P
pinktoes
Guest
My ex boyfriend and I met in a very unusual way. We met in a chartroom. Our first talk involved sexual things and we usually do this everyday. When we decided to meet we stayed in their house and we did it. I am a catholic all through out my life. I’ve studied in a catholic school, pray the rosary and go to church every Sunday. I do pray always. This guy is my first boyfriend and he is the only man I’ve ever done this with. We met when I was 29 he was 22. I know it is a very long age gap but at that time it didn’t bother us. After two months from our first chat he became my boyfriend. IT was a very physical/ intimate relationship for us. But I know in my heart when I decided to do it with him I made a decision that he is the one for me. I love him so much with all my heart that things I never imagined doing before I have done it all for him. I’ve sacrificed too much of myself for him. I’ve accepted everything about him. He has a love child with his previous relationship. I’ve swallowed all the insults and anger by the mother of his lovechild. I was asking him if I am the caused of their breakup but he said their relationship has been way over when I came into the picture. And so I believed him. We’ve been together for two years. I thought he was happy with me. But suddenly he just told me straight to my face he doesn’t love me anymore. He has found another girl and that girl is his happiness now. He said when we become intimate in these past days of our relationship it was all hormones for him. He just doesn’t love me anymore. It didn’t last. He said that this time he wants to find love not just physical relationship. All the hurtful things he said it to me. But I accepted it all and even begged for him to give me a second chance. He said no. He broke up with me nov 7 and he got his new gf nov 28. I even talked to the girl to introduce myself to her because she doesn’t have any idea that I was in the girlfriend we were having some problems because of her. I was in a temporary insanity at that time. I would fight the girl and even my ex. I would like him to see my reasons. I want them to feel the guilt for hurting me this so much. I even asked the girl to please stay away from him so we could work things out. But the girl doesn’t care at all and even my ex. He didn’t give me any importance. The two years we had was just nothing to him. I was really fighting for what I believe is right because I know he cheated on me.
I know it’s been almost 2 months since we broke up. But the thing is do still love him very much even after what happened. My friends and family are saying to let it go. That he’s not the right man for me but why I still love him this way. Why do I still feel the connection between us? Even my ex told me this. HE said that it is only me who could give him that kind of love. He even said that in time he knows that he will regret everything he had done to me and there might come a time that he will come back to me and begging to accept him. Everyhting he says I still believe him. This kind of thing gives me hope. My mother told me to never talk to him or chat with him anymore. But I can’t stop myself. I am the one who would text him or chat him first. From the very beginning of our relationship Ive asked God’s guidance and forgiveness. And after what happened to us Ive always ask God to give me strength, to heal my heart, to give me peace of mind. But still I feel the pain. I can’t stop it. Until now imstill crying whenever I think of them or something would remind me of him. I just want to move on. I even pray to God to let my ex realize what he has done. To make him feel that it is him who has lost something not me. I am praying to Him to never let my ex forget me. Are this vengeance? I really don’t know anymore. I know that God is the source of my happiness but I am still lonely. I feel alone.
I know it’s been almost 2 months since we broke up. But the thing is do still love him very much even after what happened. My friends and family are saying to let it go. That he’s not the right man for me but why I still love him this way. Why do I still feel the connection between us? Even my ex told me this. HE said that it is only me who could give him that kind of love. He even said that in time he knows that he will regret everything he had done to me and there might come a time that he will come back to me and begging to accept him. Everyhting he says I still believe him. This kind of thing gives me hope. My mother told me to never talk to him or chat with him anymore. But I can’t stop myself. I am the one who would text him or chat him first. From the very beginning of our relationship Ive asked God’s guidance and forgiveness. And after what happened to us Ive always ask God to give me strength, to heal my heart, to give me peace of mind. But still I feel the pain. I can’t stop it. Until now imstill crying whenever I think of them or something would remind me of him. I just want to move on. I even pray to God to let my ex realize what he has done. To make him feel that it is him who has lost something not me. I am praying to Him to never let my ex forget me. Are this vengeance? I really don’t know anymore. I know that God is the source of my happiness but I am still lonely. I feel alone.
Praying you’ll find peace.