I would really appreciate some word of advice

[JourneytoGod]

I don’t know if this is the right thread to talk about this. If it is not I hope you all are not too harsh on me.
Okay, so first off I want to say how I have been struggling with lust for a long period of time. I find it hard to control myself in that sense and I feel bad every time I don’t. Because of this I rarely receive the Eucharist which in turn causes me to become further away from God.
Secondly, I recently have started feeling empty because I have never really found my true self and don’t express myself to others. I do have friends but it is still troublesome for me to find a connection with them at times.
Lastly, I also wish I could form a meaningful relationship with a significant other although I never could. Recently, I have been talking to a girl through text but, I am not sure if we will ever be more. I want to be closer and happier yet, I feel stuck during this stage of my life. I didn’t mean to bore anyone and it would be in my greatest interest to have a word of advice. Thank you for reading.

 

[CradleJourney]

First of all, please remember this reply is from a total stranger on the internet - I don’t know you, so please understand I offer this advice lightly - if it helps, awesome! Take the advice and go If it doesn’t fit you, isn’t helpful, and/or you don’t see it’s value - that’s okay! Just ignore it and mover on.

Based just on reading your post, I noticed a theme of where your focus seems to be mainly introspective - your struggles, short-comings, needs, and feelings. That’s fine.

But because of that my advice would be this - go do something to try to push your focus mainly onto others - volunteer at a library, at St. Vincent de Paul, at a Humane Society. Find work to do that helps others on a regular basis and I think you may be surprised at how your own life comes into better alignment and your feelings and relationships improve.

I have found this to be true in my own life. Hope that helps.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I have sometimes thought that there’s not much more to finding oneself than finding oneself doing something.

I also remember well something told by a country person. He compared life to the aluminum irrigation pipes on his father’s farm when he was a kid.

The pipes were long and astoundingly light, he said, even though they were about 15 feet long or so and four or five inches in diameter. A kid could pick them up with ease, even toss them. And they were easily damaged, or at least dented. A person could dent one with one knuckle of his fist.

But when the pump was on and when water flowed through the pipes, there was no hope whatever of lifting one of them. The weight of the water and the pressure resisted all attempts to lift them. And they couldn’t be dented or damaged either then. You could pound on them with a rock and they wouldn’t yield at all.

So, he said, that’s what we’re like. We’re like aluminum irrigation pipes. Not much to us unless we’re active conduits of good to others. Then we’re strong and weighty beyond being seriously tossed around or harmed.

Made sense to me.

Be of good cheer!

 

[petra22]

What a neat story, Ridgerunner! I loved it!

 

[pianistclare]

I have sometimes thought that there’s not much more to finding oneself than finding oneself doing something.

I also remember well something told by a country person. He compared life to the aluminum irrigation pipes on his father’s farm when he was a kid.

The pipes were long and astoundingly light, he said, even though they were about 15 feet long or so and four or five inches in diameter. A kid could pick them up with ease, even toss them. And they were easily damaged, or at least dented. A person could dent one with one knuckle of his fist.

But when the pump was on and when water flowed through the pipes, there was no hope whatever of lifting one of them. The weight of the water and the pressure resisted all attempts to lift them. And they couldn’t be dented or damaged either then. You could pound on them with a rock and they wouldn’t yield at all.

So, he said, that’s what we’re like. We’re like aluminum irrigation pipes. Not much to us unless we’re active conduits of good to others. Then we’re strong and weighty beyond being seriously tossed around or harmed.

Made sense to me.

Be of good cheer!

An active man is an attractive man. .

 

[JourneytoGod]

I am thankful for your advice CradleJourney. I have never thought of volunteering as a means to focus on helping others and at the same time forgetting about the negative things in life. I will try to find a good volunteering place and a job this summer and I will make sure to apply this principle. Once again thank you

 

[JourneytoGod]

Ridgerunner I thank you for taking the time to tell me a wise story. I’m still the aluminum irrigation pipe, but I need to start being more helpful in order to show my true strength. I appreciate your words and I will put them to practice.

 

[chevalier]

I don’t know if this is the right thread to talk about this. If it is not I hope you all are not too harsh on me.
Okay, so first off I want to say how I have been struggling with lust for a long period of time. I find it hard to control myself in that sense and I feel bad every time I don’t. Because of this I rarely receive the Eucharist which in turn causes me to become further away from God.
Secondly, I recently have started feeling empty because I have never really found my true self and don’t express myself to others. I do have friends but it is still troublesome for me to find a connection with them at times.
Lastly, I also wish I could form a meaningful relationship with a significant other although I never could. Recently, I have been talking to a girl through text but, I am not sure if we will ever be more. I want to be closer and happier yet, I feel stuck during this stage of my life. I didn’t mean to bore anyone and it would be in my greatest interest to have a word of advice. Thank you for reading.

Firstly, the Eucharist isn’t meant for people who are already saints on heaven but for us here on earth — if you meet the conditions of absolution and can expect to be in a state of grace so that you can receive Holy Communion, then, well, you can receive Holy Communion, which is best done more often rather than less often.

Regarding any need to keep people of the opposite sex at a distance from time to time for a period of time because of hormones raging, that’s something I don’t feel qualified to offer any advice on other than you aren’t at fault for something you can’t avoid while doing things you have to be doing, so shutting yourself off from people to avoid any shade of temptation might not be the best idea — but this is something you need to talk over with your priest and perhaps, possibly, with a psychologist or medical doctor or someone else like that (but it’s obviously more important to talk to the priest).

Finally, don’t obsess over finding someone. Accept that it will come when it comes, and you need to be ready for what follows later, i.e. marriage, children, school, boy fights, boys wanting to date your daughters, your kids finding their first jobs, the usual, not just the bliss of romance and the prize of having finally found a girlfriend and later wife, because marriage is just the beginning of married life and not a mission accomplished screen.

 

[guanophore]

Finally, don’t obsess over finding someone. Accept that it will come when it comes, and you need to be ready for what follows later,

This is what came to mind for me too in reading the OP.

Jesus says to “seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added to you”. If you place your focus on seeking Him first, the everything else will fall into place.

 

[chevalier]

Jesus says to “seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added to you”. If you place your focus on seeking Him first, the everything else will fall into place.

Yes. But even from a purely secular point of view it would already be a better idea to not act on obsessions, compulsions, anxieties etc. but first get them all sorted out so that the decision can be made with more freedom and more in tune with one’s real desires. This is really similar to something as simple as not dating on a rebound because of not trusting one’s taste in men or women or one’s emotional reactions in such a time of upheaval.

Not seeing anyone while sorting things out is beneficial because it allows you to be more objective. You can then look for a person who fits the more real or more fully developed you, as opposed to making sure your self-discovery or growth doesn’t get in the way of your existing and possibly not very good relationship.

 

[guanophore]

Yes. But even from a purely secular point of view it would already be a better idea to not act on obsessions, compulsions, anxieties etc. but first get them all sorted out so that the decision can be made with more freedom and more in tune with one’s real desires.

Did you think for some reason this is not what “seek first the Kingdom” means?

For a Catholic, a spiritual approach to these tasks is much more effective than a “secular”.

 

[chevalier]

Did you think for some reason this is not what “seek first the Kingdom” means?

Yes. ‘Seek first the Kingdom’ could be taken to mean a powerful religious commitment, which is not even required here. I wanted to make it easier on the recipient of the advice by making it clear that the matter did not require anything of the sort.

For a Catholic, a spiritual approach to these tasks is much more effective than a “secular”.

Yes, but economy of means is a good thing too. Just like there’s normally no need for miracles where nature will suffice.

 

[guanophore]

Yes. ‘Seek first the Kingdom’ could be taken to mean a powerful religious commitment, which is not even required here.

This seems like quite a puzzling thing for a Catholic to say. At confirmation we take the vows our parents made at our baptism onto ourselves. This is a powerful religious commitment. At Eucharist, we say “Amen”, indicating that we believe all that Jesus taught and calls us to do . This is a powerful religious commitment. It is a puzzle why someone, especially a Catholic, would think that religious commitment is “not required.”

God has made us for Himself. We are restless until we rest in Him.

Yes, but economy of means is a good thing too. Just like there’s normally no need for miracles where nature will suffice.

This seems to set up some sort of dichotomy where the two are not completely compatible. If “nature will suffice”, then there was no need for Jesus to die on the cross for us.

I wanted to make it easier on the recipient of the advice by making it clear that the matter did not require anything of the sort.

One cannot succeed in fighting the desires of the flesh through willpower alone. Without grace, we are slaves to our passions. I find myself wondering what you understand “seek first the kingdom” to mean?

It seems to me that, if the OP wanted a “secular” solution, he would not have come to a Catholic forum for advice!

Just to clarify…

I don’t know if this is the right thread to talk about this. If it is not I hope you all are not too harsh on me.

God always loves, is always waiting, and always forgives.

Okay, so first off I want to say how I have been struggling with lust for a long period of time. I find it hard to control myself in that sense and I feel bad every time I don’t.

We can overcome the desires of the flesh by walking in the Spirit.

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary the flesh. They are opposed to one another, so that you do not do what you want. Gal 5:17

There is a spiritual battle that rages within our bodies and souls. The Spirit helps us in our weakness, that we do not fall into the slavery of sin.

Because of this I rarely receive the Eucharist which in turn causes me to become further away from God.

You are right, the more you can receive the Eucharist, the closer you will be to God, and the more you will be empowered to fight the battle. Will power alone is not sufficient to overcome the desires of the flesh. We need spiritual weapons.

Reconciliation will help with this too. although it may seem tedious, embarassing, and repetititve to keep going back for the same sin, the graces we receive are worth the effort. Reconciliation serves to heal the disorders of our heart so that we can walk in righteousness before God,a nd with others.

Secondly, I recently have started feeling empty because I have never really found my true self and don’t express myself to others. I do have friends but it is still troublesome for me to find a connection with them at times.

People who are called to look inward and deepen their relationship with God often have this feeling. It may be a sign that God is calling you to a more intimate relationship with Himself. We find our true selves in relationship to our Creator, who created us for Himself. When we seek Him, we find who we are, and how we are to be with others.

 Lastly, I also wish I could form a meaningful relationship with a significant other although I never could. Recently, I have been talking to a girl through text but, I am not sure if we will ever be more. I want to be closer and happier yet, I feel stuck during this stage of my life. I didn't mean to bore anyone and it would be in my greatest interest to have a word of advice. Thank you for reading.:)

This is not at all boring, and I am sure there are many struggling with the same issues that you do. The yearning for relationship is natural and it is one of the ways in which we discover who we are, and our purpose in being here. However, it is important for us to order our relationships according to God’s plan. Our relationship with Him comes first, and is most important, because if we are not in right relationship with Him, nothing else will work out as intended.

If you get closer to a girl, then you want to bring her into your spiritual life of closeness with your Creator, love and care for her as He would have you to do. This works best when you are solid in your relationship with God. That is why focusing on “seek first the Kingdom” will ultimately bring all your relationships in to right order.

 

[JasontheRed]

Praying for you! I’ve dealt with lust issues to the point of addiction since I was a teenager. I know how hard it is… Through the grace God I have been mostly free of this for sometime. I’d like to suggest a few things that might help you.

1. Be clear to yourself why you want to free yourself from this. For me it was for God and for my girlfriend who I hope to marry someday. Find a purpose that gives you strength to fight for.Make sure it’s something concrete that you can bring up cleary in you mind whenever the temptation arises.
2. Pray until it goes away. Pray the rosary or a prayer that you connect with until the temptation goes away. I make the sign of the cross and pray the Jesus prayer over and over until it goes away and it always does even, if its not right away.
3. Change your mindset. Don’t think of it as something you can’t do. Make it into something you choose not to. It may seem like a small thing but there is a huge difference.
4. Go to church and confession as often as you can and receive communion.

Have faith that God loves you so much. He hears your prayers and he is working in your heart. Don’t give up. If you fall, get back up. It might take a while and at times it will feel impossible but, everything is possible with*God.

I’ll be praying for you! God bless you.