I was a fool to believe that my daughter would follow through on her promise to take over the car payments as soon as her job was underway and that was three yrs ago. She has had short term jobs off and on in between going to college and should finish the one hr lacking to get her assoc degree this semester. She has moved to another state for a better paying job and has made her first payment for the last two months. She quit that job for a less stable job. This is a pattern and needs to stop. Do I just go and physically take the car from her and leave her without transportation? I wouldn’t hesitate if not for my grandson of which was the reason on the first place for helping her out. Anybody out there in the same situation?
Yes, I have been in your shoes.
I co-tenanted for not one, but two apartments. The first was a townhouse because I was tired of her living with us, sitting on her fanny watching the Sci-Fi channel all day. We (DH and I) were hoping to give her the stability she needed to raise her children as a divorcee. She trashed it, and I have photos of it, all the while neglecting the kids. We ended up paying over $5000 to repair it. I co-tenanted the second one for six months, an efficiency, because she had no place to live, as a “boost” to make her see what she needed to do. We refused to sign another one after we ended up paying $300 in damages on that. She drifted from roommate to roommate to Single Room Only to living in a “trio” with a couple. Our adoption on our grandchildren became final this year.
We sponsored not one, but three cars. We did not finance them, as we don’t finance our own cars, but bought them with the object being that she paid us back, as we held the titles in our names. These were used, but reliable cars. It took having to stand there as she got her paycheck to get the money. She landed one on a lawn near a school, almost wiping out a slew of school kids, burned out the engine. The other two, she never bothered to do silly little things like put in coolant and oil.
We sponsored 3 years of college after her divorce (she had a year and a half), poking her in the ribs to get her moving. We sponsored counseling and a divorce lawyer, then a child support organization, then a doctor and a therpaist, then a custody lawyer with experts, “dress for success” wardrobes, and alleged entrance requirements for each of the armed services.
Yep. You were a fool to believe. But you aren’t alone. Not by a long shot.
I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you what we did.
My DH was recently very ill, almost died. He is still on the road to recovery. The ICU had me call my daughter. Instead of concentrating on what needed to be done and being a help, she made it all about her and her relationship with her dad. I gave her a time to visit, and she trashed me on some web site for sci-fi people because I was keeping her from her dad. I wrote her a letter, telling her whatever she owed is her inheritance, and God speed. She published it on the web site. My DH said I did the right thing, when he woke up and had cognitive ability back.
Not a happy solution, but actually quite a peaceful one.
**
**
Yeah he could have refused to sign and so forth, but really now how many 18 year olds would do that?
He figured they knew better and he liked the car, so he signed and did put his best effort into making the payments for nearly a year. Then we got married and traded it in for a cheaper car, but that left an unpaid balance on the loan his parents cosigned and for them to pay off.
**
