I want to be a monk/hermit but I am married

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hdavy2002

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Hi all,

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me.”

I hear the word of Jesus and his holy calling. I was a lost case and the lord found me. I have a long story but to cut it short, I would like to dedicate my life to the lords work. I try and pray whenever I get a chance. I labor to medidate daily but feel I am not progressing.

I would like to be a hermit or live in a secluded place keeping my mouth shut, hearing no sound, just lost in prayer with my lord.

As I observe myself, I realize that I have so much sins, from gluttony to back biting etc. I read some texts on Saints and started realizing myself. The word of the lord hit me hard and now I feel trapped. I am married and with a son. I talked to my wife and she understands me. She just wants me to be safe, so I decided to look for a monastery and live among Catholic brothers and learn liturgy and pray with the holy monks.

I have been online here and there and most of the requirements is that one must be single. Another prob is that I am Asian and Monasteries online seem to have presence in Europe or the US etc.

My another question is that how much time do monks get to pray the whole day. Are they just working and living a good life as brothers. I really want a quite environment where no one disturbs you for days. Just over saying, but you get the picture.

I am from India and here I see a lot of Catholic nuns and priest just living a good life. I mean no harm, I feel they are too busy running their Schools, Hospitals etc. I once asked a Polish priest, when do you get time to pray and be in the closet with god. Most of the time you are busy with people coming in and out or trying to get ready for the next Church program. My question took him by surprise.

Can anyone guide me please.

Thanks all.
 
You are married. Therefore, marriage is your vocation. You have a son. You need to be there for him. You are not called to be a monk.

We are all called to holiness. Since you do not have a vocation to be a monk, you need to work on holiness within your marriage and as a father.

Draw up a plan of life - daily prayer, Mass as often as possible, confession regularly - at least once per month, read the Bible - particularly the New Testament, read some spiritual book that will help you to work on overcoming your sins, faults and weaknesses.

Practice charity daily - be kind to everyone you meet. Treat your wife and son well and give them your attention.

You may find this difficult, but it the path that God has chosen for you. Follow it and stop dreaming about a vocation that you are not called to.
 
It would not be very holy or Christian to abandon your wife and son to pursue what you want. That is not what the religious life is about.

You should look into third orders for married people.
 
Have you considered going on retreat as a way to obtain Christ+ centered time apart from the world. This could prove to be a useful step on the way to discovering whether a hermit’s vocation is for you.
Remember also that the work of your hands is also prayer if you do it with Christ+ dwelling within your heart.
 
You do not say how old your son is. If he is still a child, you definitely should stay with your family and be a father to him until he is old enough to live on his own.

Also, is your wife truly agreeable or content with the idea or is she just going along with your suggestion against her will because she knows she can’t talk you out of it? If you are demanding this of her or imposing this on her that is not right either.

Perhaps when your son is an adult, and if your wife is truly agreeable to it, THEN you could consider some kind of solitary or monastic life – I believe there are married saints who, in their later years after their children were grown, agreed to separate with one or both entering monastic life. In the meantime, however, your calling is to be a father to your son and you should concentrate on that.
 
I have been a monk for over 30 years. Take it from me: you really have an imaginary, unrealisitic, and romantic idea about what the monastic life is about–and an unhealty one, at that.

As far as being a hermit, NO spiritual father, Catholic or Orthodox, will give a blessing to live as a hermit until after deacades of experience in the community.

In either a hermitage or cenobium, there are still dishes to wash, wood to chop, floors to sweep, clothes to wash, vegetables to peel, and meals to cook…

In short all of the cares of earthly life you think you are escaping from.

And then in the community, you have to put up with all the other monks who are less spiritually advanced than you think you are.

God called you to marriage and fatherhood. Live your vocations!
 
thanks all for your great views. I will continue to pray that god would enlighten me.

cheers
 
Whether or not you should become a monk you will find out… the fact that you are married does not mean it is not God’s will for you, married couples can by agreement allow one another to enter into religious orders, it is not unheard of.

So it’s not a done deal that you’re married, that you can’t become one. It is a check in the negative column, but not a finishing check. However, you should be careful romantically thinking about that life doesn’t lead you not to properly live your duties and calling of this current time. The devil is at work to make the housewife long to be someplace else than doing the dishes, in contemplative prayer somewhere, and to make the nun wish she was out in the world, in other words, to make you focus on someplace else as the ideal place for you, rather than working on being holy where you are in the present with the duties you have that are your current real challenges.

If you’re over a certain age that is another check in the negative column because it hard to change your ways.

You have to show a lot of spiritual maturity to be allowed to be a hermit, in the beginning it’s generally considered best to be in greater community so you can learn the ropes and prove yourself capable of handling solitude properly.

May I suggest you try to structure your current life in ways that allow you to both live your current vocation and yet live more religiously and see if this is beneficial or not? But you must not neglect the duties of your current state.

Right now I am looking into the Carthusians, they are one of the most solitary of orders, so you may want to look at what they have to say if solitude is the real call. But I don’t think there are any chapters in Asia… You will have to see what your opportunities truly are.

A person in the world can sometimes I think spend time in chapels in adoration for an hour or so a day if the day is structured right and duties allow. A person in the world can throw out the TV, only patronize the Internet in a limited fashion, and seek out only spiritual entertainments in the main, and so forth, and live more and more like a religious yet still not actually in a monastery.

The world’s duties of your state will still be there, but obedience to your state, where you are now is very important – even if you may change that state later on, you should try to live where you are as properly as you can.

If you truly are called to be a monk… you should pursue making certain this is the case… don’t let it die… but make certain God has that road for you, that it truly is where you should be. Pray about it and pursue actively the answer. 🙂
 
Hello,

Your vocation is your family. God gave you that vocation when you said to your wife “i do”. Your job is to take care of your wife and your kids. Every Vocation is beautiful and you should be proud of your family. If your aching to be closer to God try praying with more devotion,attend daily mass, go to cofession, adoration,etc… But whatever you do remember that your family is your job as the leader of your home it is your job to get them to heaven.
 
Well as most have mentioned, monastic life is not your vocation (at least as of right now). But to me, it sounds like what you really are yearning for is time with the Lord.

Maybe you could take a retreat somewhere for a couple of days? If not for a couple of days even just for one day. Spend Holy Hour with God and talk to Him about your concerns.

And just because you are married does not mean you love your wife or your son above God. This is not how Matt 10:37 is supposed to be read. Marriage is also a vocation in addition to single life and religious life… just depends on where you are called. But one vocation is by no means holier than the other. Each vocation is very important. You have a wonderful vocation to married life with your wife, and fatherhood with your son.Now, it is your duty to raise your son as a saint and it is also your duty to be accountable to your wife to help her become a saint. This is the beauty of raising a family; We are all accountable for each other. 🙂

Further, do everything for Jesus! You don’t have to be in a monastery to be holy. Work for Jesus, wash the dishes for Jesus, kiss your wife for Jesus, offer your beating heart while you sleep for Jesus… All for Jesus! No earthly work should or could keep us from worshiping God.

Lastly, like blessed Teresa of Calcutta said, “You can pray while you work. Work doesn’t stop prayer and prayer doesn’t stop work. It requires only that small raising of the mind to Him.”

My prayers to you and God bless.
 
You don’t have to be a monk to engage in contemplative prayer. I’m not, and I’ve had several moments where I believe God acted within me. Here are two of the most dramatic instances:

(1) I was going through a very rough time over the summer. My girlfriend of 2.5 years left me, and 5 or 6 people who I once called friends threatened to either beat me up or kill me. All this was over nothing to which I could attribute any fault, or at least no fault greater than any of theirs. I lived in isolation from my peers. I started reading Job and Ecclesiastes. One time, when deep in prayer, I declared to the God that no matter how much pain he put me through, I would never break like Job and curse his holy name. In that instant, it was like all my senses were distant, beyond the scope of my attention, maybe not even operating; my love of God was blisteringly focused, intense. It is hard to fully describe.

(2) Sometime later, I was at adoration. I was praying and suddenly my vision started to blur. As I prayed, I had images of God’s creation - oceans, waterfalls, forests, etc. Suddenly I saw myself as adoring God in unison with all the saints in Heaven. Then I imagined Christ, incarnating so as to die for our sins at Calvary, and, what’s more, coming again and again in the form of the Eucharist, and I could more fully than ever appreciate God’s love for us. To think that God, as the reward of his merit, would allow us, we ungrateful sinners, to eat him, to achieve that level of union, is breathtaking.

When I first converted to Christianity, I used to feel the Holy Spirit indwelling all the time. When the feeling ceased, I believed I had lost my salvation; I realized eventually that this experience is not that common, nor should it be expected to be perpetual. Even now I feel somewhat lost when these experiences cease - I’m in a time of “desolation”. I used to pray for death so that I could see God fully, but now I acknowledge that God wants me to do something on earth.

The point is that you don’t have to leave your family to be with your Lord. I used to think I had a calling to monasticism too - but then I realized that, for physiological and emotional reasons, celibacy was not for me.
 
have you ever thought about joining third orders? i think you an be married to join that, but i am not sure.
 
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