I told my fiance I want to become Catholic

[AspiringToJoyfulness]

…and it was a mess. He wondered if I was the right person for him and told me he has a huge problem with the church and would not accomodate a Catholic lifestyle. I love him. I can’t leave him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone.

Edit: now he is watching atheist videos on Youtube so I can hear them.

 

[RandomAlias]

How awful! I don’t know what to say.

Is he at all religious?

 

[ahs]

told me he…would not accomodate a Catholic lifestyle.

AspiringToJoyfulness:

…now he is watching atheist videos on Youtube so I can hear them.

Well, it sounds like there is something in particular about the Catholic Church he doesn’t like, or perhaps he was wounded in some way by a Catholic at some point, or whatever. Regardless, you have to decide what you want for your relationship with God. If your fiance is not willing to fit into that picture, there’s nothing you can do about it. But I can assure you of this, form personal experience many times over (and from testimony of many a friend): if you put God first, no matter the pain or initial loss, you will NOT be sorry and He will put a future spouse back in your life if it is His will. Regardless, you will never regret putting God first, even if it means losing your current fiance.

 

[1ke]

He wondered if I was the right person for him

It is a blessing this has come up now rather than later.

has a huge problem with the church and would not accomodate a Catholic lifestyle

This is, basically, a deal breaker. Again a blessing it has come up now.

I love him. I can’t leave him.

Of course you can. You aren’t married. He’s told you what he thinks of religion— of your deeply held beliefs. This isn’t a person with whom you will be happy in the long term.

This is what dating is for— discerning whether you are made for marriage to each other. It is not easy, but it is better that these things are discovered before marriage. In such cases, dating has done it’s job, weeding out those who are not compatible.

now he is watching atheist videos on Youtube so I can hear them.

Well that’s super mature and respectful. <in case it isn’t clear, that was sarcasm>.

Yet another indicator he’s (a) not ready for marriage and (b) not a good choice for someone of any faith.

You are going to have to get some perspective to see that yes you can leave him. If you are living together you should stop sexual intimacy and move physically if you can— not necessarily to end the relationship entirely but to put it on better footing so you can see clearly. Although given what you’ve described, I don’t think this is the stuff of long term success.

What feels terrible today, will feel like a bullet dodged with time and perspective.

 

[AspiringToJoyfulness]

Is he at all religious?

He is an anti-theist with some bits of Satanism.

 

[RandomAlias]

I concur with what @1ke wrote above.

In addition, I suggest that you seek counseling with a counselor who is supportive of your desire to become Catholic. I know little or nothing about the counseling profession, but I’m thinking it would be good to have someone who can advise you on the options for resolving an engagement to be married when you discover a serious problem.

I am praying for you! May the Holy Spirit strengthen and assist you in your difficulties, help you to find peace, and guide you always toward faith, hope, and love.

 

[1ke]

He is an anti-theist with some bits of Satanism.

Um, ok. Well think about being married to that.

How exactly do you envision that working?

And if someone is an “anti-theist” how does one combine that with “satanism”? Your boyfriend’s religious system sounds rather nonsensical to me.

 

[DarkLight]

Edit: now he is watching atheist videos on Youtube so I can hear them.

No offense, but that’s the kind of reaction I’d expect from a teenage boy, not an adult ready to get married. All the stuff about religion aside, if he can’t sit down with you and talk, he’s not ready to be married.

 

[angel12]

He is an anti-theist with some bits of Satanism.

Oh, hon, I’m sorry, but really – how can you think of marrying someone who’s at all into Satanism? I know you say you love him, but . . . Satanism? Compared to that, his childish response with the atheist videos doesn’t even matter.

 

[Irishmom2]

I don’t know what you love about him, but his reaction shows him to be immature, selfish and intolerant. If you feel alone now, it will only be magnified when you marry.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I read this article last night, thought you might find it interesting Philosophy, Evidence, and Faith: The Conversion of John C. Wright : Strange Notions

Anyway, there is no way I’d want my daughter to marry a person who had such bigoted ideas, intolerance is not a virtue! Better to cut your losses now, you will heal and then only date those who share your faith.

 

[pianistclare]

Dear Lord. RUN, You will not change him.
Find some Christian friends, pray for him.
This is truly the best thing that could have happened to find out NOW, before you attempt to bring children into this world.
Seek the advice and counseling of someone who DOES have faith.
Call the parish if necessary. Priests counsel non-Catholics all the time.
Many are praying for you.

 

[AspiringToJoyfulness]

Update: he woke up this morning and apologized, and said if I want to be Catholic that’s fine. I know his initial reaction was extreme, but he does have a lot of hurt built up over religion from his past. I will discuss it with a priest and see how things go. Thank you so much for your responses, I felt so alone last night and I really needed the support (still do!) God bless you all.

 

[pianistclare]

Make sure to tell the priest EVERYTHING. This could be an attempt just to keep you. I hope it’s sincere, and not a manipulation. Pray for the strength to see things as they are, not simply as you wish them to be.
I pray it is sincere, but one must take a hard look, for your own wellbeing and that of your soul.

 

[exnihilo]

What I have heard is the two biggest factors for a successful marriage are similar religious views and socio-economic background. Studies found this but anyone with common sense would know it. You are missing at least one factor. It isn’t that there aren’t successful marriages without these but you are making marriage harder.

Being anti God and somewhat satanic aren’t mild religious incompatibilities. These are serious indicators that this man is not a man you should marry whether you are Catholic or not. There are plenty of good potential spouses out there. And not everyone is called to marriage.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Cannot fathom the confusion for a child who is raised in a Catholic/Satanist household.

 

[RandomAlias]

he woke up this morning and apologized, and said if I want to be Catholic that’s fine.

This could be an attempt just to keep you. I hope it’s sincere, and not a manipulation.

Indeed, this is another reason to get counseling, to assess the power/manipulation dynamics of your relationship. I wondered about that even from your original post, the part about his playing atheist videos so you could hear them.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I mean this in all seriousness.

Please google the signs of a co-dependent and abusive relationship. Lashing out, namecalling and then pseudo-apologizing by “letting” you do something as he has done is not a good sign.

Your descriptions of events concern me a great deal.

 

[AspiringToJoyfulness]

Cannot fathom the confusion for a child who is raised in a Catholic/Satanist household.

He has a vasectomy, which I know is something Catholics can’t have but was done a while back. No idea how that would impact our relationship in the eyes of the Church. I know, most complicated situation ever, heh.

 

[AspiringToJoyfulness]

I mean this in all seriousness.

Please google the signs of a co-dependent and abusive relationship. Lashing out, namecalling and then pseudo-apologizing by “letting” you do something as he has done is not a good sign.

Your descriptions of events concern me a great deal.

It’s true that we are dependant on each other a great deal; I am quite ill currently and need his help to function on a day to day basis. I’m not sure that I could live on my own if I were to break up with him. If you can believe it, I was days away from checking out a Catholic church when I met him. But then we fell hard for each other and less than a year later I moved across the state to be with him. This is all so complicated and confusing.