Ideas: what do young Catholics need right now? {dating and relationships}

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faithandlove13

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Hello! I am looking for some ideas and advice in regard to what young adult Catholics need right now (specifically involving singleness, dating, and relationships).

I want to create a resource for young people:
a. Revealing the teachings of the church and WHY we believe what we believe
b. Provide tangible steps to deal with loneliness during times of singleness
c. To inspire young people, leading them to Christ by showing the ultimate freedom is found in following God’s commands

Does anyone have any advice regarding this topic?

Any thoughts on what you wish could be available to young adult Catholics?

Any and all thoughts/ideas/(name removed by moderator)ut will be valued and appreciated. Thank you 😃
 
faithandlove13 said:
Hello! I am looking for some ideas and advice in regard to what young adult Catholics need right now (specifically involving singleness, dating, and relationships).

I want to create a resource for young people:
a. Revealing the teachings of the church and WHY we believe what we believe
b. Provide tangible steps to deal with loneliness during times of singleness
c. To inspire young people, leading them to Christ by showing the ultimate freedom is found in following God’s commands

Does anyone have any advice regarding this topic?

Any thoughts on what you wish could be available to young adult Catholics?

Any and all thoughts/ideas/(name removed by moderator)ut will be valued and appreciated. Thank you 😃
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I like Seraphic Singles/Edinburgh Housewife blog, written by the author of The Closet’s All Mine (the book and blog are primarily for women but the same principles apply). There’s also a book entitled How Far Can We Go? by Perrault and Salkeld. I haven’t finished it yet, but it has a nice, non-rigoristic but workable approach to appropriate levels of physical affection during dating.

I’d also lengthen your list:

d. friendship and other social
e. career
f. volunteering
g. personal finance (debt repayment and saving)
h. creating a pleasant home

There’s a lot more to chastity and being a successful single person than just not having sex.
 
Xantippe said:
I like Seraphic Singles/Edinburgh Housewife blog, written by the author of The Closet’s All Mine (the book and blog are primarily for women but the same principles apply). There’s also a book entitled How Far Can We Go? by Perrault and Salkeld. I haven’t finished it yet, but it has a nice, non-rigoristic but workable approach to appropriate levels of physical affection during dating.

I’d also lengthen your list:

d. friendship and other social
e. career
f. volunteering
g. personal finance (debt repayment and saving)
h. creating a pleasant home

There’s a lot more to chastity and being a successful single person than just not having sex.
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YES. Especially tot hat last bit. When you make the topic “all about sex” it just makes the young people nuts. And I don’t blame them We are more than our hormones. 😊
 
pianistclare said:
YES. Especially tot hat last bit. When you make the topic “all about sex” it just makes the young people nuts. And I don’t blame them We are more than our hormones. 😊
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Yes. Plus, as the lady at Seraphic Singles points out, chastity talks and materials can be (ironically) a source of titillation for the young.
 
Keep in mind a lot of young Catholics are very insecure about their sexuality and Church teaching. You might want to include a lot of text regarding how the relativist, modern, media-fuelled view of sexuality is very wrong.
 
faithandlove13 said:
a. Revealing the teachings of the church and WHY we believe what we believe
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I have some humble advice on this point.

While I understand that knowing the why and the wherefore of certain teachings of the Church does have its place, it also has its weaknesses, IMO.

Chief among these is that we can unconsciously communicate to others that they should only accept a Church teaching* if they happen to agree with it or understand it.*

Forgive me, but I think that’s an incorrect mentality. We should all understand that our duty is to find means of overcoming doubt when we have it, but that we also have a duty of humbly submitting to the teaching of the Church, whether or not we understand it.

Most of us aren’t professional theologians, and many of those who are can be way out there in terms of their orthodoxy. It is presumption to make the Church’s doctrine subordinate to our own private judgment.

Now, I am not advocating a “this is what the Church teaches, SHUT UP” sort of pedagogy. Rather, I’m advocating an explanation of Church teaching as is appropriate to our and to their state in life, while tempering this with the reality that we must submit to the Church’s judgment, because it is the Church which presents to us God’s revelation, and not we who dictate to the Church what God has revealed.
 
AttendeDomine said:
I have some humble advice on this point.

While I understand that knowing the why and the wherefore of certain teachings of the Church does have its place, it also has its weaknesses, IMO.

Chief among these is that we can unconsciously communicate to others that they should only accept a Church teaching* if they happen to agree with it or understand it.*

Forgive me, but I think that’s an incorrect mentality. We should all understand that our duty is to find means of overcoming doubt when we have it, but that we also have a duty of humbly submitting to the teaching of the Church, whether or not we understand it.

Most of us aren’t professional theologians, and many of those who are can be way out there in terms of their orthodoxy. It is presumption to make the Church’s doctrine subordinate to our own private judgment.

Now, I am not advocating a “this is what the Church teaches, SHUT UP” sort of pedagogy. Rather, I’m advocating an explanation of Church teaching as is appropriate to our and to their state in life, while tempering this with the reality that we must submit to the Church’s judgment, because it is the Church which presents to us God’s revelation, and not we who dictate to the Church what God has revealed.
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this is a good point:
I often share with teens that their parents have them in formation fro a reason: name;;y to teach them what the Church says about all kinds of topics. I ask the if they would consult popular media on other things that are important to them…and if not…why get your religion from people who don’t practice any? Makes no sense. It’s like going to a mechanic for your wisdom teeth. He has no authority to work on your mouth.
🤷

Also, the rule is…no unmarried person should be having sex. At all. No matter what your desires are. Simple rule. Simple logic.
 
faithandlove13 said:
Hello! I am looking for some ideas and advice in regard to what young adult Catholics need right now (specifically involving singleness, dating, and relationships).

I want to create a resource for young people:
a. Revealing the teachings of the church and WHY we believe what we believe
b. Provide tangible steps to deal with loneliness during times of singleness
c. To inspire young people, leading them to Christ by showing the ultimate freedom is found in following God’s commands

Does anyone have any advice regarding this topic?

Any thoughts on what you wish could be available to young adult Catholics?

Any and all thoughts/ideas/(name removed by moderator)ut will be valued and appreciated. Thank you 😃
Click to expand...
Resources like this already exist in abundance for young Catholic singles. What they need is a resource or ministry that goes one step further; a resource to actually help them obtain marriage.

God gave people the desire to marry so that they would act on that desire and pursue it. But most of the Church’s ministries for young singles are more for getting them to be content with being single instead of helping them achieve their vocation.
 
Naskor said:
Resources like this already exist in abundance for young Catholic singles. What they need is a resource or ministry that goes one step further; a resource to actually help them obtain marriage.

God gave people the desire to marry so that they would act on that desire and pursue it. But most of the Church’s ministries for young singles are more for getting them to be content with being single instead of helping them achieve their vocation.
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That’s primarily because when we have church events where one might actually meet an available single catholic…they don’t want to come. 🤷
Thinly disguised matchmaking at church is almost never well attended.
Bunch of young women, no men, or vice versa.
 
pianistclare said:
That’s primarily because when we have church events where one might actually meet an available single catholic…they don’t want to come. 🤷
Thinly disguised matchmaking at church is almost never well attended.
Bunch of young women, no men, or vice versa.
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Are these events dedicated to helping single Catholics meet a potential spouse? I have only ever witnessed events where they want singles to come, not to be participants in the events but to be the ones volunteering.

Another thing I noticed as a single Catholic man, is that for literally every young adult oriented ministry I was of aware of or participated in, us men were made to promise not to pursue any women we meet through the event. Some went to so far was to make us to swear that we wouldn’t pursue any of these women ever, even after or outside of the event. Theology on tap and FOCUS in particular are like this.

I just recently I learned that women weren’t given these same rules or were aware they existed…
 
Naskor said:
Are these events dedicated to helping single Catholics meet a potential spouse? I have only ever witnessed events where they want singles to come, not to be participants in the events but to be the ones volunteering.

Another thing I noticed as a single Catholic man, is that for literally every young adult oriented ministry I was of aware of or participated in, us men were made to promise not to pursue any women we meet through the event. Some went to so far was to make us to swear that we wouldn’t pursue any of these women ever, even after or outside of the event. Theology on tap and FOCUS in particular are like this.

I just recently I learned that women weren’t given these same rules or were aware they existed…
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Was that for the organizers or just participants?

Because I can see how being pursued by the organizer might be very creepy–after all, he has all your contact info.
 
Xantippe said:
Was that for the organizers or just participants?

Because I can see how being pursued by the organizer might be very creepy–after all, he has all your contact info.
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It was for everyone. Most of the people organizing these things tend to be young adult singles too.
 
Another thing is “support groups” for faithful Catholics to socialize among people with like values. It can be a refuge that they can turn to in the midst of a hostile secular world. I know that is one of the purposes of the local Catholic motorcycle ministry I’m involved in.
Naskor said:
Resources like this already exist in abundance for young Catholic singles. What they need is a resource or ministry that goes one step further; a resource to actually help them obtain marriage.

God gave people the desire to marry so that they would act on that desire and pursue it. But most of the Church’s ministries for young singles are more for getting them to be content with being single instead of helping them achieve their vocation.
Click to expand...
Naskor said:
Are these events dedicated to helping single Catholics meet a potential spouse? I have only ever witnessed events where they want singles to come, not to be participants in the events but to be the ones volunteering.

Another thing I noticed as a single Catholic man, is that for literally every young adult oriented ministry I was of aware of or participated in, us men were made to promise not to pursue any women we meet through the event. Some went to so far was to make us to swear that we wouldn’t pursue any of these women ever, even after or outside of the event. Theology on tap and FOCUS in particular are like this.

I just recently I learned that women weren’t given these same rules or were aware they existed…
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Naskor, you hit the nail on the head. I myself have seen a lot of the anti-marriage comments (that we often see here on the internet) at some of these Catholic functions.

I think the Catholic event that is best geared for helping one find a spouse is the National Catholic Singles Conference. I wish we could have one in every diocese/metropolitan area.
 
pianistclare said:
That’s primarily because when we have church events where one might actually meet an available single catholic…they don’t want to come. 🤷
Thinly disguised matchmaking at church is almost never well attended.
Bunch of young women, no men, or vice versa.
Click to expand...
Related:

theonion.com/article/new-rec-room-has-everything-a-teen-could-want-repo-36801

theonion.com/article/area-teen-accidentally-enters-teen-center-6515

“SANDUSKY, OH—In a moment of confusion, area teenager Eric Dooley briefly walked into a local teen outreach center Tuesday, a place that neither he nor any of his teenaged friends would ever knowingly enter. “Oh, geez. I’m sorry,” the 15-year-old said as he quickly assessed the four battered foosball tables, outdated PlayStation console, overly friendly counselor, and garish orange and purple paint scheme—all intended to appeal to him—before exiting the facility in less than six seconds. “This isn’t where I’m supposed to be. Sorry. Sorry.” Dooley reportedly joined a gang later that afternoon.”
 
Xantippe said:
Related:

theonion.com/article/new-rec-room-has-everything-a-teen-could-want-repo-36801

theonion.com/article/area-teen-accidentally-enters-teen-center-6515

“SANDUSKY, OH—In a moment of confusion, area teenager Eric Dooley briefly walked into a local teen outreach center Tuesday, a place that neither he nor any of his teenaged friends would ever knowingly enter. “Oh, geez. I’m sorry,” the 15-year-old said as he quickly assessed the four battered foosball tables, outdated PlayStation console, overly friendly counselor, and garish orange and purple paint scheme—all intended to appeal to him—before exiting the facility in less than six seconds. “This isn’t where I’m supposed to be. Sorry. Sorry.” Dooley reportedly joined a gang later that afternoon.”
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I can’t thumbs-up this enough. 👍 👍 👍
 
Naskor said:
Resources like this already exist in abundance for young Catholic singles. What they need is a resource or ministry that goes one step further; a resource to actually help them obtain marriage.

God gave people the desire to marry so that they would act on that desire and pursue it. But most of the Church’s ministries for young singles are more for getting them to be content with being single instead of helping them achieve their vocation.
Click to expand...
Funny I’ve actually experienced the opposite - I stay away from singles type events because I don’t feel that I’m personally called to marriage and often the whole atmosphere is all about matching people up and getting married. There’s very little out there for those who aren’t seeking marriage at this time.
 
It depends on who you mean by “young”…assuming that high school age is too young to start thinking of yourself as “single” (I don’t think I took on that identity myself until I was in my mid-twenties), do you mean college-aged, post-graduate (mid-twenties to early thirties), or mature (mid to late thirties)? Some thoughts on all these groups (I focused slightly more on the ladies side being one myself but men are welcome to chime in about what would help from their perspective):

College-aged:
  • Support in facing the challenges to chastity that come with the college environment. Everything from prayer groups to “real talk” about the pressures that come with college (stress can lead one to sin), and service opportunities.
  • Encourage vocational discernment (if they haven’t already)…no, not everyone is going to meet that college sweetheart, marry, and grow old with that same person but letting them know that it’s OK to discern potential calls to marriage and family (especially the ladies, who face the either/or family/career choice at that age).
Post-graduate:
  • Loneliness hits a lot of folks as they graduate, move away from college friends and family, and set out in new directions. This is the point where chaste and wholesome social events can work wonders. In addition to faith-focused activities, organize groups that go out exploring local history/heritage sites, nature hikes, enjoying local traditions, even doing something to cut loose like spend an afternoon at an arcade. Inner joy can really start to diminish when one hits the “real world” so it’s essential to keep that childlike wonder alive.
  • Continue to encourage discernment, but also offer support for those who are discerning possible calls to the single life, either life-long or long-term. For both men and women, this is when many of your friends and family start settling down and those still left standing may experience a completely new form of inner turmoil, fear about life-long singleness, and temptations towards despair.
  • For those who are discerning marriage (whether they’re in a relationship or not), opportunities to build skills that will help them build strong marriages if they are called. Communication, compromise, long-term financial planning and money management, cooking and housekeeping, etc.
Mature:
I’m not quite in this phase yet myself, but I’ve already started experiencing some of the challenges…I will talk about what’s “new” and may be a longer term area where single people could use support:
  • Childlessness. For women, this is the age where you enter the “amber” zone indicating that you may not be called to natural motherhood in this lifetime. Some women go into panic mode and do whatever it takes to make it happen while others fall into despair and mourning of the loss of motherhood. Single women may be shamed about their call to marriage at this age as it is often assumed to be “baby-mania” and “well, if you really knew what marriage means…it’s not a fairytale, you know.” This is where respect comes into play, as most women in this category have life experience and maturity rivaling or even surpassing that of married women, but are treated like overgrown adolescents. Welcome those of us in this situation in opportunities to become spiritual parents…volunteer with youth programs, lead activities and workshops to share our skills and experiences, work on committees.
  • Blended families. As someone who has only recently entered the age bracket where many potential spouses are, in fact, annulled with children, there’s an opportunity for men and women who have entered such relationships to reach out to those discerning whether or not they may be called to one for some “real talk” on the blessings and challenges. This can be done through Theology on Tap-type events or in regular meetings within a diocese. I, myself, am open to such a call but am only beginning to consider what that path might look like.
Overall:
  • One of the best things that someone within the Church has done with regards to singleness was this: I went to a small, local single’s retreat a few years ago and a priest got up, said a prayer and then…apologized. He offered a sincere, emphatic apology on behalf of the Church for its challenges in serving the single population, for pushing single people aside and ignoring them in parish life, for the lonely and painful paths that those experiencing divorce or annulment or childlessness often walk. That simple, humble apology was so powerful that I often think back to it when I face parish-level trials as a single woman.
 
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