I want to give my husband a child but cant!

  • Thread starter Thread starter msantiago7512
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

msantiago7512

Guest
:confused: Im a 35 year old married mom of 3 and also am raising my nephew. I just married my best friend a year ago and want so badly to give him a child. He is younger than me and only has a son he barely gets to see. After my 3rd child I had my tubes tide since thats what my partner at the time wanted and I figuared 3 was enough. Now I look at my husband and feel pain knowing he wants one from our marriage and I cant give him one. I did research on a tubal reversal and would love to have it done before its too late but its just so expensive and so is IVF. I have bad credit since I was a single mom for awhile and times where hard so financing is not an option for me because no one would approve me. I really dont have much time since Im already 35 but if anyone can help with options I would be so thankful.
 
Is this something he is wanting, too? Are you sure he’d want another child so badly? It may be that you and he will have to settle for the children you already have. If you haven’t talked this over with him, I think you should before assuming anything. 🙂
 
How about putting your family resources into making sure that your husband is able to see his son more? I don’t know what your situation is (what the legal or geographical situation is), but if you have any extra money, use it to improve the relationship between your husband and his son.
 
We have talked and this is something we both want badly, I only have my son and nephew living with us, the other 2 live with there dad. We are both sure we want a baby of our own, even though my kids love him too death.
 
msantiago7512 said:
We have talked and this is something we both want badly, I only have my son and nephew living with us, the other 2 live with there dad. We are both sure we want a baby of our own, even though my kids love him too death.
Click to expand...
The only way would be tubal restoration. If this is not possible, then it can’t be done. I’d say pray that God will heal your body–of course he can do it, but it may be that he would rather you concentrate on bringing up the ones you have. It’s a sad situation, and I feel sorry for you both. :console:
 
My husband doesnt see his son much because his mother wont allow it. We tried going to court and they gave us visits every other weekend but since we live 5 hours away we cant always make it to the visits. My husband also works weekends so that is another problem and instead of the courts helping us they just told us theres nothing they can do till he is older.
 
msantiago7512 said:
My husband doesnt see his son much because his mother wont allow it. We tried going to court and they gave us visits every other weekend but since we live 5 hours away we cant always make it to the visits. My husband also works weekends so that is another problem and instead of the courts helping us they just told us theres nothing they can do till he is older.
Click to expand...
Truly, a difficult situation. But God can change the ex-wife’s mind about visitation. Pray earnestly about it and see if she doesn’t soften her attitude–perhaps not in a day, but in time. I’m sure God wants your husband to be able to see his son more often. I will pray too. :crossrc:
 
msantiago7512 said:
My husband doesnt see his son much because his mother wont allow it. We tried going to court and they gave us visits every other weekend but since we live 5 hours away we cant always make it to the visits. My husband also works weekends so that is another problem and instead of the courts helping us they just told us theres nothing they can do till he is older.
Click to expand...
the courts can’t tell you anything other that they can’t do nothing because courts don’t give legal advice. If your husband has scheduled visitation and the mother doesn’t allow it that is a Contempt. You probably need to talk to a lawyer in your area.
 
Start saving your money…I had my third child at age 40 (I didn’t try for 50…ha! ha!). I did fine and had a beautiful baby girl. My twin boys were 10 yrs old at the time.

Plus, between now and then, there may be medical advances which will allow you to have a procedure done at a much lower cost.

Keep praying, as I will pray for you and your husband. Nothing is impossible with God. Remember Sarah? She was in her 90s…

If God does not see it through as you so desire, then you must accept it as not God’s will for you. That is hard for us to accept, I know. Just keep faith and He will answer your prayers.

Pray, pray, pray, and pray some more. The miracles He still commands for us are overwhelming and often come when we least expect it. Never give up asking. And save your money…
 
I think he should start looking for a new job closer to his son with weekends off so that he can see him.
 
msantiago7512 said:
:confused: Im a 35 year old married mom of 3 and also am raising my nephew. I just married my best friend a year ago and want so badly to give;)him a child. He is younger than me and only has a son he barely gets to see. After my 3rd child I had my tubes tide since thats what my partner at the time wanted and I figuared 3 was enough. Now I look at my husband and feel pain knowing he wants one from our marriage and I cant give him one. I did research on a tubal reversal and would love to have it done before its too late but its just so expensive and so is IVF. I have bad credit since I was a single mom for awhile and times where hard so financing is not an option for me because no one would approve me. I really dont have much time since Im already 35 but if anyone can help with options I would be so thankful.
Click to expand...
IVF is against church teaching anyway. And getting a tubal reversal at 35 is far from a guarantee of pregnancy. Is it possible you could all move closer to his son? It must be very difficult on your husband and I don’t think that pain could be erased if you two had a “joint project” of your own; it may even intensify the hurt.

Who moved away from who?
 
I agree with the thought that all things are possible with God. Save your money and see what advances in medicine come about.

In the meantime I think it would be wonderful to do everything possible to make sure your husband has a good relationship with his son. Move closer, try to arrange the work schedule, take the mother to court if she is blocking court orders or whatever it takes. Your husband deserves that relationship and he deserves a Father.

Blessings,
Mary.
 
We moved first out of state, my job offered me more money and moved us here. My husband also could not find work were we where at and now has a good job here. So I dont think moving is an option for us right now. I will keep praying and thank you all for your prayers, hopefully he will hear them all.
 
Have you talked to your gynecologist about the likelihood that you can become pregnant? Before you talk to him or her about making an informed choice about whether to try to have your tubal ligation reversed, try to investigate your genealogy to find at what age your female ancestors had their last child. You may find that many had children after 35 or you may find that none did. That may also help you decide how likely it is that you can become pregnant even if a surgical reversal were to be entirely successful.

This is a conversation to have with your doctor, but I think you will hear that your chances of having a baby began to slide at 25 and have been dropping even more quickly since the age of 35, although probably not to zero by any means! Again, we don’t all have the same biological clock and your family history might make your chances rosier, but this is still not something to plan to do when you’re 38 instead of at 35. Research now and make a decision soon.

babycentre.co.uk/i/preconception/infertilitygraph.gif
 
Easterjoy, Thank you for your post. In my family there are a few women who had babies after 40, but I would not like to do that so late. I like your idea about seeing my doctor first and talking over the options, I will be planning a visit soon to discuss things with him and my husband.
 
msantiago7512 said:
Easterjoy, Thank you for your post. In my family there are a few women who had babies after 40, but I would not like to do that so late. I like your idea about seeing my doctor first and talking over the options, I will be planning a visit soon to discuss things with him and my husband.
Click to expand...
The good news is that if several of your relatives were still fertile after 40, your chances of still being fertile now are far better than if none of your relatives had any babies after their early 30s. That information is worth sharing with your doctor when you discuss this.
 
I suggest that you find a pro-life, pro-NFP Catholic obstetrician/gynecologist, and get some advice on sterilzation reversal. For example, how likely is it that this procedure would be successful and that you could conceive again? I don’t know the answer to that question, but one of these doctors could probably give you a good answer. Perhaps this doctor would even give you a discounted rate on sterilization reversal. I think I have heard on Catholic radio of at least one doctor who does this, but unfortunately I don’t recall which one. 😦

You can find listings of pro-NFP doctors online at fertilitycare.org/ or at onemoresoul.com/.

(By the way, NFP = Natural Family Planning.)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top