I want my parents to get married by church, what do I do?

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hausofferni

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My parents sadly are both in state of mortal sin, and after years of family begging them to get married, I want them to. I’ve told them, as well as many others that they either get married, or split. Their souls are at risk. But I don’t know what to do? My mother is scared that if she gets married, that later on she can’t get divorced if something goes wrong. My father is a very strict, non-affection showing man, he doesn’t talk much , and what does come out of his mouth is usually about discipline, God, etc. sometimes they argue and my mom is unhappy because she feels under appreciated by my father, so she says she doesn’t want to get married if she knows she won’t be happy. My father on the other hand loves her and my siblings very much, even though he doesn’t show it. He will cry sometimes because he doesn’t know why he us the way he is, and he says he can’t live without my mom or his family. But what should I do from here? Is there a patron saint that would apply to this? Should I do many sacrifices, penance, prayers etc? I don’t want them to go to hell, I want to see them receive Holy Communion, I want the devil out of our home. Please help.
 
You can’t force, coerce, bully, demand, or guilt them into it. It is their decision, not yours. You are only responsible for your own choices.

I will pray for you. :gopray2:
 
You should definitely pray for them, and perform acts of fasting and almsgiving for them. It is best to do small things consistently, like give up a soda and donate the money 3 times a week than big things that are too much to follow through on.
 
Let them know how you feel, which you said you have done. Pray and fast for them often. Then forgive them and let it go (let God handle it).
 
The rosary is a good prayer. You can fast, do good works, offer up your sufferings to God, do reparations.
 
All of the above is great. Just a note. The Catholic Church allows divorce if two people cannot be reconciled. It is not however, encouraged. What they don’t allow is divorce and remarriage.

If they don’t love each enough to marry, why are they together?
 
hausofferni said:
My parents sadly are both in state of mortal sin, and after years of family begging them to get married, I want them to. I’ve told them, as well as many others that they either get married, or split. Their souls are at risk. But I don’t know what to do? My mother is scared that if she gets married, that later on she can’t get divorced if something goes wrong. My father is a very strict, non-affection showing man, he doesn’t talk much , and what does come out of his mouth is usually about discipline, God, etc. sometimes they argue and my mom is unhappy because she feels under appreciated by my father, so she says she doesn’t want to get married if she knows she won’t be happy. My father on the other hand loves her and my siblings very much, even though he doesn’t show it. He will cry sometimes because he doesn’t know why he us the way he is, and he says he can’t live without my mom or his family. But what should I do from here? Is there a patron saint that would apply to this? Should I do many sacrifices, penance, prayers etc? I don’t want them to go to hell, I want to see them receive Holy Communion, I want the devil out of our home. Please help.
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the above suggestions are good ones

just a note though, you don’t actually know with absolute certainty that they are in a state of mortal sin
 
OP, they won’t get married just because other people want them to. What you are hoping for is conversion and that has to be the work of the Holy Spirit. Pray for them, It may take years.
 
CatholicRaven said:
You can’t force, coerce, bully, demand, or guilt them into it. It is their decision, not yours. You are only responsible for your own choices.

I will pray for you. :gopray2:
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:mad:

We are ultimately responsible for our own choices, and partially responsible for the choices of others.

As members of the same community, we believers are obligated to educate each other, with Hausofferni influencing her Father to pursue a righteous path being a possible example of such.

It is wrong to interfere with the free will of others. It is not wrong to encourage others to abide by the Church’s decrees.
 
Faxero said:
:mad:

We are ultimately responsible for our own choices, and partially responsible for the choices of others.

As members of the same community, we believers are obligated to educate each other, with Hausofferni influencing her Father to pursue a righteous path being a possible example of such.

It is wrong to interfere with the free will of others. It is not wrong to encourage others to abide by the Church’s decrees.
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Why the anger about CatholicRaven’s post? They are correct in what they are saying.We can share God’s teachings but we can’t force someone to abide by them.
 
hausofferni said:
My parents sadly are both in state of mortal sin, and after years of family begging them to get married, I want them to. I’ve told them, as well as many others that they either get married, or split.
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You can pray for them. Marriage is something that needs to be freely given between your father and mother. Nagging, and giving them ultimatums isn’t good behavior on your part either. It could create a situation in which they enter an invalid marriage.
 
I think devotions to the Rosary and St. Monica, St. Augustine’s mother, would be a good help. Also personal sacrifice by yourself. Help out where it is needed in the community. Especially, don’t give up.
 
Faxero said:
:mad:

We are ultimately responsible for our own choices, and partially responsible for the choices of others.

As members of the same community, we believers are obligated to educate each other, with Hausofferni influencing her Father to pursue a righteous path being a possible example of such.

It is wrong to interfere with the free will of others. It is not wrong to encourage others to abide by the Church’s decrees.
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Why the anger? :confused:

I was pointing out that telling someone bluntly to “get married or split” is attempting to interfere with the free will of others. It must be the couple’s choice. Perhaps you read my words with a “tone” that isn’t there?

Hausofferni has already shared with her parents that they should be married in the Church, and other family has also done so. She has talked with them about it and been praying for them. What more responsibility do you feel she has?

I did not mean that we never have any responsibility for the influence we can have on others; I was only referring to this person, at this point, in this case–but perhaps I didn’t make that clear enough.

We know that Hausofferni cannot drag her parents kicking and screaming (if only figuratively) back to the Church, and God does not ask that; she does not bear the responsibility for her parents’ choices after she’s already tried to encourage them to do the right thing. It seemed to me she is very concerned about doing something to make them change their ways, and I meant to address that concern. If they sin (or continue to), it is not HER sin. That was my point.

I agree that prayers, penance, and fasting may be very helpful here, as well.

Continued prayers. :gopray2:
 
I’m of the impression that you were accusing Hausofferni of being judgmental, hence the anger.

I get the same impression from Millie123’s post as well. I don’t see *anything *about ultimatums in the Opening Post. From my point of view, you and Millie were jumping to conclusions about Hausofferni’s intentions.

There is nothing wrong with Hausofferni pushing her Father to obey the rules of the religion he professes to serve. Catholics are obligated to instruct other Catholics about Catholicism.

Helping others reach Heaven is hardly a matter of coercion, bullying, or nagging.
 
Faxero said:
I’m of the impression that you were accusing Hausofferni of being judgmental, hence the anger.

I get the same impression from Millie123’s post as well. I don’t see *anything *about ultimatums in the Opening Post. From my point of view, you and Millie were jumping to conclusions about Hausofferni’s intentions.

There is nothing wrong with Hausofferni pushing her Father to obey the rules of the religion he professes to serve. Catholics are obligated to instruct other Catholics about Catholicism.

Helping others reach Heaven is hardly a matter of coercion, bullying, or nagging.
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I did not get that same impression.
 
No no no my intention is not to bully them, but im worried for them, God has blessed them in ways you couldn’t imagine, to show them that he’s calling them to his love,we attend mass every Sunday, but like this priest once put it, “why attend mass if your not receiving God? If your not taking part of His Body and Precious blood?” I know I may have sounded quite harsh but it’s the truth, I guess I just have to pray for their conversion. I can’t force someone to love God. I have an aunt who never wanted to get married by church for this same excuse of not being able to get divorced, and you know what happened to her? Her husband was sadly injured very badly, and is paralyzed for life, she had to have an emergency marriage with a priest at the hospital, because his life was in danger. I don’t want that to happen to my parents. But, not my will, but Gods will be done I suppose.
 
hausofferni said:
My parents sadly are both in state of mortal sin, and after years of family begging them to get married, I want them to. I’ve told them, as well as many others that they either get married, or split. Their souls are at risk. But I don’t know what to do? My mother is scared that if she gets married, that later on she can’t get divorced if something goes wrong. My father is a very strict, non-affection showing man, he doesn’t talk much , and what does come out of his mouth is usually about discipline, God, etc. sometimes they argue and my mom is unhappy because she feels under appreciated by my father, so she says she doesn’t want to get married if she knows she won’t be happy. My father on the other hand loves her and my siblings very much, even though he doesn’t show it. He will cry sometimes because he doesn’t know why he us the way he is, and he says he can’t live without my mom or his family. But what should I do from here? Is there a patron saint that would apply to this? Should I do many sacrifices, penance, prayers etc? I don’t want them to go to hell, I want to see them receive Holy Communion, I want the devil out of our home. Please help.
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As a Grandma, I can certainly understand. I want my grandson to marry his girlfriend. They have a baby. Both my grandson and his girl friend have brought to their relationship tremendous baggage. Their lives have been rocky - to say the least. Because of this, they see no reason to marry. To them marriage is just an excuse to get a divorce. (Unfortunately many couples feel this way)

I love them both dearly and they know that Grandma wants them to get married. But, I have learned that people have their own journey to make.

Sometimes that journey leads down many dark roads but these roads are also made with lights to lead them out. Trust that God has plan for them and you can trust that He knows and understands what is truly going on in their hearts. He knows the struggles that need to be overcome before they can start the journey back to Him.

Trust that God knows these reasons. You have done your part. Continue to pray. continue to hope. Live your own life in joy and peace. By trusting in God, by loving God, by loving your mother, father and siblings perhaps you can bring this hope and love to them.

Still, you are not responsible for their mistakes and in the long run they will not be responsible for your mistakes. And, sweetheart, you like all the rest of us, will make your share of mistakes. This is why our Sweet Jesus came to Earth. Cling to Him. Trust Him.
 
HelenRose said:
As a Grandma, I can certainly understand. I want my grandson to marry his girlfriend. They have a baby. Both my grandson and his girl friend have brought to their relationship tremendous baggage. Their lives have been rocky - to say the least. Because of this, they see no reason to marry. To them marriage is just an excuse to get a divorce. (Unfortunately many couples feel this way)

I love them both dearly and they know that Grandma wants them to get married. But, I have learned that people have their own journey to make.

Sometimes that journey leads down many dark roads but these roads are also made with lights to lead them out. Trust that God has plan for them and you can trust that He knows and understands what is truly going on in their hearts. He knows the struggles that need to be overcome before they can start the journey back to Him.

Trust that God knows these reasons. You have done your part. Continue to pray. continue to hope. Live your own life in joy and peace. By trusting in God, by loving God, by loving your mother, father and siblings perhaps you can bring this hope and love to them.

Still, you are not responsible for their mistakes and in the long run they will not be responsible for your mistakes. And, sweetheart, you like all the rest of us, will make your share of mistakes. This is why our Sweet Jesus came to Earth. Cling to Him. Trust Him.
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What a wise and beautiful post. 👍
 
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