I WANT to believe but I can't seem to

[sixeyes]

I haven’t had access to the forums lately… thank you all for your kind words and prayers. Please continue them!

It is so true that faith is a gift… and I’ve been wondering if maybe I just haven’t been given that gift. But why? Why would God choose to not give the gift of faith-- especially to one who desires and asks for it? I do not understand this, and thinking about it leads me dangerously close to predestination!

Continuing to wander and pray…

 

[TOP]

I haven’t had access to the forums lately… thank you all for your kind words and prayers. Please continue them!

It is so true that faith is a gift… and I’ve been wondering if maybe I just haven’t been given that gift. But why? Why would God choose to not give the gift of faith-- especially to one who desires and asks for it? I do not understand this, and thinking about it leads me dangerously close to predestination!

Continuing to wander and pray…

You are wondering why God… You do have faith. You might not recognize it yet, but it’s there. What kind of gift doesn’t get wrapped up. Unwrap it Tim

 

[brother_sun]

Hello, Sixeyes. You said something that stuck with me. You said that you desire faith and why wouldn’t he give it to the one who is desiring it. Ask yourself this: Who really is desiring it? In that desire you will find God. God puts it in our hearts to desire him. So in some way you have found him already…Well this is just what I think. God Bless you on your journey in Christ.

Your brother in Christ

“If you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire.”–Saint Catherine of Siena

 

[mschrank]

Hi Sixeyes,

A lot of people have said a lot of good things but I need to say a few things to you because I have struggled with the same problem for a long time. I honestly believe I am making progress but what you described, being convinced of Catholicism being the most true Christian option but being unsure of the option itself, I have also gone through.

I put it down to a fear that the foundation of the universe isn’t reason, love, and order but that the universe is inherently evil and irrational. Why does the hole in our hearts exist- because the universe has taken a wrong turn and created us and thus our being is a negative existance, or, because of the fall and the rejection of God, that “the stars are farther than they ought to be” (GK Chesterton)?

The only way I have managed to make progress is firstly, realize that God exists even if you don’t believe in Him. You don’t need to believe in Him or ‘get’ Him in order for Him to exist. This takes a lot of responsibility off your shoulders. Secondly, be humble. Realize you may just not be that important in salvation history. Sometimes we want God to unrealistically condescend to us, we are rationally convinced but we want some special attention. Other more important people have experienced what you long for as “proof”. Thirdly, don’t be mad that faith is not that pleasant of a virtue to exercise. Faith takes effort, uncomfortable effort. You have to accept this as a cross. Lastly, have courage. It’s really important, you don’t know on your own what happens when you die, but this is the middle of a war and you can’t be a frightened rabbit or you’re definately going to die.

Lastly, remember that real Catholics also have doubts and that’s okay because Jesus experienced that too. The universal faith covers doubt as well, it’s not like if you doubt, you’re out or some how less ‘worthy’. Many saints experienced doubt, read the thread on Mother Teresa.

Oh, and spend some time meditating in front of a picture of Jesus.

And one more thing, remember, this isn’t about science and materalism or anything like that (come on, who has the faith to sustain such a shallow belief that doesn’t deeply want it to be true?!)- this is about a deep darkness in the human heart that transcends reason.

In Christ,

Matthew

 

[kage_ar]

Suggesting another book - St. John of the Cross “Dark Night of the Soul”.

 

[DB_AND_ALI]

I am a cradle Catholic who has always described myself as devout and adherent to the Magesterium in every way. In the last few years, though, I have really been struggling with doubt regarding my faith- I have not admitted it to anyone, but I have been doubting whether any of it is true. If Christianity is true, if Christ is really God and Savior, then I don’t have any doubt that Catholicism is the truest form of Christianity. My doubt is on a more basic level, though-- the existence of God at all, I guess, and specifically the validity of Christianity.

Most of the advice I have read in this regard recommends praying, praying for discernment, praying for faith. I have been doing this- daily, sometimes hourly, for years. Diligently and with passion. And yet I feel nothing. I am no more certain of faith than before.

At the core is this: I really WANT to believe. I really, really do. I am not some kind of cynic looking for fault with the Church or with organized religion. I want more than anything to have a strong faith life, to share in the life of Christ. And yet… I can’t seem to get my mind to bend. I can’t **will **myself to believe, much as I want to, and I can’t understand why this prayer of mine, of all prayers, should (seemingly) go unanswered by God. Wouldn’t He desire for my faith as well?

I have lately been treating faith much as I have treated love in some of my more difficult relationships-- as a decision. But is this valid? How can faith be a “decision”? Can I simply “decide” to believe if I don’t feel it, if I can’t convince myself of its truth?

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about…there are days when i have warm , fuzzy feelings about my faith and sometimes i feel ’ a bit flat '…but Jesus said ; Happy are the poor in spirit. So just keep praying and His peace will slowly envelope you…patience:thumbsup: I must presume however that you believe that Jesus is who He said He is ???

 

[sixeyes]

I must presume however that you believe that Jesus is who He said He is ???

Well, I guess I have to say no, or at least that that is the belief with which I struggle. Like I said initially, if Christianity is true, then I have no trouble with believing that Catholicism is the Church Jesus started.

However, my doubts revolve around: **what if this whole religion thing is just a sham? ** What if it’s just an anthropological construct to make us feel better, to help humans deal with the struggles of daily life? What if there is no God, no Jesus at all? Of course I know God’s existence doesn’t depend on my belief in Him-- if He exists, He does so whether I like it, or believe in it, or not. But my salvation… well, if He does exist, my salation certainly **is **dependent on my belief in Him!

Can I have these kinds of questions and still have faith? What does it mean to believe?

 

[kage_ar]

Belief, like love, is a decision you make. You may make that decision based on knowledge or feelings or some combination of the two, but, it still comes down to a decision. If you are married, there have most likely been times when you do not “feel” loving, but you choose to love. Same goes for belief. As Scripture tells us, “after having done all you can to stand, stand therefore…” so, after having done all you can to believe, then believe.

Faith is different - Faith is a gift from God. You recieve the initial gift of Faith at baptism.

There has been much written on on this by the greatest of Christian minds, a new book speaks of Mother Theresa wrestling with spiritual dryness for 30 years.

The choice is yours - to believe.

 

[TOP]

Belief, like love, is a decision you make. You may make that decision based on knowledge or feelings or some combination of the two, but, it still comes down to a decision. If you are married, there have most likely been times when you do not “feel” loving, but you choose to love. Same goes for belief. As Scripture tells us, “after having done all you can to stand, stand therefore…” so, after having done all you can to believe, then believe.

Faith is different - Faith is a gift from God. You recieve the initial gift of Faith at baptism.

There has been much written on on this by the greatest of Christian minds, a new book speaks of Mother Theresa wrestling with spiritual dryness for 30 years.

The choice is yours - to believe.

Would you say faith leads to belief? Exp. I had faith that the Lord would help me and did, now I believe. I know it sounds of Thomas and “faith saves”, but I believe that faith continues to grow when confirmed like that. What you think? Tim

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Well, I guess I have to say no, or at least that that is the belief with which I struggle. Like I said initially, if Christianity is true, then I have no trouble with believing that Catholicism is the Church Jesus started.

However, my doubts revolve around: **what if this whole religion thing is just a sham? ** What if it’s just an anthropological construct to make us feel better, to help humans deal with the struggles of daily life? What if there is no God, no Jesus at all? Of course I know God’s existence doesn’t depend on my belief in Him-- if He exists, He does so whether I like it, or believe in it, or not. But my salvation… well, if He does exist, my salation certainly **is **dependent on my belief in Him!

Can I have these kinds of questions and still have faith? What does it mean to believe?

You sound very much like me. I could have written almost every word you’ve contributed to this thread myself, a couple months back.

I guess my username isn’t accurate anymore. I no longer have the will to go through the motions of faith while my heart and my intellect remain unconvinced. Like you, I am not ignorant of the Church, nor was I lax in my prayer life or in receiving the Sacraments. I’ve read it all, I’ve tried it all. I envy the solace that believers have, but my brain evidently isn’t the type to be satisfied with faith. Even though I am left with many existential ponderings and unanswered questions, I am happier now that I’m not living in a constant state of cognitive dissonance.

 

[mschrank]

Oh yeah, another thing, are you living your faith or is it more of a sunday or cultural thing (i.e., my parents were Catholic and sent me to parochial school, so I am Catholic)?

Do you read spiritual books? Do you say the Rosary on a regular basis? Do you go to Mass when you can? You know what I mean.

 

[duskyjewel]

Our pastor brought up those letters of Mother Theresa’s in his homily this past Sunday. He said it is often that way with saints. They WANT so badly to have a closer relationship with God, to really feel and know that He is there is their lives. And yet they don’t feel anything, fear it’s all not real, that they are sacrificing for nothing.

I know I have struggled with much of what you are experiencing. I don’t think any person can get to any level of education without coming up to the “what if it is just an anthropological construct” thing. I don’t think any person of any educational level can wrestle with something as big as God and not feel inadequate.

Faith is a gift, and you worry that you may not have been given it. But remember, even the Apostles themselves lacked faith. How many times did Jesus rebuke them for that, and He was right in front of them? He said that faith as small as a mustard seed would move mountains…did any of them move a mountain? If the people who knew Jesus personally struggled to have faith, how much harder is it for us thousands of years later?

I think choosing to believe is a valid way to go about it. I know sometimes I worry about the “dryness” of my own spiritual life. I don’t often have powerful emotional experiences connected to faith. But I still choose to obey the pull I felt as a young person and be part of this Church, and to proclaim that I am a Christian. I teach the faith to my children and defend it in public when I have to. And, even as I worry about not feeling something powerful, when I see things like the “speaking in tongues” that goes on in my Dad’s Pentecostal church, or the tearful offerings of televised Christian broadcasts, I usually think it’s fake and done for show.

I have had a few very powerful times when I absolutely knew that my God reached down from Heaven and touched me personally. But that is not meant for every day. It wouldn’t be special any more, and it wouldn’t have as much power if it happened all the time. And yet, even with those experiences in my past, the impact fades, and I doubt yet again. It is just human nature.

I know one thing that has helped me a lot is taking advantage of the educational offerings at my parish and here at Catholic Answers, among others, to really learn in depth about my faith. I am a study-er. I like to read and think. So by learning a lot about the Church and its teachings, its answers to common modern challenges and problems, I feel more in touch with it.

 

[Della]

Faith is much more something we practice than what we “believe.” The practice of faith means to submit to Another our future and our own way of thinking and acting–to be remade, as St. Paul put it. Unless and until we can say we have fully practiced the Faith I don’t think any of us can say we have the right to chuck it. As G. K. Chesterton wrote: “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Unless and until we can say we have fully practiced the Faith I don’t think any of us can say we have the right to chuck it.

It doesn’t seem like the OP has given any indication of not having practiced her faith well or that she has given insufficient effort at surrendering her own will.

As for practicing the Faith “fully” in order to be able to reject it… what exactly do you mean? If by “fully” you mean “perfectly”, then this standard seems a bit steep, since by definition no one can achieve it. Does one need to practice Buddhism perfectly in order for one’s decision not to be a Buddhist to be made legitimate and justified? I’m assuming you don’t think so. Can you explain the difference?

As G. K. Chesterton wrote: “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.”

Again, it seems that you’re implying that the OP has a weak faith due to lack of trying. I know I tried agonizingly hard and I did live by the Christian ideal. It still didn’t gift me with a genuine belief in Christ.

 

[Della]

It doesn’t seem like the OP has given any indication of not having practiced her faith well or that she has given insufficient effort at surrendering her own will.

As for practicing the Faith “fully” in order to be able to reject it… what exactly do you mean? If by “fully” you mean “perfectly”, then this standard seems a bit steep, since by definition no one can achieve it. Does one need to practice Buddhism perfectly in order for one’s decision not to be a Buddhist to be made legitimate and justified? I’m assuming you don’t think so. Can you explain the difference?

Again, it seems that you’re implying that the OP has a weak faith due to lack of trying. I know I tried agonizingly hard and I did live by the Christian ideal. It still didn’t gift me with a genuine belief in Christ.

It isn’t an accusation of neglect rather an encouragement to simply do. We cannot know our faith by how well we are affected by it, and so judge it by that.

Christianity is practiced by God doing the lion’s share of the work–our “job” (for lack of a better word) is simply to surrender. That can be hard to do/understand, but it’s not impossible–which is encouraging to those who aren’t getting anything out of their faith.

St. Therese wrote about this, and she too went through a very dark time when God and heaven seemed just a child’s dream to her. She simply practiced and let God do the wondering and the worrying since she realized she wasn’t capable of seeing through her dilemma. That she was able to come out the other side is encouraging to us.

 

[johnstown_johnn]

This is surreal. I am having probs with all of this “disbelief.”

 

[sixeyes]

This is surreal. I am having probs with all of this “disbelief.”

What do you mean? If by this you mean that you can’t understand why I would have difficulty with believing that God exists or that Jesus is God, then praise God-- praise Him with all your being-- for your own strength of faith. And then pray for those of us who are struggling.

 

[Quaere_Verum]

Frank Sheed in his book Theology and Sanity quotes the psalmist, **"‘Concupivit anima mea desiderare te’ - My soul has longed to yearn for You." **

He goes on to say that when it comes to loving God, even if we don’t experience the feeling that we love Him, the above words should suffice. I’m going to be bold and speculate that the same goes for having faith since it is also one of the theological virtues.

Your words are so strikingly like mine. I often say, “I really long to believe”, or “I really long to love”. The above words were comforting to me. It seems to me that the longing in and of itself is pleasing to the Lord.

 

[Rebelecka]

lately been treating faith much as I have treated love in some of my more difficult relationships-- as a decision. But is this valid? How can faith be a “decision”? Can I simply “decide” to believe if I don’t feel it, if I can’t convince myself of its truth?

Yes,**Yes,Yes! Many the time I have felt nothing but repugnance or apathy but those are the times that Ichoose to believe. My prayer at those times is, “Lord I don’t feel You at all and I have nothing, but I choose to believe in You and in Your Church.”

 

[leonie]

Yes,**Yes,Yes! Many the time I have felt nothing but repugnance or apathy but those are the times that Ichoose to believe. My prayer at those times is, “Lord I don’t feel You at all and I have nothing, but I choose to believe in You and in Your Church.”

I agree. There have been times when I doubt so strongly despite my great desire for Faith, that I have just said, The Catholic concept of God and his creation is so beautiful and so true, that I will choose to accept it on the basis of its beauty.

I’ve struggled with doubt all my life. I just keep praying for faith.