I think I'm in love with a man who doesn't exist

[Allegra]

Presuming that these fantasies are not leading you to sins of impurity, I don’t think you have sinned or are doing anything unhealthy or sinful. I’ve always imagined stories about fictional characters in the same way you’ve described.

 

[1inICXC]

Pray and keep active!!!

Nothing can save us from temptation better than continuously using our mental and physical energy to solve problems, and goodness knows, there’s tons of them in the world I.e join a big sister program, help a mom in need, do some sidewalk counseling or other pro-life work!! If you are doing mindless work I.e washing dishes, folding laundry, listen to some talks or sermons online.

Keeping busy (constructively) really is a cure for almost mental “issue”.

 

[EasterJoy]

Presuming that these fantasies are not leading you to sins of impurity, I don’t think you have sinned or are doing anything unhealthy or sinful. I’ve always imagined stories about fictional characters in the same way you’ve described.

Feeling disappointed that you might get a great husband who won’t need you to take care of him except in the ways that come with the territory of marriage generally is not healthy. You should not want your future spouse to be dependent on you, but interdependent with you.

There are many predatory people out there and irresponsible people out there who have their little insect antennae on the lookout for one of those good-hearted souls who can be seduced into “taking pity” on them or “taking care” of them. If the intended victim is someone who can eventually be manipulated into believing the bald-faced lie that no one else will want her or who can be flattered into believing that the manipulator is really as helpless and needy as he claims, so much the better. That alone makes this fantasy a perilous one, something that could set the OP up for a revolving door that takes her through one doomed relationship after another.

I agree with you. I think it’s dangerous to her health to delve further into fantasy.

This may be so. Still, if it is then we are automatically in above our pay grade.

OP, this is probably a job for a professional. You are right to be concerned that this could affect a future marriage, but we are not qualified to guide you about how to deal with it. If it turns out that you have a habit of guided imagery that you can master instead of renouncing, that’s great, but we’re not qualified to be judges of that. You will want to learn other means of coping with social anxiety, at any rate, and a professional can help you with the process of learning that.

 

[Allegra]

Feeling disappointed that you might get a great husband who won’t need you to take care of him except in the ways that come with the territory of marriage generally is not healthy. You should not want your future spouse to be dependent on you, but interdependent with you.

There are many predatory people out there and irresponsible people out there who have their little insect antennae on the lookout for one of those good-hearted souls who can be seduced into “taking pity” on them or “taking care” of them. If the intended victim is someone who can eventually be manipulated into believing the bald-faced lie that no one else will want her or who can be flattered into believing that the manipulator is really as helpless and needy as he claims, so much the better. That alone makes this fantasy a perilous one, something that could set the OP up for a revolving door that takes her through one doomed relationship after another.

This may be so. Still, if it is then we are automatically in above our pay grade.

OP, this is probably a job for a professional. You are right to be concerned that this could affect a future marriage, but we are not qualified to guide you about how to deal with it. If it turns out that you have a habit of guided imagery that you can master instead of renouncing, that’s great, but we’re not qualified to be judges of that. You will want to learn other means of coping with social anxiety, at any rate, and a professional can help you with the process of learning that.

I used to fantasize and even write stories about the characters in books and tv shows all the time and the unrequited love stories were one of my specialties. However, I have never been under the misconception that having an emotionally helpless mate that needed me to rescue them was anyone’s idea of a good time in real life.

In fact, in real life, I’ve always felt that adults who can’t take care of themselves are really annoying and in some cases, completely toxic. I’ve never really given it a whole lot of thought, but I think my interest in that sort of story might have been more based in my desire for someone to take care of me (in an appropriate sort of way, not a dysfunctional, codependant way) and not he other way around.

At any rate, I don’t see that those fantasies have had adverse effects on my marital relationship, probably because my husband is a real person and not a figment of my imagination. It’s completely different and honestly, I very rarely even think of those stories I used to imagine since I’ve known him. The real thing is way better than a fantasy. If the OP is “with it” enough to realize that the kind of relationship she is imagining would certainly not be healthy or peaceful if she were to attempt it in real life, I don’t think she needs to call in the shrinks quite yet.