I think I scared my Priest

[YoungTradCath]

He can also talk to the priest who heard his confession about this out side of the confessional.

I know, but if somebody wants to talk to someone about something they confessed, just because they confessed doesn’t mean they can’t talk to anyone about the sin they committed anymore. That’s all I’m saying.

 

[MontChevalier]

My understanding is that the priest must keep whatever you have said confidential, but there is nothing stopping you from talking about it.

We also seem to think that priests have heard it all. But really, how many Jeffery Dalmers are there in the world? If he had gone to Confession, do you think his priest would have heard it all before? I bet not.

I guess I forgot to mention that the priest was a young priest…

-MontChevalier

 

[maryjk]

I guess I forgot to mention that the priest was a young priest…

-MontChevalier

There you go. We have two priests at our parish. One celebrates 25 years soon and one has been a priest for just a year and a half.

Betting one has heard a lot more than the other.

And although the priest cannot bring up anything said in Confession, you can. Talk to someone about it, post it here or wait until the priest comes around again. That is if it is really bothering you. Otherwise, move on.

 

[PennyinCanada]

You may be misunderstanding him. I know I’m an introvert and I need time to process when people are talking to me. I’m sure he wants to say something that will benefit you in your spiritual journey, but it may be he needs to think about it. Not all of us have wisdom ready at the tip of their tongue. Certainly not me.

 

[TheDoctor]

No, Theophorus is correct. The seal only binds the priest and any other person involved (like an interpreter). The penitent is not bound by such. If the penitent brings it up out side of the confessional the priest may speak about it.

The penitent can not give permission for the priest to talk about it, but by actually bringing it up himself it is different than just giving permission. The priest still will not discuss what happened in the confessional but he can talk about the issue.

Br. David - We agree the seal does not bind the penitent nor can any action of the penitent permit the priest to break the seal.

My confusion lies in what a Priest can speak about without breaking the seal (for example, the Priest I have discussed the seal with in the past led me to believe that even the act of admitting to having heard someone’s confession outside of the confessional breaks the seal so even if the penitent brings it up, Father will have no part in the discussion) and hangs on Theophorus’ line “If you were to bring it up with Father at another time and you discussed it with him out side of confession that would be OK to do so.” I took it that Theophorus was referring to discussing material discussed in the confessional vs. “general information”.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Br. David - We agree the seal does not bind the penitent nor can any action of the penitent permit the priest to break the seal.

My confusion lies in what a Priest can speak about without breaking the seal (for example, the Priest I have discussed the seal with in the past led me to believe that even the act of admitting to having heard someone’s confession outside of the confessional breaks the seal so even if the penitent brings it up, Father will have no part in the discussion) and hangs on Theophorus’ line “If you were to bring it up with Father at another time and you discussed it with him out side of confession that would be OK to do so.” I took it that Theophorus was referring to discussing material discussed in the confessional vs. “general information”.

I do not think acknowledging the fact that someone came to confession when they bring it up is violating the seal. The deals with what happens in the confessional. Anyone who was waiting in line with that person knows that they went to confession.

The priest can not bring up anything that happened in the confessional but if the penitent brings it up outside of the confessional then what is discussed at that time is not protected by the seal. The priest can discuss what the penitent brings up but if the penitent leaves something out that the priest only knows from the confession then the priest may not bring that up or remind the penitent of that part that was left out.

So yes, if a penitent wishes to talk about the material discussed in the confessional they are free to do so.

The seal is to protect the penitent and does not allow the priest to disclose who confessed what to him. Talking with a penitent about a confession is not breaking the seal if the penitent brings it up.

If this was so then it would be hard to do confession while visiting with a priest who is your spiritual director.

 

[puzzleannie]

. Is it alright for a priest to get scared of someone for something they said? My priest just grew kinda distant.

I would not read too much into the mannerism of the priest, like all humans, they vary in their ability to relate well and communicate well. If you received absolution you should have no other concerns whatever and put this confession behind you.

 

[JReducation]

I think that everyone is saying the right thing, but the language is getting in the way. What a concept, human language getting in the way of communication.

This is what I teach RCIA and others.

1. I confess to the priest that I have been unfaithful to my wife and that at time I wish she were dead so that I could marry the love of my life.
2. The priest may be a little concerned about me wishing that my wife were dead. There is a whole issue around safety here. He does not know if I’m a loose cannon. However, he can’t turn me in to the police and have me Baker Acted, because I’m in the confessional. This makes him squirm even more so.
3. The priest gives me absolution for my sin and sends me on my way.
4. I begin to think that I made father squirm in his seat and am wondering if it was what I said in the confessional.
5. I go over to Br. David and tell him exactly what I said to Father. I’m not breaking the seal of confession; it’s my confession. I can share it with CNN if I want to do so. Father cannot discuss it.
6. I go over to the parish office and ask to speak to Father and when I enter the office I say, “Hey Father, do you remember what I told you in confession on Saturday? Well, I was wondering, did I make you uncomfortable. If I did, I’m sorry.”
7. Father is going to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” or something to divert the conversation. But he will not discuss it. He cannot do that.
8. Now, I can try another approach. I go over to the parish office and I say, “Father, sometimes I wish that my wife were dead so that I could be free to marry the love of my wife. Is this wrong?” Father is perfectly free to discuss it and to ask questions. In that discussion, I can say, “I’ve never thought of killing my wife, nor am I threat to her or me. I really meant to say that I sometimes wish that it were possible to be free to marry the love of my life.” Now, I’ve put father’s mind to rest. Father has not said a word about the confession. He and I are discussing what I just laid on the table three minutes ago.

Does this help?

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[adstrinity]

Not to scare you, but, you may have. It’s possible.

“On the same day you have a wedding and a funeral, along with the morning Mass and the Saturday evening Mass and chances are you’ve heard a few confessions that afternoon, most of which are “Bless me, Father… I got mad at my wife,” but then someone comes in and says, “Father, I haven’t been to confession for a long time. I did something really terrible, and I need to tell someone…” You listen and you forgive and you can never, never, never tell anyone about what you’ve just heard, no matter how badly it shakes you. I always try to hear confessions in a confessional behind a heavy screen now that I’m old. Sometimes I’m just worn out by the pain people suffer and the pain they cause.”

rev-know-it-all.com/2009/2009—05-10.html

Anyway, you said he’s a traveling priest…does he not have a phone number?

 

[MontChevalier]

I think that everyone is saying the right thing, but the language is getting in the way. What a concept, human language getting in the way of communication.

This is what I teach RCIA and others.

1. I confess to the priest that I have been unfaithful to my wife and that at time I wish she were dead so that I could marry the love of my life.
2. The priest may be a little concerned about me wishing that my wife were dead. There is a whole issue around safety here. He does not know if I’m a loose cannon. However, he can’t turn me in to the police and have me Baker Acted, because I’m in the confessional. This makes him squirm even more so.
3. The priest gives me absolution for my sin and sends me on my way.
4. I begin to think that I made father squirm in his seat and am wondering if it was what I said in the confessional.
5. I go over to Br. David and tell him exactly what I said to Father. I’m not breaking the seal of confession; it’s my confession. I can share it with CNN if I want to do so. Father cannot discuss it.
6. I go over to the parish office and ask to speak to Father and when I enter the office I say, “Hey Father, do you remember what I told you in confession on Saturday? Well, I was wondering, did I make you uncomfortable. If I did, I’m sorry.”
7. Father is going to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” or something to divert the conversation. But he will not discuss it. He cannot do that.
8. Now, I can try another approach. I go over to the parish office and I say, “Father, sometimes I wish that my wife were dead so that I could be free to marry the love of my wife. Is this wrong?” Father is perfectly free to discuss it and to ask questions. In that discussion, I can say, “I’ve never thought of killing my wife, nor am I threat to her or me. I really meant to say that I sometimes wish that it were possible to be free to marry the love of my life.” Now, I’ve put father’s mind to rest. Father has not said a word about the confession. He and I are discussing what I just laid on the table three minutes ago.

Does this help?

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

Thank you Br. JR for your help. I know that with your help, I can always count on you as a friend.

I just wish it didn’t bother me so. Communication is a heck of a thing. I, more than most, I suppose, am more misunderstood than many. This may have been another case of that. Alas for I am living in my own island <–(Purposely metaphorical).

Not to scare you, but, you may have. It’s possible.

“On the same day you have a wedding and a funeral, along with the morning Mass and the Saturday evening Mass and chances are you’ve heard a few confessions that afternoon, most of which are “Bless me, Father… I got mad at my wife,” but then someone comes in and says, “Father, I haven’t been to confession for a long time. I did something really terrible, and I need to tell someone…” You listen and you forgive and you can never, never, never tell anyone about what you’ve just heard, no matter how badly it shakes you. I always try to hear confessions in a confessional behind a heavy screen now that I’m old. Sometimes I’m just worn out by the pain people suffer and the pain they cause.”

rev-know-it-all.com/2009/2009—05-10.html

Anyway, you said he’s a traveling priest…does he not have a phone number?

He does, but I didn’t get the chance to ask him. Shame…

-MontChevaler

 

[domandcarols]

I think that everyone is saying the right thing, but the language is getting in the way. What a concept, human language getting in the way of communication.

This is what I teach RCIA and others.

1. I confess to the priest that I have been unfaithful to my wife and that at time I wish she were dead so that I could marry the love of my life.
2. The priest may be a little concerned about me wishing that my wife were dead. There is a whole issue around safety here. He does not know if I’m a loose cannon. However, he can’t turn me in to the police and have me Baker Acted, because I’m in the confessional. This makes him squirm even more so.
3. The priest gives me absolution for my sin and sends me on my way.
4. I begin to think that I made father squirm in his seat and am wondering if it was what I said in the confessional.
5. I go over to Br. David and tell him exactly what I said to Father. I’m not breaking the seal of confession; it’s my confession. I can share it with CNN if I want to do so. Father cannot discuss it.
6. I go over to the parish office and ask to speak to Father and when I enter the office I say, “Hey Father, do you remember what I told you in confession on Saturday? Well, I was wondering, did I make you uncomfortable. If I did, I’m sorry.”
7. Father is going to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” or something to divert the conversation. But he will not discuss it. He cannot do that.
8. Now, I can try another approach. I go over to the parish office and I say, “Father, sometimes I wish that my wife were dead so that I could be free to marry the love of my wife. Is this wrong?” Father is perfectly free to discuss it and to ask questions. In that discussion, I can say, “I’ve never thought of killing my wife, nor am I threat to her or me. I really meant to say that I sometimes wish that it were possible to be free to marry the love of my life.” Now, I’ve put father’s mind to rest. Father has not said a word about the confession. He and I are discussing what I just laid on the table three minutes ago.

Does this help?

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

Best post.

 

[Speedypizza]

So then a Priest cannot even say to me outside of the confessional that he spoke to me in confessional? I would think this would make things hard if he is also your spiritual director. I would have to repeat everything I said in confessional outside of confessional in order for him to give me spiritual advice? Anybody who has the same person for their confessor and for their spiritual director want to tell me how this works in the real world?

Pax

 

[adstrinity]

He does, but I didn’t get the chance to ask him. Shame…

-MontChevaler

It’s not listed in the bulliten? …Do you have a bulliten for that church/Mass schedule?

Also, to give you a different view, I read a post on this forum a few weeks ago where somebody was having a difficult time at Confession and the priest asked, “Did you murder the Pope?” to which the penetant replied, “NO!” The priest then said, “Then you can’t tell me anything I haven’t heard before.”

The priest really has heard it all before, but, yeah, you might have gave him start. I know I once maie my priest say, “Wow.” in the confessional.

So then a Priest cannot even say to me outside of the confessional that he spoke to me in confessional? I would think this would make things hard if he is also your spiritual director. I would have to repeat everything I said in confessional outside of confessional in order for him to give me spiritual advice? Anybody who has the same person for their confessor and for their spiritual director want to tell me how this works in the real world?

Pax

1. Repeat what you need to for direction.
2. Have him give you direction in the Confessional. I think an, “Ask An Apoligist,” post was about, “How Do I Find a Good Spiritual Director?,” and the reply was something along the lines of, “Use the priest in the confessional.”

 

[JReducation]

So then a Priest cannot even say to me outside of the confessional that he spoke to me in confessional? I would think this would make things hard if he is also your spiritual director. I would have to repeat everything I said in confessional outside of confessional in order for him to give me spiritual advice? Anybody who has the same person for their confessor and for their spiritual director want to tell me how this works in the real world?

Pax

The priest is not to remember anything.

My suggestion is to do either a, b, or c

a. Have a spiritual director and a confessor. The spiritual director scan be a deacon, brother, woman religious or a lay person. But it must be someone who is well educated in the spiritual life and who is very orthodox. By the way, counseling and spiritual direction are not the same thing.

b. Go to the same priest, but at different times. Go to confession on Sat and then go for spiritual direction by appointment.

c. This is the easiest. Go by appointment. Do your spiritual direction and at the end of the conversation say,“Father, will you hear my confession?” It actually works well, because in the spiritual direction, you should have sifted out the sins from your neurosis.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[Dymphna82]

I think it’s natural for anyone to get scared, even priests. But I think that a priest would be more thankful that you’ve come to be absolved than never confess at all.

 

[Speedypizza]

The priest is not to remember anything.

My suggestion is to do either a, b, or c

a. Have a spiritual director and a confessor. The spiritual director scan be a deacon, brother, woman religious or a lay person. But it must be someone who is well educated in the spiritual life and who is very orthodox. By the way, counseling and spiritual direction are not the same thing.

b. Go to the same priest, but at different times. Go to confession on Sat and then go for spiritual direction by appointment.

c. This is the easiest. Go by appointment. Do your spiritual direction and at the end of the conversation say,“Father, will you hear my confession?” It actually works well, because in the spiritual direction, you should have sifted out the sins from your neurosis.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

Thank you for the ideas and for the clarification!

Pax

 

[Zacdecat]

You must remember that he is a man…with all the good points and flaws all individuals have.

I had a similar happening once in Confession…the intake of breath and a silence…but as far as I know he may have had arthritis and it was giving him gip!!!

 

[Joannm]

The priest is not to remember anything.

My suggestion is to do either a, b, or c

a. Have a spiritual director and a confessor. The spiritual director scan be a deacon, brother, woman religious or a lay person. But it must be someone who is well educated in the spiritual life and who is very orthodox. By the way, counseling and spiritual direction are not the same thing.

b. Go to the same priest, but at different times. Go to confession on Sat and then go for spiritual direction by appointment.

c. This is the easiest. Go by appointment. Do your spiritual direction and at the end of the conversation say,“Father, will you hear my confession?” It actually works well, because in the spiritual direction, you should have sifted out the sins from your neurosis.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

I usually do “c”. It seems to work best. Also if I want to discuss something at a different time that I confessed, I don’t go deep into it. I just say “Last time we celebrated the Sacrament of Penance I confessed…, can we explore that a bit more.” That works well.

 

[MontChevalier]

Well, I don’t know why…

But one of my friends at the church, after I went to confession, he went to confession, and now he grew distant. The guy hasn’t spoken to me in over a week…

So I’m starting to get the feeling the priest broke the seal of confession…

-MontChevalier

 

[JReducation]

Well, I don’t know why…

But one of my friends at the church, after I went to confession, he went to confession, and now he grew distant. The guy hasn’t spoken to me in over a week…

So I’m starting to get the feeling the priest broke the seal of confession…

-MontChevalier

Do you realize the gravity of what you’re saying!

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF