I think she's blowing me off

[SomeCatholicGuy]

So there’s this girl. She and I were supposed to get together again last Thursday, but she had to cancel at the last minute, because something had come up at work and she had to work late, and she offered to reschedule it for Sunday or Thursday. I admit I was a bit miffed, so I didn’t respond till Sunday morning, and said why don’t we wait until after next (this) week? So I guess it can interpreted that I did blow her off a little, but I also did it because she said it was going to be a hectic week for her. Anyway, I sent her another email Wednesday night, asking to meet up before Thanksgiving, since I’m going to be out of town that week. Haven’t heard from her yet. I’m beginning to think she’s blowing me off. I’m planning to give her a call on Saturday and see what’s up. If she picks up, good; otherwise, I guess I’ll just have to leave a message. Did I mess this one up or what? Now I’ve got chocolates that have been sitting in fridge for a while, and I’m afraid they’re gonna be there a while longer.

Thanks in advance.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t think you ‘messed anything up,’ per se. But, maybe don’t take things too personally…you are not an ‘item’ (yet) and may never be, you are both just at the very beginning stages of dating…so, if she canceled because she had to work, that is a very legit explanation. Unless, of course, you don’t buy her reason. That’s a whole other thing altogether. lol

But, I’d take her at face value. She had to work. If it becomes a HABIT, where she begins canceling as a routine at the last minute…I’d move on. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say.

Oh, and don’t play games. Don’t time your calls out, because you are angry, to make a point, etc…if you don’t want someone to play games with you, then don’t play games. You are above that. I have read your posts, and you seem like a nice person. I know sometimes, when our egos/feelings are hurt, we react in those ways–but rise above it, and take her at face value for now. Again, if it becomes habitual that she starts canceling…I’d let her go. Hope this helps.

 

[WesleyF]

You need to be more optimistic in your thinking!

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Thanks, whatevergirl. I really do need to stop thinking about it. I try not to take things personally when it comes to things like this, but it’s easier said than done sometimes. I know women say this all the time about men, but it really is very hard to find a nice Catholic girl that I like!

You need to be more optimistic in your thinking!

Thanks, WesleyF. I think I’m turning into my dad, who is the most pessimistic person and biggest worrier I know. I didn’t use to be like this, but I guess my previous experiences with women have taught me some lessons. If you’ve read my sadness-in-the-eyes thread, I probably have that sadness in my eyes, too. Anyway, you’re right - I need to think more positively.

 

[Magicsilence]

I don’t think you ‘messed anything up,’ per se. But, maybe don’t take things too personally…you are not an ‘item’ (yet) and may never be, you are both just at the very beginning stages of dating…so, if she canceled because she had to work, that is a very legit explanation. Unless, of course, you don’t buy her reason. That’s a whole other thing altogether. lol

But, I’d take her at face value. She had to work. If it becomes a HABIT, where she begins canceling as a routine at the last minute…I’d move on. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say.

Oh, and don’t play games. Don’t time your calls out, because you are angry, to make a point, etc…**.if you don’t want someone to play games with you, then don’t play games. **You are above that. I have read your posts, and you seem like a nice person. I know sometimes, when our egos/feelings are hurt, we react in those ways–but rise above it, and take her at face value for now. Again, if it becomes habitual that she starts canceling…I’d let her go. Hope this helps.

WG, are you a professional counselor, or what ? This is such a great post, and so true!

Oh, and sorry OP, I don’t have any advice; apart from the few sane women here on CAF, most others are too confusing for me to try and decipher

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

WG, are you a professional counselor, or what ? This is such a great post, and so true!

This is very interesting, because I didn’t even realize that I was playing games. I took my time in replying, because I didn’t know what to say and needed time to gather my thoughts and figure out what the next steps are. I replied very early Sunday morning, so that I wouldn’t disrupt her plans for the day, as she had suggested Sunday evening as the first of the possible times to meet. I guess if I don’t hear from her before Saturday, I’m going to give her a call to ask her if she’s free sometime next week to meet up for coffee.

 

[shannyk]

I don’t think you ‘messed anything up,’ per se. But, maybe don’t take things too personally…you are not an ‘item’ (yet) and may never be, you are both just at the very beginning stages of dating…so, if she canceled because she had to work, that is a very legit explanation. Unless, of course, you don’t buy her reason. That’s a whole other thing altogether. lol

But, I’d take her at face value. She had to work. If it becomes a HABIT, where she begins canceling as a routine at the last minute…I’d move on. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say.

Oh, and don’t play games. Don’t time your calls out, because you are angry, to make a point, etc…if you don’t want someone to play games with you, then don’t play games. You are above that.** I have read your posts, and you seem like a nice person. I know sometimes, when our egos/feelings are hurt, we react in those ways–but rise above it, and take her at face value for now. Again, if it becomes habitual that she starts canceling…I’d let her go. Hope this helps.**

I agree with WG, and I just want to add that I will gladly take those chocolates off your hands if she doesn’t end up getting them ( I hope they are dark chocolate…)

 

[MamaMia3]

I agree with some of the other posters…don’t play call back games.(she waited a week so I’ll wait a week blah blah blah) if you get the feeling she is blowing you off then move on. But if she really has to work then set a new date and follow up quickly.

 

[jrabs]

Move on. Take her off your list. If she is interested, she will contact you.

When I was dating, I really wanted a man that acted interested. Waiting days for a phone call or an email reply says to me that the man is not all that interested.

Your initial post says you are waiting till Sat to call her? If you are interested - why on earth are you waiting to call. It’s a game. People hate games - makes dating too hard to figure out.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Your initial post says you are waiting till Sat to call her? If you are interested - why on earth are you waiting to call. It’s a game. People hate games - makes dating too hard to figure out.

Well, I’m waiting till Saturday, because I wanted to at least give her a chance to reply to my email. I really don’t want to bombard her with emails and phone calls, because desperation doesn’t look very attractive, either. I’m showing my interest by letting her know that I still want to make plans with her. My calling her on Saturday will further reinforce that, I hope.

 

[whatevergirl]

Well, I’m waiting till Saturday, because I wanted to at least give her a chance to reply to my email. I really don’t want to bombard her with emails and phone calls, because desperation doesn’t look very attractive, either. I’m showing my interest by letting her know that I still want to make plans with her. My calling her on Saturday will further reinforce that, I hope.

Just call. Seriously. The worst she can say…is…NO. She isn’t going to come through the phone and hit you over the head with a wet noodle. You don’t see it as a game, but there are very subtle games men and women play…I know…I remember the whole dating thing. Just call her. If a woman is interested…this may sound very complicated…but, she wil say yes. I’m joking with you a bit but really, while many men THINK women are complicated…we’re not really.

 

[shannyk]

Well, I’m waiting till Saturday, because I wanted to at least give her a chance to reply to my email. I really don’t want to bombard her with emails and phone calls, because desperation doesn’t look very attractive, either. I’m showing my interest by letting her know that I still want to make plans with her. My calling her on Saturday will further reinforce that, I hope.

Forget the emails. I mean I know we live in the age of email and texting and all that but it’s far to impersonal for something like asking someone out on a date. :twocents:

 

[jrabs]

Well, I’m waiting till Saturday, because I wanted to at least give her a chance to reply to my email. I really don’t want to bombard her with emails and phone calls, because desperation doesn’t look very attractive, either. I’m showing my interest by letting her know that I still want to make plans with her. My calling her on Saturday will further reinforce that, I hope.

I understand what you are saying. But in my womanly opinion, you are showing fleeting and minimal interest. And that’s not all that attractive to a woman either. We want someone who is really interested.

When I was single - two men were interested in me. One called daily, one called weekly. Who do you think I picked? I picked the one who called me, pursued me and acted like I was important enough to ACTIVELY pursue.

In terms of you being perceived as desperate…well, either she dates you because you were persistent, or she does not. If she does not, what do you care how she perceives you?

 

[jrabs]

Just call. Seriously. The worst she can say…is…NO. She isn’t going to come through the phone and hit you over the head with a wet noodle. You don’t see it as a game, but there are very subtle games men and women play…I know…I remember the whole dating thing. Just call her. If a woman is interested…this may sound very complicated…but, she wil say yes. I’m joking with you a bit but really, while many men THINK women are complicated…we’re not really.

Dead on - Whatevergirl.

Besides, if she says NO, then it’s all the sooner you shake the dust and move on without all this drama. And you can also crack open the chocolates (I am dying to try that big old caramel cream one in the center of the box).

 

[kevinsgirl]

Ok, she probably really DID have to work late. I know I have to sometimes…and with little warning. Like the other posters have said–don’t over think this or over analyze or play the silly dating call back game. Just call her and suggest a time to go out. Women like it when I guy is proactive. Calling her is not stalkerish (now calling her four times and leaving four messages would be) and is much more efficient and straight forward. The worst that could happen if you call is that she’ll say no. The worst that could happen if you don’t call is that this relationship will get all bogged down in games.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think it’s all the caffeine this morning, but I must add one thing…

About texting.

You are what, 28, SomeCatholicGuy? Business is done often times through blackberries, etc…but when you are trying to ask someone out, etc…just pick up the phone, and call. It’s more personal. Shows you are taking initiative. We have become a culture of hiding behind emails, and text messages.

As Nike’s ads state…JUST DO IT.

If she doesn’t appreciate your efforts…acts weird…acts like you are too eager…and worse case, is rude…MOVE ON.

There is not a shortage of good, Catholic women out in the world…just have to keep searching. There are probably a lot of single Catholic women on this forum, for pete’s sakes, who you might like!

Just sayin’. I’m not a matchmaker, I draw the line. lol

 

[shannyk]

I am dying to try that big old caramel cream one in the center of the box).

I already called the chocolates:nunchuk:

But I might share you never know…women are fickle that way.

WG is right again…you’re on a roll today you might get a chocolate.

About texting.

You are what, 28, SomeCatholicGuy? Business is done often times through blackberries, etc…but when you are trying to ask someone out, etc…just pick up the phone, and call. It’s more personal. Shows you are taking initiative. We have become a culture of hiding behind emails, and text messages.

As Nike’s ads state…JUST DO IT.

If she doesn’t appreciate your efforts…acts weird…acts like you are too eager…and worse case, is rude…MOVE ON.

There is not a shortage of good, Catholic women out in the world…just have to keep searching. There are probably a lot of single Catholic women on this forum, for pete’s sakes, who you might like!

Just sayin’. I’m not a matchmaker, I draw the line. lol

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I understand what you are saying. But in my womanly opinion, you are showing fleeting and minimal interest. And that’s not all that attractive to a woman either. We want someone who is really interested.

Really? You think so? And here I am thinking I was showing a lot of interest! I guess I’m less likely to do that now, because that’s making myself vulnerable, you know? And I’ve had a few bad experiences in the past when this was the issue. I suppose I’m less trusting now, and I tend to approach things more carefully and slowly.

 

[shannyk]

Really? You think so? And here I am thinking I was showing a lot of interest! I guess I’m less likely to do that now, because that’s making myself vulnerable, you know? And I’ve had a few bad experiences in the past when this was the issue. I suppose I’m less trusting now, and I tend to approach things more carefully and slowly.

I think what everyone is saying is that you are coming across that way to HER possibly. She doesn’t know your history or reasons for going slowly as you put it.

I think what we’re suggesting is that you be direct and to the point and put the ball in her court. Simply ask straighforwardly as possible’ would you like to go out with me day time place, and let her respond.

If she hems and haws and says she’ll get back to you let HER do just that.

If she says no thanks, well then at least you have an answer.

If she says yes, then yay

I can understand your reluctance because of your past dealing with women, but really here in this situation, there is no ‘trust’ issue in play since you have not even had a date with her (yet).

If she says yes, or no, or maybe, try not to take it personally, easier said than done I know.

 

[stringbeanduck]

I got to say SomeCatholicGuy,

It wasn’t the brightest idea to wait until calling her back. But things are happen what can you do? Do what others have said and if she still blows you off then let her go.

I was in a similar relationship over the summer. On night we had dinner at a good restaurant and told her that I’d be leaving to go out town soon for two weeks. She seemed fine with it and we agreed meet up again. Well I come back, wrote her and email and she never responded. Then I text her and said, “Hi I’m back do you want to hang soon, great movie coming out in theater, thought we’d see it together.” This time she texts me back and said that she’s too busy has a lot of summer work to do. So knave ole me though alright I just try her again later. A few days later I text her and said, “Do you want to hang out again, I’m leaving for Michigan for 2weeks and I want to see you.” That time I got a “Maybe”. The next day she says, “I am too busy maybe sometime during the year”.

After that I thought to he11 with it I’ll find another. If she really wanted me then she’d make the effort to see me. I am a very kind person, but I can only do as best as I can.