I want to become Catholic but can't

[hopeless_in_DC]

I went through catechism classes and completed them, and I very much wish to become catholic. Unfortunately because of a previous marriage the archdiocese of Washington D.C will not allow me to become catholic. I was married 26 years ago and my wife left me with my children and divorced me 5 years later and I never seen them after that day. I wanted to become catholic, but I was told by the Mon senior of the archdiocese of Washington D.C that since they cannot talk to her, and verify she is not catholic they cannot allow me to be baptized. I have told them in several emails I know positive she was not catholic because her father was a Baptist minister. Her father died during our marriage, and she was adopted and had no family and although I have tried desperately to find her it has been useless, and I don’t have the money to hire a private detective to find her and it’s been 21 years since I seen or heard from her so I have run into a dead end.

I was wondering if anyone possible has any idea of what I can do or where I can go or who I can write because the mon senior of the archdiocese of Washington D.C is not listening to my plea and I feel hopeless that I may never be baptized. I have never been baptized in any religion in my life and after 47 years I have chosen the archdiocese of Washington D.C to be a catholic, but now they won’t let me. Please help me someone.

 

[kristie_m]

It sounds like there may have been some kind of misunderstanding. Your marriage status has nothing to do with whether or not you can be baptized. It only affects your ability to be married in the church. Are you sure the monsignior understood what you were asking?

 

[hopeless_in_DC]

Yes they even had a hearing about it and appointed someone to represent me and still I was refused to be allowed to be baptised because I felt the same as you did and asked why I was not allowed to be baptised and I was told they needed to make sure she was not catholic so they could annuled the marriage and I tried telling them she was baptisted but they said they needed to talk to her to hear it from her, but I have not seen or heard anything from her in 21 years so that’s why I’m at a dead end.

 

[RSD]

Is it possible that the problem is that after your wife left you, you contracted another marriage, and that the priest told you that you would need to give up the second marriage to join the Church in good faith? If so, please listen to the priest who has only your best interests at heart. He is trying to show you the way to salvation.

If that is not the problem, then try talking to the priest again, and being clearer.

 

[hopeless_in_DC]

I have tried talking to the priest and the mon senior of the church I attend and went to catacism class and and I was told to hire a private detective to find my first wife so they can contact her but I don’t have the money for that because since it has been 21 years all the private detective agencies I spoke with siad the fee would run in the thousands and I am a regular working man and can’t afford that, and that is also why I’m at a dead end.

I thought about possbily writing a letter to the pope but I’m not sure if it would do any good.

 

[diggerdomer]

I have tried talking to the priest and the mon senior of the church I attend and went to catacism class and and I was told to hire a private detective to find my first wife so they can contact her but I don’t have the money for that because since it has been 21 years all the private detective agencies I spoke with siad the fee would run in the thousands and I am a regular working man and can’t afford that, and that is also why I’m at a dead end.

I thought about possbily writing a letter to the pope but I’m not sure if it would do any good.

The only valid concern I could imagine, as others have asked here, is if you are in a second marriage. If you are, that could preclude baptism until working out the marriage issue.

If you have only been married once (the circumstances you’ve noted) I can’t imagine any valid reason a priori to deny baptism after going through RCIA.

Given your geographic location, there are of course other dioceses nearby that you could consult with, as well, to make sure it’s not a problem of one person with incomplete information.

 

[hopeless_in_DC]

Yes I have been re-married for four years now, but does that mean because I have been re married and I have no idea where my first wife is so they can contact her that I can never become catholic?

I mean I’ve never ever been baptized in any religion in my life, but my mother was baptist, and I know you do not have to go through this much trouble to become baptist, but I don’t want to be baptist I want to be catholic. My wife now is catholic, and she introduced to toCatholicism and I have never felt more comfortable in any other religion and felt more like I belong. That is why I finally decided to become catholic, and I have been fighting this issue for almost four years now.

I’ma practice catholic in almost every way I always go to church on every holiday, feats of the saints, and every sunday. I’m an active in the legion of mary although I cannot join because I’ve never been baptized, and I don’t do any of the sarements like confession or communion because I will not violate the church rules of sacrement because I respect them.

 

[chrisb]

I went through catechism classes and completed them, and I very much wish to become catholic. Unfortunately because of a previous marriage the archdiocese of Washington D.C will not allow me to become catholic. I was married 26 years ago and my wife left me with my children and divorced me 5 years later and I never seen them after that day. I wanted to become catholic, but I was told by the Mon senior of the archdiocese of Washington D.C that since they cannot talk to her, and verify she is not catholic they cannot allow me to be baptized. I have told them in several emails I know positive she was not catholic because her father was a Baptist minister. Her father died during our marriage, and she was adopted and had no family and although I have tried desperately to find her it has been useless, and I don’t have the money to hire a private detective to find her and it’s been 21 years since I seen or heard from her so I have run into a dead end.

I was wondering if anyone possible has any idea of what I can do or where I can go or who I can write because the mon senior of the archdiocese of Washington D.C is not listening to my plea and I feel hopeless that I may never be baptized. I have never been baptized in any religion in my life and after 47 years I have chosen the archdiocese of Washington D.C to be a catholic, but now they won’t let me. Please help me someone.

Grace and Peace,

Where were you married? I’m a little confused that they onus is on your to prove that your wife wasn’t Catholic when the Catholic Church should have records of her Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation. The fact that you were not married by a priest would mean that the marriage was blessed anyways so I’m frankly confused by the details of this thread. It doesn’t seems to fit.

 

[chrisb]

Yes I have been re-married for four years now, but does that mean because I have been re married and I have no idea where my first wife is so they can contact her that I can never become catholic?

I mean I’ve never ever been baptized in any religion in my life, but my mother was baptist, and I know you do not have to go through this much trouble to become baptist, but I don’t want to be baptist I want to be catholic. My wife now is catholic, and she introduced to toCatholicism and I have never felt more comfortable in any other religion and felt more like I belong. That is why I finally decided to become catholic, and I have been fighting this issue for almost four years now.

I’ma practice catholic in almost every way I always go to church on every holiday, feats of the saints, and every sunday. I’m an active in the legion of mary although I cannot join because I’ve never been baptized, and I don’t do any of the sarements like confession or communion because I will not violate the church rules of sacrement because I respect them.

Grace and Peace,

Okay so you have been married a second time to a Catholic… so were you married by a Priest? Was your marriage to your new wife given approval by the Church? Why is there a question now after this? I’m still confused as the facts don’t seem to add up to a rejection of Baptism.

 

[hopeless_in_DC]

My first marriage was by a justice of the peace in Florida 26 years ago, and my second marriage which is my current wife was married by a judge we was never married by a priest because I was never baptized as a catholic and we have been waiting until I can be baptized a catholic to be married in the church because neither of us want to violate the sacrament of the church.

Yes my current wife is catholic, and has been baptised a catholic.

My first wife was baptist because she was baptized by her adopted father who was a baptist minister.

 

[hopeless_in_DC]

I also know the facts don’t add up because I have a very good friend who is a catholic nun and she knows all the facts of the case and she cannot understand why I can’t be baptized either, but she said she has no power to do anyting about it and has had me talk to other mon seniors at other church who have just told me to talk to the original mon senior and all he saying is hire a private detective.

I’m at a dead end at this point and have no place to turn that’s why I came here hoping someone might have any answer to this problem, or maybe aty least get some honest opinions of some people saying it is hopeless and to give up there is nothing that can be done.

 

[Catholic4Obama]

Wow! You need to find a different church buddy. Don’t give up.

 

[Famule]

My first marriage was by a justice of the peace in Florida 26 years ago, and my second marriage which is my current wife was married by a judge we was never married by a priest because I was never baptized as a catholic and we have been waiting until I can be baptized a catholic to be married in the church because neither of us want to violate the sacrament of the church.

Yes my current wife is catholic, and has been baptised a catholic.

My first wife was baptist because she was baptized by her adopted father who was a baptist minister.

If you have a marriage certificate or some kind of proof that you were married by a judge, that would probably do it. It shouldn’t matter whether or not your ex is or was Catholic, only that you were not married in the Church. I would definitely get a second opinion on this issue. Talk to one of the apologists on this site and see what they say. They might have a good second source to go to in order to clear this up. Don’t give up! I think your chances are very good if you really dig in and do the research. You may have to go to a higher authority. One of the apologists should be able to tell you where to go.

 

[chrisb]

My first marriage was by a justice of the peace in Florida 26 years ago, and my second marriage which is my current wife was married by a judge we was never married by a priest because I was never baptized as a catholic and we have been waiting until I can be baptized a catholic to be married in the church because neither of us want to violate the sacrament of the church.

Yes my current wife is catholic, and has been baptised a catholic.

My first wife was baptist because she was baptized by her adopted father who was a baptist minister.

Grace and Peace,

Your current wife is a practicing Catholic and her priest approved of your marriage by a justice of the peace? That sounds really odd. Why didn’t you both go through the proper channels to have a Catholic Marriage by an ordained priest? I’m very curious.

As I understand it a marriage between a baptized christian and a non-baptized christian by a justice of the peace is not a blessed marriage. Of course, I am no Canon Lawyer but I’m guessing you can find one in Washington DC. Have you spoken to a Canon Lawyer?

Also where were you and your first wife married? What evidence do you have on this?

 

[diggerdomer]

I also know the facts don’t add up because I have a very good friend who is a catholic nun and she knows all the facts of the case and she cannot understand why I can’t be baptized either, but she said she has no power to do anyting about it and has had me talk to other mon seniors at other church who have just told me to talk to the original mon senior and all he saying is hire a private detective.

I’m at a dead end at this point and have no place to turn that’s why I came here hoping someone might have any answer to this problem, or maybe aty least get some honest opinions of some people saying it is hopeless and to give up there is nothing that can be done.

This issue will not be resolved in an online forum. There’s no way we can know here all the details and specifics that may be of concern. Marriage is particularly the most difficult issue regarding Catholic initiation. If you have been married more than once, yes, that’s potentially a significant obstacle to Catholic initiation–meaning, that issue needs to be worked out locally (which may in fact involve annulments, which typically take a lot of time and effort).

Talk to a parish/diocese responsible person.

 

[Galnextdoor]

Do you have any friends who are internet savvy? There are all types of public records available on the internet. You might try looking for records in a Mormon church library. They seem to have records of everybody under the sun. You might start where she last lived and call the reference desk at the public library in that town. Many libraries keep old city directories and usually a librarian or genealogist on staff would be willing to start in the year you know she was living in the city and look forward until they don’t have a record of her. You then might search the wedding records for the year her name disappears from the city directory to see if she pops up in the old wedding records.

You also might try doing a google search for your children’s names.

Also, if you have a good genealogy librarian at your local public library, she may be able to give you ideas for other avenues to search. In this day and age, it’s much easier to locate someone then it used to be.

Don’t let this hunt be a stumbling block. God is waiting to welcome you home. Good luck.

 

[fbl9]

I went through catechism classes and completed them, and I very much wish to become catholic. Unfortunately because of a previous marriage the archdiocese of Washington D.C will not allow me to become catholic. I was married 26 years ago and my wife left me with my children and divorced me 5 years later and I never seen them after that day. I wanted to become catholic, but I was told by the Mon senior of the archdiocese of Washington D.C that since they cannot talk to her, and verify she is not catholic they cannot allow me to be baptized. I have told them in several emails I know positive she was not catholic because her father was a Baptist minister. Her father died during our marriage, and she was adopted and had no family and although I have tried desperately to find her it has been useless, and I don’t have the money to hire a private detective to find her and it’s been 21 years since I seen or heard from her so I have run into a dead end.

I was wondering if anyone possible has any idea of what I can do or where I can go or who I can write because the mon senior of the archdiocese of Washington D.C is not listening to my plea and I feel hopeless that I may never be baptized. I have never been baptized in any religion in my life and after 47 years I have chosen the archdiocese of Washington D.C to be a catholic, but now they won’t let me. Please help me someone.

Please bear with me as i try to explain my thoughts on your situation…

Not sure why your marital status is an impediment for baptism.I can see why it would be for you being able to recieve the sacrement of the Eucharist.Since this is your second marriage you are in/living mortal sin that of adultry…to be baptised (as an adult) one needs to repent,which means to correct one’s wayward ways, of all sins…how can one repent of this sin while being married? Your second marriage is not considered valid at this piont in time,so would it not be sinful to divorce your now wife is one question i would ask of the mon senior, also if it would be right to stay together as a chaste couple.However if your previous marriage were to be annuled,your now marriage could be celebrated in the church.Should your first wife be found to have since gone,Your now mariage should be considered valid,pending the date of your first wife’s passing me thinks.

wrote with all charity towards you hopeless in DC

 

[diggerdomer]

Not sure why your marital status is an impediment for baptism.

According to Catholic teaching, if someone is in multiple marriages that could preclude baptism as it could be considered a case of polygamy, or adultery, for example. Someone cannot be initiated into the Catholic Church if they are in a state of “objective” (or whatever the preferred term is) sin, which in the case of marriage could include numerous issues.

Not to be harsh, I’m not at all presuming anyone seeking initiation is guilty or anything, I am just saying that it’s pretty clear from Catholic teaching on marriage that non-Catholics seeking to join the Catholic Church may face hurdles, given the Catholic Church’s understanding of marriage.

 

[fbl9]

According to Catholic teaching, if someone is in multiple marriages that could preclude baptism as it could be considered a case of polygamy, or adultery, for example. Someone cannot be initiated into the Catholic Church if they are in a state of “objective” (or whatever the preferred term is) sin, which in the case of marriage could include numerous issues.

Not to be harsh, I’m not at all presuming anyone seeking initiation is guilty or anything, I am just saying that it’s pretty clear from Catholic teaching on marriage that non-Catholics seeking to join the Catholic Church may face hurdles, given the Catholic Church’s understanding of marriage.

thanks.

in my understanding if DC were to divorice his current wife this “sin” would no longer exist because his current mariage is not valid DC’s wife would be free of any “taints”…

 

[diggerdomer]

thanks.

in my understanding if DC were to divorice his current wife this “sin” would no longer exist because his current mariage is not valid DC’s wife would be free of any “taints”…

Not necessarily.

The Catholic Church considers marriages valid based on more than “being Catholic” and secular divorce rules.