I think she's blowing me off

[jrabs]

Really? You think so? And here I am thinking I was showing a lot of interest! I guess I’m less likely to do that now, because that’s making myself vulnerable, you know? And I’ve had a few bad experiences in the past when this was the issue. I suppose I’m less trusting now, and I tend to approach things more carefully and slowly.

There is always some vulnerability in starting a new dating situation. It goes with the territory. It makes you human and it is also charming. Once in a while you strike out. Oh well. Then you move on to even better. Life is a risk - relationships are risk. Who hasn’t crashed and burned?

But if you are always playing the cautious card, then it may be at the expense of a great woman. Women can’t read your mind - all they can see is that you waited too long between calls.

Look - I’m not trying to give you a hard time - I am just speaking from a woman’s point of view on how I used to think and what would turn me off. You can choose to ignore what the vast majority of woman posters are saying, or you can go it alone and venture off into the dating world as you see fit. Though I am just merely suggesting your approach may have been off-putting.

 

[whatevergirl]

I already called the chocolates:nunchuk:

But I might share you never know…women are fickle that way.

WG is right again…you’re on a roll today you might get a chocolate.

I need some chocolate…I have a bad headache all of a sudden! I went to this women’s club luncheon with a few coworkers…and ugh, something I must have eaten.:bighanky:

 

[Leonius]

Really? You think so? And here I am thinking I was showing a lot of interest! I guess I’m less likely to do that now, because that’s making myself vulnerable, you know? And I’ve had a few bad experiences in the past when this was the issue. I suppose I’m less trusting now, and I tend to approach things more carefully and slowly.

I’m going to be brutally honest with you it sounds like you have blown it with this girl its probably best you just forget about it and start looking for someone else. If you really like this one then phone her and arrange a meeting even if you do it just by leaving the detail on her answer phone and then see if she calls or turns up. If she doesnt then you wil know 100% she is not interested.

And next time let them know you are serious, don’t play silly little games leave that to the women and don’t hold back because you are “vulnerable”, been vulnerable is not attractive and is not manly, you have to get some thicker skin and believe that finding a good woman is worth taking risks for.

It’s not rocket science women like gentlemen, and you have not been acting like one, you have lacked courage and you have also lacked basic manners like calling people within a reasonable amount of time, there is no good reason to wait more then the next day to call some one really and this girl will know that.

By not calling her for a week you told her she means nothing to you and also that you a rude and selfish person. No wonder she is not interested in you anymore.

Of course it may also be she was never really that interested in you and was just messing about with you to fill in the time. Some women do that.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I’m going to be brutally honest with you it sounds like you have blown it with this girl its probably best you just forget about it and start looking for someone else. If you really like this one then phone her and arrange a meeting even if you do it just by leaving the detail on her answer phone and then see if she calls or turns up. If she doesnt then you wil know 100% she is not interested.

And next time let them know you are serious, don’t play silly little games leave that to the women and don’t hold back because you are “vulnerable”, been vulnerable is not attractive and is not manly, you have to get some thicker skin and believe that finding a good woman is worth taking risks for.

It’s not rocket science women like gentlemen, and you have not been acting like one, you have lacked courage and you have also lacked basic manners like calling people within a reasonable amount of time, there is no good reason to wait more then the next day to call some one really and this girl will know that.

By not calling her for a week you told her she means nothing to you and also that you a rude and selfish person. No wonder she is not interested in you anymore.

Of course it may also be she was never really that interested in you and was just messing about with you to fill in the time. Some women do that.

I think you misunderstood what I said.

 

[Leonius]

I think you misunderstood what I said.

ok

 

[ac_claire]

I think you misunderstood what I said.

I read Leonius’s advice and IMO it’s pretty good. I don’t think he misunderstood your post at all. Maybe you just don’t agree with his assessment of the situation? As a woman, I think it’s good advice and I recommend you go back and give it another read-through.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

OK everyone, I just called and left a message asking her out for sometime next week. We’ll see what happens.

 

[kevinsgirl]

OK everyone, I just called and left a message asking her out for sometime next week. We’ll see what happens.

Good job!

And remember, if she says no it doesn’t mean anything about you. Just move on and wait until you find another beautiful girl that you can impress with your earnest gentlemanliness.

 

[whatevergirl]

OK everyone, I just called and left a message asking her out for sometime next week. We’ll see what happens.

Very good!

Just remember, if a woman ‘rejects’ you, it isn’t you (so don’t feel bad)…she just isn’t the right one, for you. If you look at it terms of that, you will feel less worried about being rejected. I know that it must be hard to do the asking…my hat is off to all men who have that task. But, I think that it builds character, when we stand up to things we fear, or at the very least, are a bit apprehensive about. I hope she says yes–keep us posted.

 

[chevalier]

So there’s this girl. She and I were supposed to get together again last Thursday, but she had to cancel at the last minute, because something had come up at work and she had to work late, and she offered to reschedule it for Sunday or Thursday. I admit I was a bit miffed, so I didn’t respond till Sunday morning, and said why don’t we wait until after next (this) week? So I guess it can interpreted that I did blow her off a little, but I also did it because she said it was going to be a hectic week for her. Anyway, I sent her another email Wednesday night, asking to meet up before Thanksgiving, since I’m going to be out of town that week. Haven’t heard from her yet. I’m beginning to think she’s blowing me off. I’m planning to give her a call on Saturday and see what’s up. If she picks up, good; otherwise, I guess I’ll just have to leave a message. Did I mess this one up or what? Now I’ve got chocolates that have been sitting in fridge for a while, and I’m afraid they’re gonna be there a while longer.

Call her and explain it. The fridge isn’t worth it.

If she’s having a hectic time, it’s not her fault but it wouldn’t be right to expect you to put up with it indefinitely and ignore the bad feeling caused to you by all the pressure.

When I was dating, I really wanted a man that acted interested. Waiting days for a phone call or an email reply says to me that the man is not all that interested.

Oh, funny thing. When I was actively pursuing girls and young women, I really wanted one that didn’t take it against you and feel suffocated when you were acting interested.

Just call. Seriously. The worst she can say…is…NO. She isn’t going to come through the phone and hit you over the head with a wet noodle. You don’t see it as a game, but there are very subtle games men and women play…I know…I remember the whole dating thing. Just call her. If a woman is interested…this may sound very complicated…but, she wil say yes. I’m joking with you a bit but really, while many men THINK women are complicated…we’re not really.

I have to second that. With some practise, women are pretty able to be figured out, as long as you aren’t emotionally involved, which blurs your reason.

I think it’s all the caffeine this morning, but I must add one thing…

About texting.

You are what, 28, SomeCatholicGuy? Business is done often times through blackberries, etc…but when you are trying to ask someone out, etc…just pick up the phone, and call. It’s more personal. Shows you are taking initiative. We have become a culture of hiding behind emails, and text messages.

Yeah, even business is better done by phone than e-mail if you’re dealing with a valued contact in something which is not a matter of routine.

It’s not rocket science women like gentlemen, and you have not been acting like one, you have lacked courage and you have also lacked basic manners like calling people within a reasonable amount of time, there is no good reason to wait more then the next day to call some one really and this girl will know that.

Leonius, I agree there’s no reason to wait more than the next day and that is what I do because I generally refuse to abide by silly etiquettal customs that have little to do with actual kindness. However, there is a general custom that the time is three days between a date and a call and maybe even between two calls. Women will often feel bad if the contact is more frequent, which I think is an issue on their part, but the fact stands. As for women liking gentlemen, I wish that were more true, but the hopeful prospect is that things are improving these years. Perhaps we’re getting back to some normalcy and being a macho is no longer so attractive. Still, many men have burnt their fingers acting like gentlemen and have been taught that’s not the way women like. Some refuse to change the act, but nonetheless become bitter about it. Some become confused. I suppose the Opening Poster belonged to the last category.

 

[Leonius]

Leonius, I agree there’s no reason to wait more than the next day and that is what I do because I generally refuse to abide by silly etiquettal customs that have little to do with actual kindness. However, there is a general custom that the time is three days between a date and a call and maybe even between two calls. Women will often feel bad if the contact is more frequent, which I think is an issue on their part, but the fact stands. As for women liking gentlemen, I wish that were more true, but the hopeful prospect is that things are improving these years. Perhaps we’re getting back to some normalcy and being a macho is no longer so attractive. Still, many men have burnt their fingers acting like gentlemen and have been taught that’s not the way women like. Some refuse to change the act, but nonetheless become bitter about it. Some become confused. I suppose the Opening Poster belonged to the last category.

If the woman doesn’t appreciate a gentleman than she is not the kind of woman you want to be associating with that has always been my attitude, but its important not to mistake been a gentleman for been a push over, I think half the problem is that men have also forgotten what is meant by been a gentleman, you must not become so gentle that you stop been a man that is a mistake I see often and such men then often after a few rejections go to far the other way and start been bitter jerks, it is as with most things a question of balance.

Another thing it is important to remember, women like men are individuals, some are good and some are bad, just because some women treat you badly does not mean that all woman are bad or that you are no good with women, it just means that those particular women were bad, in which case you should be pleased to be rid of them and free to continue the search for a good one, they do exist.

 

[chevalier]

If the woman doesn’t appreciate a gentleman than she is not the kind of woman you want to be associating with that has always been my attitude, but its important not to mistake been a gentleman for been a push over, I think half the problem is that men have also forgotten what is meant by been a gentleman, you must not become so gentle that you stop been a man that is a mistake I see often and such men then often after a few rejections go to far the other way and start been bitter jerks, it is as with most things a question of balance.

Of course. But I’ve seen lack of experience lead women to mistaking gentleness or even mildness for weakness. Many young women have fallen for strong types only to discover that the strength was more like aggression or a tendency towards despotism. Some just like a rough manner, but can’t stand when you’re acting like a real man, that is not being a pansy but being adamant and resilient as the situation warrants it. That’s not the kind of woman one’d like to marry, true, but it’s not like they’re lost cases of no interest to us, it’s more of a society’s problem. I wish they had some help in sorting their minds.

Another thing it is important to remember, women like men are individuals, some are good and some are bad, just because some women treat you badly does not mean that all woman are bad or that you are no good with women, it just means that those particular women were bad, in which case you should be pleased to be rid of them and free to continue the search for a good one, they do exist.

That’s what I always say. However, as much as I give people this kind of advice, I’m honestly getting more and more disenchanted myself and rather in hiatus when it comes to women.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Good job!

And remember, if she says no it doesn’t mean anything about you. Just move on and wait until you find another beautiful girl that you can impress with your earnest gentlemanliness.

Very good!

Just remember, if a woman ‘rejects’ you, it isn’t you (so don’t feel bad)…she just isn’t the right one, for you. If you look at it terms of that, you will feel less worried about being rejected. I know that it must be hard to do the asking…my hat is off to all men who have that task. But, I think that it builds character, when we stand up to things we fear, or at the very least, are a bit apprehensive about. I hope she says yes–keep us posted.

Thank you both! A female friend told me that sometimes it needs to get worse before it gets better. I hope this is one of those times. At the very least it showed me that I do really care about this girl.

 

[crenfro]

Hello.

This is from a middle-aged female point of view, so please feel free to take or leave it, as you like.

I say trust your gut. Relationships should work and not be another cause of stress - well, unless they’re already committed ones. They should nourish you and lead you to be closer to God, and if they don’t, they’re probably not a good idea.

Also, are you putting God first in your life- and doing God’s will as primary in your life? Thinking and acting upon these two thoughts can help put things into perspective for you.

Are you being a gentleman?

I remember how obsessive I was long ago with relationships and things, and it nearly destroyed me. Please don’t even start down that road. Have you ever seen that old classic movie, Gigi? There’s a song in it called “I’m Glad I’m Not Young Anymore.” That song has cheered me up for years. Please learn from an older person’s mistakes so you won’t have to repeat them.

Many blessings.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

OK, good thing she hasn’t faded on me completely. Just exchanged Thanksgiving pleasantries via text. Kinda wondering what I should do. I’m currently out of town. I’m thinking of asking her out again when I get back in town.

 

[TLDenmark]

Dear SomeCatholicGuy

OK, good thing she hasn’t faded on me completely. Just exchanged Thanksgiving pleasantries via text. Kinda wondering what I should do. I’m currently out of town. I’m thinking of asking her out again when I get back in town.

Don’t start to think to much. Write her immediately, and ask her if she want to do something when you get back in town. No reason to wait.

God bless you
TL

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Dear SomeCatholicGuy

Don’t start to think to much. Write her immediately, and ask her if she want to do something when you get back in town. No reason to wait.

God bless you
TL

Thanks, TLDenmark. I texted her back this morning, saying that I hope she and I can get together when we’re both back in town. Waiting to hear back.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

A little update. Have a date with her in about 4 hours! Please wish me luck!

 

[TLDenmark]

A little update. Have a date with her in about 4 hours! Please wish me luck!

Glad to hear it, good luck .

 

[chevalier]

Hoping for the best for you.