I think I'M abusive

[JustAnotherThou]

Along with what almost everyone else said, I would suggest going to confession. Confession is the best way to cleanse our souls. I have often went to confession for things that might technically not been a sin, although it was something that was bothering me. It is a great reminder not to do what I did or didn’t do again.

I am not saying that anything you did was a sin.

 

[tapiocapudding]

I had the same problem a while back. I was in a ‘serious’ relationship from about 16- 19 but I was waaay too young to handle it maturely and I treated my boyfriend extremely badly. It was definitely emotionally abusive. I apologized and I guess we moved on but I still feel really guilty about the whole situation.
Sometimes I still treat my DH pretty badly. In fact I was going to start a thread entitled ‘confessions of a mean wife’ lamenting the fact that I’ve been a terrible crabby beast lately due to sleep deprivation. This thread has been a terrific help to me too! I really need to think before I speak and watch what I say to my DH. He is a terrific wonderful guy and I can be very pushy and sometimes manipulative . I’m working hard to change though.

 

[Salonika]

Dear Blue Skies

Thank you for having the courage to start this thread – it’s more than a “quite” difficult thing to do, it’s a very difficult thing. Glad you have had a good number of helpful replies.

I wonder if it would be useful for you to think more about what triggered what you describe as your abusive behaviour to your ex-boyfriend as, from how you have answered the posters I don’t think it’s your usual behaviour.

Also there may be some clues that let you know you are on the way to being unkind and knowing them could give you the ability not to become abusive. I get a clue when I start being judgemental of someone I am not usually judgemental off or when I start avoiding someone because I know it will be hard to be polite to them. Sometimes it can take quite a lot of work finding out what is behind it – its like peeling an onion as there can be issues beneath the issues. Maybe you can talk about this with whoever is helping you with your anxiety issues, they may be related.

Also please take responsibility only for what you are responsible are – think “strngrnrth”’s post starting “Bancroft’s book is excellent” is great here. I think when we are upset and ashamed about what we have done, we can over take responsibility (and sometimes the opposite not to take enough).