That’s quite intuitive, although it does defy those many surveys and especially common opinions.Another survey in Sweden recently showed that the evolution theory is wrong: whom different men and women fall for is as many types as the number of stars in the skyes… there is a man and a woman for every taste
Dear brother,
Actually it was not a simple survey … it was a big study that pulled the carpet away under the theory of evolution which says that certain kinds of physical traits are found attractive because of unconsiuos evolutionaly instincts of survival… as I said the study involved a very big group of people and it showed that the pattern of attraction was much wider and more diverse than most people in the evolutionary school thought… Whom people found attractive differed from person to person. And I think this is also quite logical… unless a persons traits are very unusual most people find a mate if they are looking for one and if they are nice people who are also not too perfectionist… (I think perfectionism might be a post-modern problem for men and women alike … also among christians there might be too high expectations yet in other areas than what is found in the rest of the population …)
Yes, I know.
I’ve noticed it’s very hard. I wish it were easier on you.No, you aren’t.
… I’ve read a lot of texts written by antropologists. And I think its good to have a healthy down to earth view on the human body as something with particular traits that carries a lot of human history in them… its really amazing but many people don’t think so much about that…Or sometimes they just work at Radio Shack and spend the weekends drinking all your soda and eating all your chips while playing Dungeons and Dragons or Magic:The Gathering.I’ve always told my daughters to marry a nerd. The money’s usually better.
Sort of. I’m a lawyer. grin
Seriously, though, I’ve read more books about history, archaeology and exotic cultures than I have about laws. What my post lacked is that those ideals either go in cycles or simply stay there forever. Just because men of this or that place in our day and age like this or that type of woman, doesn’t mean the very same type wasn’t e.g. the look of a typical Cushite slave or a typical Sumerian lady, you get the point. It gives me funny eyebrow moments sometimes. Yup.My field of study lies in the vicinity of it: religious science… at least it does in it’s self understanding
Yes.
Chemical reaction doesn’t preclude God’s intervention… in fact, if it is expressed in the physical world, it must take the forms native to the physical world, which means if it doesn’t happen on the supernatural level, it will be done through normal biological, chemical and other channels.Even if he or she in many ways is unfitting or does not look like the world says he/she should look… he/she has that one thing that no one else has: the ability to captivate the beloved in that exclusive way …that is …like lightning hitting you in the head… painful but you dont wanna live without it… a miracle… some people call it a chemical reaction… but I think its a miracle from God
Nope, but mine was. Hehe.That was definately babbling… now I have to go to sleep
Always.
No one is “ideal.” Some are close. What the husband and wife can make happen is this: Exchange of vows firmly given, lifetime commitment, and constant sacrificial marital love transforms the lover and the beloved into their ideal.
If they survive our first meeting.Or sometimes they just work at Radio Shack and spend the weekends drinking all your soda and eating all your chips while playing Dungeons and Dragons or Magic:The Gathering.
Yup. You can’t hug an ideal. An ideal will not kiss you. Finding a real person God has created is so much more than matching ideal qualities. Meeting a real person we can love and who loves us humbles all checklists.
But we don’t know the future. We don’t know that the other person will fulfill the lifetime commitment or accept the constant sacrifice that marriage entails. Therefore, it’s a huge risk, one of the biggest risks we can make in this life. With that in mind, I don’t view marriage as being worth the risk. Therefore, it’s going to take someone ideal or as close as humanly possible to change my mind.
All good points and I don’t disagree with any of them. I’m 29 so I’m sure I could change my mind eventually, but I enjoy solitude. I’m a huge introvert and I don’t do much socialization because of it. I don’t date, I don’t try to date, I don’t care if I meet anyone or not. When I come home from work, I love the fact that my home is quiet and I can relax and enjoy my thoughts without having to deal with any additional drama. So when my personality is factored along with the huge risk that marriage ultimately is, I just don’t see it happening. Of course, nothing is impossible though.
To me, it’s a matter of differentiating between the true “dealbreakers” (faith/morals issues) and those things which we may not have in common, but are not such that they are an impediment to a successful relationship.
I know what you mean, but should we really see the other person as perfect? Wouldn’t that be holding him or her to divine standards whereas we’re all just human?
Romantic poets don’t really get it right. There’s a lot in romantic poetry which isn’t really like life or isn’t really Catholic. Even in the time of knightly legends and courtly love, the ideals of love were somewhat distorted - and sometimes to a great extent. I don’t want to discount feelings, though. I don’t like feelings being shunned. I can’t imagine love without a constant choice, but without a feeling it would be hard to imagine as well - at least the kind of love between a man and a woman. However, I’d say wanting in good faith to have a marriage as the Church sees it is very much love. For marriage, it is sufficient what is exactly in it. The love between a man and a woman could even be characterised as a desire to marry that person or stay married. That would be the matter behind the feelings, at least the “romantic” part of them.
I understand your feeling. I hope my own check list isn’t too big or intrusive. I try not to have a check list like, “does this, likes that, would never do X,” although some of those things are important to me and they matter a lot.
I see. Well, I’m the most likely to hear I’m fun to be with but somewhat boring and unstimulating - at least in “that” way. Doesn’t preclude me from being a Ph.D. student in one field and having amateur interest in other fields and being able to go on about some bizarre subjects for hours (I used to be able to give complete history lectures off the top of my head). I just lack the certain thing to win me friends as girlfriends or develop romance into a relationship or keep a girl. Besides, I have a poor sense of timing.
Never known one. Perhaps the girl I’m currently chasing was close 6 years ago, but it still didn’t even begin officially and now she’s being unclear. Other than that, no one has ever seemed remotely to match here. Some people just are like this. Most people, I suppose, are able to find someone whose preferences of such kind coincide with their own.
Yes, it is hard, but moreso because the “pool of eligible people” has become smaller. One friend of mine complained “all the unmarried women at our age are divorced”. Either that, or you have to settle for a promiscuous person who might give you a bunch of diseases, or the ones who aren’t promiscuous have made a decision to not get married (the so-called “single vocation” thing). It’s very frustrating because all along when we’ve been looking to be married earlier, we have been rebuffed with the knee-jerk cliches of how God will answer the prayer in His time, not ours, that we’re not ready or patient enough, then later we are rebuffed for waiting too long and told “at your age don’t be picky”??? Gee, thanks for nothing.
Hi Norseman;