I think I messed up...

[montanaman]

Alright, I hate myself for this. I feel weak and like I just lost integrity points. Not to mention the fact that I’m completely disgusted.

Got your attention?

I’ve got this co-worker who’s been a good friend and even a mentor to me. I call him my “black daddy” because his advice and counsel has been extremely insightful and useful. There’s a catch, though–he likes to send or show me totally office (or anywhere) inappropriate material. Some past highlights have been dirty joke emails, somewhat pornographic material (beautiful women in swimsuits) and suggestive videos. They’ve been growing in vulgarity every time I consent.

At first, the things were slightly “off color.” Plus, he first started whowing me that stuff when I was in a period of despair. I was never turned on by that stuff. I was just numb, but I would laugh at the relatively innocent stuff.

However, today he came by my desk and said I “had to see something hilarious.” I asked what it was, extremely cautiously. He gave me a hint, and it was all I needed to know it was something I did NOT want to see.

It’s the typical dilemma–knowing you’re going to be asked to go along, but knowing that refusal to do so will make a bigger deal out of it than it is. On the other hand, this is exactly what integrity is, right?

Well, I failed. I told him, “No thanks, I’ll pass,” but he talked me into it. I guess there’s no point to this. I looked, but believe me, despite the “humor” in the subject matter of this little video, I didn’t think it was funny. I only stood there long enough to satisfy my “buddy” requirement, but even those few seconds have made me question the level of my integrity. I feel like the friendless dork on the playground who would do anything to make the “cool” kids his friends. The thing is, I’m a confident, professional 31-year-old who should be beyond this kind of ****!

Ugh. So anyway, I guess I should confess this. I doubt I met the requirements for mortal sin, here, but it’s still a failing on many other levels. I dunno–what do y’all think? When you’re almost dragged against your will to see something you only peek at–and hate every second of it–is it a grave sin? I suppose that by virtue of having to ask it it probably isn’t, but still.

 

[cmgeo]

Hi,
If the material under question is porn (movie/pic/anything)
and if you did not will fully entertain yourself
How can that be considered a sin let alone mortal sin
Understandably you felt bad about it.
The guilt feeling is perhaps because you could have avoided
that occasion by saying a firm no politely
But you did not do that
Still in my personal openion Love of Jesus is more than
anything else and His Grace should be sufficient for you
If you have a continuous presence of God in life
through constant prayer and Love these kinds
of near occasions of sin can be avoided
“Where sin abounds, God’s grace abounds even more”

 

[montanaman]

cmgeo:

Hi,
If the material under question is porn (movie/pic/anything)
and if you did not will fully entertain yourself
How can that be considered a sin let alone mortal sin
Understandably you felt bad about it.
The guilt feeling is perhaps because you could have avoided
that occasion by saying a firm no politely
But you did not do that
Still in my personal openion Love of Jesus is more than
anything else and His Grace should be sufficient for you
If you have a continuous presence of God in life
through constant prayer and Love these kinds
of near occasions of sin can be avoided
“Where sin abounds, God’s grace abounds even more”

Believe me, I didn’t “willfully entertain myself.” It was a video of material I won’t describe here that I only saw a couple of seconds of. I did see one second or so of the backside of a naked woman (I actually thought it was a man at first), but once I got the gist of what was going to happen I averted my eyes and told my co-worker I’d seen enough.

I’m definitely no prude. I’ve seen and done things I’m not proud of. (Though never ANYTHING like the promised activities in the video). But I know how the shortest steps can lead right off the cliff, too.

I’m not worried that I’ve lost Christ’s love anymore than I usually feel it (another issue for another forum), but I’m seriously curious about the level of my liability here. Given a few moments of cool-headed consideration, I probably would have had no problem saying, “(John), I’m not into that. I’m Catholic and I just went to Confession this weekend and I don’t want to mess it up.”

I didn’t, though, and now here I am.

 

[mercygate]

You get more than one chance to get it right. If he’s really a pretty good friend, you could just look him in the eye, man-to-man, and say:

“Joe, you’ve been a real friend and mentor, so I need to come clean with you, even if you might think less of me for it. I’m Catholic. I’m trying to be a good Catholic, and I’m trying to be a good man. This sexually explicit stuff doesn’t square with my faith. Can you leave me off your distribution list from now on? You can respect that, can’t you, Joe?”

1. You address him forthrightly, and respecting the good he has done for you – like a man and with perfect integrity.
2. You show the standard you are striving to live up to: you’re a soldier in the Army of Christ.
3. You have the guts to take a stand that you know might diminish you in the eyes of a friend (but you’ve anticipated that, so he’ll probably not jump on you for it).
4. You bring out the best in him by asking for his respect.

 

[montanaman]

mercygate:

You get more than one chance to get it right. If he’s really a pretty good friend, you could just look him in the eye, man-to-man, and say:

“Joe, you’ve been a real friend and mentor, so I need to come clean with you, even if you might think less of me for it. I’m Catholic. I’m trying to be a good Catholic, and I’m trying to be a good man. This sexually explicit stuff doesn’t square with my faith. Can you leave me off your distribution list from now on? You can respect that, can’t you, Joe?”

1. You address him forthrightly, and respecting the good he has done for you – like a man and with perfect integrity.
2. You show the standard you are striving to live up to: you’re a soldier in the Army of Christ.
3. You have the guts to take a stand that you know might diminish you in the eyes of a friend (but you’ve anticipated that, so he’ll probably not jump on you for it).
4. You bring out the best in him by asking for his respect.

Thanks. That’s how I’d normally approach it. I’m pretty good about that man-to-man stuff. This guy, however, is tough to connect with on that level for some reason. I think it’s because he’s so much older than me (adding to the creepy factor). He entered the Army on the exact day I was born. He’s got the confidence of a man who’s seen the world and done well in it. He assumes the role of the father figure, and I, being very much trained to respect that, do so. So, there’s some complicated stuff going on there, I guess.

Perhaps this is for another thread, but he’s one of these odd mixtures of “Godly” and pagan. On one hand, he’ll take me aside in a serious moment and tell me not to let all the b.s. of work get to me, and to pray to “the big Man upstairs.” The next, he’ll be discussing what he’d like to do to the intern if he wasn’t married. In other words, he knows the language of the spiritual life, but he’s utterly carnal and he’s apparently totally blind to the contradiction.

No matter. Looks like I’ll be making another Confession run this weekend.

 

[ElizabethJoy]

montanaman:

but once I got the gist of what was going to happen I averted my eyes and told my co-worker I’d seen enough.

Unless this person is a completely insensitive Neanderthal, I’m sure that this alone got something across to him.

“(John), I’m not into that. I’m Catholic and I just went to Confession this weekend and I don’t want to mess it up.”

There ya go - you can practice and be ready for the next time, if he didn’t catch on this time.

 

[mercygate]

montanaman:

Thanks. That’s how I’d normally approach it. I’m pretty good about that man-to-man stuff. This guy, however, is tough to connect with on that level for some reason. I think it’s because he’s so much older than me (adding to the creepy factor). He entered the Army on the exact day I was born. He’s got the confidence of a man who’s seen the world and done well in it. He assumes the role of the father figure, and I, being very much trained to respect that, do so. So, there’s some complicated stuff going on there, I guess.

Perhaps this is for another thread, but he’s one of these odd mixtures of “Godly” and pagan. On one hand, he’ll take me aside in a serious moment and tell me not to let all the b.s. of work get to me, and to pray to “the big Man upstairs.” The next, he’ll be discussing what he’d like to do to the intern if he wasn’t married. In other words, he knows the language of the spiritual life, but he’s utterly carnal and he’s apparently totally blind to the contradiction.

No matter. Looks like I’ll be making another Confession run this weekend.

Sounds like you’re older than he is but you just haven’t put the “how-to” together.

I’d still go for the man-to-man approach. You’re allowing him a “father” position when he is not earning it. In a way, you are allowing yourself to be bullied by him. If he wanted to put his hand inside your pants, would you still “respect” his confidence and seniority?

Remember what the Lord said to Jeremiah: “Say not, ‘I am too young.’”