I think I might be in love? Please help

[JustinK]

I have this friend who I’ve been talking to for about 4 years now. We have really been talking everyday since we started.

The first week she started talking to me, she asked if it was bad that she liked me. I wasn’t into her like that at the time but she has been in the back of my mind ever since. I don’t know if it’s because we talk a lot or what.

I’ve heard people say that we go back and forth like a couple, we have the stupidest fights and most times we frustrate each other, but we always end up talking again.

I can be my own, silly self with her. And I laugh with her.

She visited me a few years ago and I visited her last year. I will be visiting her again in a few months for her birthday.

I have a good time just spending time with her.

I asked her once if she loved me and she paused and said she did.

The thing is, I’ve never had any ‘butterflies’ with her. Not until we met when I was nervous. It feels now like we just sort of compliment each other. It is also a long distance thing, so it makes it hard to not hang out or anything. But I have companion love with her. I know she’ll always be there.

I’ve always been easy to infatuate, but I’ve not been like super into her texting me, but something came up to make me rethink things.

She’s been through some boyfriends in the years we have talked. They’ve always took a turn for the worse and she’s talked to me again. However, she’s currently dating someone.

She told me she doesn’t want it to end up like it does with her other boyfriends. She gets a tad affectionate too quick.

A few nights ago, she told me something she did with him that crushed me. Like, really crushed me. On her first date, too. She’s going out with him again tonight and I don’t want to think what they might be doing.

I know I fall in ‘love’ easy. I also know I have trouble committing. How do I know this isn’t jealousy or something else.

My heart tells me it’s meant to be, I think. Maybe it’s jaded by jealousy. But it must be good that I’m jealous that has to mean some part of me cares for her.

I’ve never voiced my feelings for her to her. There was a time she got fed up and couldn’t take her feelings for me anymore, and just wanted to stay friends.

I don’t know what I should do. It’s either leave her or go all in. But the thought of both scare me. I really am confused about the ways she makes me feel. If I leave her, I’d have to stop talking to her for good. If I tell her everything and go all in, I run the risk of losing it all. Maybe I just want to feel what it’s like to have someone finally. I guess if she loves me she’ll feel the same way.

Then comes the thoughts of her beliefs versus mine. And that’s why I’m on this specifically. That’s a long story, though. I still don’t know what I firmly belief and maybe will never know. If we start anything, that might become an issue later on. So why start something doomed to fail? But there’s a chance we’re meant to be. Is that worth the risk?

I want to not think for once in my life. I want to feel like that’s allowed for me. There’s an exciting chance for a new living situation too with one of my friends, so I might finally get out of the house. I just am confused with a lot right now but the one thing I’m not confused about is that losing her would be a huge mistake.

Please, please pray that she doesn’t do anything she’ll regret. She doesn’t know my feelings for her, so she’s probably fine doing whatever she does with this person.

I just… I just need some support and prayers. I don’t think I can take hiding any sort of truth within me anymore. Maybe it is time to just go for it? Before I lose her for good? At the same time, I don’t want to try it and have it fail and lose her hope for happiness.

I just don’t know what to do. But from my experience, just going with the flow and being guided to do something has been awesome. It’s how I got my first job, my first apartment, went to visit her, etc.

Any and all advice appreciated. Thank you for any and all support.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’m not sure if this is on-line or in person. If this is on-line, you probably don’t know her as well as you think.

And if you’re not going to ask her out, don’t be surprised if she goes out with other people. My sense is she could be waiting for you to do something----like ask her out.

Normally, I’d advise against telling her how you feel, but if you know she likes you, I think it’s acceptable to ask her out and tell her that you are attracted to her, but don’t profess your undying love for her. it

Now, if you do this, and she acts all awkward and surprised, just move on, because that’s a sign this is just a game to her.

And you’re probably right----this is someone you may be not able to be just friends with. Life is like that for people sometimes.

 

[ClearWater]

I have this friend who I’ve been talking to for about 4 years now. We have really been talking everyday since we started.

The first week she started talking to me, she asked if it was bad that she liked me. I wasn’t into her like that at the time but she has been in the back of my mind ever since. I don’t know if it’s because we talk a lot or what.

I’ve heard people say that we go back and forth like a couple, we have the stupidest fights and most times we frustrate each other, but we always end up talking again.

I can be my own, silly self with her. And I laugh with her.

She visited me a few years ago and I visited her last year. I will be visiting her again in a few months for her birthday.

I have a good time just spending time with her.

I asked her once if she loved me and she paused and said she did.

The thing is, I’ve never had any ‘butterflies’ with her. Not until we met when I was nervous. It feels now like we just sort of compliment each other. It is also a long distance thing, so it makes it hard to not hang out or anything. But I have companion love with her. I know she’ll always be there.

I’ve always been easy to infatuate, but I’ve not been like super into her texting me, but something came up to make me rethink things.

She’s been through some boyfriends in the years we have talked. They’ve always took a turn for the worse and she’s talked to me again. However, she’s currently dating someone.

She told me she doesn’t want it to end up like it does with her other boyfriends. She gets a tad affectionate too quick.

A few nights ago, she told me something she did with him that crushed me. Like, really crushed me. On her first date, too. She’s going out with him again tonight and I don’t want to think what they might be doing.

I know I fall in ‘love’ easy. I also know I have trouble committing. How do I know this isn’t jealousy or something else.

My heart tells me it’s meant to be, I think. Maybe it’s jaded by jealousy. But it must be good that I’m jealous that has to mean some part of me cares for her.

I’ve never voiced my feelings for her to her. There was a time she got fed up and couldn’t take her feelings for me anymore, and just wanted to stay friends.

I don’t know what I should do. It’s either leave her or go all in. But the thought of both scare me. I really am confused about the ways she makes me feel. If I leave her, I’d have to stop talking to her for good. If I tell her everything and go all in, I run the risk of losing it all. Maybe I just want to feel what it’s like to have someone finally. I guess if she loves me she’ll feel the same way.

Then comes the thoughts of her beliefs versus mine. And that’s why I’m on this specifically. That’s a long story, though. I still don’t know what I firmly belief and maybe will never know. If we start anything, that might become an issue later on. So why start something doomed to fail? But there’s a chance we’re meant to be. Is that worth the risk?

I want to not think for once in my life. I want to feel like that’s allowed for me. There’s an exciting chance for a new living situation too with one of my friends, so I might finally get out of the house. I just am confused with a lot right now but the one thing I’m not confused about is that losing her would be a huge mistake.

Please, please pray that she doesn’t do anything she’ll regret. She doesn’t know my feelings for her, so she’s probably fine doing whatever she does with this person.

I just… I just need some support and prayers. I don’t think I can take hiding any sort of truth within me anymore. Maybe it is time to just go for it? Before I lose her for good? At the same time, I don’t want to try it and have it fail and lose her hope for happiness.

I just don’t know what to do. But from my experience, just going with the flow and being guided to do something has been awesome. It’s how I got my first job, my first apartment, went to visit her, etc.

Any and all advice appreciated. Thank you for any and all support.

If you have major differences in beliefs, are far apart, and her having said in the past she wants to be just friends, I would respect that.

If at a future time, she looks you up, you can go from there.

google.com.mx/search?q=brainy+quotes+if+you+love+someone,+set+free+comes+back&espv=2&biw=911&bih=423&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiZkYKKqNrJAhUB1mMKHXV9AwEQsAQIGQ#imgrc=SMhzEKqOMVqhDM%3A

 

[E_7]

I think there’s a Switchfoot song that’s titled Dare You to Move. And that’s what I want to say. Op, I dare you to take your chances and never look back. Tell her your feelings. If it’s truly meant to be, it will be. And please know that no matter the person you choose to marry, love will hurt. When you are in love and when you love, you are practically vulnerable to that person. That’s why a spouse has greater power of hurting you than any other person. Therefore, stop being afraid and usure, and live. From what you said, It seems you will cherish her more than that other person she is seeing. There is no measurement for love, but you can try by asking yourself this question: “Would I take a bullet for this person?”. If you would, you love her more than you think.

I like your love story. Keep us updated!

 

[JustinK]

I’m not sure if this is on-line or in person. If this is on-line, you probably don’t know her as well as you think.

And if you’re not going to ask her out, don’t be surprised if she goes out with other people. My sense is she could be waiting for you to do something----like ask her out.

Normally, I’d advise against telling her how you feel, but if you know she likes you, I think it’s acceptable to ask her out and tell her that you are attracted to her, but don’t profess your undying love for her. it

Now, if you do this, and she acts all awkward and surprised, just move on, because that’s a sign this is just a game to her.

And you’re probably right----this is someone you may be not able to be just friends with. Life is like that for people sometimes.

It started out as online then we kept talking and met in person a few times.

I totally understand her not wanting to wait around. My life just has been stuck for awhile so I’m used to things not changing. I think she loves me as a friend, at the moment. I haven’t been honest about my feelings because I honestly don’t know how I feel.

She would be my first person I ever actually ask out. But I feel like she’s a good person to start with since I like most things about her. You’re right, though. I have to be careful of ‘puppy love’.

It kind of seems like a game sometimes since we keep talking throughout our challenges, but we’re both kind of used to it and know the other will be there.

That’s what I’m afraid of, if it doesn’t work out, I really think we can remain friends after. I think it’d be too painful for me to think of her with another person.

Thanks for your words and advice.

 

[JustinK]

If you have major differences in beliefs, are far apart, and her having said in the past she wants to be just friends, I would respect that.

If at a future time, she looks you up, you can go from there.

google.com.mx/search?q=brainy+quotes+if+you+love+someone,+set+free+comes+back&espv=2&biw=911&bih=423&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiZkYKKqNrJAhUB1mMKHXV9AwEQsAQIGQ#imgrc=SMhzEKqOMVqhDM%3A

Yea. She’s not really too religious. But she acknowledges I go to Church and have some strong beliefs about certain things in my life. The long distance doesn’t help much at all, either. This current guy can actually go out to movies with her or hold her in his arms. I can’t.

We have taken a break or two in the past when she’s gotten fed up with me. Then we started talking again like nothing happened a week later.

I like that quote. Thanks for your advice.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Sometimes we can be in love with Love itself

 

[lilpoppie]

Good tor you. Or bad for you. Tl;dr

 

[JustinK]

I think there’s a Switchfoot song that’s titled Dare You to Move. And that’s what I want to say. Op, I dare you to take your chances and never look back. Tell her your feelings. If it’s truly meant to be, it will be. And please know that no matter the person you choose to marry, love will hurt. When you are in love and when you love, you are practically vulnerable to that person. That’s why a spouse has greater power of hurting you than any other person. Therefore, stop being afraid and usure, and live. From what you said, It seems you will cherish her more than that other person she is seeing. There is no measurement for love, but you can try by asking yourself this question: “Would I take a bullet for this person?”. If you would, you love her more than you think.

I like your love story. Keep us updated!

I love that song. I also love your message. I was talking about this to a friend tonight and I told him the same thing, how I need to be pushed. He wrote down Pro’s and Con’s on a piece of paper and told me to fill it out.

The thing with my feelings is they’re wishy-washy. I got reminded of another girl I used to have a crush on during that same talk and it made me miss her as well. I found out that it ultimately comes down to making a choice and whatever happens will happen. This is just the first time I’ve felt this strongly about the situation. Maybe it’s because of this other guy, I don’t know. There are time when I like her and times where I really can’t stand her. But that’s any relationship, I guess. I feel like if she was closer, I could see her more and actually do things with her.

Your line about being vulnerable to that person struck a chord with me. When she told me what she did, the hurt was unbearable. I was so mad at her and just flatout stopped talking and went to bed. I mean, she’s not to blame because as far as she knows I’m just a friend so she’s really free to do what she wants. But it still hurt. And this hurt made me think why it hurt so much.

I so wish I could stop being afraid and unsure. My life is riddled with those moments. Maybe that’s why I’m looking for a change in life event like this. Sometimes I think there are more people than just her and she’s just in my head because she’s the only girl I talk to. I really only talk to 3 or 4 people ever. I’ve had big crushes on some people, but not her. It just feels like something HAS to be there, though. And perhaps it’s worth pursuing to see if anything is. The hard part is this week I’ll be away from a lot of communication and I’m going to be thinking about her with this guy she’s going to obviously talk to/hang out with because I’m not available.

Eh, it’s confusing. I make things super complicated. I mean, what’s to stop me from liking someone else more? Just a bit ago, I thought of her as needy and controlling. But, now I’d do anything to go out to dinner with her or hold hands during a walk. She was also my first kiss which was… interesting. No sparks, I guess I just wanted to kiss her because I could. See? Confusing. But we’ll see what develops.

As of now, she wants to cuddle on Skype and fall asleep. I’ll try not to think of whatever she did tonight and just drift off with her tonight. The past few days have been physically and emotionally exhausting.

Thanks for your reply. I’ll keep you updated!

 

[alphawoman]

I would strongly advise you to seek out in-person relationships in your geographic area. Your comments about feelings for this person are not specific to her–her values, ideals, ambitions, thoughts, etc. It reads as interest in the idea of being appealing to her, but not interest in her, per se.

Long distance relationships, particularly those that originate online, are poor representations of being with a person live. These kinds of arrangements distill only what each of you wants the other to see in your limited contact. You lose out on the value of being together as part of a larger, interconnected social ecosystem (family, friends, colleagues, etc.) and only experience each other in a limited context. Because you are always in “vacation” mode with each other, you miss out on valuable information and shared experiences that arise from simply sharing life together.

 

[JustinK]

I would strongly advise you to seek out in-person relationships in your geographic area. Your comments about feelings for this person are not specific to her–her values, ideals, ambitions, thoughts, etc. It reads as interest in the idea of being appealing to her, but not interest in her, per se.

Long distance relationships, particularly those that originate online, are poor representations of being with a person live. These kinds of arrangements distill only what each of you wants the other to see in your limited contact. You lose out on the value of being together as part of a larger, interconnected social ecosystem (family, friends, colleagues, etc.) and only experience each other in a limited context. Because you are always in “vacation” mode with each other, you miss out on valuable information and shared experiences that arise from simply sharing life together.

I understand what you are saying. It would definitely be easier seeing someone in person. And yeah, my feelings are always a bit ‘generic’ when it comes to love. I think part of me just wants to experience being with someone.

Long distance makes things tough, for sure. And it’s different when you fight or whatever online or through text because you can just ignore them. In person, you have to face it and it makes the relationship stronger by doing so.

The times I have been with her and her friends have been fun. I can see hanging out with her in that context, too. We’ve talked about one of us living closer before. Maybe that’s what needs to happen before anything continues. Maybe that way it’d be a lot easier sharing even just a friendship together. Maybe then I could truly determine if I like her as a person and not just her as an idea.

Thank you for your insights.

 

[CompSciGuy]

Sometimes we can be in love with Love itself

Haha! Ain’t that the truth. This is especially true when distance is involved. You can create an imaginary, perfect person and then find out the real thing is nothing like the fantasy character you created in your head.

 

[ClaireS]

I doesn’t seem you are at a stage in your life that you could begin “courting” someone. It appears that your friend gets physically affectionate a bit too quickly and she doesn’t share your Christian values. If you were to begin dating her would she and you be able to be chaste together? I just mention this for you to consider how you could deal with it.

 

[adamhovey1988]

I’m not sure if this is on-line or in person. If this is on-line, you probably don’t know her as well as you think.

And if you’re not going to ask her out, don’t be surprised if she goes out with other people. My sense is she could be waiting for you to do something----like ask her out.

Normally, I’d advise against telling her how you feel, but if you know she likes you, I think it’s acceptable to ask her out and tell her that you are attracted to her, but don’t profess your undying love for her. it

Now, if you do this, and she acts all awkward and surprised, just move on, because that’s a sign this is just a game to her.

And you’re probably right----this is someone you may be not able to be just friends with. Life is like that for people sometimes.

I started going to college with a girl that stopped talking to me for a year that you I like her that had told me at one point she loves me and we have known each other for about 5 years. We’re talking again but I don’t really want to be with her because she never told me why she stopped talking to me. Have an extra friend that I’ve known for probably about 10 years that I still have feelings for. I am a practicing Catholic she is a “former” Catholic and is very anti Catholic. I really wish I knew the specifics of what was going on a little bit more so I could help you but honestly I will tell you my experience has been it is just me. Daddy issues seem to be a common theme with women I’ve dealt with. I’ll say a prayer for you there’s really not much else I know what to say

 

[JustinK]

Haha! Ain’t that the truth. This is especially true when distance is involved. You can create an imaginary, perfect person and then find out the real thing is nothing like the fantasy character you created in your head.

I agree. You can create a fictional person, but we’ve met up a few times already. I feel like if get more involved with her (or at least visit more), I can see what I like/dislike about her better.

But believe me, I’ve done that before. I’ve thought people were fantastic then got to know them better. (My former roommates). Not the greatest experience, but an experience to learn from nonetheless.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[JustinK]

I doesn’t seem you are at a stage in your life that you could begin “courting” someone. It appears that your friend gets physically affectionate a bit too quickly and she doesn’t share your Christian values. If you were to begin dating her would she and you be able to be chaste together? I just mention this for you to consider how you could deal with it.

I am 26 and have never had a girlfriend. I’ve never been very outgoing at all when I first meet someone, it takes me a while to talk to them.

When she told me what she did, she sounded sad or regretful about it. She also has a little bit of self-esteem issues, like me, and so while I didn’t approve, I can understand her thinking.

She also doesn’t share my Christian values, but she didn’t grow up with anything like that. I am a Cradle Catholic who is currently trying to figure out my individual way of life.

I admit, dating someone with different beliefs or values will cause a hindrance, but maybe we can both benefit from some type of closer relationship. She’s told me before that she could help me with some of my problems and I can help her understand some aspects of deeper faith.

Part of me just really wants to experience what it’s like to be loved by another person. To go out to a movie or have dinner with them. To read with them next to a fire and sing them to sleep. I know I can do this with virtually anyone. But since I already know part of me likes this girl and I like hanging out with her, I just figure maybe trying to date wouldn’t hurt anything. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.

As far as being chaste, that’s a problem I feel is going to be an issue for me for awhile based on some things in my past. And it’s going to be a problem with anybody I date, especially with the continuing decline of morality in our culture. However, I know I can overcome those urges if I truly love and respect someone enough. Interestingly, this is one of the problems she said she could help me with and one of the things she wants to work on as well. I know people tend to adopt beliefs and values of the people they surround themselves with, but I am ready to not be a slave to that anymore. I just want to finally have fun and do all the normal date things. To be with someone not for that, but for love and mutual growth. I still have a long road to walk with it, but I know everything happens for a reason and she was put in my life for a purpose. I’m just trying to figure out what that purpose is.

Sorry, I type a lot when I get on a thought sometimes. I genuinely appreciate your concern and as you could see, your reply made me reflect a lot on the situation. Thank you for voicing your opinion, it has already helped immensely.

 

[JustinK]

I started going to college with a girl that stopped talking to me for a year that you I like her that had told me at one point she loves me and we have known each other for about 5 years. We’re talking again but I don’t really want to be with her because she never told me why she stopped talking to me. Have an extra friend that I’ve known for probably about 10 years that I still have feelings for. I am a practicing Catholic she is a “former” Catholic and is very anti Catholic. I really wish I knew the specifics of what was going on a little bit more so I could help you but honestly I will tell you my experience has been it is just me. Daddy issues seem to be a common theme with women I’ve dealt with. I’ll say a prayer for you there’s really not much else I know what to say

You should ask her. Granted, that’s easier said than done. I had that happen once and I still haven’t asked her about it. However, she told me that she couldn’t tell me what was on her mind until I told her what was on mine. I was really confused about my feelings for her. I LOVED talking to her, but I knew there was no chance of convincing her to change some of her ways. I guess she just got fed up and started talking to somebody else. Though it stung a bit when she told me that we had something. I had a clue but didn’t know how much she was interested in me.

I feel that way to sometimes, that it is just me. But relationships are you and another person for a reason. It takes both people to make something work. Have you asked her why she is so anti Catholic? Maybe you could open a dialogue about it if you still have feelings for her.

I will most likely add more details as things develop. I do know that once people begin to date, they tend to attract the same types of people over and over. That might what you’re experiencing. I can understand why women with those issues would want another man to validate them, though. So it makes sense.

Thank you for your reply, support, and prayers. Good luck with your situation.

 

[adamhovey1988]

Well the one girl I know what is going on with her the other girl I mentioned she and I do talk and she told me what it was she was just having a lot of problems she had a miscarriage, she actually is not anti-catholic at all she is high Church Anglican. I love that girl as my friend and as a sister and as my fellow Christian but she has a lot of problems and in fact I would go and I would help her financially but I would never give her money because I once found alcohol and drugs and her apartment and I told her I was not going to give her money to buy that and I told her if I found out she was doing it I wouldn’t help her again. The other girl who is anti-catholic remember she at one point did identify as Catholic she was married in a non sacramental marriage and she became widowed and is now a single mother so I am not always able to deal with her because I have to see it from that perspective and it is sometimes really hard for me to be charitable with her and I know better than that because I know what Zachariah chapter 7 verse 10 says about widows and orphans. Not to mention with the Epistle of James says. You never know notice how short life is until your ex girlfriend becomes a widow. I have tried reestablishing some kind of relationship with her even if it is just a friendship and we go back and forth quite a bit. Sometime she tells me about her daughter sometimes I tell her how I’m doing in school but for some reason she seems to have an obsessive crush on Kirk Cameron now if you don’t understand what I mean by that Kirk Cameron is very anti Catholic and has I guess a ministry dedicated to that. I don’t know the specifics I try not to deal with growing pain theology

 

[JustinK]

Well the one girl I know what is going on with her the other girl I mentioned she and I do talk and she told me what it was she was just having a lot of problems she had a miscarriage, she actually is not anti-catholic at all she is high Church Anglican. I love that girl as my friend and as a sister and as my fellow Christian but she has a lot of problems and in fact I would go and I would help her financially but I would never give her money because I once found alcohol and drugs and her apartment and I told her I was not going to give her money to buy that and I told her if I found out she was doing it I wouldn’t help her again. The other girl who is anti-catholic remember she at one point did identify as Catholic she was married in a non sacramental marriage and she became widowed and is now a single mother so I am not always able to deal with her because I have to see it from that perspective and it is sometimes really hard for me to be charitable with her and I know better than that because I know what Zachariah chapter 7 verse 10 says about widows and orphans. Not to mention with the Epistle of James says. You never know notice how short life is until your ex girlfriend becomes a widow. I have tried reestablishing some kind of relationship with her even if it is just a friendship and we go back and forth quite a bit. Sometime she tells me about her daughter sometimes I tell her how I’m doing in school but for some reason she seems to have an obsessive crush on Kirk Cameron now if you don’t understand what I mean by that Kirk Cameron is very anti Catholic and has I guess a ministry dedicated to that. I don’t know the specifics I try not to deal with growing pain theology

I know what it feels like wanting to give a poor person money but then thinking of what they will use it for. I think it’s good that you’ve acknowledged what she uses it for, but I would keep supporting her. She needs to know that no matter how far she falls, someone is there to catch her. Perhaps offer some kind words or mention how it has affected you?

As far as your ex, she reminds me a bit of Job. It seems to me that she has been humbled quite a bit without even realizing it. I would still try my best to be charitable as she’s still a person. I know people look to the Bible for a lot of advice in their lives and that’s good, but I suggest you listen to what your heart says, too. Her situation might be different and I know you care about her deep down so you should reach out to her. People always have some hard times and could use a helping hand every now and then. I get what you mean by trying to remain friends. I had a friend and I told her that I still want to be in her life even if it was just as friends. And yea, I have dealt with her ignoring me as well. I’ve accepted the fact that maybe she’s just moved on, but if she ever needs me, I’ll offer what I can. Now for the Kirk Cameron thing, I think that’s her way of trying to identify with what she thinks is right. My advice on this would be to continue to try to talk to her. But most of all, go by the words of St. Francis, “Preach the Gospel at all times, if necessary, use words.” Perhaps she will she your actions as a Christian and maybe be enlightened by them. If not, at least you tried. Some people just need time to figure things out for their own. Just keep being there for her.

I wish you all the best.

 

[E_7]

I love that song. I also love your message. I was talking about this to a friend tonight and I told him the same thing, how I need to be pushed. He wrote down Pro’s and Con’s on a piece of paper and told me to fill it out.

The thing with my feelings is they’re wishy-washy. I got reminded of another girl I used to have a crush on during that same talk and it made me miss her as well. I found out that it ultimately comes down to making a choice and whatever happens will happen. This is just the first time I’ve felt this strongly about the situation. Maybe it’s because of this other guy, I don’t know. There are time when I like her and times where I really can’t stand her. But that’s any relationship, I guess. I feel like if she was closer, I could see her more and actually do things with her.

Your line about being vulnerable to that person struck a chord with me. When she told me what she did, the hurt was unbearable. I was so mad at her and just flatout stopped talking and went to bed. I mean, she’s not to blame because as far as she knows I’m just a friend so she’s really free to do what she wants. But it still hurt. And this hurt made me think why it hurt so much.

I so wish I could stop being afraid and unsure. My life is riddled with those moments. Maybe that’s why I’m looking for a change in life event like this. Sometimes I think there are more people than just her and she’s just in my head because she’s the only girl I talk to. I really only talk to 3 or 4 people ever. I’ve had big crushes on some people, but not her. It just feels like something HAS to be there, though. And perhaps it’s worth pursuing to see if anything is. The hard part is this week I’ll be away from a lot of communication and I’m going to be thinking about her with this guy she’s going to obviously talk to/hang out with because I’m not available.

Eh, it’s confusing. I make things super complicated. I mean, what’s to stop me from liking someone else more? Just a bit ago, I thought of her as needy and controlling. But, now I’d do anything to go out to dinner with her or hold hands during a walk. She was also my first kiss which was… interesting. No sparks, I guess I just wanted to kiss her because I could. See? Confusing. But we’ll see what develops.

As of now, she wants to cuddle on Skype and fall asleep. I’ll try not to think of whatever she did tonight and just drift off with her tonight. The past few days have been physically and emotionally exhausting.

Thanks for your reply. I’ll keep you updated!

I am 26 and have never had a girlfriend. I’ve never been very outgoing at all when I first meet someone, it takes me a while to talk to them.

**
Part of me just really wants to experience what it’s like to be loved by another person. To go out to a movie or have dinner with them. To read with them next to a fire and sing them to sleep. I know I can do this with virtually anyone. But since I already know part of me likes this girl and I like hanging out with her, I just figure maybe trying to date wouldn’t hurt anything. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.**

As far as being chaste, that’s a problem I feel is going to be an issue for me for awhile based on some things in my past. And it’s going to be a problem with anybody I date, especially with the continuing decline of morality in our culture. However, I know I can overcome those urges if I truly love and respect someone enough. Interestingly, this is one of the problems she said she could help me with and one of the things she wants to work on as well. I know people tend to adopt beliefs and values of the people they surround themselves with, but I am ready to not be a slave to that anymore. I just want to finally have fun and do all the normal date things. To be with someone not for that, but for love and mutual growth. I still have a long road to walk with it, but I know everything happens for a reason and she was put in my life for a purpose. I’m just trying to figure out what that purpose is.

I’m 24 and married, 4 months later I conceived a child. My husband and I met online right here on CAF and took it elsewhere (Google Hangouts). Because we were very far from each other, we got to know each other more in a short time. When you are physically together almost always, you get more physical and talk less compared to when you are apart (long-distanced) and you got nothing else to do but to dialog.

In total, I had two romantic relationships, and both were long-distance. My first relationship was kinda wrong or inappropriate (the reason I joined CAF if you read my firsts posts). Now that I think back, I think it was all a lie and play from his part, and I was no naive and “innocent”. But I consider my husband my first boyfriend because I met him in person, we wrote to each other, we talked on the phone unlike the other guy. My husband took away my first kiss (or I let him take it, xD). I never wanted to date anyone before that, because I believed that it was a bother, I would only date looking towards marriage (also known as courting).

Regarding the part of your post I put on bold, I believe you should go for it. Help each other to remain chaste, and you will know what it is to live a God-centered relationship by respecting God over her.