I think I really messed up : (

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Aschecte

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I think I may have really messed up and I’m very disapointed in myself for this and I’m getting different answers from other Catholic friends of mine. I wanted to reach out to this forum as the wealth of info on this forum is excellent. As condensed as I can make this I had been away from the church for appx. 3 years and have recently around a month ago have been trying very hard to change bad habits and to ive according to Christs and the churches teachings. Tonight i went to the store to go shopping and there was alot of confusion as to a price on a item the manger told me to tell the front teller to sell to me at $8.99 though their was a moment of $7.99 for a similar item but $8.99 was the decided price. Long story short when I went up to the front end I told the teller $7.99 I instantly felt guity but did not change what I had said but intended to and did go to customer service imediately after checking out and explained I told the cashier the wrong price and that it should have been $8.99 not $7.99 and thanked me for my honesty but in all reality I didn’t deserve praise for honesty as I should have told her $8.99 from the beginning. I paid the $1 more and went on my way feeling horrible about myself that I would do this over $1 !!! how pathetic over a dollar I’m really embarresed to even be saying it here. My question is this after talking to my wife as well as another close Catholic friend of mine they tell me I’m overreacting as I ultimately paid the difference, told the store what I had done and I need to stop beating myself up as old bad habits are hard to change overnight… I wanted to recieve communion sooooo bad tommorow at mass as I look foward to it and it has helped me so much over the month comming back to the church… SHould I abstain ? was this a Mortal sin ? My friend tells me it was most likely venial as it was a lie that was the root of the sin and not intentionally “stealing” in the sense of shoplifting though I feel I could argue that it was stealing. What’s the consenses here? thanks so much for any (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
Are you serious? You went over and told them that they charged you a dollar less almost immediately, and then you paid the dollar!

At worst that was an extremely venial sin and you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Calm down, you’re doing fine!
 
Hi

It sounds like you are feeling some stress and some guilt, as you explained. When you failed to give the higher price to the salesperson in the first place, you felt somewhat resentful, and that resentment was directed at yourself. What you really wanted and needed was to behave in a way that fulfilled what you have learned about what is good and right. What you did fell short of that, which gives you not only a feeling of resentment, but perhaps gives you a sense of disorder, that the situation was out of control. Am I reading too much into this?

In addition, people saying that you are “overreacting” doesn’t seem to help, and you still feel somewhat resentful toward yourself and it clearly seems to you that God is also dissatisfied with you.

I could tell you that God forgives you, for this is the God I know, but that probably doesn’t help much because the bottom line is that you are feeling upset at your own behavior. Perhaps there is a part of yourself that you find very difficult to forgive, you allude to “old bad habits”.

Have you been able to forgive your “old bad habits”? I know that this doesn’t seem to address the communion question, but I sense that there is some lack of communion within yourself, which is the same with all of us when we are in the self-condemning mode. You are most certainly in communion with me and with all of us, because we are all sinners, and we all go through this periodically. But have you reconciled with yourself?
 
Marc_Anthony said:
Are you serious? You went over and told them that they charged you a dollar less almost immediately, and then you paid the dollar!

At worst that was an extremely venial sin and you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Calm down, you’re doing fine!
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Thanks for the response… Yeah I’m serious as sad a it is I’m serious. Basically my conscience got to me instantly but I couldn’t put myself to tell the salesperson that was ringing me up that I lied to her so I went to customer service and made amends the best I could. You have to remember I actively misled the salesperson with the wrong price I would like to think I would be so inclined if it was a mistake they made on their side. What made it worse to me was I just went to confession 3 hours earlier.
 
You fessed up and went back and paid the dollar. In my mind this is at most this is a venial sin. Don’t get too wrapped up. In the future if you have any doubts you really should be confiding to your Priest during Confession, he is the most qualified to tell you what type of sin you have committed and recommend penance.
 
Aschecte said:
I paid the $1 more and went on my way feeling horrible about myself that I would do this over $1 !!! how pathetic over a dollar I’m really embarresed to even be saying it here. My question is this after talking to my wife as well as another close Catholic friend of mine they tell me I’m overreacting as I ultimately paid the difference, told the store what I had done and I need to stop beating myself up as old bad habits are hard to change overnight… I wanted to recieve communion sooooo bad tommorow at mass as I look foward to it and it has helped me so much over the month comming back to the church… SHould I abstain ? was this a Mortal sin ? My friend tells me it was most likely venial as it was a lie that was the root of the sin and not intentionally “stealing” in the sense of shoplifting though I feel I could argue that it was stealing. What’s the consenses here? thanks so much for any (name removed by moderator)ut.
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First, stop feeling so horrible. When we endeavor to change old habits and behaviors, we fall. A lot. What’s great is that you didn’t let it go for only a dollar. You caught yourself and corrected. The great thing about that, is it will help you avoid this in future.

This is not mortal sin and YES go receive the Sacrament! You tell that stupid Satan to shut up, because nothing is going to keep you from your Lord, including trying to make you feel terrible.

The Lord was with you, and you welcomed Him. You turned from sin. That’s not a bad thing. You will mess up again. You keep turning back to Jesus.
 
OneSheep said:
Hi

It sounds like you are feeling some stress and some guilt, as you explained. When you failed to give the higher price to the salesperson in the first place, you felt somewhat resentful, and that resentment was directed at yourself. What you really wanted and needed was to behave in a way that fulfilled what you have learned about what is good and right. What you did fell short of that, which gives you not only a feeling of resentment, but perhaps gives you a sense of disorder, that the situation was out of control. Am I reading too much into this?

In addition, people saying that you are “overreacting” doesn’t seem to help, and you still feel somewhat resentful toward yourself and it clearly seems to you that God is also dissatisfied with you.

I could tell you that God forgives you, for this is the God I know, but that probably doesn’t help much because the bottom line is that you are feeling upset at your own behavior. Perhaps there is a part of yourself that you find very difficult to forgive, you allude to “old bad habits”.

Have you been able to forgive your “old bad habits”? I know that this doesn’t seem to address the communion question, but I sense that there is some lack of communion within yourself, which is the same with all of us when we are in the self-condemning mode. You are most certainly in communion with me and with all of us, because we are all sinners, and we all go through this periodically. But have you reconciled with yourself?
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Thanks for the response as well… No your not looking that far into it yes I am disappointed in myself as I see my action as a sinful act even though I did ultimately pay the full price before I left the store. The sin was in that I lied to mislead the salesperson and by me paying really cannot pull back the fact of my intention. As far as disordered no I never had a history of stealing or lying heavily but to a extent of I thought I could get away with something I would. This is the life I’m trying to leave behind me and I’ve worked hard to do better and up until that moment I have for the most part but I went into autopilot in that moment and by the time I realized what I did the sin was already out there so to speak. As far as reconciling with myself I have to a extent the first step wa by paying the full price with customer service and admitting my wrong to the company. I’m just disappointed that I had this set back and am humbled by how easy it is to fall and grateful I have a God that loves and wants to forgive me. I’m still a bit concerned about communion though.
 
You convicted yourself (which is good), exercised your conscience, and did the right thing paying the extra $.

No mortal sin. You are okay.

If you are walking in grace then go be with our Lord tomorrow at Mass and allow Him to share Himself with you in the most blessed sacrament. One should never deny themselves of that, unless of course they are aware of unconfessed mortal sin in their lives.

p.s. After 3 years away then I hope you did a good examination and then went to confession upon your return before you receive communion. Sounds like you probably did if this thing about the $ is your biggest concern. Just sayin’. 👍
 
I bought a drink and lighter from quick mart the other day. I got in the car and realized the guy didn’t charge me for the lighter. Instead of going back in to pay for it I just left. But I felt guilty about it so I went back a couple of days later and asked for a pack of smokes. When he turned his back to get them I took the lighter out of my pocket and put it on the counter. He charged me for the smokes and the lighter and I went on my way.
 
Aschecte said:
Thanks for the response as well… No your not looking that far into it yes I am disappointed in myself as I see my action as a sinful act even though I did ultimately pay the full price before I left the store. The sin was in that I lied to mislead the salesperson and by me paying really cannot pull back the fact of my intention.
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Okay, Aschecte, I see what you are saying. But let’s investigate your “intention” for a moment. Was your intention to hurt, and/or was your intention to save a dollar, or was it something else?
As far as disordered no I never had a history of stealing or lying heavily but to a extent of I thought I could get away with something I would.
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Which brings us back to intentions. Like, why would you want to “get away with something”? Sounds like a dumb question, maybe. It isn’t. But try to stay away from a self-condemning answer and instead find a neutral answer. And note: I did not use the word “disordered”, that implies something I do not intend. I can relate to everything you are saying, and I wouldn’t use the word “disordered”.
This is the life I’m trying to leave behind me and I’ve worked hard to do better and up until that moment I have for the most part but I went into autopilot in that moment and by the time I realized what I did the sin was already out there so to speak. As far as reconciling with myself I have to a extent the first step wa by paying the full price with customer service and admitting my wrong to the company. I’m just disappointed that I had this set back and am humbled by how easy it is to fall and grateful I have a God that loves and wants to forgive me. I’m still a bit concerned about communion though.
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I can really relate to what you are saying about “autopilot”. This again goes back to intent. What was the intent of the autopilot?

And, if I may note: you happened to be aware of your autopilot and took control of the situation. This was a very important and vital first step. A decision to forgive is also an important first step. Both situations, the lie and the self-resentment, are due to our “autopilots”.
 
Aschecte said:
I think I may have really messed up and I’m very disapointed in myself for this and I’m getting different answers from other Catholic friends of mine. I wanted to reach out to this forum as the wealth of info on this forum is excellent. As condensed as I can make this I had been away from the church for appx. 3 years and have recently around a month ago have been trying very hard to change bad habits and to ive according to Christs and the churches teachings. Tonight i went to the store to go shopping and there was alot of confusion as to a price on a item the manger told me to tell the front teller to sell to me at $8.99 though their was a moment of $7.99 for a similar item but $8.99 was the decided price. Long story short when I went up to the front end I told the teller $7.99 I instantly felt guity but did not change what I had said but intended to and did go to customer service imediately after checking out and explained I told the cashier the wrong price and that it should have been $8.99 not $7.99 and thanked me for my honesty but in all reality I didn’t deserve praise for honesty as I should have told her $8.99 from the beginning. I paid the $1 more and went on my way feeling horrible about myself that I would do this over $1 !!! how pathetic over a dollar I’m really embarresed to even be saying it here. My question is this after talking to my wife as well as another close Catholic friend of mine they tell me I’m overreacting as I ultimately paid the difference, told the store what I had done and I need to stop beating myself up as old bad habits are hard to change overnight… I wanted to recieve communion sooooo bad tommorow at mass as I look foward to it and it has helped me so much over the month comming back to the church… SHould I abstain ? was this a Mortal sin ? My friend tells me it was most likely venial as it was a lie that was the root of the sin and not intentionally “stealing” in the sense of shoplifting though I feel I could argue that it was stealing. What’s the consenses here? thanks so much for any (name removed by moderator)ut.
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No you didn’t steal. You learned lesson, no? That us humans are so far away from God we’d lie for 1$! That’s why we need Him. And Her, and Them. We aren’t able to make it on our own.
 
Aschecte,
You seem to be relying a lot on your own self to improve yourself, when what God really wants is for you to acknowledge your weakness and ask Him for help. God totally wants to help you, but you have to get out of the way.

A book we are enjoying and learning from is Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr Gaitley, but this is also discussed in Spiritual Combat by Dom Scupoli, which can be found online.
 
I’m glad you went back and paid that extra dollar, but I really think you are overreacting a bit. I think this is a venial sin. If you still feel bad about it then go to confession asap. There was no stealing in the process.
 
A mortal sin requires grave matter. This sure doesn’t sound like grave matter 🤷

But congratulations for being a committed disciple of Christ. Just, if I may suggest anything, don’t be afraid of Him. Enjoy being His follower, take things easy, and remember that there is a great reason why we “are not under the law but under grace”: because grace does not cancel the law, rather, it fulfills it, and makes every burden light.

Remember the advice of the founder of the Jesuits, St. Ignatius of Loyola:
The enemy looks much if a soul is gross or delicate, and if it is delicate, he tries to make it more delicate in the extreme, to disturb and embarrass it more. For instance, if he sees that a soul does not consent to either mortal sin or venial or any appearance of deliberate sin, then the enemy, when he cannot make it fall into a thing that appears sin, aims at making it make out sin where there is not sin, as in a word or very small thought.
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If the soul is gross, the enemy tries to make it more gross; for instance, if before it made no account of venial sins, he will try to have it make little account of mortal sins, and if before it made some account, he will try to have it now make much less or none.
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At different times we go through different phases, and our soul is at times delicate, at times gross. I sure have seen myself in both extremes, and still do every so often. Thus, know yourself 🙂 Be vigilant in order to know how the adversary will tempt you, and be humble before Christ, knowing that even in a thousand years of lifetime we would still be “unworthy to undo the straps of His sandals” 😉 and yet He, through which we were made, called us His friends and made of us His brothers in grace. We thus ought to live not as servants (though we are even unworthy of being so) but as true friends of Christ, who - and this is a great mystery - are His brothers in grace and partakers of the divine nature. I think we underestimate what Christ meant when He called us the light and salt of the earth…a call that should not move us to pride but, rather, to humbleness, and yet at the same time exhort us to our duty towards others: the duty to love with self-giving, unconditional love.

Have you ever heard the 13th Century chant Dies Irae? I love it because it is centered in God’s great mercy, and is a great expression of Psalm 130 (“Lord , if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? But with you there is forgiveness.”
King of tremendous majesty, you who freely save the saved, save me, o source of mercy.
Remember, o pious Jesus, that I am the reason of your way: do not lose me on that day.
You absolved Mary and listened to the thief, thus you give me hope as well.
My prayers are not worthy: however, you who are Good, do good, lest I burn in eternal fire.
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Aschecte said:
Thanks for the response as well… No your not looking that far into it yes I am disappointed in myself as I see my action as a sinful act even though I did ultimately pay the full price before I left the store. The sin was in that I lied to mislead the salesperson and by me paying really cannot pull back the fact of my intention. As far as disordered no I never had a history of stealing or lying heavily but to a extent of I thought I could get away with something I would. This is the life I’m trying to leave behind me and I’ve worked hard to do better and up until that moment I have for the most part but I went into autopilot in that moment and by the time I realized what I did the sin was already out there so to speak. As far as reconciling with myself I have to a extent the first step wa by paying the full price with customer service and admitting my wrong to the company. I’m just disappointed that I had this set back and am humbled by how easy it is to fall and grateful I have a God that loves and wants to forgive me. I’m still a bit concerned about communion though.
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Aschecte, I feel your pain! Most of us struggle with lieing to save face. The temptation is always there. I believe it was the Grace of your recent confession that sharpened your conscience, and alerted you to the lie. I am proud of you for going to the trouble to pay the difference.

Lieing is related to stealing, because it is stealing the truth from someone. Veniel sins can be forgiven by an act of contrition. It is Catholic tradition to review your day & say an act of contrition each night. It is also my understanding that blessing your self with Holy Water remitts venial sins. So say your act of contrition, and go to communion! Happy Sunday!
 
ACT OF CONTRITION

Oh my God I am heartly sorry for having offended thee. And I detest all of my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell, but most of all because they offend thee, my God, Who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of thy grace to confess my sins, to do penance, and to avoid the near ocasion of sin. Amen

MORNING OFFERING

Oh Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer thee all my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of this day. In union with all the Masses said through out the world. In reparation for sins, and for all the intentions of the Holy Father for this month I pray.
 
The original lie you told was a venial sin. The fact that you stole $1.00 was a venial sin. You have made restitution. You have told God you are sorry. You are forgiven. End of story.

For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must be simultaneously met: serious matter, full knowledge, and full consent. There is no way you can convince me that the $1.00 is serious matter in the circumstances you describe.

There was no reason to avoid going to Communion over this.

There Is no need to confess it, although you might get some benefit by doing so, such as clear guidance from the priest on how to assess the moral gravity of your sins.

You must refrain from receiving Holy Communion only if you are CERTAIN you have committed a mortal sin since your last good confession. Likewise, you must confess only those sins you are CERTAIN are mortal. This has been the definitive teaching of the Church since at least the Council of Trent.
 
I ask, How does the person cope with guilt? Do they go on the attack or does it motivate them to do the right thing? I recall putting an attorney in his place once. It made him very angry. In this way I can be foolish. He Sinned and wrapped himself in evil philosophy. It is sweet to abstain from Sin. Just think of how bad it was when you were blissfully unaware of your Sin. Blissful, but false. Many pray for this, to be made aware of their Sin so they may mend their ways. It is a blessing, but make certain it is full bodied. You don’t want blind spots where you place too much emphasis on the wrong things. It is good that you want to clean house, but the house doesn’t get done if all you do is worry about it. It is not so much in the worrying. It is in the doing and you are doing.
 
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