I want to become Catholic but was told I can't- Help?

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Hi Carol-Marie,

I recently obtained a decree of nullity and my 9 year civil marriage was convalidated in the Church. My husband also dragged his feet at the beginning (he had been married before) but now he attends Mass quite regularly with me.

It can be a bit of a long haul but you hang in there!! It is SO worth it!!

If I could give you two pieces of advice it is this: if your parish has Eucharistic Adoration - please go. Sometimes the waiting to be able to receive Communion was almost unbearable. Going to Adoration did help with that. Also I was able to bring my relationship with Jesus to a whole new and profound level because of going to Adoration. If your parish does not have Adoration then simply going into your church during a quiet time (maybe a week day) and spending time with Jesus in the Tabernacle will be very beneficial. I would try to spend an hour but 30 minutes is good too. Sometimes I would just pop in to say my Rosary. Sometimes I would just sit there and look at Him.

The other advice is this: pray the Rosary. Daily, if you can. I learned how on the internet. There are many sites out there that will help you. Or perhaps someone in your parish can teach you if you don’t know how. The spiritual benefits I received were tremendous.

If I had automatically been allowed to receive Communion I would not have discovered these wonderful devotions.

God bless you Carol-Marie on your journey back to the Father!
 
I HIGHLY concur with your suggestion regarding Eucharistic Adoration and the Rosary. There’s real power in these forms of worship.

You remain in my prayers!

CARose
 
My local church doesn’t have an adoration chapel but there is one in a neighboring town. (It’s like a small building outside of the church - I’m assuming that’s the chapel?) Anyhow, others have told me to go there as well but I’m so intimidated because I’ve heard that it’s staffed with volunteers 24 hours a day and I have no idea what to do… do I just sit down? Do I (what’s it called when you bow first?) Do I say hello to the person there or is it silent? Can I bring my Bible and read it? Since I don’t know the rosary I’d have to bring along directions and I’d be fumbling around and very embarassed if there were other people there. Not only have I never prayed the rosary in my life, I’ve never heard anyone else pray it either. Keep in mind, as a non Catholic this is all so new to me and even at mass I feel out of my confort zone but I can sit in the back & blend in without drawing attention but I’m not sure if I’d be at to do that at that small chapel. I’m afraid the staff person would take one look at me and think… huh? who’s this that wandered in??
 
carol marie:
My local church doesn’t have an adoration chapel but there is one in a neighboring town. (It’s like a small building outside of the church - I’m assuming that’s the chapel?) Anyhow, others have told me to go there as well but I’m so intimidated because I’ve heard that it’s staffed with volunteers 24 hours a day and I have no idea what to do… do I just sit down? Do I (what’s it called when you bow first?) Do I say hello to the person there or is it silent? Can I bring my Bible and read it? Since I don’t know the rosary I’d have to bring along directions and I’d be fumbling around and very embarassed if there were other people there. Not only have I never prayed the rosary in my life, I’ve never heard anyone else pray it either. Keep in mind, as a non Catholic this is all so new to me and even at mass I feel out of my confort zone but I can sit in the back & blend in without drawing attention but I’m not sure if I’d be at to do that at that small chapel. I’m afraid the staff person would take one look at me and think… huh? who’s this that wandered in??
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I have decided to completely ignore the post previous to mine by “forgiveness.”

Carol - very, very, cool and awesome. I much commend your husband for thinking of your needs and swallowing a little bit of pride. It takes a big man to do that, and be sure to tell him how much you appreciate it!

Regarding adoration, do not be intimidated. When you enter the chapel, simply get down on both knees and bow toward the monstrance holding our Lord, and do the sign of the cross. Then you may feel free to get up and go to wherever your heart leads you in the chapel. They will have both seats and kneelers. You are not required to do one or the other. The point is to do whatever you need to do to get your heart and mind on the fact that you are in the presence of Christ. You can just sit, or you can pray (no set prayers needed, but I find the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to be very appropriate. Father Groeschel actually mentioned once that, actually, the Rosary is not the most appropriate prayer at adoration, but he would never tell anyone not to say it if that was their prayer of choice).

When you leave, you get down on both knees again and bow, and leave. If there is a holy water font at the door, bless yourself entering and even leaving if you wish.

Nothing fancy. Good luck to you!
 
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vangrosh:
What? That statement is not correct. First of all, it’s not called the procreative act because not all sex is procreative. It’s called the marital act, marital intimacy, or sexual union. The Church teaches that sexual union is a holy part of the Sacrament of Marriage and continues to be a holy act even after child bearing years. It is also holy for people that are unable to produce children. It is a myth that the Church teaches that sex is only for procreation and not also for marital intimacy. The only requirement is that sexual union be open to procreation.
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Nothing in your post contradicts my statement. Notice that I said that “if you do not want children”. Is that not equivalent to not being “open to procreation?” Perhaps I should have chosen the stronger phrase “determined not to have children.”

As for whether it is “called” the procreative act: my term is not a proper name, it is descriptive. Whatever you may choose to call it, it is in fact the procreative act. A mere name does change its nature.

Sex is holy even after the “child bearing” years because you cannot know but that it may be in God’s plan for you to bear a child at any age, as the examples from scripture show, e.g., Sarah or Elizabeth.
 
Carol-Marie - Gomer tree has given you some very good instructions for going to Adoration. Our chapel has reading material on the pews, outside the door and in the little library right next door. Or I bring my own religious stuff to read.

The first time I went last year I drove right by the chapel because I was so scared. Turns out I had nothing to fear - Jesus was surely happy to see me! After the first couple times I was almost addicted to going to Adoration - it’s like a little piece of Heaven on Earth

Praying the Rosary - I am going to email you some links that you can use (my dear friend Laura mentioned your situation to me)

Not sure why Fr.G would say the Rosary is not the most appropriate prayer at Adoration but he is a smart man, so OK. In our chapel every pew has beads hanging on the ends of the pews. We also have pamphlets on how to pray the Rosary. Personally I have found that praying the Rosary in front of the Blessed Sacrament is the most awesome devotion of all next to going to Mass and receiving Communion.

Is there someone you can phone that coordinates the Adoration schedule? I am sure they would love to answer any questions you have and maybe they can even buddy you up with someone for the first time or two. (Adoration is not structured like Mass so you won’t have to worry so much about when to get up and down, etc. Also, for instance, our chapel has a rule of silence so no worries about saying the wrong thing)

Carol-Marie - I dearly hope you will share your experiences with us! God bless you.
 
Racer X:
But let us assume that your husband’s first marriage is indeed valid–in which case he his not your husband but the husband of the other woman. Then it is true that you may not receive the sacraments as long you continue to willfully live in a sinful relationship with him.

Unless you stop sinning.

That is, you can live together as brother and sister. No more sex. GASP! No more sex?!?!? Celibacy!?!?! I know, I know. In our culture today that’s as bad as asking someone to live without food and water. Or without TV even.

But when you come to fully appreciate the relationship between the sex act, procreation and the marriage sacrament, you will be at ease with it. In fact, some married saints chose to live in chastity within the bounds of marriage, for example Saints Pinian and Melania. They deeply loved their spouses but felt called to devote their lives to serving God in ways other than raising children. (And if you don’t want any more children, you should not be joining in the procreative act anyway.)

in case you’re wondering, I am speaking from experience. I’m in the same boat you are with regards to Mrs. Racer X. We’re celebrating our youngest daughter’s second birthday tomorrow and have been celibant since she was conceived. Our relationship has never been stronger.

God bless.
-RX
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Let’s not do anything drastic here! I doubt this would be the best thing for your marriage, your husband might take it as an ultimatum to rejoin the Catholic Church…not the best way to keep a marriage strong. I would talk to a priest before assuming making love to your husband is a sin. You didn’t enter the marriage with full knowledge of the situation. With all due respect to Racer X’s opionion, I am afraid this would make matters much worse!

Ask some Catholic friends to recommend a priest who will be understanding to your situation. Go to Eucharistic Adoration and plead to Christ for religious harmony in your home and that your marriage be pleasing to Him. Just because you can’ t participate in the Sacrament yet, doesn’t mean you can’t spend time in His presence. I think this will give you comfort.
God Bless
 
Carol,
You’ve been given some good instruction about Adoration. I’ll just throw in a couple of things.

Adoration is very personal. Sometimes I bring a journal with me to write out my prayers as I go; sometimes I bring a book that helps me meditate; sometimes, if I’m subbing in the middle of the night and I am going to be alone, I bring a hymn book and sing my prayers and sometimes play them on the organ in our chapel. I only do that if I’m alone with Him, of course!

One of the dear brethren – I want to say a saint, but it may have been Thomas Merton – said, when asked what he did in Adoration, “I look at Him, and He looks at me.” It can be that pure and simple.

God bless you!
 
First go and see a priest and get some facts and not opinions.

Next, start attending mass. You may not yet partake in all the Sacraments but you can at least participate in the mass and our worship of God.

Next, attend an RCIA class and learn what Catholics believe and participate in our community.

Next, you can be Catholic by ‘desire’. Even if your husband rejects Christ’s Church you can still be a member by desire if you truly desire it. Talk to a priest.

Next, a marriage is not a contract, it is a covenant between a ‘man’ and a ‘woman’ and God. A marriage involves two people and God and all three are parties to that covenant.

Last, ALL Catholics who are baptized according to the Sacrament of baptism and with its true intent are in fact “BORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS!” That’s right, ALL Catholics are born again in baptism! Jesus said that we are “born again” in baptism.

Jn 3:3-7 (NIV) “3In reply Jesus declared, “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” 4"How can a man be born when he is old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb to be born!” 5Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. 7You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’”

Good luck in whatever you decide. I would love to see you and your family come home but I would also be happy if your Faith keeps shinning in the Lutheran church. Just do your best and follow God wherever He takes you. I too have a protestant wife and know the difficulty in crossing the Tiber. Just pray, put God first and have Faith in where He leads you. I suggest you go to a Catholic church (outside mass) and kneel down and pray to God for an answer. Take your Bible and read from it too in the church. Listen to God while in prayer in His house and He will answer you. But it is up to you to listen when He speaks and to hear Him. God talks to us often but we just choose not to hear Him. In His house you can often focus on what He has to say.

Also ask what everything in the church means and get a tour. Don’t be caught thinking a statue means something it does not. Also learn the stories behind all the artwork in the church so you can recall the wonderful events or people they remind us of. I love to go to our churches and pray. I never did that as a protestant outside of our services.

A prisoner of Christ
 
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