I work with many gays, how would you respond?

  • Thread starter Thread starter westcoast
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

westcoast

Guest
I work with many, many gay people. I am uncomfortable when discussing their personal lives. I always wonder if I should just remain silent, or smile, or what. I never have a response. Or when they mention their boyfriend does this, or their partner does that, what in the world should my response be?! I am expected to act as if everything is normal - and if I don’t, I’M the one who will get thrown the “discrimination” card! I certainly want to treat everyone with respect.
 
There’s probably enough sensitivity there that if you react in any way other than ‘everything is ok’, people may feel that you are being homophobic. How would you react to someone who was describing activities that took place with their live-in SO? Then, try to react the same way.
 
westcoast said:
I work with many, many gay people. I am uncomfortable when discussing their personal lives. I always wonder if I should just remain silent, or smile, or what. I never have a response. Or when they mention their boyfriend does this, or their partner does that, what in the world should my response be?! I am expected to act as if everything is normal - and if I don’t, I’M the one who will get thrown the “discrimination” card! I certainly want to treat everyone with respect.
Click to expand...
I was the only heterosexual at my last place of employment. I found the best way to interact with my fellow employees (and friends) was to simply refrain from discussing anything terribly personal. It was something of a standing joke amongst my co-workers that I was a bit of a “prude” about all things carnal so I didn’t hesitate to give a tsk-tsk if the conversation turned icky (which it often did). I think if you make it clear from the beginning that you don’t feel comfortable with personal information from anyone, most folks will take the hint and back off.
 
Tacit acceptance of all their life style is not part of any work relationship in my opinion. When the discussion gets in that direction…walk away. Excuse yourself and walk away.

Or if you somewhere that prevents that. Say, This is more information than I care to know.
 
If they are talking about their sex lives, you should go to HR. No one should talk about their sex lives in the office place (hetero or otherwise)-- it can be considered a form of harrassment, making the workplace uncomfortable for others.

If they are just saying, “Jim and I went to the movies last weekend…” then there isn’t much you can do other than walk away.

Check the laws in California and check with your HR department.
 
I agree they do not have the right to push their sexlives on us but OTOH we cannot go in with the Bible thumping attitude of changing them either. Peaceful coexistence. Both sides must learn to take this approach.
 
I work in an industry that requires I hang out with a rather rough group of guys. Their idea of a good business meeting is going to the strip club and the conversations lean to the vulgar side. My best defense has been talking about my faith. I don’t chastise them, but when they ask me what’s going on in my life, I talk a lot about my Church activities. From that, they kind of watch their Ps and Qs around me. They may not agree with my lifestyle, but they respect me for standing for what I believe. Oh they chide me from time to time. I’ve been called “The preacher” or the “Catholic Taliban,” but I just smile and say, “when you’re ready to get in the boat, I’ll haul your arse in.” What’s interesting is the response is I get mostly is “I’m not ready to go down that road, yet.”

Live your faith…let the Holy Spirit take care of the rest.
 
westcoast said:
I work with many, many gay people. I am uncomfortable when discussing their personal lives. I always wonder if I should just remain silent, or smile, or what. I never have a response. Or when they mention their boyfriend does this, or their partner does that, what in the world should my response be?! I am expected to act as if everything is normal - and if I don’t, I’M the one who will get thrown the “discrimination” card! I certainly want to treat everyone with respect.
Click to expand...
Unless it’s personal as in “sexual tales” ignore it. If the conversation is about going to a movie, a play, a concert, a restaurant…i.e. “my partner and I went to this new restaurant in town…the food was (great, awful, etc)…you should (try it out, avoid it).” There is no harm in that type of conversation.

I would be offended if heterosexual co workers started giving details of their bedroom exploits with their wives. It’s none of my business. If this occurs…I usually say something like, “Hey, guys…TMI. I would like to keep that thought out of my head when I meet your wife at the company picnic or Christmas party.” And they usually grin, and respect my wishes. Also, where I work, that could be a form of “sexual harrasment”…and if that is a policy at your workplace…the door swings both ways.
 
westcoast said:
I work with many, many gay people. I am uncomfortable when discussing their personal lives. I always wonder if I should just remain silent, or smile, or what. I never have a response. Or when they mention their boyfriend does this, or their partner does that, what in the world should my response be?! I am expected to act as if everything is normal - and if I don’t, I’M the one who will get thrown the “discrimination” card! I certainly want to treat everyone with respect.
Click to expand...
It depends on a lot. Are they giving intimate details about their relationship that should be kept private, or are they simply giving small talk.

If its the first, then approach it like you would with a straight person. I had a guy at work that would ask me sexual questions that made me feel uncomfortable and were just outright inappropriate to ask. I told him that it constituted sexual harassment, and to stop. I told him distinctly where the line was, and he respected it, though pushed it at times.

If its just small talk, I would not say much unless you were put in a position where you had to pass moral judgment on them. If so, you should tell him nicely what you think without demeaning them.
 
My best defense has been talking about my faith. I don’t chastise them, but when they ask me what’s going on in my life, I talk a lot about my Church activities. From that, they kind of watch their Ps and Qs around me.
Click to expand...
This has been my experience as well. If you naturally and spontaneously pepper your conversation with talk of your faith life, most people will not be comfortable with flagrant displays of their personal sin.
 
1ke said:
If they are talking about their sex lives, you should go to HR. No one should talk about their sex lives in the office place (hetero or otherwise)-- it can be considered a form of harrassment, making the workplace uncomfortable for others.

If they are just saying, “Jim and I went to the movies last weekend…” then there isn’t much you can do other than walk away.

Check the laws in California and check with your HR department.
Click to expand...
This sounds like pretty good advice. Don’t approach your HR or personnel department with complaints, unless you have specific ones with lots of documentation or evidence. Instead, approach them with questions. In fact, I wouldn’t assume that your co-workers are gay or betray any prejudice to working with them.

I’m sure the remarks here can only be rather vague and general, without knowing how you must interact with these employees. Whatever you do, be nice and respectful, as you must.

If you’re not gay, nothing is going to rub off on you. Why not be known as a real nice and charitable person? You don’t have to drink out of the same bottles or anything like that. Be wary of becoming ostracized for any conduct that is rightly or wrongly attributed to you.

If being gay is openly discussed, you might have to read a book during lunch or something like that. I recommend the Pope’s new book, Jesus of Nazareth.
 
westcoast said:
I work with many, many gay people. I am uncomfortable when discussing their personal lives. I always wonder if I should just remain silent, or smile, or what. I never have a response. Or when they mention their boyfriend does this, or their partner does that, what in the world should my response be?! I am expected to act as if everything is normal - and if I don’t, I’M the one who will get thrown the “discrimination” card! I certainly want to treat everyone with respect.
Click to expand...
Ignore them- and pray for them.
 
my daughter in law had a similar problem, and she was teased and put down for being a christian. they tried daily to “get her goat” she found another job.

I had a gay boss and there was none of that kind of conversation, oh we all talked about general stuff, going out etc. but nothing graphic. Its just a matter of being polite and we all got along famously.
 
The OP wasn’t really clear, but they didn’t say they people involved were talking about sex. I worked at a large hospital and in my department were many religions, quite a few people who were gay, etc. and I never had any problems. I found the gay men and women never talked about their sex lives the way the hetrosexual people did. I wasn’t “pure” then, but considered a prude because it bothered me to hear their graphic stories, so I just stayed busy and took walks at lunch, etc.

My hair dresser is gay, been with 1 guy for 30 years, is extremely charitable, donating much money to AIDs charities and childrens chariites, etc. He talks in general about his partner at times like any couple would but nothing to make anyone uncomfortable.
Don’t be “holier than thou” and treat people with kindness, you never have to hear or put up with crudeness, but “love your neighbor” didn’t have any " * " after it.
 
To be honest, and not to pick on any one particular person here, I think our attitudes towards gay people is one of the reasons very few gays ever look at the Christian side. Such responses as ignore them, or find work with better people.
Ever heard the expression don’t hate the player, hate the game?
Thats the attitude we ought to have, but don’t convey, I think.
Those whom you wish to change you must first show them you love them, otherwise they’re just going to hate you and ignore you all the much more.
I work with two very gay guys, and one “prude” gay. One I don’t really talk to, one I do a bit, and he’s hilarious, he really is funny. Sometimes I overhear the two of them talking about gay bars, and yeah, its gross. But its just as gross hearing how my friends “knocked up 5 drunk woman at this bar”
However, if I came straight up to them, acting holier than thou, I know they’d all hate me within a second, and I’d never get through to them…what way is that to evangelize?
I think with the gay populace you must stress that we do not hate gays…they think we do, and from an immediate first impression, it honestly seems like we do, we treat them like second class citizens.
If we give them the dignity and honour we owe every human being, and treat them as though they were created not only by God Himself, but in God’s image, I think we will reach a lot more gays.

Many gays are just looking to be loved, I think, and they’ll find true love in the Church, we just need to do a better job of expressing such love.

Yes, they really ought to keep their private lives more secret, I’m not arguing that, I just feel as a whole what I said above.
 
Amen, to that. A lot of prejudice (I’m not saying on this site) makes “Christians” hateful in the worst way, toward gays, different races, different religions,etc. They might not see it as they are doing it, but no one feels their faith and love because they choose who to give it too. It’s hardto love everyone, but it’s the way we are supposed to be.

Fr. Groechel does a great job discussing and living this rule. He is friends with so many different relgions and people, and has many warm stories on friendships with rabbi’s and Baptists. etc.
He mentioned a week or so ago on EWTN, that he knew a gay couple, like my hair dresser, together longer than most marriages, decided to just live together, seperate bedrooms, etc. and live a chaste life together. He was happy, but never stopped loving them or being a friend. If he had wagged a finger with scorn, they wouldn’t of stayed friends and the grace they receieved, I feel wouldn’t of come to them.
 
Other_Eric said:
I mean people who don’t publically flaunt their sin as something to be proud of.
Click to expand...
Is that different then heterosexual males discussing intimate details of their personal lives? Or how about women who discuss their personal lives??
Kathy
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top