I think my nephew is gay

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dermot2

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I recently became “friends” with my 2o year old nephew on his Facebook site. After purusing some of his pics and videos, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s probbably gay. My H suspected it, but I always thought my nephew was just a shy, sensitive kid – he is that and very sweet, but I feel so sad about him likely being gay. His gramma ( my Mom) would be very heartbroken, so I’m not going to mention this to her, and I suppose my brother (his Dad) isn’t too happy about it either.

I’m not going to keep this to myself, although I suspect my two other brothers already know. I just feel sad about this,as this is not what I would have wanted for my nephew.

thanks
 
dermot2 said:
I’m not going to keep this to myself, although I suspect my two other brothers already know. I just feel sad about this,as this is not what I would have wanted for my nephew.

thanks
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Why? I mean, unless he’s come out to you personally, why carry gossip about him to other members of your family? Let him come out (if he is gay) in his own time and way to them.
 
I wouldn’t say a thing to anyone.

It isn’t your place to disclose that information.

Some may disagree with me, but I think sexuality is a really personal thing. Maybe he is just going through a phase. Maybe he is praying about it already. Maybe he is.

I’m not defending homosexual actions; however, I think “outing” him would be extremely traumatic, and it would probably ruin your relationship with him for life.

Plus, it is not charitable to be a gossip.
 
first off why does a 2 year old have a facebook?? thats just wierd. or is that a 2o a 20, really wasnt sure which way the typo went.

if you really trhink he’s gay pray for him, that he never chooses to be so, because it isnt a sin, and if he never chooses to act on it he can’t sin(at least not for that). so pray, it never hurts.
 
aggiecatholic05 said:
first off why does a 2 year old have a facebook?? thats just wierd. or is that a 2o a 20, really wasnt sure which way the typo went.
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I am guessing they ment 20 yo, the thread wouldn’t make sense at all if he/she was talking about a 2 yo.
 
Sorry you guys – my nephew is 20 and I meant to say " I’m going to keep this to myself". The other posting was a typo.

So would appreciate your comments based on my correction.

thanks
 
I am glad that it was a typo, that you are keeping to yourself because if you “outed” him and it turned out your were incorrect, it would cause so much hurt and pain that you would probably never be able to repair the relationship.

I have a niece (22 years old) who is gay. While I do not agree with her lifestyle (I would not agree with it if she were heterosexual), I have to realize that she is an adult, what she is doing is not illegal, and I have absolutely no say about it. The way my family has decided to handle it is be polite to her “friend” and make sure that my niece knows that she is loved and welcome in our family. We all hope that one day she will get out of this relationship which we don’t think is the best for her and come back fully to the family. But we realize that if we ostracize her now, that will never happen.

You can IM me if you would like to talk more specifics. Just pray for him is about all you can do at this point.
 
We all love xxxx and are proud of him – he does well in school, loves music and plays the piano beautifully, has tons of friends.

I’d never mention my suspicions to him or anyone else in the family. I just wish he had not been drawn in this direction. I know my Mom would be very distressed and I think that’s what I feel quite badly about.

Thanks for your feedback.
 
dermot2 said:
Sorry you guys – my nephew is 20 and I meant to say " I’m going to keep this to myself". The other posting was a typo.

So would appreciate your comments based on my correction.

thanks
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There* must** be a reason why your three brothers (if they have knowledge acquired from your nephew) that this** is** so, have not discussed this with you. Especially, his father. *
Your nephew is a young adult and deserves his privacy. If, in reality, this** is** true, he will let folks know when he is ready to do so and this needs to be respected. The first ones to know will be his immediate family. Father, mother, sisters or brothers.
Would you or your husband want or appreciate others being intrusive or spreading suspections regarding yourselves to others? Not likely :nope: !
Pray for your nephew, allow him to invite you into his deeper thoughts and feelings, if and when he is ready to do so. Have the* facts** before you even consider discussing this matter with anyone and even than, tread lightly :sad_yes: .Let your nephew know you love him but can not condone this type of lifestyle in any way**.***

.
 
Be careful. Your suspicions may be true, they may not be. Does he have videos and pics of men, gay men, or otherwise? One of my guy friends is one of the most beautiful people (inside and out) that I’ve come to know. He gets hit on by other guys all the time and people think he’s gay but he’s not. It’s because he is very physically attractive but not athletic, very emotionally sensitive and expressive, very affectionate with both men and women, has mostly women friends, is musically inclined, notes physical attraction in both genders, but he’s straight. It’s sad though, because he would love a girlfriend, but girls tell him he’s the kind to marry, but not to date (umm, how do you end up married then?! Unless it’s arranged or something…). He and I are like brother and sister and you can bet that I pray for him to get a good girl!

On the other hand, I have bisexual tendencies (NOT practices, I’m chaste, or at least striving to be, just as much as a heterosexual practicing Catholic) but you wouldn’t know it just by looking at my Facebook or knowing me (unless I told you). But romance and sexuality are not things people would attribute to me because they’re not really as much a part of my identity. I also don’t act stereotypical at all. I dress feminine, wear makeup, cook all the time, etc. I have friends both men and women. Though I’m only “out” so to speak on this forum and with three of my friends, not to anyone else and since I really don’t intend to act on it, I probably won’t.

Don’t out or even mention suspicions, especially if you don’t know. He may end up bringing home a sweet sensitive girl and introduce her as his fiancée:)
 
‘Outing’ him will push him right over that edge, if he’s still teetering.

MYOB, as Anne Landers used to say.
 
I have no intention of outing him and have only mentioned it here on this Board. Like I said, I just feel kind of depressed about it, but then I’m depressed about a lot things these days. And I’m not without sin myself and am struggling whether to leave my marriage. (a whole other story).

His Facebook page had pictures of him at our town’s Gay Pride parade and he was with a girl who is an obvious lesbian. I know sometimes kids will go to these parades because they think it’s cool or to be inclusive, but I don’t think that’s why he was there.

I’ll keep him in may prayers. Unfortunately, his father has drifted away from the Church since marrying a non-catholic and the kids, though baptized catholics, do not attend Mass. That bothers me too.

thanks
 
My very straight 17 year old brother takes part in Gay Pride events occasionally, I think because I’m gay and because he has gay friends at school.
 
Yeah, a lot of straight kids I know do the same. Could be he’s supporting a friend (not a Catholic way, but you did say his father fell away from the Church and the family did as well).
 
I applaud most of the responses on this forum about this topic.
But I do feel like I need to say something. Being gay is not a choice. Why would someone choose to have to deal with what they deal with. My cousin who is a devout Christian dealt and whose father is a minister who finally admitted it to himself about 10 years ago. He has been a much happier person since he figured it out.

Also, one poster talked about how her family ‘decided to handle her gay niece’. What is there to handle? They don’t have a disease. They are normal people just like us. And we can’t judge them. If you believe it’s a sin remember the verse "all sins are the same in the eyes of God’ and the when everyone wanted to stone the prostitute and Jesus said “whoever is without sin shall cast the first stone”.
 
noclevername said:
I applaud most of the responses on this forum about this topic.
But I do feel like I need to say something. Being gay is not a choice. Why would someone choose to have to deal with what they deal with. My cousin who is a devout Christian dealt and whose father is a minister who finally admitted it to himself about 10 years ago. He has been a much happier person since he figured it out.

Also, one poster talked about how her family ‘decided to handle her gay niece’. What is there to handle? They don’t have a disease. They are normal people just like us. And we can’t judge them. If you believe it’s a sin remember the verse "all sins are the same in the eyes of God’ and the when everyone wanted to stone the prostitute and Jesus said “whoever is without sin shall cast the first stone”.
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noone knows if being gay is a choice or not, several studies on the genetics have been done, including one on paternal and fraternal twins one gay one not. some were done by gay advocates, social conservatives, and independant groups. all anyone proved is that we dont know.

the main choice to be addressed is the actions of the person involved. gay atraction may not be a sin, but acting on it is. thats something that cant be ignored. with a niece youd have to worry about other kids around and try not to provide scandal or allow an occasion for sin by letting her act on it in your home.
 
From my experience, it’s not a choice. I don’t remember waking up saying, “I think I’ll like women today.” Most gay/bi people I know would say the same thing.

Of course, it means you have to be chaste, regardless of orientation. But we’re ALL called to be chaste.

You may not be able to control attraction, you can control behavior.
 
People do not choose to be gay. I am straight and i didn’t choose to be straight, I just am.
 
anecdotal evidence is not evidence. either way though the fact remains the orientation isnt the issue but the actions taken upon it or not that do.
 
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