I want to scream, if not escape!

[E_7]

they texted DH that he needs to think with his head instead of another’s. Implying that all decisions and thinking we do together is just me behind it. He also implied in another text using Christ and Mary, that he should decide and think for the family (including wife) and that that I should just be faithful to DH and say “do as he says”. why they look so down upon me? If DH doesn’t do what they think is best, they take for granted that I was behind and it was all my idea, controlling and manipulating their son.

 

[pensmama87]

they texted DH that he needs to think with his head instead of another’s. Implying that all decisions and thinking we do together is just me behind it. He also implied in another text using Christ and Mary, that he should decide and think for the family (including wife) and that that I should just be faithful to DH and say “do as he says”. why they look so down upon me? If DH doesn’t do what they think is best, they take for granted that I was behind and it was all my idea, controlling and manipulating their son.

It seems like they aren’t really interested in having him think for himself, they just want him to do what they say instead of what (they assume) you say.

If he’s feeling snarky, he might remind them that man is supposed to leave his father and mother and cling to his wife.

Honestly, if this is the kind of pushback he’s getting by some initial boundary setting, I’d pull the plug. Or if he’s not willing to do that, at least he can refrain from telling you about every little comment since you already know the substance of what they are going to say.

(What does he think, by the way?)

 

[E_7]

Pensmama,

Unfortunately, DH said he won’t be reading the thread, because I’m just venting and making fun of his parents, and that he already told me that the solution is to just ignore them. I will stop now. I just wanted support on to know what to do and how to deal with them based on your experience , maturity and wisdom .

 

[pensmama87]

Pensmama,

Unfortunately, DH said he won’t be reading the thread, because I’m just venting and making fun of his parents, and that he already told me that the solution is to just ignore them. I will stop now. I just wanted support on to know what to do and how to deal with them based on your experience , maturity and wisdom .

I just meant about the situation in general, not the thread.

If his solution is to ignore, I’d say that’s in line with what a lot of posters have written. I wouldn’t say you’ve made fun of his parents at all (though a few of us have made some in-law jokes to point out that this is not an uncommon problem, though the extent to which you have to deal with it is pretty extreme).

 

[E_7]

Pensmama,

Sorry I misunderstood. Yes, that’s essentially what he says. DH is with me and has my back.

Last thing (I hope), What to do for Mother’s Day??? (After receiving an insulting email, I dont think I want to talk to them, is it impolite, uncatholic?)

 

[E_7]

It seems like they aren’t really interested in having him think for himself, they just want him to do what they say instead of what (they assume) you say.

You got that right.

 

[pensmama87]

Pensmama,

Sorry I misunderstood. Yes, that’s essentially what he says. DH is with me and has my back.

Last thing (I hope), What to do for Mother’s Day??? (After receiving an insulting email, I dont think I want to talk to them, is it impolite, uncatholic?)

I don’t think you have to. If any communication occurs at all, I think your DH needs to handle it. Considering how they’ve acted, I’d say at most maybe a five minute phone conversation or sending a neutral card depending on how much postage is to get it to them.

It’s not impolite to refuse to let people treat you badly. I would even argue in some circumstances it’s better to refuse from a moral perspective, because then you remove a temptation for the people who have treated you badly in the past to continue to do so.

 

[Xantippe]

they texted DH that he needs to think with his head instead of another’s. Implying that all decisions and thinking we do together is just me behind it. He also implied in another text using Christ and Mary, that he should decide and think for the family (including wife) and that that I should just be faithful to DH and say “do as he says”. why they look so down upon me? If DH doesn’t do what they think is best, they take for granted that I was behind and it was all my idea, controlling and manipulating their son.

That’s typical. The son’s good actions are his; the bad ones are caused by that [bleep] he married.

I would suggest that your husband’s policy of “just ignoring them” is not compatible with his continuing to share with you every vile thing they say about you. If he’s going to do that (which is presumably what they expect him to do), he needs to stand up for you to his family and tell them that you are his wife and you expect them to respect you. If he’s going to ignore them, he can’t be sharing all this garbage with you.

So:

1. Ignore and don’t share.

or

1. Share but don’t ignore–nip it in the bud.

Good luck!

 

[Xantippe]

Pensmama,

Sorry I misunderstood. Yes, that’s essentially what he says. DH is with me and has my back.

Last thing (I hope), What to do for Mother’s Day??? (After receiving an insulting email, I dont think I want to talk to them, is it impolite, uncatholic?)

Go minimal but do something.

 

[pianistclare]

She’s his mama. He’s a bog boy. He can send her flowers or a card.
You don’t have to allow people to abuse you.
It’s your family. Do as you wish. Be cordial, but keep them at a safe distance. They’ll learn. They torment you because they can. Make it harder for them to upset you.
Don’t answer the phone, don’t listen to repeated stories about them.
The ball is in their court. If they love their grandchildren, they have to play nice. Sounds like the hubs loves his family, but understands they are treating you both badly.

 

[E_7]

Thank you all. I think I’m gonna send her an e-card .

Goodnight, and thanks again.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you all. I think I’m gonna send her an e-card .

Goodnight, and thanks again.

Perfect!

That’s good enough.

 

[agnes_therese]

Pensmama,

Sorry I misunderstood. Yes, that’s essentially what he says. DH is with me and has my back.

Last thing (I hope), What to do for Mother’s Day??? (After receiving an insulting email, I dont think I want to talk to them, is it impolite, uncatholic?)

You don’t have to talk to her for Mother’s Day. Send her a card you’ve both signed.

 

[kptrs]

I’m happy to say that I’m grateful to have been blessed in the in-law department. But I did grow up in a home where in-laws caused horrible tension between my parents, and it led to me suffering from depression for years.

What I’ve learned is this: As long as your husband is in your corner and puts you first (ahead of his parents) everything will be okay. If your husband is in his parents’ corner and puts them first (ahead of you), then you are in big trouble.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m happy to say that I’m grateful to have been blessed in the in-law department. But I did grow up in a home where in-laws caused horrible tension between my parents, and it led to me suffering from depression for years.

What I’ve learned is this: As long as your husband is in your corner and puts you first (ahead of his parents) everything will be okay. If your husband is in his parents’ corner and puts them first (ahead of you), then you are in big trouble.

Yes!

 

[pianistclare]

Thank you all. I think I’m gonna send her an e-card .

Goodnight, and thanks again.

HE’s the one who should be sending cards…she’s HIS mama. I would remind my hubs, but it’s up to him t make his mother happy.
Focus on your mom. You can sign cards from both of you, but honestly, he needs to be the leader on things involving his family. It will mean way more to them.

 

[Xantippe]

HE’s the one who should be sending cards…she’s HIS mama. I would remind my hubs, but it’s up to him t make his mother happy.
Focus on your mom. You can sign cards from both of you, but honestly, he needs to be the leader on things involving his family. It will mean way more to them.

I think there’s nothing wrong with the OP sending cards, but there is a lot to be said for splitting communications responsibilities between spouses. That’s what we do in our family. My husband writes Christmas cards and buys gifts for his family members, and I buy for mine. (There’s some blending, but neither of us is in charge of the whole thing.)

 

[pianistclare]

I think there’s nothing wrong with the OP sending cards, but there is a lot to be said for splitting communications responsibilities between spouses. That’s what we do in our family. My husband writes Christmas cards and buys gifts for his family members, and I buy for mine. (There’s some blending, but neither of us is in charge of the whole thing.)

Right. Far less criticize if their own “dear one” is running the cards and gifts.
Just do yourselves a favor.

 

[Xantippe]

Right. Far less criticize if their own “dear one” is running the cards and gifts.
Just do yourselves a favor.

Right.

 

[ela2]

Our MILs must be related…

Praying for you.