I think my boyfriend is depressed

[Bri125]

It lies semi dormant most of the time, but every now and then it comes out and he gets extremely down on himself and his life and everything. He is not religious and I don’t know how to get through to him that life can be so much better. I don’t know how to convince him to get help or to give faith a try. I know his life could change for the better drastically if he embraced faith or even just some help. Please pray.

 

[1ke]

It’s a difficult thing when someone we care about suffers from depression or other mental or physical illnesses.

The truth is, you cannot convince him to do anything.

It’s difficult when we are dating someone, investing time and emotion in them and their wellbeing, and they have something seriously wrong inside them. What you need to understand is that you are dating, not married to, this young man. Dating is a discernment process. In that process part of the purpose is to determine if there are things that preclude marriage to this person. You may have found not one, but two: chronic, untreated depression AND his lack of religion.

Again, you are NOT married to him, and you should not move forward with any such plans. And you should consider that this is not the right person for you. He may not be the right person for ANYONE until and unless he deals with his issues.

Many young people who date make the tragic mistake of believing the other person is their responsibility, that they are somehow “abandoning” or “giving up” on the person if they move on past the dating relationship. That is too bad, because such reactions misunderstand the purpose of dating and discernment in its entirety.

 

[styrgwillidar]

It lies semi dormant most of the time, but every now and then it comes out and he gets extremely down on himself and his life and everything. He is not religious and I don’t know how to get through to him that life can be so much better. I don’t know how to convince him to get help or to give faith a try. I know his life could change for the better drastically if he embraced faith or even just some help. Please pray.

You can’t talk a depressive into seeing their life is better. If it is clinical depression it involves a change in brain chemistry affecting their ability to process positives.

I recommend you read ‘Depression Fallout’ by Anne Sheffield (also has a website with forums - depressionfallout.org)

If he has depression, he needs to seek professional help.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

It’s hard watching someone you love suffer and be unable to help. All you can do is pray and maybe guide him to the right resources but he has to want to be helped.

 

[LiamQ]

]Dating is a discernment process. In that process part of the purpose is to determine if there are things that preclude marriage to this person. You may have found not one, but two: chronic, untreated depression AND his lack of religion.

I absolutely agree with this, as I do with most of 1ke’s posts.

I would encourage you, OP, to sincerely reconsider the importance of finding a good, practicing Catholic for a potential husband.

Getting married and then having a conversion experience while your spouse is hesitant is one thing.

But knowing ahead of time that your potential spouse is not religious is quite another.

Put your soul and those of your future children and husband ahead of everything else.

A sincere Catholic who takes developing virtue seriously is an absolute treasure of a spouse.

 

[jaimeleglise]

It does sound like depression. It is often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
He should see a doctor to be screened for depression. Medication and cognitive behavioral therapy can be quite effective.

 

[EasterJoy]

You can’t talk a depressive into seeing their life is better. If it is clinical depression it involves a change in brain chemistry affecting their ability to process positives.

I recommend you read ‘Depression Fallout’ by Anne Sheffield (also has a website with forums - depressionfallout.org)

If he has depression, he needs to seek professional help.

If you are lucky, you can talk a depressed person into accepting the possibility that he or she is depressed.

Even when they’ve done this, I’ve likened the effort to knowing that things aren’t bad compared to being able to see they aren’t bad to flying a plane on instruments. It is very exhausting to trust what you know only intellectually, to believe what you cannot feel, especially when you feel the instruments are wrong. This analogy can help convince the depressed person that he or she is not “weak” for taking extra good care of himself or herself, avoiding stressful situations, and sticking around with people who can more easily see the way through hard times. Feeling depressed is hard. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to brain chemicals, but you almost have to accept how hard your situation is before it gets better. You get a little bit of good brain chemicals by letting yourself accept credit for endurance.

Being the person who helps, however, means accepting that the inability to see the positive is not done willfully, but is something that has to be endured. It is like seeing that food is healthful and artfully prepared when you have a chronically upset stomach. You don’t want to be reminded any more than absolutely necessary to keep going. You want what you can digest and keep down, and not reminders of what you cannot. You have to work up to doing more than that.