I thought God gave my ex to me

[shanishani7]

Two years ago I asked God for a boyfriend. Then after a few weeks or a few months, someone really came to date me and after a few times we were together. He is also a catholic. Actually I had known him for 8+ years already, he was my university classmate, I did loved him for a while at that time. So at that time I thought God gave him to me.

However, after being with him for a few months, I started to notice his character was not the same as he appeared to be. He has extreme hatred towards his parents and many people. And he only valued money. He had not gone to church/ mass for many years. Only went to church for a few times with me. Sometimes I told him to thank God for some good thing happened on him. He even laughed at me, he doesn’t have love and faith to God. Actually, on him I cannot see any love, and he doesn’t really treat me good. He always disrespected me. My emotion got affected during that year too. Later I decided to leave him, as I tolerated enough. To my surprise he said he thought God gave me to him. So did I.

After leaving him I felt better. I thought he is not the Right one. Sometimes when I think back, I don’t understand it. Is that just a co-incidence? But that time I really prayed and asked God for a boyfriend, and then he came and was a catholic. After broken with him last year, I have been asking for a Right boyfriend/ husband again, but there is none until now.

Why did God give me a wrong one? Or is that my wrong to break up with him, because God matched us?

And why God doesn’t give me the right one again, or not the right time yet?

Anyone has similar experience ?

 

[Trishie]

God’s time is not always ours, and when someone comes our way it isn’t always for the reasons we think.

There is one God-given benefit from your friendship…that you cared enough for this man that you would pray for his soul, and who knows, if at his death it will be your prayers that will have helped to save his soul.

He clearly was not someone ideal to be your husband, and it is doubtful that God intended him to be your spouse, but he desperately needs prayers for conversion. Had you not come to know him well, you might not now be praying for him.

God’s gift isn’t always what we expect. The gift is for this man.

May God bless you in your life, and may He bless others through you.

 

[Irishmom2]

Please remember that just because you meet someone, I doesn’t always mean that God sent them. You still need to decide if someone is right for you. If they are not, they were not sent by God. You saw the signs, that guy was not mr. Right. Don’t look back now because there is no one and think he was the one. As Trishie said, in God’s time, not ours. Perhaps you should look at this guy as a lesson in what you are not looking for next time.

 

[1ke]

I often tell my students that God is not a Magic 8 Ball or a wishing well. James 4:3 comes to mind. When we ask God for “things” we are often asking wrongly, out of a selfish motivation.

Perhaps discuss enriching your prayer life with your pastor.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Pray for your husband every day, that he make good choices, increase in his faith, continue to walk in God’s blessing and stay away from trouble. (the grace I wish for you too!)

When you wish he were in your life already, make an act of faith and say Jesus I trust in You!

If we meet people along the way, we can lead them by our example but it’s up to them to have their own faith journey. Your ex said no. I’m proud of you that in faith you recognized that it was time to move on. Good job, and give thanks to God for the opportunity to witness your faith to a young man. You gained graces in that time and grew stronger.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes, 1ke is right. We all know of children who ask their parents: Can I, can I have X? The parent says, “Well, we’ll see…” and the next time they pass that item in the store, the child is picking what he or she wants off of the shelf.

What would you do, OP, if you were a parent, you found a friend for your son, and he treated this new friend as your ex treated you? God does not take away our free will, even when he grants our prayers. You treated your ex as the possible answer to a prayer, but you were prudent about testing your assumption. Your ex, in contrast, did not treat you as the answer to a prayer. He treated you as if you were an object with no feelings. So it could be that you were brought together as a grace, but your ex squandered the gift.

You are approaching this the right way when you “pray to God, but row away from the rocks.” As you go looking for a marriage partner, continually ask for God to guide you–to guide as to whether marriage is your vocations, to guide you as to whether a particular man is suitable, to guide you both so as to live your relationship together in a way pleasing to God. Do not look at a marriage as something God gives to you like a bouquet of flowers, IOW. Look at a marriage as a means to serve God, not a means for God to serve you, that is what I mean.

Have any of us had a similar experience? I would bet the answer is yes, we’ve all had to come to terms with the difference between our hopes and the actual way our Christian lives ought to be lived out. We’ve learned in prayer to do much less talking and much more listening. I think you, OP, have done well to continually test your assumptions about what God wants, not assuming that God wants you to be a wife held in low esteem by someone who presumes himself to be a good partner for you without actually making sacrifices to do it. You can’t carry a whole marriage on your back. When the apostle said, “be not unequally yoked,” he was saying that you both have to work together at pulling the weight of a Christian home or any endeavor in the service of God. You need to find someone who is a suitable harness-mate for you, so that the two of you will work well together.