I want to come back to the Church, wife and family are anti-Catholic

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minorsecond

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Hi all!

I need some advice/encouragement, badly.

A previous post of mine explains the situation in detail. Essentially, I left the Church to marry my wife, actually bought into Protestantism for a bit, but am now feeling strongly called back to the Church.

The problem is, every time I bring it up to my wife, she ends up crying. She’s a very devout Baptist and was raised anti-Catholic. Her family are all anti-Catholic as well. So I’m between a rock and a hard place, as it were. I have made up my mind regarding the falsehood of Protestantism but I’m having such a difficult time showing her. She remains closed off to the idea and gets very uncomfortable when I bring it up.

So, between her being brought to tears whenever the topic comes up, and knowing that I’m going to have to deal with her anti-Catholic family from here on out, I’ve kind of put the whole thing on the “back burner”. I’ve been attending Baptist services with her every Sunday (I pass on the weekly communion, which gets awkward) but am miserable every second of it. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

At this point, I’m considering making an absolute statement: “I can’t go against my conscience any longer; I can no longer call myself Protestant. I’m going back to the Catholic Church.” But is this really the best way to go about it? Am I holding off for the wrong reasons? This whole thing is so uncomfortable to me.
 
:gopray:

From your wife’s perspective, she loves you and she fears for your soul. It helps when dealing with anti-Catholic family to assume that their primarily motivation is love. There will be all other kinds of emotions in there too, like disappointment, fear, anger, etc. but as those things surface, remembering about love can help you not lash back in a way that will just confirm their worst suspicions about Catholics.

You are going to need to love your wife like Christ loves the Church. The more Christ-like you are, the easier it will be in the long run. In the short run, Christ gets crucified. Remember the phrase, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” Pray it often.

You say she cries. Not everyone can control the drops of liquids that flow from our eyes. Tears indicate she’s emotional about this subject, but you already knew that. Is she able to talk through her tears in a somewhat logical fashion? Can she listen and respond while simultaneously crying? Does she want to continue the discussion, even though it’s painful and uncomfortable to her, or would she rather not talk about it at all?

If she doesn’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to have a discussion. Attend Sunday Mass. Or maybe instead attend the Saturday evening Vigil Mass. Don’t deceive her about what you’re doing, but telling her doesn’t mean you have to start a big discussion either. You could try saying something like, “I’m heading out to Mass and I’ll be back in about an hour. What do you want for brunch/dinner after?”

It might be helpful for her if she continued to see you reading the Bible. If you both usually listen to Christian music on the radio, it may be helpful if continue to do that. Show her that while much has changed, you remain Christian by doing some of the things she associates with Christianity. Emphasize what all Christians can share in common.

A couple more things: Do you and your wife have any children, and if so what ages? Also, since you and your wife were not married in the Catholic Church, that should be discussed with a good priest.

Welcome back to the Catholic Church!
 
Thanks for the response!
You are going to need to love your wife like Christ loves the Church. The more Christ-like you are, the easier it will be in the long run. In the short run, Christ gets crucified. Remember the phrase, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” Pray it often.
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Thank you for that. It’s going to really be a rough time for both of us.
Can she listen and respond while simultaneously crying? Does she want to continue the discussion, even though it’s painful and uncomfortable to her, or would she rather not talk about it at all?
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Yes, we typically continue discussion. I have such a hard time with it though. Last time, I made the concession to keep waiting and searching - though my mind was already made up. She keeps asking me to meet with pastors, elders, and other leadership, hoping they’ll dissuade me.
A couple more things: Do you and your wife have any children, and if so what ages? Also, since you and your wife were not married in the Catholic Church, that should be discussed with a good priest.
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We don’t have any children yet, and yes I will need to seek convalidation for the marriage. I’m trying to meet with a priest for some guidance but it’s been a tough time finding an open time slot.
 
I am surprised they have a weekly communion service at your wife’s Baptist church. I have a Baptist friend who complains they rarely have communion. I understand there are different Baptist churches, however.
Perhaps your wife is afraid of the Catholic faith which she does not understand. Perhaps she is afraid you will choose your faith over her or that eventually you will ask her to convert.

Just some thoughts.

I feel the Holy Spirit is calling you back to the Catholic faith and you cannot ignore the call.
 
Have you read *Home Sweet Rome * by Scott and Kimberley Hahn? I think it would be extremely helpful for you! Scott found himself leaning towards the Catholic Church; his wife did not. It’s an easy read and I think the way he handled things will help you.

I agree with the poster above: go to Sat Eve Mass ( no Communion!), and reassure your wife that you love her very much. Keep going to services with her w/o receiving there. Do not try to convert your wife through talking, only through prayers for her. Try to get to Mass during the week if you can.

Also, the Coming Home Network may be helpful to you; it is geared towards people working in Protestant ministry who want to convert, but has lots of videos of people in your shoes.

And hug your wife when she cries, don’t try to “solve the problem,” let her know you understand her pain and feel pain yourself.
 
minorsecond said:
Thanks for the response!

Thank you for that. It’s going to really be a rough time for both of us.
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You’re welcome. I know it will be rough–it’s like trying to live through and repair all the sins of both sides of the Reformation. My story is different but somewhat similar. Twenty-something years ago, a Catholic girl married a Lutheran boy…
Yes, we typically continue discussion. I have such a hard time with it though. Last time, I made the concession to keep waiting and searching - though my mind was already made up. She keeps asking me to meet with pastors, elders, and other leadership, hoping they’ll dissuade me.
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Good. As someone whose eyes water when I don’t want them to, I understand. While it may be hard for you to look past her tears, please do so and continue discussions when they are otherwise going well and being productive. My next suggestion probably won’t help her stop crying, but it might help your relationship if you occasionally acknowledge her tears, and then pause the discussion to just hug her and tell her you love her and you love Jesus, then just hold her and let her cry.

Baptists usually believe “once saved, always saved” but for Catholics, conversion is a continual process. Even if you’ve made up your mind right now, we pray for the grace of perseverance to the end of our lives. Don’t make any bold declarations that might come across a “in your face, I’m going to be Catholic and you can’t stop me.” You can take the step of telling her you decided to go to Mass as part of your searching. And then, you go to Mass. One Mass, one Sunday. Then the next week roles around, and you go to Mass…
We don’t have any children yet, and yes I will need to seek convalidation for the marriage. I’m trying to meet with a priest for some guidance but it’s been a tough time finding an open time slot.
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Okay. I pray this goes well for you. You will have to win your wife all over again–and this time no deception. She thought she was marrying a nice Baptist man who believed like she did, and from her perspective she may have justification for leaving you since you weren’t honest with her. From a Catholic perspective, you aren’t married in the Church. So if you want this woman for your wife, you have to win her again. And by the way, regardless of difference or similarity in your faith, one secret to a long and happy marriage is to behave in a way that will win your spouse over and over again.
 
“What a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive!”
 
gardenswithkids said:
You will have to win your wife all over again–and this time no deception. She thought she was marrying a nice Baptist man who believed like she did,
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No, she knew she was marrying a Catholic. She thought she had successfully dated him out of the Church. This is a very common tactic, and one not limited to non-Catholics, missionary dating. It happens often, consciously and unconsciously.

It is not fair to characterize the OP as being “deceptive”.
 
minorsecond said:
Hi all!

I need some advice/encouragement, badly.

A previous post of mine explains the situation in detail. Essentially, I left the Church to marry my wife, actually bought into Protestantism for a bit, but am now feeling strongly called back to the Church.

The problem is, every time I bring it up to my wife, she ends up crying. She’s a very devout Baptist and was raised anti-Catholic. Her family are all anti-Catholic as well. So I’m between a rock and a hard place, as it were. I have made up my mind regarding the falsehood of Protestantism but I’m having such a difficult time showing her. She remains closed off to the idea and gets very uncomfortable when I bring it up.

So, between her being brought to tears whenever the topic comes up, and knowing that I’m going to have to deal with her anti-Catholic family from here on out, I’ve kind of put the whole thing on the “back burner”. I’ve been attending Baptist services with her every Sunday (I pass on the weekly communion, which gets awkward) but am miserable every second of it. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

At this point, I’m considering making an absolute statement: “I can’t go against my conscience any longer; I can no longer call myself Protestant. I’m going back to the Catholic Church.” But is this really the best way to go about it? Am I holding off for the wrong reasons? This whole thing is so uncomfortable to me.
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I am in a marriage with a non-Catholic and had no idea how much he and his family disliked Catholics until after the wedding and children being born.

Fast forward 24 years later and this what I have to say…

Go to mass every Sunday. If necessary, go first thing in the morning or to the Saturday vigil if you want to go to church with your wife on Sundays.

Do not be a doormat. You have every right to choose your own religion.

Do not argue or discuss religion with your wife unless she has sincere questions.

Be Jesus to your wife and her family. Focus on service (taking care of in-laws when sick for example) and try to find common ground.

Learn as much as you can about the Catholic faith. Listen to Catholic radio when you are alone.

Keep a good sense of humor. Do not be defensive.

Be prepared to answer the one-liners that will be hurled at you. If you are not prepared, walk away and help with the dishes.

Speak to a priest about future children. That’s where it gets really complicated.

Welcome to the club! 🙂
 
Speak with a priest about your situation, make a good confession, and start going to mass.
 
I have some friends that were once neighbors that are devout Baptists. They were concerned about my becoming a Catholic, though they did not express it very often. Then one day, their daughter announced her engagement to a Catholic man.

The wife neighbor, the prayer director for their huge Baptist church, began to research Catholicism in earnest. She started going to Mass with her daughter and future son-in-law and discovered we weren’t such a bad lot after all. I talked with her several times about it.

This has not had a bad effect on my neighbors, in fact, you might say it has made their own faith stronger some how, and they are now comfortable enough to see their grandchildren raised Catholic.

As man and wife, it is indeed important not to drive a wedge in the marriage, but that does not extend to the erosion of your faith and relationship with God. Once your wife discovers the level of commitment you have, she might be more receptive about exploring our faith, reading books that directly address this situation. Worst case scenario
you go to Mass by yourself. Abandoning your return to the church might carry more dire consequences to your happiness and faith, casting a pall over your marriage that just doesn’t have to be.

Pray hard and often. It is worth the effort.

In Christ,

-e
 
Thanks all for the responses. It has been really encouraging.

I have read Rome Sweet Home and have given my copy to her but she hasn’t touched it yet. Hopefully she will eventually.

Yes, I was absolutely deceptive. It is shameful. So I’m going to have to eat crow and figure out how to work all of this out. 😦
 
I would ask the question very openly and honestly, but why do all these miracles only happen in these two churches, the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox? Is someone trying to tell me something? Of course, a Protestant can’t or will not answer the question, but maybe you can make some headway here? 👍
 
minorsecond said:
Hi all!

I need some advice/encouragement, badly.

A previous post of mine explains the situation in detail. Essentially, I left the Church to marry my wife, actually bought into Protestantism for a bit, but am now feeling strongly called back to the Church.

The problem is, every time I bring it up to my wife, she ends up crying. She’s a very devout Baptist and was raised anti-Catholic. Her family are all anti-Catholic as well. So I’m between a rock and a hard place, as it were. I have made up my mind regarding the falsehood of Protestantism but I’m having such a difficult time showing her. She remains closed off to the idea and gets very uncomfortable when I bring it up.

So, between her being brought to tears whenever the topic comes up, and knowing that I’m going to have to deal with her anti-Catholic family from here on out, I’ve kind of put the whole thing on the “back burner”. I’ve been attending Baptist services with her every Sunday (I pass on the weekly communion, which gets awkward) but am miserable every second of it. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

At this point, I’m considering making an absolute statement: “I can’t go against my conscience any longer; I can no longer call myself Protestant. I’m going back to the Catholic Church.” But is this really the best way to go about it? Am I holding off for the wrong reasons? This whole thing is so uncomfortable to me.
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Go for it. Being honest to yourself is the main thing. Hey, this does not have to end badly as I see no reason why you cannot return to the Catholic Church and still be married to your wife and be friends with your in-laws - it should all about having mutual respect for each other’s beliefs.
 
Wildkit said:
I would ask the question very openly and honestly, but why do all these miracles only happen in these two churches, the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox? Is someone trying to tell me something? Of course, a Protestant can’t or will not answer the question, but maybe you can make some headway here? 👍
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They don’t? I know plenty of Protestants who claim to have experienced miracles or know someone who did. Their churches just don’t go through all the effort of analyzing them, making sure they’re authentic, and then “authorizing” them. I can’t think of the right word…So I would disagree that miracles are only limited to these two organizations, unless you’re using a definition that by nature would limit them. Which would be tautology.
 
minorsecond said:
Hi all!

I need some advice/encouragement, badly.

A previous post of mine explains the situation in detail. Essentially, I left the Church to marry my wife, actually bought into Protestantism for a bit, but am now feeling strongly called back to the Church.

The problem is, every time I bring it up to my wife, she ends up crying. She’s a very devout Baptist and was raised anti-Catholic. Her family are all anti-Catholic as well. So I’m between a rock and a hard place, as it were. I have made up my mind regarding the falsehood of Protestantism but I’m having such a difficult time showing her. She remains closed off to the idea and gets very uncomfortable when I bring it up.

So, between her being brought to tears whenever the topic comes up, and knowing that I’m going to have to deal with her anti-Catholic family from here on out, I’ve kind of put the whole thing on the “back burner”. I’ve been attending Baptist services with her every Sunday (I pass on the weekly communion, which gets awkward) but am miserable every second of it. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

At this point, I’m considering making an absolute statement: “I can’t go against my conscience any longer; I can no longer call myself Protestant. I’m going back to the Catholic Church.” But is this really the best way to go about it? Am I holding off for the wrong reasons? This whole thing is so uncomfortable to me.
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Traditional Baptists usually believe in a once saved always saved mentality, and when something like this happens, they’ll conclude you were never saved.

Pastors, elders, family will tell her your soul is in jeopardy which now leaves her married to a non-believer or even worse in some Baptist’s eyes.

The truth is though, that many of them have little to no experience with the real Catholic Church. Either they themselves, or the converts they encounter, were nominal Catholics who had little knowledge about what the Church really teaches. This is often why they are persuaded away by false claims and then worse begin to share those claims with other nominal Catholics who they can then pull away.

Live out your faith. Go to mass, pray often with your wife, attend service with her, read your Bible, and be the most devout Catholic you can be, while supporting her as she participates in her church life.

But first and foremost, go see a priest to discuss your situation, and what is required of you.

There’s going to be a lot of questions that you’ll need to be able to answer for yourself as well as your wife.

I’m sure your wife has many thoughts/questions running through her head, right now

for your soul?
about what other’s will think?
about losing family/friends?
about what it means for raising future children?
will it change the atmosphere in the home?
What about birth control and family size?

Those are all questions, I’d have been concerned about as a young wife and that you should be somewhat concerned about too.

Also, don’t laugh or dismiss this thought…if we are honest… most of us go into marriage with an ideal of a happy married life and home… dreams for our future… and if you are a faith filled Chrisitan, then that is a huge part of what you are envisioning when you picture the dream.

You’re throwing a huge wrench into her dreams. You want her to change the picture of the “perfect" life most young brides dream about in their minds. The happily ever after.

That was bound to happen sooner or later, as life has a way of doing that, but we still can usually readjust our dreams, and that’s going to take a lot of doing on her part, since our faith is what our lives should be based upon.

How will family prayer time look now? Will you want to bring statues and crucifixes into the home? Pray the rosary? These are all valid things, for you to want and her to be concerned about.

Will you really be OK, with your children attending a church where the mission includes saving Catholics?

Perhaps finding an impartial pastor/counselor or if you feel your priest can reassure her, that might even help. She might be pleasantly surprised at the kindness of them. Many have false ideas of what priests are like, especially if their only experience is movies or the articles from the scandals in the news.

I’ll be praying for you. This is a difficult road, but not impossible, if you are both sincerely dedicated to the vows you took.
 
Better a good Catholic than a bad Protestant. Do what you think is right. I do NOT suggest going “Nyah nyah nyah, Catholics and Orthodox have miracles and you dooon’t,” but many of the other pieces of advice seem reasonable.
 
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