I will never marry. I can't deal with my life in general anymore

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32_year_old

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I am pretty sure I am going to be a broke, single joke the rest of my life. Everytime I tried
to start a relationship with a girl, it ended before it could even become a relationship, or evolved into some sort of platonic relationship where the girl abused me and used me. I have some physiological issues stemming from years of being a failure, and I can’t take it anymore. I have a lot anger issues and don’t like women much anymore in general. My Dad is the only one financially independent, and he supports his grown sons, and none of them are able to make it on their own.
  1. My work
  2. My car club
  3. My desire to find a good woman and marry for the right reasons.
  4. No chance of ever being liked by any woman for purposes
    of courting.
  5. No money and no financial independence
  6. A car club full of people who love to
    tear their leader down.
  7. A feeling of insecurity and lack of self-esteem
  8. Inability to get up early and function well.
  9. A feeling that God made me somehow so inadequate
    and flawed that I could never succeed in the business world
    or find a woman.
  10. A feeling that God made me somehow so flawed that I could
    never exhibit leadership or gain the respect either in the military or the family
    that sometimes treats me like ****. And damn it, I deserve to be respected because I work
    hard in my dysfunctional family business and do a lot for my family.
A feeling that everything is hopeless. A feeling my life is hopeless and I almost wouldn’t mind just dying and leaving.
 
Why have you made three threads about the same thing in a space of 15 minutes?
 
he has probably made duplicate threads because he wants some help an needs to vent.

I can empathize with his situation, there is a decent book out called What Color is your Parachute, gives some good advice on work an life.

I can’t stand my life, im not happy with it either and the moment i start to gain ground time an again something happens to set me right back at zero.

it is hard to be optomistic in life when everything is an uphill battle in the rain at night and bolders are coming at you non stop.
 
Listen, if you have anger :mad:issues, you need to step up and get some help. There’s no shame in that; we all have our crosses to bear.

Now, as for platonic relationships with women: Don’t have relationships with people that are unhealthy. If you really like a girl who hurts you, :ouch: there’s no point in you sticking around continuing to get hurt.

Do NOT let ANYONE take advantage of you! :yup:
 
Please get some counseling. Many of those symptoms point to depression. Have you spoken to a counselor who can help you work through these issues?

Yes, you do deserve to be respected because you are a child of God, made in his image and likeness. God loves you very much. He wants good things for you.

Sometimes people are very broken and so they hurt us. I am sorry you have a lot of hurt in your life. Just remember those people are broken people, broken by sin.
 
Hi 32 year old!
Sounds like your having a bad day! I’m sorry to hear that. I’m guessing you don’t feel like this all the time but something has happened to trigger how your currently feeling? Please hang in there I’m sure things are going to get better for you!

I’m sure there is a reason things haven’t worked out with previous girls, probably because they weren’t who God intended for you!

32 is not old at all you still have plenty of time to meet someone who is right for you! My husband didn’t meet me until he was 34.

I will say a prayer for you, Wishing you all the best 🙂
 
32_year_old said:
I am pretty sure I am going to be a broke, single joke the rest of my life. Everytime I tried
to start a relationship with a girl, it ended before it could even become a relationship, or evolved into some sort of platonic relationship where the girl abused me and used me. I have some physiological issues stemming from years of being a failure, and I can’t take it anymore. I have a lot anger issues and don’t like women much anymore in general. My Dad is the only one financially independent, and he supports his grown sons, and none of them are able to make it on their own.
  1. My work
  2. My car club
  3. My desire to find a good woman and marry for the right reasons.
  4. No chance of ever being liked by any woman for purposes
    of courting.
  5. No money and no financial independence
  6. A car club full of people who love to
    tear their leader down.
  7. A feeling of insecurity and lack of self-esteem
  8. Inability to get up early and function well.
  9. A feeling that God made me somehow so inadequate
    and flawed that I could never succeed in the business world
    or find a woman.
  10. A feeling that God made me somehow so flawed that I could
    never exhibit leadership or gain the respect either in the military or the family
    that sometimes treats me like ****. And damn it, I deserve to be respected because I work
    hard in my dysfunctional family business and do a lot for my family.
A feeling that everything is hopeless. A feeling my life is hopeless and I almost wouldn’t mind just dying and leaving.
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Praying for you.
 
(Depressed feelings can leave us feeling sluggish in rising etc)

The sad thing is that when anyone doesn’t value themselves they convey this to others by their attitudes, and sometimes, by their desperation, and unfortunately their poor self-image and hopelessness can convey itself to others in various subtle and obvious ways.

If the man or woman doesn’t value themselves, then a “love that overcomes all” is not necessarily inspired. It’s a self perpetuating cycle. I didn’t have a high-self esteem, but I tried reading self help books around like “how to win friends and influence people” [by Dale Carnegie] and other such books, just to get some kind of springboard strategy for dealing with low-self-esteem.

There are people who may react by trying to ‘rescue’ a person who doesn’t value himself or herself, but sometimes this doesn’t help because the person still feels inferior and somehow the victim the other person is trying to ‘save’. We do have to cooperate in finding our true value in God’s eyes through our our efforts, as well as hoping for grace.

On the other hand, a female wanting to start a family does need to feel she will find some strength in her man, and be reasonably convinced he can help her to maintain a reasonably stable future for their family. It doesn’t mean they’re horrible, but it is a matter of commonsense.

But you work hard, you said, so why so ‘down on yourself’? You have work, and work hard, so the ability to support a wife and family is a plus for you.
You hopefully can distance yourself from what may be disfunction in your family for reasons not your fault, but you have allowed some disordered mindset to prevent yourself from appreciating yourself as a loved child of God,
I hope you can determine and persist in efforts to “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.” [Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29]

God bless,
Trish
 
SuperLuigi said:
Listen, if you have anger :mad:issues, you need to step up and get some help. There’s no shame in that; we all have our crosses to bear.

Now, as for platonic relationships with women: Don’t have relationships with people that are unhealthy. If you really like a girl who hurts you, :ouch: there’s no point in you sticking around continuing to get hurt.

Do NOT let ANYONE take advantage of you! :yup:
Click to expand...
👍

Very well said. (Especially the subject line. :D)
 
I am sorry you are feeling so frustrated right now but with so many issues at hand and anger issues as well you should at least consider counseling.

Praying for you…
Mary.
 
Believe me when I say I know where you are coming from, and that I have felt the same way you do. You have a belief that you cannot be happy unless there is someone in your life, and I know that this belief can be hard to shake. Here is what I did to overcome this:
  1. I started going to a therapist. If you can’t afford the time or money for a therapist - get time and money for a therapist, particularly one who specializes in CBT (this stands for cognitive behavioral therapy, and most therapists these days prescribe this approach). CBT is a no-nonsense approach to changing negative and destructive thought patterns. Also, its not anything “new-age” and doesn’t run counter to Catholic doctrine.
  2. I got rid of “bad habits” and addictions. You may think “bad habits” and addictions have nothing to do with your situation or your outlook, but they have everything to do with it. My therapist helped me with this. Also, realize that you can be addicted to things you never considered to be “addictions” - you can be addicted to approval, love, your parents…
You are adequate. You have value. Christ demonstrated this on Calvary. You have to realize that you don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy life and be happy. Once you do, however, and I mean once you REALLY do, you will start attracting people.

I’ll be praying for you.
 
Fahey0115 said:
Believe me when I say I know where you are coming from, and that I have felt the same way you do. You have a belief that you cannot be happy unless there is someone in your life, and I know that this belief can be hard to shake. Here is what I did to overcome this:
  1. I started going to a therapist. If you can’t afford the time or money for a therapist - get time and money for a therapist, particularly one who specializes in CBT (this stands for cognitive behavioral therapy, and most therapists these days prescribe this approach). CBT is a no-nonsense approach to changing negative and destructive thought patterns. Also, its not anything “new-age” and doesn’t run counter to Catholic doctrine.
  2. I got rid of “bad habits” and addictions. You may think “bad habits” and addictions have nothing to do with your situation or your outlook, but they have everything to do with it. My therapist helped me with this. Also, realize that you can be addicted to things you never considered to be “addictions” - you can be addicted to approval, love, your parents…
You are adequate. You have value. Christ demonstrated this on Calvary. You have to realize that you don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy life and be happy. Once you do, however, and I mean once you REALLY do, you will start attracting people.

I’ll be praying for you.
Click to expand...
I might also note there is a well regarded book from the Dummies series (I know some people are adverse to the name but many love their books like Catholicism for Dummies and they are actually excellent) called

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Dummies online by overstock/Ebay/Amazon
for around 20 bucks. It’s something you can read and learn yourself with practice if you can’t afford therapy.

Mary.
 
32_year_old said:
I am pretty sure I am going to be a broke, single joke the rest of my life. Everytime I tried to start a relationship with a girl, it ended before it could even become a relationship, or evolved into some sort of platonic relationship where the girl abused me and used me. I have some physiological issues stemming from years of being a failure, and I can’t take it anymore. I have a lot anger issues and don’t like women much anymore in general. My Dad is the only one financially independent, and he supports his grown sons, and none of them are able to make it on their own.
  1. My work
  2. My car club
  3. My desire to find a good woman and marry for the right reasons.
  4. No chance of ever being liked by any woman for purposes of courting.
  5. No money and no financial independence
  6. A car club full of people who love to tear their leader down.
  7. A feeling of insecurity and lack of self-esteem
  8. Inability to get up early and function well.
  9. A feeling that God made me somehow so inadequate and flawed that I could never succeed in the business world or find a woman.
  10. A feeling that God made me somehow so flawed that I could never exhibit leadership or gain the respect either in the military or the family that sometimes treats me like ****. And damn it, I deserve to be respected because I work hard in my dysfunctional family business and do a lot for my family.
A feeling that everything is hopeless. A feeling my life is hopeless and I almost wouldn’t mind just dying and leaving.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear it. Depression can disturb sleep patterns (#5). Cognitive psychology recommends to not “tell the future” (#1) or the “feel sorry for oneself” (#4, 6, 7). I hope you can change your environment (#3). The fact that you have no money and no financial independence (#2) is hard to deal with. When I was in that situation, after high school, I was renting a room paid partly by doing chores at the place, plus some money I got from day to day manual labor on a tree farm. Eventually I got into Jr. College (eventually three different ones) and then later got a better regular job. Finally I earned a B.A. at a University and also got an even better job. This took years of course. I was not in any relationships.
 
I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. I can’t speak to the work stuff, as my own career has been one disaster after another. However, I can speak to the love stuff because I have a friend just like you. We met when he was in his late 20s and he was convinced he would never find anyone For years he was so miserable about this. He tried very hard, but he always found himself in situations where he liked a girl and she didn’t like him, or where a girl like him and he didn’t feel the same. Then he signed onto a dating website and met this girl. They got on great and within a few years were engaged. Now they are married with a baby on the way. So my point is that love is out there for everyone. And the cliche is true that you find love when you least expect it.
 
I don’t know if you will ever marry or not but not everyone is called to marriage. I thought I was, prayed I would be, only I never was. Now at 43 I have given up finding a man because all that’s left at my age are trashy immoral men not living Catholic lives or men with severe problems. I found someone I like, only he’s got a drinking problem (though he’s a Catholic with otherwise great morals). I’ve even tried dating sites and all the decent childless Catholic men who can marry in church want younger and I was mostly approached by men who are either divorced with kids or had kids out of wedlock. Anyway, I have accepted I will be alone, and don’t even try so I wouldn’t try anymore if I were you. If it happens for you, great but if not maybe you will at least have something else in your life, like a job. I would concentrate on finding your calling jobwise then concentrate on other things.
 
Too bad we don’t know each other. I’m 40, living a Catholic life, and haven’t had a drink in two years!
 
TeachCatechism said:
I don’t know if you will ever marry or not but not everyone is called to marriage. I thought I was, prayed I would be, only I never was. Now at 43 I have given up finding a man because all that’s left at my age are trashy immoral men not living Catholic lives or men with severe problems. I found someone I like, only he’s got a drinking problem (though he’s a Catholic with otherwise great morals). I’ve even tried dating sites and all the decent childless Catholic men who can marry in church want younger and I was mostly approached by men who are either divorced with kids or had kids out of wedlock. Anyway, I have accepted I will be alone, and don’t even try so I wouldn’t try anymore if I were you. If it happens for you, great but if not maybe you will at least have something else in your life, like a job. I would concentrate on finding your calling jobwise then concentrate on other things.
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Don’t give up. I’m 40 (and 43 is no problem for me and a lot of men I know. Its usually the women who disqualify themselves there), living a Catholic life, and haven’t had a drink in two years! (although I am divorced with a kid. You may have to try to get over that one :).
 
Fahey0115 said:
Don’t give up. I’m 40 (and 43 is no problem for me and a lot of men I know. Its usually the women who disqualify themselves there), living a Catholic life, and haven’t had a drink in two years! (although I am divorced with a kid. You may have to try to get over that one :).
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That I won’t get over. I do not approve of divorce when there are kids in most cases, and the idea of not being allowed to marry in church because of their divorce horrifies me. Not to mention all of the drama and financial (nope, not sharing my money with his kids or his baby mama). Not giving up going to church for a man who broke his vows (or his wife did).
 
TeachCatechism said:
That I won’t get over. I do not approve of divorce when there are kids in most cases, and the idea of not being allowed to marry in church because of their divorce horrifies me. Not to mention all of the drama and financial (nope, not sharing my money with his kids or his baby mama). Not giving up going to church for a man who broke his vows (or his wife did).
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Peace be with you. 🙂
 
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