience (never had time, had to do everything quick, the world was coming to an end and God was gonna kill me because I defiantly enjoyed wicked songs like SILENT NIGHT and HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING).
Friend, you didn’t have these problems, according to your own statements above.
I am still, to this day, a mental wreck and have other problems too.
You can be healed rather quickly by comparison.
I’m not minimizing your pain and suffering, but I’m pointing out that you can do stuff, effectively for yourself, a lot more quickly than I can. So I STRONGLY recommend the following:
Pray THE DEVOTION OF THE THREE HAIL MARYS. Google it, it’s great.
Pray THE CHAPLET OF THE DIVINE MERCY everyday, that you may have Jesus’s grace to conquer the bad habits and the impatience. Jesus has attached very many promises of grace and other helps to those who pray this Chaplet, even if you were set in your ways in deliberate sin. So pray it daily without fail.
One person above recommended exercising. Absolutely do that. Every day. It will relieve some of the nervousness that definitely contributes to sexual appetite.
Enroll, immediately, in prayer and mass associations, so that you are being BATHED in prayer by holy people, even when you do not have time to be praying.
An especially good one is The Seraphic Mass Association seraphicmass.org
A perpetual enrollment is only $5, and you can enroll immediately online to begin enjoying the spiritual benefits.
Avoid vulgar worldly entertainment like the PLAGUE. Stay away from tv shows that glorify sin or even minimize it. They weaken your spirit.
Do not follow, admire, or emulate entertainers whose lives are characterized by the practice of, or the advocacy of, serious sin (this includes those who flaunt their “alternative sexual lifestyles” and those who flaunt the fact that they sleep around with anything in a skirt).
Read your bible daily, pray your rosary, frequent confession and the other sacraments.
God be with you, and may you prosper in your walk with God.
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+
PRAY THE ROSARY DAILY
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This is the heart of my problem with God, even if I try my best to stay away from that, it keeps coming back with a vengeance. I’ll look into what you suggest. Thank you.
 


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You need to pray to St Michael and watch a very powerful catholic testimony go to marinorestrepo.com

I’ll also pray for you, God bless you.
 
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