If a man doesn't consult his wife before taking a big financial decision, does it amount to cheating?

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Consider this example.

A man wins a $10 million lottery. His wife know nothing about it. The man says to God, “Well, God, you have already given me enough. I am content with what I have. I have a decent job, a good salary, a good bank balance, everything is going fine. I really don’t need this money, I was just trying my luck and you’ve made me win this lottery! Lord, I want to give this entire money to the Church. Let the church use it to support the poor and needy.”

Would he be cheating his wife by giving all of the money to the church without even consulting her?
 
Um. . .as a married man, he is part of a couple --not a ‘single individual’. One flesh, two people.

So in any major decision–and yes, this is a major decision–to make it without consulting his wife is not only hugely disrespectful to her as a person–his wife–it is also indicative that he doesn’t really understand what marriage is about, what his ‘rights and responsibilities’ are, etc.

Just because she ‘might never know’ on earth doesn’t mean there won’t be repercussions, especially ones not really visible. One repercussion right here is that he doesn’t even consider her–he totally disregards her. If he is doing this on this issue, he is doing this in the rest of his life as well–denying her and dismissing her.

\What he has done in this situation is taken away from her HER chance to ‘give’ as well. For whatever ‘reason’ he might want to give to himself, he doesn’t want to give her any ‘chance’ to have a say in where this money might go. Doesn’t even consider it as ‘their’ money, but as ‘his’ money. Doesn’t consider it as ‘their decision’ but as ‘his decision’. Speaks volumes about him as a person and as a ‘husband’ IMO.

So he has ‘cheated’ her of her chance to ‘give’. She was as entitled as he to decide --as a ‘couple’–what to do with the money.

I’m not thinking he cheated her out of a specific sum of money. I’m thinking he cheated her of her role as his wife, he cheated her of an opportunity to give, of a decision that they should have made as a couple. That’s what she was cheated of–and it is far more important than any sum of MONEY. She was cheated of her personhood and her ‘wifehood’. . .something more valuable than mere money.
 
iaskquestions said:
Consider this example.

A man wins a $10 million lottery. His wife know nothing about it. The man says to God, “Well, God, you have already given me enough. I am content with what I have. I have a decent job, a good salary, a good bank balance, everything is going fine. I really don’t need this money, I was just trying my luck and you’ve made me win this lottery! Lord, I want to give this entire money to the Church. Let the church use it to support the poor and needy.”

Would he be cheating his wife by giving all of the money to the church without even consulting her?
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One, a secret is kept (at least for a while). Not good for a marriage.
Two, a unilateral major monitary decision is made. Also not good for a marriage.

Without going into a dozen “what if, fringe scenarios,” On the surface “cheating” might be as close as one can get to a single word to describe this. Deceptive, might be another. In any case, the man has not been truthful or considering to his wife.

Why do you ask? You need to get rid of a winning lotto ticket? :whistle:
 
I don’t think “cheating” is the right word. I think that word implies his affections going toward someone other than his wife. So I wouldn’t call him a cheater.

I’d call him a jerk.
 
yellowbird said:
I don’t think “cheating” is the right word. I think that word implies his affections going toward someone other than his wife. So I wouldn’t call him a cheater.

I’d call him a jerk.
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Well, he might not be cheating ON his wife, but he is still cheating his wife. As Tantum Ergo eloquently explained, he is cheating her out of her role as his wife and partner.
 
yellowbird said:
I don’t think “cheating” is the right word. I think that word implies his affections going toward someone other than his wife. So I wouldn’t call him a cheater.

I’d call him a jerk.
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If he has been a joint filer it is gonna come out in the wash. Keeping secrets from ones spouse is the dumbest thing a person can do. By that I don’t mean one has to tell all the gory details about ones life before marriage, but after its pretty shortsighted and dumb. Only a drooling idiot would try a stunt like this. If it is a state like Wisconsin and that money was obtained after the marriage, he is giving away her money as well as his. Not cheating; defrauding.

The other thing, I cannot imagine the Church or anyone from the Church accepting this money under those circumstances. 👍
 
If it did, someone is likely to mention it to the wife, and/or ask her about it. I can just imagine her reaction to that!! I know how I’d feel. And it would feel like he cheated.
 
Because the tax deductability is only 50% … his wife will find out when they have to cough up the taxes on the $5,000,000 that is not deductable … aproximately $2.5 million … here’s hoping God was already so generous that the taxes won’t need to come from the winnings but from their savings…
 
He is not treating his wife as if she were more precious than jewels a la Proverbs 31. His heart does not safely trust in her and her counsel.

Forget the big lotto winnings. What if he just on his own initiative goes out and buys himself a brand new truck? Or bass boat? That’s the more likely scenario.
 
kentuckyliz said:
What if he just on his own initiative goes out and buys himself a brand new truck? Or bass boat? That’s the more likely scenario.
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Again, I’d think what a jerk - what an awful husband I’m stuck with! But I wouldn’t think of him as a “cheater.”

But wait… do I get to come along on the new bass boat? :rolleyes:
 
rwoehmke said:
If he has been a joint filer it is gonna come out in the wash. Keeping secrets from ones spouse is the dumbest thing a person can do. By that I don’t mean one has to tell all the gory details about ones life before marriage, but after its pretty shortsighted and dumb. Only a drooling idiot would try a stunt like this. If it is a state like Wisconsin and that money was obtained after the marriage, he is giving away her money as well as his. Not cheating; defrauding.

The other thing, I cannot imagine the Church or anyone from the Church accepting this money under those circumstances. 👍
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:yup:
 
I wouldn’t say cheating…but definitely a very unwise thing to do.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who finds out about such a thing. 😃
 
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