I think I'm Agnostic or Atheist Now. I Don't know anymore

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I’ve Prayed the rosary, Read the catechism Went to mass, Confession, Even thought of joining the priesthood when i graduated high school or College.
Everything…
Is there Really A God?

I’ve truly loved God… Prayed the Rosary every night before i went to Sleep, Never stopped Praying. According to the Catechism / Bible, God is the source of True happiness.

Why can’t i feel happiness?

Well, there was one good thing that happened i guess, I Met My best friend but she’s lesbian. I’ve talked to her about everything but there is one thing…

She’s in a different Country.

She’s my dream girl I’ve talked to her about everything that i would never tell anyone else I just Can’t trust the others including my family like her.

She’s an atheist Even when i was a born again Catholic, I’ve never judged her, She’s never judged me.

Why am i doubting the existence of God period? i Wish i could date her, We’re a lot alike… She’s so beautiful to me…

But all i want is true happiness with myself i hate myself, Everything about me i hate.

She said if we met up, We would be Best friends. I’m not very sociable at all but i would be comfortable being with her. i would also be very happy if i could… 😦

I’ve told her stuff that i would never tell my family because she relates to it and never judges me.

Why does she have to be so far away? She’s basically a year older than me 😦

God, Do you exist? I’ve prayed the rosary just to get close to Mary and You.

All i want is happiness within myself… 😦 and god. if he truly exists i don’t know anymore.

If i told anyone in my family this, They would judge me. 😦 I’m not an atheist or agnostic i just don’t know anymore.

Please Help, Thank you I Appreciate it.
 
i feel like There is No God anymore… i just don’t know.

I’ve lost hope long ago.
 
I’m not sure I can really help, but I suggest that you don’t pin all of your hopes and dreams on this person.

In my experience friends will come and go, but the Lord God remains.

Read back what you wrote; does not having what you desire = God doesn’t exist?

This sounds like a case of despair and/or depression.
I suggest you pray for yourself and your friend.

Things will get better.
They eventually always do.

Offer your suffering up to God for the sake of those seeking him.

Sorry I cannot help more.
 
i need helpp, I think I can relate. I came into Catholicism from a period where I had given up on God and religion (I was raised and baptized Southern Baptist). Please, allow me to share my experience - I think it may be able to help. When I was in elementary school, my parents divorced and my mother remarried - this time to a Catholic. My stepfather was the one who taught me love of Scripture, not my Southern Baptist father. When my half-brother was five weeks old, my stepfather (who I had grown closer to than my biological father) died of a massive heart attack (it was only a few weeks before Christmas). This was two years and ten months after I found my maternal grandfather dead in his hospital bed. Only a few years later, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I went to various denominations (never Catholic - it never occurred to me), trying to seek out if any of them could cure her. I prayed and prayed. She only seemed to get worse. Never better. It was also during this time that I fell in love with science, but the Christian branches I went to denied what made such beautiful sense in a scientific context; I explored other religions - I figured if Christianity did not have the cure, someone must have. I explored paganism, the Baha’i faith, Buddhism. All of them failed. I had went to almost every religion I could think of and pleaded with their gods. The lack of an answer turned into bitterness, and I renounced a belief in God and began to attack the very idea of a deity. I hated God, and wanted nothing more in regard to religion than belief in Him to cease. This hatred turned inward, and I began to hate myself. I became selfish, lazy, and disinterested. I was jostled around among ideologies and identities, a solid defender of Marxism one day, the next day a profound opponent. I knew not myself nor the world. Eventually, I was placed on an antidepressant and had counseling once a month. This for about two years, when my mother, for whose sake this entire thing started, suggested that I go to a Catholic Mass. At first, I was hesitant, but decided what harm could it do? It could be entertaining. So I went. That first Mass was two years ago, just a few weeks before Lent. Here I am now, and since my first Mass I have required less and less medication and counseling until the present day when I need neither. I have my down days, and sometimes weeks, but I’m human.

Although I am a devout Catholic, I rarely pray the Rosary, and when I do, I weave verses from Scripture between the Hail Mary’s. To an outsider, you would be a better Catholic than I (I’ve barely touched my copy of the Catechism, but I do love to read Scripture). My faith comes from mostly an academic knowledge of the faith and an analysis of it. I have learned to not rely on my emotions. The Eucharist is Christ, whether I have an emotional reaction or not. In the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I am forgiven my sins, regardless of whether I feel uplifted or not. There is a difference between happiness and joy, I’ve found. Happiness is temporal - fleeting. That is what most people mistake for joy. God never promised happiness, in fact, God the Son promised the exact opposite if we are to follow him. What God promises is Joy. Joy is the mark of a Saint. Do you want to know how to obtain Joy? Humble yourself. Repent of your sins. Love each person you meet - each person you know as you love yourself. If you don’t like you, love each person better than you love yourself. Be willing to give your life for not only your friends and family, but also your enemies. Devote each breath - each moment of your life to our Lord. Every morning, ask Jesus “What do you want me to do for you today?” If you don’t receive an answer, you aren’t listening hard enough (I myself have problems listening, but I sometimes have a breakthrough). Don’t expect a voice or a dramatic vision. And lastly, desire nothing for yourself.

The Christian way is not a way for the faint of heart. I am not going to lie. Few of us are worthy to be called Christians. Christ told us we’d suffer if we follow him. What do you want, God or things of this world? I frequently fall into sin; my pastor has warned me to be wary of scrupulosity. I should not be the one telling you these things, but rather a wiser and holier man.

But think about this: is an atheist lesbian who lives in another country the best person for you? Disregard her body. Is she as a person the best person for you? I cannot answer this for you. No one can.

As for does God exist? Look in the mirror and ask yourself that question. “Does God exist?” Truth is truth, even if no one believes it. Do not let emotion get in the way! Emotion, while a natural part of the human experience and good in and of itself, has a tendency to misguide us because it sees only the smallest of pictures.

If you’ve lost hope long ago, why are you here? No. You haven’t lost hope, because you are seeking help. The hope has merely grown dim and is reaching out. Do not cover it up, do not let that flame go out! So long as you doubt, keep seeking. Keep searching. Christ is waiting for you, even if for a while you leave him. Remember the Sacred Heart - it is on fire for you!.
 
I would suggest reading the Psalms in the Old Testament of the Bible. Read a little bit every day.

In some of the Psalms, the author is wondering why God is so far away.

If you do that consistently, even when you don’t feel like it, I think you may notice a difference.
 
You sound lonely. You say this girl is your best friend but she is in a different country and says you should meet up. Have you ever even met this girl in person? Do you have any other friends you can talk to?
 
i_need_helpp said:
I’ve Prayed the rosary, Read the catechism Went to mass, Confession, Even thought of joining the priesthood when i graduated high school or College.
Everything…
Is there Really A God?

I’ve truly loved God… Prayed the Rosary every night before i went to Sleep, Never stopped Praying. According to the Catechism / Bible, God is the source of True happiness.

Why can’t i feel happiness?

Well, there was one good thing that happened i guess, I Met My best friend but she’s lesbian. I’ve talked to her about everything but there is one thing…

She’s in a different Country.

She’s my dream girl I’ve talked to her about everything that i would never tell anyone else I just Can’t trust the others including my family like her.

She’s an atheist Even when i was a born again Catholic, I’ve never judged her, She’s never judged me.

Why am i doubting the existence of God period? i Wish i could date her, We’re a lot alike… She’s so beautiful to me…

But all i want is true happiness with myself i hate myself, Everything about me i hate.

She said if we met up, We would be Best friends. I’m not very sociable at all but i would be comfortable being with her. i would also be very happy if i could… 😦

I’ve told her stuff that i would never tell my family because she relates to it and never judges me.

Why does she have to be so far away? She’s basically a year older than me 😦

God, Do you exist? I’ve prayed the rosary just to get close to Mary and You.

All i want is happiness within myself… 😦 and god. if he truly exists i don’t know anymore.

If i told anyone in my family this, They would judge me. 😦 I’m not an atheist or agnostic i just don’t know anymore.

Please Help, Thank you I Appreciate it.
Click to expand...
I recommend a book called Arise From Darkness by Father Benedict Groeschel.
 
Honestly brother, you sound like you’re suffering from depression. I, of course, agree that prayer, devotion, and seeing a priest are necessary (for you as for me), but I should add that you should see a psychologist/psychotherapist. It is remarkable how much they can help. Even fervent spiritual effort can be thwarted by a chemical imbalance, which can totally warp your view of everything.

Remember too that many of us go through periods of doubt. These are times when God is testing our faith and making it stronger. Keep trying (and seek professional help if necessary) and you WILL pull out of this.

You are in my prayers.
 
I just try to believe but i just can’t anymore… i’m confused 😦
 
i_need_helpp said:
I just try to believe but i just can’t anymore… i’m confused 😦
Click to expand...
Belief is hard. I know. There are times when I doubt. Something I’ve learned is that God is not a supernatural vending machine, where we say a prayer and out comes our intention. He is God, not a vending machine. He is our Divine Master, nor our Divine Servant. Our job is to serve.Our job is to trust our Divine Master. We do not have to know the end of our path, just trust and take the next step. Frequently, we try to figure out our problems. We should rather go where God leads us, to be the sheep for this Shepherd.

I do not know if my words help. Only you can listen. Only you can decide. None of us can guide you more than we already have. All I can do is urge you that you put your trust in the Lord - you stand at the precipice of a dark chasm.

Perhaps this will help: Ask yourself, “What, specifically, is the cause of my confusion?” God is the God of peace. His voice is not one of confusion. Satan is the master of lies - it is his voice that causes confusion in a man’s heart. The enemy, Satan, wants nothing more than for the faithful to lose faith. What causes you frustration, uneasiness, confusion. What is the source of your doubt. It is that that you must reject if you want peace and faith.
 
Why? why can’t i feel happiness? That’s all i truly want. she’s helped me a lot… i want Joy, happiness within myself. yet i hate myself. i’m tired of feeling this… she’s helped me a lot. 😦 Very glad i met her because she’s been a help because she understands perfectly.

i’ve just basically i don’t know anymore… i’ve just given up a while ago…

I just wanna be with her… in the summer maybe. 😦
 
I’ve actually wanted to slit my wrist before… 😦 I’m not afraid i just go by these words “The pain you feel now will make you stronger in the end” is that true? she told me that…

I really don’t believe it.

I’ve confessed it in confession it was so bad i was crying so bad in the confessional, that the priest heard me when he was coming inside the church. 😦
 
Death doesn’t scare me anymore. I’m fascinated by Death… I don’t know. Suicide doesn’t scare me.
 
You should really see your doctor urgently to discuss how you are feeling regarding suicidal thoughts.
 
i_need_helpp said:
Death doesn’t scare me anymore. I’m fascinated by Death… I don’t know. Suicide doesn’t scare me.
Click to expand...
Have you tried doing volunteer work?

Sometimes, having a purpose in life can change one’s perspective.

I walked in on a counselling session between a priest and young man and I heard this priest saying to this young man who seemed depressed : If you want to be happy, give your life for others.

You said you were thinking of killing your self. Have you heard of dying to self and living for others? I think when you do this, you will find joy because you will realize that Christ is always walking with you. You will meet Christ in those you help.
 
Death doesn’t scare me either, i need helpp.
I will say that if you have contemplated suicide, though, you DO need to have medical help. If you live near a university, they may have a free counseling program for their psych department, or you can search for a quality psychiatrist. Start with that.
 
I agree with those who say to seek a psychologist to help you. It is hard to think clearly, or in some cases live your daily life, when you are dealing with symptoms that are similar to depression or other psychological issues.
 
Many people experience amplified emotions such as you describe as teenagers.

But you should talk to your parents and seek professional counseling as suicidal thoughts are not normal.
 
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