I will never get along with my inlaws

[igator99]

It sounds as though you missed the part in premarital counseling where they mentioned that you marry not just your spouse but the whole famn damily. Now you have to learn to deal with people that are sufficiently different from you to cause serious gaps in communication. Probably best to limit contact with your wife’s family. Make sure that what contact you have is conducted either in your home where you have control, or in a neutral setting: picnic, amusement park, shopping mall.

Matthew

What terrible way to have to live your life. I think many of us live our lives not realizing we are just a heartbeat away from eternity. May God bless you all.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

It sounds as though you missed the part in premarital counseling where they mentioned that you marry not just your spouse but the whole famn damily. Now you have to learn to deal with people that are sufficiently different from you to cause serious gaps in communication. Probably best to limit contact with your wife’s family. Make sure that what contact you have is conducted either in your home where you have control, or in a neutral setting: picnic, amusement park, shopping mall.

Matthew

What terrible way to have to live your life. I think many of us live our lives not realizing we are just a heartbeat away from eternity. May God bless you all.

We are all a heartbeat away from Eternity, but that does not excuse your FIL’s abusive behavior. You ought not to allow it.

I can understand what Dradog is saying. Your FIL is an abusive man, and apparently enabled by his wife and kids. Your FIL is so abusive, in fact, that it doesn’t bother him to abuse you in front of your son.

Dradog’s suggestion is actually pretty sound (we seldom agree). He is telling you to watch your interaction with the old goat, to limit it to situations where you have control (your own home) or a neutral place (where he is less likely, but not for sure, going to act up; in any event, there will be third-party witnesses to his poor behavior).

There is not anything you can do, igator, to improve the situation with the old goat, except keep your distance, limit your opportunities of contact with your wife’s family, and stand up to him and them when they abuse you. You can’t make them like you, and you are under no obligation to do so. They are the ones behaving poorly, not you.

And get those books! Now! As soon as you can afford! Used is fine!

 

[aurora77]

We live about five minutes from my inlaws, yet we don’t see them all that often. It’s sad, but true. My MIL is an abusive, angry woman, with widely vacilating mood swings–one minute she loves you, the next she’s screaming at you to “go to Hell” b/c you dare to be Catholic (this seriously happened to me last night). I’m ready to completely sever ties, DH isn’t. We try to be civil, to be dutiful children, but I see no reason to allow myself to be abused by this woman, nor will I stand by while she verbally abuses my husband.

Yes, it sounds terrible to have to regulate contact with members of your family; it shouldn’t have to be this way. BUT, this is a choice your FIL is making by abusing you. There’s no reason at all you should have to take this treatment. This is not your fault. I’ll be praying for you!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

We live about five minutes from my inlaws, yet we don’t see them all that often. It’s sad, but true. My MIL is an abusive, angry woman, with widely vacilating mood swings–one minute she loves you, the next she’s screaming at you to “go to Hell” b/c you dare to be Catholic (this seriously happened to me last night). I’m ready to completely sever ties, DH isn’t. We try to be civil, to be dutiful children, but I see no reason to allow myself to be abused by this woman, nor will I stand by while she verbally abuses my husband.

Yes, it sounds terrible to have to regulate contact with members of your family; it shouldn’t have to be this way. BUT, this is a choice your FIL is making by abusing you. There’s no reason at all you should have to take this treatment. This is not your fault. I’ll be praying for you!

I also recommend to you, aurora, my post #13. There is no reason to take abuse, and there is no reason yor spouse should not back you to the hilt if his mother is so abusive to you. It is hard, but you are doing the right thing.

 

[igator99]

I also recommend to you, aurora, my post #13. There is no reason to take abuse, and there is no reason yor spouse should not back you to the hilt if his mother is so abusive to you. It is hard, but you are doing the right thing.

I just saw the old man in church. Even there he can’t tell me hello or make eye contact.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I just saw the old man in church. Even there he can’t tell me hello or make eye contact.

I’m sorry it gets to you. Switch Masses. It is NOT your fault he’s a jerk.

Also- Have you ever thought about joining a K of C where your father-in-law does NOT belong? You might develop a friendship with an older man who could be your “father figure”.