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MainBrain
Guest
My child says I yell at her and she doesn’t tell me things sometimes because of it. MY PARENTS YELLED AT ME! I try to not be a yeller but sometimes I just can’t help myself! HELP ME PLEASE!
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90Domer
Guest
I do too. Take it to The Lord and ask for patience. And I will pray from your intentions.
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mmmike
Guest
Okay, okay, settle down now. No need to yell at us!
I know what you’re saying. I have a very hard time keeping patience with my children and find myself yelling more than I would like to.
It’s so hard to do, but I have to really force myself not to yell when it’s not called for. I’ve also told my kids that I will not yell at them if they come to me first about an issue, but if I find out later about something… ALL BETS ARE OFF!
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mommamaree
Guest
WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!
But seriously, you are not alone. And sometimes being a parent requires you to yell. And children will often attempt to guilt-trip their parents into not disciplining with statements about how they are afraid of making them mad. So, examine your conscience, pray for patience and gentility, and do your best to reserve your raised force for when your kid REALLY DESERVES IT!
But seriously, you are not alone. And sometimes being a parent requires you to yell. And children will often attempt to guilt-trip their parents into not disciplining with statements about how they are afraid of making them mad. So, examine your conscience, pray for patience and gentility, and do your best to reserve your raised force for when your kid REALLY DESERVES IT!
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pessimist
Guest
You need to develop a sense of humor about things man. Sarcasm is an excellent release of anger and frustration. Sure it maybe a little passive-aggressive, but you can learn to keep your snide remarks yourself but it takes a bit of practice.
Seriously, try it.
Angry dad…
“DON’T LET THE DOOR OPEN WHILE THE AIR CONDITIONER IS ON YOU DUMB LITTLE BEEP”
Passive-Aggressive Dad…
“oh gee honey thanks for leaving the door wide open while the air conditioner is running. I just love paying God’s electric bill. Open it up the whole way sweet heart, I don’t think Mr Smith down the street is feeling the cool air.”
See what I mean? It can be therapeutic.
Seriously, try it.
Angry dad…
“DON’T LET THE DOOR OPEN WHILE THE AIR CONDITIONER IS ON YOU DUMB LITTLE BEEP”
Passive-Aggressive Dad…
“oh gee honey thanks for leaving the door wide open while the air conditioner is running. I just love paying God’s electric bill. Open it up the whole way sweet heart, I don’t think Mr Smith down the street is feeling the cool air.”
See what I mean? It can be therapeutic.
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pianistclare
Guest
Every time you yell something negative at a child it writes on the book of who they are.
You know this.
When you feel the urge to yell, stop and think : Is this the way I want my children to remember me? Like a person who could not get their point across except through anger?
Pray for patience, pray for wisdom, and pray to Saint Joseph.
You know this.
When you feel the urge to yell, stop and think : Is this the way I want my children to remember me? Like a person who could not get their point across except through anger?
Pray for patience, pray for wisdom, and pray to Saint Joseph.
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EmeraldOak
Guest
I wish I had an answer. I do the same thing and I hate it. My mom was a yeller and I swore I would never be like that and then boom, I had children and it’s like a switch flipped. I try my best, and apologize to the children afterward if in reflection I was too harsh. I am honest with them and tell them that I yell because when I speak normally they don’t listen to me. I tell them I will try harder not to yell and ask them if they will try harder to listen the first time. We’re all trying. Holy Family pray for us 
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Cricket2
Guest
The next time you are about to yell try the ever so old idea of counting to 10 or 20. It sounds so mundane but it can give you just enough time to check your response. Also you could always review what is bothering you about your child’s behavior when alone and mentally go over what you would really like to say. The next time an issue occurs that you need to speak to her about keep in mind what you thought would be a better approach and use it.
It takes practice and patience but it will be worth it. To start now, you could tell her that you want to work on not yelling all the time and see if she has ideas. Let her suggest something for you do with her when you need to talk…like sitting for 2 or three minutes together in silence and then having that talk. This way she is an important part of your learning.
She can learn what you expect in terms of behavior and you can learn from her, how she likes to be talked to. Some things kids can’t choose, but you sure can choose how you instruct her and how she eventually learns to cope in a positive way herself.
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Dorothy
Guest
I knew a priest who would always tell us when we needed patience, or any other virtue, we should pray this way:
“Jesus, be my patience.” When we do that we are acknowledging our weakness and asking Him to supply His grace.
He mentioned other things as well such as:
“Jesus be my wisdom”.
“Jesus be my sense of humor.”
etc., etc. And we can pray that way right after receiving Him in the Eucharist.
“Jesus, be my patience.” When we do that we are acknowledging our weakness and asking Him to supply His grace.
He mentioned other things as well such as:
“Jesus be my wisdom”.
“Jesus be my sense of humor.”
etc., etc. And we can pray that way right after receiving Him in the Eucharist.
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ClearWater
Guest
On that note, look at what Thomas Jefferson wrote about counting to 10 when angry.
When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.
Thomas Jefferson
I looked on a parenting website, found this. Don’t know if it will be helpful, but nonetheless, here it 'tis.
ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/How_To__stop_yelling_at_kids/
What I didn’t remember seeing on the list was some kind of physical outlet. In the past, people would get angry, go out and chop wood, say. Some people do sports, because it helps to manage aggression in a positive way.
Oh, one more thing, sometimes there are also other underlying issues. I have a friend of mine who was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He has a wicked temper, and I’m convinced part of it was due to what he suffered and also the fact he was raised by an alcoholic father who would also lose his temper easily.
In my friend’s particular case, he probably needs treatment for his PTSD. So as you can see, this is a little complex, very individual.
Anyway, use whatever works for you, and please leave the rest for someone else on the forum who might need it.
Good luck!
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ClearWater
Guest
Anger can become a vice, but isn’t its corresponding virtue, patience? If it is, that’s the virtue one would need to focus on.
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CB_Catholic
Guest
I grew up in a Italian household. If nobody yelled at you, you felt left out. Everybody yelled, then got over it quickly. But we knew we were loved.
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mommamaree
Guest
Yes, and humility is also an opposite virtue.
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Catholic1954
Guest
Have a conversation with your daughter. Tell her you don’t mean to yell at her and need her help to stop. Ask her that the next time she feels you are yelling at her to say, “Mom, you are yelling at me, can we take a 3 min break?” (Your response should never be, “I am not yelling at you.”) Both of you stay silent for 3 mins, come back, give each other a hug and continue with the discussion. You might find anger management or a parenting class helpful; you are not a bad parent; you just need a little help communicating with your child, a skill usually acquired.
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miguel
Guest
Like a lamb lead to the slaughter he opened not his mouth. Jesus gave us the example on the cross. False expectations are part of this problem. If I expect to be treated better than our Lord on the cross, them I’m gonna yell every time someone doesn’t show me the respect I think I deserve. It’s almost a pre-programmed response. And it becomes a bad habit. Possibly have a plan the next time someone treats you with disrespect, to practice some alternate response. He’ll help us too. And don’t be too hard on yourself if you fail on several attempts. Bad habits take time to form and time to unform. The important thing is that you’re aware of the problem and trying to work on it and others are aware also. God Bless.I wish I had an answer. I do the same thing and I hate it. My mom was a yeller and I swore I would never be like that and then boom, I had children and it’s like a switch flipped. I try my best, and apologize to the children afterward if in reflection I was too harsh. I am honest with them and tell them that I yell because when I speak normally they don’t listen to me. I tell them I will try harder not to yell and ask them if they will try harder to listen the first time. We’re all trying. Holy Family pray for us
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DoNotWorry
Guest
Know what has essentially cured me from yelling at my kids? My father-in-law moving in with us. Basically, I want him to think I am a kind and patient mother. Also, when I am out in public, I want others to see me as kind and patient. The sad thing is, I realized that the people I should care most about thinking I am a kind and loving and patient mother are my own kids. Now I almost never yell, and my kids are so well-behaved and happy. It is a habit. Once you just stop for awhile, it becomes easy
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Dulcinea2721
Guest
Another vote for angry outbursts here.
Here is a question for you why are you yelling? Anger? frustration? despair? tiredness?
When you can figure out why you yell, it will be easier to curb it. Still working on it but much improved.
Pray for patience. Ask for guidance.
Yesterday after confessing my anger (amongst other things) I got "say kind things to your each one of your kids today. It made me more conscious of my communication style.
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Irishmom2
Guest
I can totally relate. That is just how the Italian side of my family speaks. My son asked me why we were all yelling when we visited them. I said we aren’t. We just have the double whammy. We are Italian and we are from New York!
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grasscutter
Guest
Perhaps I’m mistaken. I thought in earlier threads you said that you had one child and it was a son. Is that correct?
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holyrood
Guest
I applaud you for recognizing it and wanting to change it.
My parents yelled and swore. Of course, there were other problems, too, but that didn’t help things. I hated it. And of course, when you’re surrounded by something, you end up picking up the same habits, regardless of hating it.
When I was 22 and pregnant with my second, I found myself yelling a lot at my then 2 year old. He could be very difficult (I believe he has ADHD and Asperger’s, so I was dealing with some difficult behavior even then.) But I was embarrassed at how awful this must look to the neighbors in our apartment house. It was an incentive to change.
I think as I grew in my faith, too, I changed. As I thought about the comment that we often treat others better than we treat our family, I thought about how I would deal with my students if they did the same thing, and found it easier, because I already had some experience dealing with kids without yelling. As I saw my children more and more as children of God, I found myself better able to treat them with love, even if they needed discipline or correction. To remember they’re kids and still learning.
It helped me to realize that most of the time, it’s not willfully trying to make my life hard, but often enough not knowing better.
It helped as I began to simply expect them to clean up messes they accidentally made…so I no longer felt angry about spilled milk, because they would clean it up.
Sorry to say, but pulling away from my own parents helped a lot. I mention it, because I know I’m not the only one whose got others on my back to make my children perfect. I know my (former) mother in law had this problem, and it no doubt has a lot to do with how she disciplined her kids. I found myself getting angrier than I should have with my kids, because I could feel my dad already breathing down my neck if they did any little thing that irritated him in any way. I was able to be a better parent, to react more appropriately when I took that pressure off myself.
My parents yelled and swore. Of course, there were other problems, too, but that didn’t help things. I hated it. And of course, when you’re surrounded by something, you end up picking up the same habits, regardless of hating it.
When I was 22 and pregnant with my second, I found myself yelling a lot at my then 2 year old. He could be very difficult (I believe he has ADHD and Asperger’s, so I was dealing with some difficult behavior even then.) But I was embarrassed at how awful this must look to the neighbors in our apartment house. It was an incentive to change.
I think as I grew in my faith, too, I changed. As I thought about the comment that we often treat others better than we treat our family, I thought about how I would deal with my students if they did the same thing, and found it easier, because I already had some experience dealing with kids without yelling. As I saw my children more and more as children of God, I found myself better able to treat them with love, even if they needed discipline or correction. To remember they’re kids and still learning.
It helped me to realize that most of the time, it’s not willfully trying to make my life hard, but often enough not knowing better.
It helped as I began to simply expect them to clean up messes they accidentally made…so I no longer felt angry about spilled milk, because they would clean it up.
Sorry to say, but pulling away from my own parents helped a lot. I mention it, because I know I’m not the only one whose got others on my back to make my children perfect. I know my (former) mother in law had this problem, and it no doubt has a lot to do with how she disciplined her kids. I found myself getting angrier than I should have with my kids, because I could feel my dad already breathing down my neck if they did any little thing that irritated him in any way. I was able to be a better parent, to react more appropriately when I took that pressure off myself.
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